Hello! I hope you enjoy the story! Disclaimer- Only thing I have on my Christmas list.
Wandering. Lost. Two words often used interchangeably but have completely different meanings. Sometimes, the Doctor muses on them, wondering which he is. Sometimes he leans towards merely wandering, other times hopelessly lost. On occasion he believes for himself to be both. It's a question. It's the question. Not the one that must never be answered, but the one that will never be answered. Never to be answered for no other reason than the Doctor being unable to decide which one he really is. Wandering. It implies traveling. no real destination, going along at your own pace. Which the Doctor unquestionably does every day, every second. And then theres the other half of the matter as well. Lost. Trying to reach somewhere but being unable to. Not sure of your location, physically, mentally, spiritually. Again that's him, that's the Doctor. He just doesn't know. And it drives him mad. He always knows. Everything, all the time. Ask him most anything and he'll barely have to think about the answer before giving it. Ask him if he's lost, if he's wandering, and to the best of his calculations he would simply stand where he is, not saying a word. Because he. Doesn't. Know. He thinks that he would prefer to think of himself as a wanderer of space and time, of the universe and all of the infinite wonders that it has to offer. But that's not always true. Sometimes he almost wishes for himself to be lost. After al, if he himself doesn't know where he is, how could his enemies possibly know? The Doctor tries to erase this thought from his mind. 'Coward', he thinks to himself. Perhaps that's what he is though. Perhaps Davros had been right all those years ago.
' The Doctor. The man who keeps running, never looking back, because he dare not, out of shame.'
The Doctor will think of this, of wandering and being lost. Of running, and stopping, and traveling, and fears, and everything else that might define him. And then, when he is done, he does what he always does, what he does best. He emerges from the depths of his mind, puts up the ever thinning mask, and does his best to continue.
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