He was mildly surprised he'd worn himself out already. Could almost function normally again. All of that pain released in one shot, and it'd only taken a few weeks to work itself out. Perhaps a month, though it was hard to say. His sense of time always became a bit muddled when this happened. A deeply unsettling thing for any Time Lord.
He'd completely lost himself in the grief. Let it posses him entirely. It felt so good, in a perverse sort of way. The TARDIS, bless her, knew the routine by now. She'd patently put up with his fits of fury, screaming, sobbing, self pity. But she'd keep her doors firmly locked until he'd got himself quite under control again. He was finding it took less and less time these days.
He'd actually contemplated ending it all during the darker moments of the last week. He suffered so much. Why was he still alive? What was the point of it?
He might have gotten away with it too, if the TARDIS hadn't intervened. The thought made him shudder now. He couldn't die. He did have a purpose, so much more to offer. There were so many brilliant lives he could save. So many average people he could rescue from their own mediocrity and self depreciation too. There were medical students and Temps and Flight Attendants a plenty. All just waiting to blossom under his guidance. Ha, the children of time.
His, children of time.
He could go anywhere, he knew. Pick almost anyone. Show them the universe, open their mind and transform them from a sad little drone, going about their self absorbed everyday life, into a brilliant beacon. Someone capable of staying by his side as he ran, saving lives, toppling empires, or just exploring for the unadulterated hell of it.
Those tiny, giant people would have to wait though. There was one particular bloom he was still not ready to let go of. Not by a long shot.
Slowly, he circled the console. Stepping over loose wires and cobbled together modifications. Every press of a button and adjustment of a dial was ponderous and measured, so unlike his usual style of piloting the beloved ship. Eventually, he placed his right hand on the final lever.
Once he pulled the hand brake he'd have to see it through. There would be no way of stopping himself.
'This is your last chance, Doctor.' A treacherous inner voice warned. 'You can't keep doing this. You have no right. This is wrong. So, so wrong. Just let it go. Move on and just stop!'
He ignored the desperate appeal. That was another thing that was getting easier with time. Slowly exhaling, he glanced down at the lever he was gripping. His hand wasn't shaking. That was good. It meant he really was ready.
The central column pulsed slowly. The TARDIS was edgy too. Holding her breath, in a sense.
Finally, the Doctor looked up at her, that manic grin back again, along with the gleam that had gone out of his eyes not long ago.
"C'mon, let's go find our Rose."
He yanked the lever down, and was immediately thrown back into the pilot seat as the ship lurched, dropped, juttered and whirled. He whooped with laughter and clung to the rails behind him. The warning voice in his head screamed at him, but it was overwhelmed by the sheer mad glee in his hearts.
He was going to get Rose back. Again. And maybe this time he'd keep better hold of her.
~AN~
I'm posting this on a whim. No honestly, the idea just sort of came to me in a dream last night, and I wanted to get it down before I forgot it.
It hasn't been beta'd or anything, so if you have any constructive criticism please, sock it to me.
I can't guarantee that this story will be updated regularly. Like I said, this was a spur of the moment decision, but I know the plot outline for the whole thing. Hopefully it won't be so long that I abandon it.
Plus, I have this thing for the mad as a march hare Time Lord Victorious. So maybe that'll keep me on task.
And you know what else will keep me on task? I bet you do.
Reviews let me know that people ARE reading my stories, and actually have a vested interest in seeing them finished. If you have such an interest, then please leave a little donation in the review box. It doesn't have to be much. Just a few words to say you read it.
If there was anything you did or did not like about it, then please feel free to mention those point too. I would like to get better with my writing, so I'm keen to understand what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong.
Thank you for your time!
Ridel.