Title: Simple Pleasures
[An Akatsuki series of one-shots
Author: vaneles (and her crazy split personality)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto characters! But I do own Akira.
Important Information: there will be an Itachi-OC pairing and mentions of Deidara-Sakura. If you do not like this pairing, don't read.
Part one: Sore Loser
"You!"
A young woman with waist long brown hair stopped walking and looked over her shoulder. Dark blue eyes staring intently at the person who yelled in her direction. "Hm?"
"I challenge you, yeah!"
A sigh escaped her lips. She turned around to fully face him and smiled. "To what, might I ask?"
"An art contest, yeah." Blue eyes gleamed as the blond man held a fist in the air.
"Well, what would this contest entail?" She asked. The last time they had an art contest, they wound up destroying half the training field. "Hopefully no explosive clay. I would not like a repeat of last time. The result of our last contest did not end with the most... desirable outcome." She was 'grounded' from missions for a week and Deidara had his clay taken away for a month.
"A drawing contest, yeah. We'll compare our sketching abilities."
"Who will we be drawing?" A predatory gleam found it's way to her midnight blue eyes. She never backed down from a challenge. Especially one against her girl-like male cohort.
"Tobi! Come here, yeah!" Deidara yelled with a smile.
"Yes, Deidara-senpai? What do you want with Tobi?" Tobi asked as he came running into the room.
"Do a henge Tobi! Change into a cute girl!"
"OK!" Tobi said as he put his hands together in a hand sign. "Henge no jutsu!"
Suddenly, Tobi had long brown hair, dark blue eyes and was wearing a short black and red kimono1 that left barely anything covered. "Like this Deidara-senpai?" Tobi asked with a smile.
"Tobi, yeah?"
"Hai, Deidara-senpai?"
-TWITCH TWITCH- "That's Akira-chan, yeah."
"I know!" Tobi squealed. "She's cute isn't she?" Akira put a hand over her mouth to hide the smile.
"No! She's ugly Tobi! Change into a cute girl, yeah! A CUTE girl!" Deidara raged. He reached up and smacked Tobi on the head, transforming him back into his original form. "You are completely useless, yeah! You can't even transform right!"
Akira sighed softly and walked over to Tobi, who was on his knees and holding his head. "It's alright Tobi-san. I thought it was cute." Tobi sniffled.
"Really?" He asked with watery eyes.
"Of course." She said with a smile. "Why don't you go find Kisame-san and Itachi-san and ask one of them to get you an ice pack, kay?" She knew that neither would help the poor childish Akatsuki member, but it would keep him out of Deidara's way. And all the pain that Deidara would wish upon him.
"Ok Akira-senpai!" Tobi hopped up and bounded off towards the kitchen. "Itachi-senpai! Where are you!" And then he was gone.
"Well, who else is a possible candidate for our contest?" Akira asked.
"I guess... that one of us could make a clone and have them transform..." Deidara put a hand to his chin and thought for a moment. Then his visible eye shot open. "I've got it, yeah!" He slammed his fist down on his other palm and smiled in an almost manic fashion.
"I don't particularly like that look in your eye Dei-kun." Akira said warily.
"Oh Sasori-no-danna!" Deidara sang. "I've got a favor to ask!" Deidara ran to a random door and opened it. "Sasori-no-danna?" He closed it and ran to the next one. "Danna?" He closed that door and put a hand to his chin. "Where the hell could Sasori-no-danna be?"
"What do you want Deidara." Deidara's gaze snapped to Sasori's form. A smile broke out on his face as he put his hands together and ran to Sasori's side.
"Danna, would you pose for-"
"No." Sasori turned and started to walk out of the room.
"But you didn't even listen, yeah." Deidara pouted.
"Whatever you ask will be inane and preposterous. My answer is no."
"Ne, Sasori-sama?" Sasori turned to Akira with a small smile.
"Yes Akira-san?"
"Deidara-san and I are having a drawing contest. Would you please be our subject?" She gave him the best puppy eyes she could muster and pouted her lower lip. She knew that there was only a few things that could affect the stoic puppeteer, but surprisingly, she was one of them. She heard him sigh and she clapped her hands together. "Arigatou Sasori-sama!"
"I will be getting revenge upon you both if you draw me as anything less than perfect." Sasori muttered as he took his Akatsuki cloak off and stood before them. "Well?"
"Ah, yes." Akira looked to Deidara. "The paper?"
"Paper?" Deidara said slowly. "Oh. THAT paper. The paper we're going to use to draw Sasori-no-danna on, yeah." He ran to the table and reached into one of the drawers and pulled out two pencils and two sketch pads. "Here." Akira took her pad and pencil and began to lightly sketch an outline while Deidara did the same.
Two hours later
"Are you done yet?"
"Almost Danna. Be Patient, yeah?"
"I hate waiting Deidara."
"Almost, Sasori-no-danna."
"Deidara... you are wearing what little patience I have down to a minimum."
"Finished, yeah!" Deidara held out his sketch pad to Sasori and smiled. "Well, yeah? What do you think?"
"Hm..." Sasori looked it over and then looked to Akira expectantly. "Yours, Akira-san?"
Akira held hers out. "Here." Sasori opened it and stared with wide eyes.
"Well?" Deidara asked. Akira looked up at him with emotionless eyes. It seemed to the world that she didn't care one way or the other, but Sasori knew that she was internally asking the same thing. Did I pass? Is this what you were expecting of me?
"I believe that I should get a second opinion." Sasori walked out of the room with the two pads, leaving Deidara and Akira alone.
"He likes mine better, yeah. I saw that look in his eyes." Deidara beamed.
"Hn."
"You sound just like that god-awful Uchiha when you do that, yeah. You spend too much time with him."
"..." Akira pinned him down with a glare. "And you spend too much time thinking about Sasori-sama."
Deidara looked positively abashed at the very thought, but soon it ebbed away into shame. He did think about Sasori too much. He was his idol after all. "Touche."
Sasori walked back in with Itachi and Kisame in tow. "I took the liberty of showing Kisame-san and Itachi-san. They both agreed with my decision."
Akira and Deidara unconsciously leaned forward to hear the results.
"We agree that Akira-san is the winner."
Akira smiled and blushed slightly.
Deidara looked pissed. "That's not fair Danna, yeah! Itachi-san only chose Akira-chan cause he's sleepin' with her!" Itachi narrowed his eyes. "And Kisame-san wouldn't know good art if it came up and bit him in the ass, yeah!"
"You are a rather sore loser, aren't you Deidara-kun?" Akira said.
"Deidara-senpai hates losing. He beat Tobi up once cause Tobi won at a game of 'Go Fish'." Tobi said from the doorway.
"TOBI!"
"Eeep!" Tobi ran to hide behind Akira. "Akira-senpai! Save Tobi!"
"Deidara-kun, just suck it up. You lost. Oh well."
"Not oh well! If this had been a mission, I'd have been dead, yeah!"
"Ne, Sasori-senpai?"
"Hm?" Sasori looked over to Tobi.
"Tobi wanted to be in the art contest too, so Tobi drew a picture." He held the picture out.
All the Akatsuki members stared at the paper. Akira smiled brightly. "I think we have a winner."
Deidara promptly fell over unconscious, Itachi 'Hn'-ed, Kisame let out a hearty laugh, Sasori smiled and nodded. "I will have to agree with you Akira-san." Akira held the drawing up. It was simple and childish. A stick figure with red hair, grey eyes and five blue lines drawn from his fingers to a small puppet.
Very creative and... artistic of the child-like Akatsuki if Akira said so herself.
And just as suddenly as he fell to the ground unconscious, Deidara was up again with an evil gleam in his eyes. "I'm gonna freakin' blow you ALL up!" Tobi took off like a bullet running from the explosives expert.
"Tobi didn't mean it! Tobi's sorry! Tobi's a good boy!"
"Akira-san?"
Akira turned to see Sasori smiling. "Hai?"
"I believe we should save Tobi from his fate."
"I thought you didn't like Tobi Sasori-sama?"
"I can't have Deidara blowing the base up along with Tobi. It wouldn't be in our best interest."
"Ah. Of course."
- - - - - - - - - -
Akira stood in front of Tobi with a cotton swab and a small bottle of rubbing alcohol. "I think you should avoid Dei-kun for a while Tobi-san."
"Tobi just wants to make pretty things like Deidara-senpai..." He said with a sniffle.
"Tobi-san makes pretty things on his own. Your jutsu is an example."
"Really?"
"Uh-huh. How about I teach you how to make an ice sculpture?"
"Tobi would love that Akira-senpai! Tobi wants to learn how to make pretty ice things!"
"Alright. How about we start tomorrow?"
"Alright!" Tobi said as he jumped up and ran out of the bathroom. Akira put her med pack away and sighed deeply. Now to find Dei-kun. That was something she wasn't particularly looking forward to.
She found him sulking in his room, a small ball of clay in his hand. She found that when he was upset, he'd mold small things with normal clay and use it as a stress ball. "Dei-kun?"
"Hmph."
"Dei-kun... Tobi was just playing." Akira said as she walked into his room and sat down on the bed next to him. She brushed her bangs from over her eyes and looked at Deidara out of the corner of her eye.
"That's not it, yeah." He muttered.
She had a pretty good idea of what he was upset about, but it was something she never though could be possible. "You're jealous of Tobi aren't you?"
She saw him visibly stiffen. A laugh escaped her lips.
"Are you serious! You're jealous of Tobi!"
"He's annoying and you always pick his side!" Deidara said.
"You are such a sore loser. You're jealous that Tobi won the contest." Akira laughed again and stood up. "When you're done sulking like a child, I'll be downstairs with the others. I'm making chicken and rice tonight." She said as she left his room with a smile. It would never cease to amaze her that the feared Akatsuki members could be so weird.
Deidara watched her leave and smiled. "A sore loser I may be, but at least I'm not an emotional constipated Bastard." Deidara laughed to himself and walked out of his room. There was chicken and rice waiting for him.