A/N: This is my very first fan-fiction, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. This story follows the episode The Girl in the Fireplace. I appreciate feedback, so feel free to leave any criticisms or comments.
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.
Rose sat quietly staring at the endless ceiling of stars and galaxies in one of her favorite rooms in the TARDIS. She would find the room when she was upset or when she and the Doctor had come back from a more nerve wracking trip than was normal; not that life with the Doctor was ever remotely normal. However, it was after recent events that Rose found herself here more often than her own room, trying to find some kind of peace from the turmoil that her relationship with the Doctor had become. She'd learned after meeting Sarah Jane that she had to accept that the Doctor had a past and that past may include old friends or possible lovers, but what she was not prepared for was the possibility of a new lover showing up. Rose thought that she and the Doctor were more than friends, but not quite lovers. For a long time she believed that maybe he just did not fall in love with humans because of their short life spans. Outside the chip shop Rose noticed that when the Doctor spoke of how often he had to carry on because his companions left him behind just how much each loss hurt him. Rose began to understand just how his long life truly affected him; he wore his bitter loneliness on his sleeve sometimes. His pain was practically tangible, but she had thought-hoped-that her short tenure in his life might bring him some solace from the endless loss that he felt from lost companions and the aftermath of the Time War.
However, now it seemed that it was not that the Doctor didn't fall in love; he just didn't fall in love with her. With Rose Tyler of the Powell Estate. Shop girl. Nothing in comparison with the Uncrowned Queen of France. "No," she thought, "I'm not going to do that to myself or Reinette." Reinette did not deserve Rose's ire, no matter how jealous Rose felt towards the woman and she was willing to admit she had been jealous. In a few short hours Reinette had done what Rose had been hoping to accomplish in the past year or two she had been with the Doctor. How could Rose not feel envious of the woman, she had managed to snag a kiss from the Doctor, while not possessed no less, unlike Rose. And the Doctor thought Reinette was brilliant and Rose could not deny how poised she acted no matter the situation. She was the epitome of confidence and grace as she awaited the Doctor. In any other situation Rose would have fawned over her as much as the Doctor did, Reinette was nothing short of amazing. So Rose could not fault this brilliant, amazing, confident woman that stared down emotionless clockwork droids.
The one she could fault was the Doctor, and it was not simply because he fell for the beautiful mistress of a king. It was because he stranded both Rose and Mickey on a practically abandoned spaceship, save for the homicidal clockwork droids that wanted to harvest them for parts, that might or might not have all been shut down after the Doctor smashed through the time window. It was his careless actions and negligence for the welfare of his companions that had Rose rather weary of her future with the Doctor. Not only that, but he did not seem to think it necessary to discuss that rather terrifying event after they left the spaceship. And it was terrifying. Rose didn't know if she would ever see the Doctor again and that scared her. And it made her sad, for herself, for Mickey, but most of all for the Doctor. How could a man who had touched the stars and lived among galaxies possibly settle for a normal life on the slow path?
When he finally managed to return, due to the very clever French mistress whom he was unfortunately unable to return for, she gave him time to mourn for Reinette. Although for leaving her and Mickey behind, Rose felt that she should have given him a piece of her mind (and maybe a bit of the palm of her hand, too), because he had left them to die on spaceship with little to no chance of ever finding them again. Did he even know where the spaceship was, the time period, or even if he could return would it be within an hour after he left? Quite often, his skills at steering the TARDIS were shoddy at best and he might not have found them until a year after he left or, quite possibly, a century. No, nothing, he must have hoped it would all be swept under the rug and never talked about again.
On particularly bad days she would treat the Doctor with angry reticence and try to avoid him as much as possible. On those days he seemed to be hesitant around her and she could tell, although lately he seemed to be much more hesitant anyway. Fine, if he wouldn't bring it up she'd be damned if she did. Rose was thankful at those moments that Mickey was there, even if at first she was not thrilled to have him tag along on the TARDIS with her and the Doctor, having Mickey there to act as a buffer made it easier for Rose to cope with the Doctor's hot-and-cold attitude. At first the Doctor seemed rather happy to have Mickey with them, but then he seemed to change his mind the very next day and had been in a right snit ever since. His mood swings were giving Rose whiplash and she was beginning to wonder if his regeneration had gone wrong in some way. For as long as Rose had known him, the Doctor had always been moody, but not like this. This all started right after he regenerated too. Even though Rose did not want to attribute his strange attitude change to his regeneration, it wasn't until after they arrived on New Earth that she really took notice.
He left her behind.
He didn't wait for her and hopped on an elevator. And because of that, Cassandra was able to get her hands (metaphorically speaking) on Rose's body.
Rose shuddered as she remembered being compressed by that conceited tarp.
Rose and the Doctor used to be attached-at-the-hip when they went on adventures, they always did things together. Now they were no longer 'The Doctor and Rose Tyler' but 'The Doctor and his hapless assistant Rose Tyler.' After all, when Sarah Jane made her quip about how young his new assistant was, he didn't even deny it.
Rose wasn't his assistant.
Rose thought that she and the Doctor were friends; equals. Apparently the Doctor no longer believed that. He had when he was all big ears and blue eyes. Gorgeous blue eyes; eyes she would never see again. Eyes that stared at her as though she was most wonderful creature he had ever seen. Now, Rose knew that he may never look at her like that again. It wasn't that she wanted him to change back; Rose would not ask that of him, at least, not anymore. She just wanted him to still care about her that way. Now she didn't know what to believe. He claimed he was still the same man, but the same man would not have left her behind on some spaceship; he would take her with him. His feelings had changed. Maybe he didn't need her anymore.
Rose accepted that the Doctor and her would probably be nothing more than friends, best friends even, she had hoped. And if she wanted any more from him but he didn't see her that way any longer, what was she to do? Rose couldn't force his feelings. He would far outlive her anyway and she would have to leave him someday when she was too old to run.
Or, as Rose thought rather ominously, she just didn't run fast enough.
As much as she tried to avoid thinking like that she couldn't avoid the subject of her own potential death, it was after the spaceship incident she found herself thinking about it more often; maybe too often.
What she if just…left?
He could find another companion, maybe one who was smarter and classier and faster at running and-No!-stop it! Rose dragged herself away from the self-deprecating thoughts that had been filling up her thoughts the past few weeks. There was no point, if the Doctor didn't think she was good enough he would have left her behind already, wouldn't he.
Wouldn't he?
Maybe he was waiting for her to get tired of his reluctance and leave of her own volition so he wouldn't have to break another promise he made to her. But really, he had already left her behind right after he promised not to so what's one more broken promise?
Rose had to admit, her faith in this new Doctor was beginning to wane because of his carelessness.
Rose sighed despondently, ashamed of her own thoughts but at the same time understanding the small specks of truth in them. Putting her face in her hands for the umpteenth time that night, she heaved another sigh and decided it was probably time that she left the room and went to bed. No use wasting precious hours of rest over thoughts that she's already spent too many hours pouring over. Getting up she almost fell over because her legs had gone numb. It was when she spent a few moments trying to get the blood flow to return to her legs that she felt just how exhausted she was after the day she had. Hell, after the past few weeks.
Tiredly dragging herself towards the door, she missed the door's handle turn before she reached it. The door gently swung open to reveal the Doctor with a slightly surprised look on his face, like a child caught doing something he shouldn't be. Rose didn't say anything as she just kept on towards the door, but she eyed him carefully. She schooled her expression into a calm poker face, not wanting to give away any of her thoughts and the Doctor visibly winced.
"Rose," he said softly, looking away from her. "We really need to talk."