Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight.

This story will consist of 50 chapters of brief length. Please review :). Advice, recommendations, and criticism welcome.

1.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S KANAME SENPAI! KYAHH!"

I want to die. Once the squealing starts, it takes ages to finish, and I always want to rip my eardrums out by the end of the ordeal.

The obnoxious blond behind me was the one to start the scream fest today. She attempts to leap over me (yeah right, shrimp), but when she finds herself unable to get past me, she resigns to pressing herself as close to me as possible, her breasts squishing against my back.

"Kiryu-kun…" she whispers seductively, her hand rests gently on my shoulder, "mind letting me through? Please?" she purrs.

I tilt my head back and smirk. She takes this as a positive sign and smiles, eagerly waiting for my answer.

"No."

Her expression immediately falls, and her brow furrows. Blondie starts angrily pounding her tiny fists against my back. Ah, massage.

"Asshole!" she shouts as she slams her shoulder into me.

Somehow, I remain immobile, but she rebounds and is sent flying to the ground. She lands awkwardly on the gravel, her skirt flies up to show the world her lacy black thong, and her knee is a bloody mess. Oh shit. Blood. Yuki glares at me across the way from where she is restraining another, large group of girls.

In a normal school, this wouldn't be a problem. But Cross Academy seems to exist for the sole purpose of defying the classic, high school stereotype.

The Night Class, whom we defend from the savage affection of fan girls, solely consists of vampires. Hot, hungry, horrible vampires.

Aido, the resident dumb blonde and punch bag for the Night Class, bounds over to 'help' the young maiden. She blushes at all this unexpected attention from such an attractive guy, but little does she know that Aido is here only to suck in the smell of her blood.

"I'm so sorry you are hurt, Emi-chan," he says as his blue eyes bore into her. "Can I kiss it to make it better?"

The whole crowd swoons, and hearts appear in the eyes of the day students. Yuki sweatdrops. My aura darkens.

Fucking pedophile.

In one smooth, solid motion, I scoop the girl up, sling her over my shoulder, and grab Aido by the earlobe. I drag the male vampire, kicking and screaming, to drop him at Kaname's feet. Now it's his problem.

Emi-chan doesn't take to the idea of being separated from her beloved Idol, and starts kicking and screaming and wiggling while precariously balanced on my shoulder. The stupid girl keeps making it harder and harder to bal–

FUCK.

Her foot connects with my dick, and the pain is excruciating. My vision starts going black, and I dump the bitch on the ground to fix her with my deadliest glare. She whimpers and runs away as fast as possible.

With her gone, I slump to the ground. You save the girl from certain trauma at the hands of a vampire, and she kicks you in the balls.

Fuck this shit.