A/N: This place needs more bromance in the form of our favorite spikeyhaired duo. That is all.
Warnings: Bromance and shenanigans. Also human names. And to make sure nobody gets confused: Johan is Netherlands, Niels is Denmark, Lukas is Norway, Emil is Iceland and Margot is Belgium.
Disclaimer: Let's be honest here, unless I manage to marry Hima the rights to Hetalia won't be mine.
His phone was buzzing. Johan took a quick glance, and saw a WhatsApp message from Lukas.
"You'd better be ready with your preparations. We'll be there in five minutes."
Crap. He wasn't done yet, he needed more time! He sent a message back. "I need more time. Take him for a stroll around the park or something."
"For crying out loud, Johan! I've been entertaining him all day long, I can't take much more!"
"Just twenty more minutes, you wuss. He'll be out of your hair soon enough."
"Urgh. Fine. 15 minutes, no more."
"Thanks babe 3."
"Don't call me babe! Bastard."
"Ohmigawd Lukas this is the best birthday ever! Breakfast in bed, a romantic stroll in the park and you're letting me hold your hand in public without killing me! Things just can't get any better!" Niels said as he bounced up and down, looking at Lukas with sparkling blue eyes. His trademark grin was plastered on his face, and he looked so frikkin happy. For the first time that day Lukas felt like giving up on his plan of murdering Niels in his sleep that night. Not that it would do much good anyway, but it just felt so good to silence that loudmouth idiot every now and then. The fact that he could also get a good night's sleep without said loudmouth idiot groping him was also a nice bonus. He shook his head a bit. Today was his day, so he would humor him. Tomorrow however…
"You'd be pleasantly surprised, Niels."
"Pleasantly surprised? OHMYGOD."
"What?"
"I'M FINALLY GETTING BIRTHDAYSEX AREN'T I."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. But it'll be better than that."
"Better than birthdaysex? What could possibly be… OHMYGOD."
"Now what?"
"I'M FINALLY GOING TO HAVE A BIRTDAYSEX THREESOME WITH YOU AND EMIL AREN'T I."
"For the last time, I'm not going to let Emil partake in your stupid fantasy! He's my little brother for crying out loud!" He said, smacking Niels upside the head. He was definitely going to kill him now, his birthday be damned.
"How can you be so mean to me on my special day?" Niels replied with a pout. "Be glad I didn't sic my trolls on you, pervert. Now hurry up, we have to get home for your final surprise."
"Final surprise? So you did get Emil to-"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Niels. Or Odin help me, I will end you."
Niels rummaged through his pockets and grabbed his housekey. He finally found it and was about to unlock the door when the door opened on his own. Niels looked up and locked eyes with his spikeyhaired best friend, who was grinning back at him.
"Perfect timing as always, Niels! I'm just about finished with your gift." He said as he pulled him in a hug and greeted him with three kisses on his cheeks. Niels hugged him back as he looked behind him, trying to sneak a peek at any decorations. His eyebrow raised a bit when he noticed a few wrenches and screws on the floor next to his living room door.
"What's with the wrenches, Johan? Am I getting another bike?" He asked as he released his grip on him. Johan already gave him a kickass bike last year, and it was still in perfect shape.
"Nope, you're getting something even better." He answered with a grin as he turned Niels around and covered his eyes, guiding him towards the living room.
"Lukas said the same thing. Oh my God! So you got me Emil to- ouch!" He doubled over as he grabbed his stomach, taking Johan down with him a bit.
"You were warned, you perverted bastard."
"Dammit Niels. How many times do I have to tell you to keep your sibling threesome fantasy to yourself when Lukas is around?" Johan said as he pulled Niels back upright again.
"Et tu, Johan? You're a big brother too, you should be on my side. What if he had wanted to have a threesome with you and Margot?" Lukas said as he patted his trolls head before sending it back.
"Well, seeing as I've already slept with the two of them before and there was much enjoyment to be had…" he said in a wistful tone. Lukas facepalmed. "For the love of Odin. You two idiots deserve eachother. Just stay the hell away from my little brother, or else."
Johan shrugged with a little grin on his face as he continued to guide Niels towards the living room. When they finally entered the living room he removed his hands, allowing a giddy Niels to look around fervently for his gift. A frown crept on his face when he saw that his living room was in the exact same state as how he left it that morning. Okay, it was a bit cleaner thanks to Johan and his OCD cleaning habits, but besides that… Wait a minute. What are those doors doing next to his TV? Was this his gift? A door?
"Is… What is this? You got me a door?" He said, sounding a bit confused. And okay, he was a little disappointed too. He knew he should be glad that people even bothered to remember his birthday and get him something, but Johan was his best friend! His bro! How could he get him something so lame?
"Come on Niels, you know me better than that! Open the door and look inside. I promise you'll love it." He said, nudging him towards the doors.
"Unless you have a naked Emil in the-argh!"
"Wow, I actually saw that troll. Cool," Johan said with a grin. "Dude, what the hell! You're supposed to be on my side!" Niels groaned, trying to get up after being hit in the stomach again. "Sorry bro, but I'm not about to argue with a guy who can summon trolls at will." Johan helped him get up and shoved him in front of the sliding doors. "Now open the doors, enjoy your gift and then proceed to shower me with gratitude for giving you the best gift ever given. Ever. Like for serious. Best gift in the history of gift giving." Niels let out a sigh before reaching for the doors.
"All right, all right, I get it. Well, here goes nothing." He reached out his hands and grabbed the handles, sliding them to the side. His eyes went wide when he saw what was inside. And then the following things happened. A (very manly, thank you very much) squeal escaped him as he kept looking back and forth between the contents of what was behind the doors and Johan for a minute before he jumped into Johan's arms, knocked him to the ground and started making out with him like it was nobody's business.
Lukas let out a sigh as he walked towards the couch and sat down, watching the show go on. While contemplating on whether or not he should tape that strangely arousing makeout session for Elizaveta (she did pay good money for that sort of thing) and trying not to get turned on because of it, he walked towards the kitchen to get a glass of water for himself. By the time he got back the two of them were done with their liplocking. They were still sitting on the floor, with Niels straddling Johan, arms around his neck.
"So it's safe to assume you like your gift?"
"Like it? I fucking love it! I'd marry it if I could! Oh Johan, thank you thank you thank you!" he said, pulling Johan towards him in a bonecrushing hug. That happy grin was on his face again, and Lukas couldn't help but smile a bit himself. He put the glass of water on a table and walked towards the closet, letting out a low whistle. During the time he was out with Niels Johan had managed to install a large walk in fridge. One side was filled with Carlsberg, Niels' favorite beer. The other side was filled with a wide variety of Dutch, German and Belgian beers. The back was reserved for the stronger stuff like vodka, whiskey and scotch.
"Very impressive. Hard to believe you managed to pull it off in such a short time."
"Yeah, how did you manage to pull it off?"
"Dutch efficiency," he said with a wink. "I had a little help from the guys who installed my fridge. So, wanna grab a beer, get wasted and watch bad movies?"
"After I'm done thanking you properly," he said with a sly smirk before leaning in to kiss him again. He pushed Johan towards the floor, letting his hands travel underneath his shirt as Johan let his own hands wander freely as well. Meanwhile Lukas was still standing there, watching things get more heated on both the floor and in his pants. He knew that the two of them were friends with benefits, but he was never around when it actually happened. He was just about to leave and jump into freezing fjord (not because he needed a cold shower or anything, not at all, it's just that some of his icetrolls happen to live there and he hadn't seen them in a while) when he heard Johan of all people let out a moan. He froze in his tracks.
"Dammit Lukas, snap out of it! It's not like you haven't heard people moan before! You yourself made countless people moan! Who cares that they're having mindblowing sex back there, just get out of here before you do something stupid like asking to join in. I did not just think that. Move, Lukas, MOVE!"
And he did just that. He reached out a hand to grab the doorhandle when he heard Niels moan this time. And that's when he pretty much lost it. He stomped back into the livingroom, grabbed the glass of water from the table, stomped towards the spikeyhaired duo (who were now shirtless) and emptied the glass above their heads, causing them to let out a yelp. They glared at him after the initial shock had passed.
"Lukas! What the hell, man?" They said simultaneously.
He had wanted to yell at them. Tell them to get a room or at least have the decency to wait until after he had left before they started having sex. But he couldn't utter a single word at the moment. Because the people he had wanted to yell at were sitting in front of him, shirtless, wet, their hair down and bangs slightly covering those fierce, expressive, lust filled eyes…
"I… you… err… Oh for the love of Odin!" he said in a frustrated tone before walking to the couch and lying down on it, covering his face with his hands. Niels and Johan gave each other a look before getting up and walking over towards Lukas. Niels sat down next to his face and removed Lukas' hands from his face.
"You could have just asked if you had wanted to join in, you know."
"Who said I wanted to join in, you perv?"
"Your bulge, for starters," Johan said with a knowing grin. Lukas glared at him before he let out a sigh. "You two are hopeless."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Lukas."
"If it bothers you we can just get dressed again," Niels offered. Lukas shook his head. "No, don't. I happen to like that wet, shirtless look on the two of you." Niels and Johan raised an eyebrow at that.
"Oh?"
"Oh indeed. In fact, I have a proposal for you," he said, sitting up. "I'm listening." Niels replied. This could get interesting. "I know how much you want that threesome, but I'm not going to sacrifice Emil for it." "You make it sound like I'll have him killed afterwards or something, sheesh." "Shut up and let me finish. I'm not bringing Emil into this. But if you don't mind, and if Johan is okay with it as well, I don't mind having a threesome with you two. How about it?"
"Whoa. You're actually offering? Holy hell." Niels said, a little dumbfounded.
"I have to say I'm quite surprised as well. Didn't know you had it in you," Johan added.
"Oh please, don't act so surprised. I had plenty of threesomes during my Viking days. Granted, they all involved busty women, but still. Are you two up for it?"
"I don't mind, really. But I'll leave it to Niels, it's his birthday after all. If he's okay with it, I am too." Lukas nodded before turning his attention to Niels. "How about it, Niels?"
"For years I've wanted to hear you agree to my fantasy, and now it's finally happening."
"Don't tell me you don't want to, now that you're about to get it."
"No, no. I'm just letting it sink in, that's all. Trying to enjoy the moment and all that. Okay, I'm done!" He stood up from the couch, grabbed Lukas and flung him on his shoulder as he walked towards the bedroom.
"Whoa! Niels! What the hell!"
"Sorry Lukas, no backing down now. Johan?"
"Way ahead of you, bro," he said as he followed him, clutching a bag in his hands.
"… Do I want to know what's in there?"
"You'll find out soon enough, Lu. And trust me, you'll like it," Niels said with a huge grin.
The next morning
Lukas was wide awake for about an hour now. Normally he would have gotten out of bet after stretching his limbs a bit, going towards the window to open it for some fresh air, enjoy the scenery and then walk towards the kitchen for a nice, big mug of coffee. Normally. Today he found himself stuck between two burly guys who were holding him close to their bodies, and for some reason he didn't mind one bit. Niels was resting his head on his chest, and his arm was covering both him and Johan. Johan had his chest pressed to Lukas' back, and his long arms were embracing both him and Niels as well. Norwegian Sandwich, as the two of them called it last night. Lukas stroked Niels' hair softly, letting out a smile.
"Last night, oh boy…" he whispered.
"What about it?" Johan whispered back, planting a small kiss on his neck.
"Good morning to you too. How long have you been awake?"
"Just now. I heard you laughing. You?"
"An hour or so. And how did you hear me? I was smiling, not laughing."
"Male intuition. Niles still sleeping?"
"Yes. That guy can sleep through anything."
"Lucky bastard. But you were saying something about last night. Was it to your liking?"
"Seeing as I haven't sent my trolls to brutally murder you two, I'd say yes. I had the night of my life."
"Glad to have been of service," he said with a smile. "I'm still wondering about something, though. What made you change your mind about that threesome?" Lukas let out a little sigh.
"Niels always tells me about how good of a listener you are, and that you never gossip or reveal secrets that others have confided in you. If I tell you, will you promise me not to tell him?"
"You have my word."
"Thanks. It's silly, really. But I just don't want him to know, he'd never let me live it down."
"My, my. Now I'm intrigued."
"I was already feeling a bit hot and bothered after that make out session of yours, and then the moaning happened, and then I dumped that water on you two. The way you were looking at that moment drove me over the edge. All shirtless and wet with that stupid sexy hair and whatnot."
"You were just plain horny."
"I forgot how blunt you are. But yes. I was horny as hell. But that wasn't all. What really, really did it for me was the fact that you were looking so similar at that moment."
"What do you mean?"
"You and Niels have pretty much the same build and hairstyle, and when you have your hair down you almost look like twins. And seeing as how you were shirtless and wet and sitting on eachothers lap and-"
"Alright, alright. I get it. Twins turn you on."
"Let's just say I have a bit more understanding for Niels' fetish for threesomes with siblings who look similar."
"But you're still not letting him get with you and Emil."
"Hell no, sleeping with your sibling is gross."
"Hypocrite."
A/N: I had wanted to write something silly in which Johan and Niels would have drunken shenanigans and then Lukas had to beat some sense into them with his trolls. So of course it ends with the three of them having a sexy threesome and finding out Lukas has a thing for twins (but then again, who doesn't) (yes, I'm also one of those hypocrites that has a thing for twins)( I blame the Ouran twins, they can convert anyone to like twincest).
Johan and Niels are broulmates (bro's + soulmates in a non-romantic way). Niels and Lukas are soulmates. Lukas has no problems with the broulmate status of Niels an Johan, he's actually really glad for it. It means Johan can take Niels off his hands when he has other things to do. Niels has abandonment issues, so whenever Lukas has to do some government stuff and travel abroad Johan comes over and makes sure Niels doesn't do something crazy. He also gives the best birthdaygifts.
I shall put all my NedxDen story ideas in here. Most of them will be oneshots because I'm terrible at multichaptered fics. Don't worry though, the multichaptered fics I currently have will be finished. Eventually.
Watch the walk in fridge commercial by Heineken. Best commercial ever made, that's what initially gave me the idea for this fic.
And I ran out of things to rant about. Expect more in the next chapter that shall be posted whenever I get a new idea :P. It's like 2 AM right here, I'm probably sleep depraved. That's why I'm making less sense than usual.
Hope you had fun reading, and reviews are always appreciated! Thank you! :D