Think Before You Act, You Idiot!
author: Invader Johnny
Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, I'm only an insignificant follower to his incredible madness, so don't sue me, Kay?
Summary: Dib "loses" his glasses and Zim sees this as a perfect opportunity to pull a prank, too bad he didn't think things through.
author Notes: This silly fic highlights the amount of common sense Zim doesn't have, trust me it will give you all a laugh, or so I hope.
To make it clear Zim, Dib and Gaz are all in high school, Zim says he's 17 but truthfully he's older, Dib is 17 as well and Gaz is 16.
Anyways, enjoy The fic.
"Gaz!" Dib yelled out " Gaz where are you?"
"I'm in front of you, you idiot" She growled "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I can't see" He said, motioning to his eyes "I can't find my glasses!"
Gaz opened an eye, saying with a sneer "Don't you have have a spare?"
"Yeah!"
"And?"
Her brother lowers his head in shame "I step on them"
"Idiot"
"Can you help me find my regular ones?" The boy asked hopefully "Please"
Gaz got up from the couch, not losing eye contact with her Game Slave V and answered with an indifferent "No"
"Come on Gaz!" He pleaded "The fate of the would is at stake!"
"Well since you put it that way I guess my answer is... No"
"I'll pay you!" He screamed desperately.
The scary teen was slightly interested now "How much?" She asked, glaring at her brother, making it clear that the prize better be worth her time.
"Help me find my glasses and I'll pay for Bloaty's for the rest of the month!"
Gaz pondered this, she hated helping her brother, she really did, with a burning passion actually, but the possibility of pizza for a few weeks sounded very tempting, the fact that she wouldn't even have to pay with her own money made it all the more appealing to her.
"Fine" she relented "Where did you last put them?"
"In my room"
"Where exactly?" She asked, already her patience running thin.
"In my desk"
Gaz saved her game and walked over to her brother's room "If I find your glasses in your bed I'm going to break your neck!"
Dib shuddered, knowing full well his sister really would.
He walked towards the couch and rested his big head in the cushions, he might as well rest his weary eyes before continuing his search for the glasses.
"Well Dib-Stink it would be so easy to kill you now"
The Raven haired boy quickly opened his eyes, he knew that voice anywhere.
"ZIM!"
Dib got up from the couch only to trip and hit his head on the living room's table.
The disguised Irken smirked coyly "Who knew this little spectacles held so much power?"
The young paranormal investigator got to his feet and glared at the direction the voice was coming from, he might not be able to see his foe but he could still make an educated guess of where he was standing from simply hearing Zim's voice.
"It was you!" He caused with a finger " You stole my glasses!"
The alien clapped sarcastically "Very good Dib-Filth"
"I should have known only an alien bastard like yo could have done it!"
"Yes I'm ingenious!" Zim said "But enough praise I'm here to do a job and I'm going to do it now!"
Dib couldn't help but notice how sinister his enemy's voice sounded, he had fought the Irken countless times before and he was never afraid of the annoying menace but this time it was different, Zim had the advantage and it terrified the teenager.
The invader smirked evilly as his PAK got out a familiar circular device, it was the same machine he had used when he stole his classmates organs in elementary skool he wanted Dib's brain for experimental purposes, hoping to find out what made the human so different from the rest of the species.
"Any last words human?"
Thinking quickly Dib said "Yes as a matter if fact I do" Closing his eyes for a few seconds, he glared at the alien " You're a coward"
Zim's jaw dropped "WHAT?"
"You heard me, you"re nothing but a coward"
The disguised alien retracted the device, stomping closer to the human to the point where they were face to face,
"Let's make one thing clear you piece of shit" The alien snarled "Zim is no coward!"
"Then tell me who steals a major weakness from a person and then plans to use said weakness at their most vulnerable without giving them a fighting chance?"
"A strategist!"
Dib shook his head, "No Zim, a coward, I knew you would go low but I didn't expect this from you"
This was true, over the years the two had develop a grudging admiration for the other's dedication to never quit this little "war" and Dib hadn't exploited Zim's weaknesses ever since he had grown to respect his long time foe and thought that if there ever was a fight to end all fights he would at least go for a dignified end for his hated enemy.
But it seemed that Zim however didn't hold the same view.
Said alien narrowed his disguised eyes hatefully, watching his adversary for several minutes, finally acknowledging that Dib has a point, this was no way to end thing between them, he was a soldier and his desire to fulfill his mission clouded his judgement to fight properly for the fate of this planet.
"I hate it when you make sense Dib-worm"
The teen sighed with relief, he knew that the military had an honor code and assumed that Irkens had a similar perspective, he knew he took a big gamble but in the end he didn't lose his life and that's what mattered.
"Can I have my glasses now?"
"Very well" Zim smirked evilly " Gimme your hand"
The human did as he was told, forgetting the number one rule in war.
Never trust the enemy.
Zim puts an object in Dib's waiting hand and after doing so put it in his face.
"WHAT THE?!"
"WUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zim started laughing uncontrollably " You fell fly my clever ploy Dib-worm!"
"WHAT THE HELL IS ON MY FACE?!"
Dib started to freak out touching the object in his face, his eyes widened like diver plates when he recognized the bra as one of his sister's.
"YAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Horrified he the the object as fas a say as possible, unaware that he had throne it at Zim's feet.
"IM INGENIOUS!"
"YOU BASTARD!"
Gaz immediately walked down the stairs "What the hell is all the yelling about?!"
She stopped when she saw Zim in the living room, she didn't care about that, what she did care about was the fact that the alien was near her underwear.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BRA?!"
"Huh?"
The Irken lowered his head and saw the underwear by his feet, his eyes widened in horror, he was caught, "Oh crap"
Zim sees the advancing wave of evil that is Gaz, he shrieks in fear and runs away, the purple headed teen running after him.
"Come back here Zim so I can fucking kill you!"
Dib was perplexed but happy that Zim got what he deserved, he was going to celebrate with a can of poop cola, he took a stop towards the kitchen
Crack.
He lifted his right leg and noticed something familiar.
His glasses.
"OH COME ON!"
Well this is the insanity I came up with while trying to fall asleep, yes my mind continues to be a scary place.
Don't ask me how Zim manages to get one of Gaz's bras, maybe he's kind of a stalker? I dunno I think I rather leave it to the imagination of you my dear readers.
And just out of curiosity how many of you saw this coming? I mean it started all serious and ended up being so humorous, right? LOL.
Anyways review and let me know.
Invader Johnny Signing Off.