I Was Meant to Be With You
By: Mizuno Herena
Disclaimer: I own Sailormoon!! I own it! I do!!! I created all of the characters and they're real and we have parties every night with all of the Fushigi Yuugi and Evangelion casts... And if you believe that then instead of reading my fic, you should check yourself into a mental hospital.
Rating: PG13--Just cause I'm not sure how some people would like the yuri. And drugs too.
Warning: Yes, this IS a Yuri/Shoujo ai, aka lesbian romance fic. If you have any problems with this, I suggest you read something else. And Have A Nice Day. :)
Ami
As I stood in front of my classmates on that day, I really did feel all of the candied emotions that are expected. I was saying my valedictorian speech and meaning it, something I hadn't expected. I really would miss more than books and the teachers and the extra credit. I would miss those popular girls who never spoke to me, and the jocks who would beg me to do their homework for them. The shouts, the rude hand gestures, and reading the notes I was helping pass for other people. I smiled. Probably at an inappropriate place in my speech, but I wasn't paying attention to my words anymore. I was thinking about the people I wouldn't miss. My eyes went directly to Makoto and my heart skipped a beat. She winked at me and gave me thumbs up. I wouldn't miss her... Thank Kami, I wouldn't have to. She and Usagi and Minako and me. We would be inseparable for the rest of our lives whether we liked it or not. And Rei too. I glanced up to where I had spotted her in the stands, looking very dignified... Much like I should have... But it was too late to change my bearings, for my speech, I discovered, had ended.
The crowds were standing to applaud me (or getting ready to leave). I took my seat once more as our principle gave his final farewell and stood again as he pronounced us, "Graduates!" All at once the loud class I had missed erupted in cheers and hollers like a clap of thunder shaking the air and a tidal wave crashing a city. I think a crowd of teenagers in the right situation could do more damage than all of the senshi combined. Streamers and hats began to rain from the sky as I realized I had forgotten to remove my own.
"Ami!" All at once a body tackled me and I knew the one who hugged me was Usagi from the strands of blond hair flying in my face. Or that hair could have been Minako's as she hugged the opposite side of me.
"We're graduates!" Minako?
"We're free!" Usagi I think?
"You made a wonderful speech!" Was that Rei?
"We're out of high school!" So many people were all around me that I couldn't match voices with faces. They might not even have been any of my friends speaking. I was so confused. And then it happened...
I felt two very strong and soft hands holding my cheeks. I looked up (though I wasn't aware that I had been looking down,) just in time for my lips to meet another pair. Somebody was kissing me!! It took me a moment to register it in my usually quick brain. This was a kiss. And a wonderful kiss at that... I closed my eyes and took it in, caring not who owned the lips which were giving me so much pleasure in their simple touch. There had to be more! I began to return the simple gift. Giving all of myself with each contact I made with the pink folds of flesh. And with every caress of my blushing cheek I gave my paramour a face. Chestnut hair, wavy and thick. Deep olive green eyes that where filled to the brim with life and spirit. I suddenly knew who I wanted the kisser to be.
"Makoto.." And the kiss came to a sudden halt. Immediately I realized that I had stated the name of my dream lover aloud. I promptly opened my eyes to see the impossible. It was. It couldn't have been worse, even if it wasn't Mako-chan. At least then, I wouldn't have to face what she thought of me.
"I--" What could I say? I didn't have a crush on my best friend. But we just kissed! I couldn't... But, oh that kiss... And she was so beautiful. And so right. But that was for people like Michiru and Haruka. I liked them. I looked up to them. But I wasn't anything like them... Was I? Was she?
"You made a fantastic speech, Ami." She smiled like she had just run in to me. I was too dazed and flustered to return her sincere smile or to even speak for that matter.
Thank goodness for Usagi who (by her comments and behavior obviously missed seeing the previous scene) broke the silence with her realization that we could go home then. Or rather, to the shrine where we would celebrate some more.
"I'm really tired. I just want--"
"Nonsense!" Rei chimed in. "It's going to be a small party as it is. You can't not come and make it smaller! After all I planned and cooked--"
"You cooked?!" Usagi, Minako, and Mako all answered with equal surprise and different expressions.
Usagi's was more of a begging for food. An, "I'm coming Rei! I'll eat your food! So there's no need to worry."
Minako, who loves cuisine only slightly less than Usagi, meant it as, "You took the time to dirty your hands..--Does it taste good???"
But I recognized the disappointment in Makoto's voice. "But I'm the one who cooks... It's supposed to be me." Not whiney, just sad. I wanted to run over and hug her. To pull her to a kitchen where she could make her masterpieces. Where she could shine.. I'd eat her food and I'd love it! Like I always do. Like I love h--- no I don't..
"It's good-don't give me that look!" She replied defensively, fully misinterpreting all of our looks.
"I'm sure it is. And of course I'll be there." I'll be there? I can't be there. She'll be there.. and I.. and we'll and.. I have to...Okay. "Just let me find my mom, and I'll see you guys there."
I left briskly, avoiding the looks of anyone, staring blankly for my mother in the crowd when I knew she would be in the parking lot. I walked without pace, quickly then slowly, then almost sprinting. My head was dizzy and my heart was beating too fast to count the beats. Like a humming bird. That's what I was, a humming bird, humming by so quickly I almost missed my mother standing by our little green Nissan.
"Ami-chan. My little girl's grown up! And she can't even find her way in a parking lot." Mom smiled. That was constant. In a world of evil youma, magical powers, and kisses, Mom's smiles were always there to welcome me into a world of security. I ran up to hug her. She had missed an important surgery to see that day and it felt so good to hug and revel in someone's love that I didn't have to worry about.
"You're a wonderful speaker, Ami. Why don't you skip medicine and go right into politics?"
"Augh! Enough with my speech and the politics jokes." (Mom was constantly bugging me on my hatred of the government systems.) "That's all anyone can talk about."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were so serious about your political career." This made me smile and hug her with even more certainty of my love for her. "So, are we on our way to Rei's?" She asked as she got in the drivers' side of the car.
"Yeah." I replied as I entered the car, trying to sound as upbeat as possible without sounding too phony. Until that day, I'd never prayed for traffic jams. All I wanted to do was to bask in the sent of my mother, rubbing alcohol and Chinese tea. To sit in the passenger seat of the new car and strain my ears to hear oldies play so softly on the AM radio over zooming traffic only a foot or two away from me. This was heaven.
I looked at my mother. Same indigo hair, down to the middle of her back, straight, but pulled into a loose braid. She had no wrinkles; just middle-age-laugh-lines that only made her look more beautiful. A few dots on her arm that I had asked about when I was little. She had replied that she partied a little too much as a teenager and these were the scars of her mistakes.
"A few dots on an otherwise perfect woman," was all I thought then... And it's all I think now, too.
"Whatcha lookin at?" Her eyes were still on the road, but my stare can be a strong thing, or so she says.
"Oh, just looking at you and thinking how similar we are." I lied. I only wish I could be like her.
"Oh, Ami. You can be so smart and yet so stupid you know?"
"Huh?"
"We're not anything alike. Sure some of the things we like are the same. And some of the ways we look. But I don't want you to be like me."
"Mom, you're a successful doctor! You've got everything. You're happy, you have friends. And Mom, let's face it-- you're rich."
"But that's not you. And I know that's not what you want.-- Well, it may be part of what you want, to be a doctor. But I think what you really want is deeper than that...
"When I was a little older than you, I fell in love. I was at a party. I was always at a party. But that's when he finally spoke to me. Ichiro. I had had a crush on him for months and when he started talking to me, I was too stoned to talk back. But he didn't give up on me. I'd like to say that he got me off drugs and we lived happily ever after. But he just gave me someone to help me with the needles. I won't say I wasn't happy then. I won't say that those years weren't wonderful. Everything was worth it, because we had each other. And you..."
Her usually steady voice began to break now. "But you were sick, Ami..." "You were sick because of what I did. The choices I made, the things I did.. made my little baby girl hurt.. And I loved you so much. And so did he.
"But he wouldn't stop for you..... He wouldn't stop!!!!" Tears flooded from her onyx eyes now. "And I knew I had to choose between the two worlds I loved the most." A long pause followed.
"That's when we moved to Tokyo, you and I. And you got better. And I got better. And I knew then that I wanted to become a doctor, to help other sick little children. And to make the world better for mine.
"That's why we're not the same, my little girl. You're smart, you're good, you know what you want. My only hope for you, is that you find the person you were meant to be with, like I did." This I didn't understand. She hadn't seen my father in seventeen years. Luckily for me, she saw the confusion in my eyes.
"I was meant to be with you."
Somehow, "Mom, I love you" didn't seem to be enough, but I said it anyway and let her reply be the same. The quiet that filled the rest of the car ride wasn't awkward as I had expected it to be, but more of a calm. Like a peaceful sleep after a long day or a glass of water, plain but just right. And when we arrived at the shrine, I was confident in what I had to do.
"Hey! What took you so long?" Usagi said as she ran up to hug me for the millionth time today.
"Traffic." I said and smiled. "Is Mako-chan here yet?"
"Of course she's here! Everyone's here." And everyone was. Michiru smiled and waved at me from inside as I walked up the steps and entered the beautiful stone building.
"Okay min'na! Ami's here so we now can REALLY have some fun!!" Usagi wailed as she headed for the snack table. It's funny, I never really thought of myself as the bringer of fun... Oh well. My eyes scanned the room in a fury for Makoto until I spotted her out of a window sitting under a willow in some blue jeans and a jade spaghetti-strap shirt. She was lovely. I suddenly was aware of the fact --again-- that I'd never taken off my cap and gown.
I quickly ducked into a corner to see what I had on under the black cape-- a navy skirt and a white button up blouse. Ah! I was stuck looking like a junior executive no matter what. Umm.. What to do? I tossed off my shoes and pantyhose into a corner, un-tucked my blouse and unbuttoned a few of the top buttons.. uh... Tossed my hair (as if it wasn't already a mess from my quick change.) Huhhhh...
"I'm relaxed..." I was going to do this... I had to talk to her...I had to tell her that she was who I wanted. Who I was meant to be with. I wasn't relaxed..... "I'm relaxed! I'm relaxed.. I'm calm.. I'm cool..." I practiced what I would say. "Hey...Howya doin?... I sound like an idiot! So Mako-chan, you kissed me...So, I was noticing that your lips touched mine in a friendly way...No!!!.. Hey-Did you just kiss me?...Makoto, WHAT WAS THAT?"
"What was what?"
I spun around to face ..of course...Makoto standing in the entrance to the hallway I was changing in. What had she seen? What had she heard? Oh, kami.
"What was what?" I responded stupidly.
"That."
"That What?"
"That That!"
"Just say it please...." I cut off. I couldn't take any more of this torture. Had she meant the kiss like it felt? Did she regret it? Did she want another? WHAT??
"I kissed you." I felt it was an understatement.
"Yes."
"You kissed back."
"Oh..."
"Then I'm sorry."
"No! I mean yes! I mean.. Yes. I kissed back."
"So we kissed..."
"Yes, this point has been established."
I smiled.
She smiled.
We kissed.
Again.
By: Mizuno Herena
Disclaimer: I own Sailormoon!! I own it! I do!!! I created all of the characters and they're real and we have parties every night with all of the Fushigi Yuugi and Evangelion casts... And if you believe that then instead of reading my fic, you should check yourself into a mental hospital.
Rating: PG13--Just cause I'm not sure how some people would like the yuri. And drugs too.
Warning: Yes, this IS a Yuri/Shoujo ai, aka lesbian romance fic. If you have any problems with this, I suggest you read something else. And Have A Nice Day. :)
Ami
As I stood in front of my classmates on that day, I really did feel all of the candied emotions that are expected. I was saying my valedictorian speech and meaning it, something I hadn't expected. I really would miss more than books and the teachers and the extra credit. I would miss those popular girls who never spoke to me, and the jocks who would beg me to do their homework for them. The shouts, the rude hand gestures, and reading the notes I was helping pass for other people. I smiled. Probably at an inappropriate place in my speech, but I wasn't paying attention to my words anymore. I was thinking about the people I wouldn't miss. My eyes went directly to Makoto and my heart skipped a beat. She winked at me and gave me thumbs up. I wouldn't miss her... Thank Kami, I wouldn't have to. She and Usagi and Minako and me. We would be inseparable for the rest of our lives whether we liked it or not. And Rei too. I glanced up to where I had spotted her in the stands, looking very dignified... Much like I should have... But it was too late to change my bearings, for my speech, I discovered, had ended.
The crowds were standing to applaud me (or getting ready to leave). I took my seat once more as our principle gave his final farewell and stood again as he pronounced us, "Graduates!" All at once the loud class I had missed erupted in cheers and hollers like a clap of thunder shaking the air and a tidal wave crashing a city. I think a crowd of teenagers in the right situation could do more damage than all of the senshi combined. Streamers and hats began to rain from the sky as I realized I had forgotten to remove my own.
"Ami!" All at once a body tackled me and I knew the one who hugged me was Usagi from the strands of blond hair flying in my face. Or that hair could have been Minako's as she hugged the opposite side of me.
"We're graduates!" Minako?
"We're free!" Usagi I think?
"You made a wonderful speech!" Was that Rei?
"We're out of high school!" So many people were all around me that I couldn't match voices with faces. They might not even have been any of my friends speaking. I was so confused. And then it happened...
I felt two very strong and soft hands holding my cheeks. I looked up (though I wasn't aware that I had been looking down,) just in time for my lips to meet another pair. Somebody was kissing me!! It took me a moment to register it in my usually quick brain. This was a kiss. And a wonderful kiss at that... I closed my eyes and took it in, caring not who owned the lips which were giving me so much pleasure in their simple touch. There had to be more! I began to return the simple gift. Giving all of myself with each contact I made with the pink folds of flesh. And with every caress of my blushing cheek I gave my paramour a face. Chestnut hair, wavy and thick. Deep olive green eyes that where filled to the brim with life and spirit. I suddenly knew who I wanted the kisser to be.
"Makoto.." And the kiss came to a sudden halt. Immediately I realized that I had stated the name of my dream lover aloud. I promptly opened my eyes to see the impossible. It was. It couldn't have been worse, even if it wasn't Mako-chan. At least then, I wouldn't have to face what she thought of me.
"I--" What could I say? I didn't have a crush on my best friend. But we just kissed! I couldn't... But, oh that kiss... And she was so beautiful. And so right. But that was for people like Michiru and Haruka. I liked them. I looked up to them. But I wasn't anything like them... Was I? Was she?
"You made a fantastic speech, Ami." She smiled like she had just run in to me. I was too dazed and flustered to return her sincere smile or to even speak for that matter.
Thank goodness for Usagi who (by her comments and behavior obviously missed seeing the previous scene) broke the silence with her realization that we could go home then. Or rather, to the shrine where we would celebrate some more.
"I'm really tired. I just want--"
"Nonsense!" Rei chimed in. "It's going to be a small party as it is. You can't not come and make it smaller! After all I planned and cooked--"
"You cooked?!" Usagi, Minako, and Mako all answered with equal surprise and different expressions.
Usagi's was more of a begging for food. An, "I'm coming Rei! I'll eat your food! So there's no need to worry."
Minako, who loves cuisine only slightly less than Usagi, meant it as, "You took the time to dirty your hands..--Does it taste good???"
But I recognized the disappointment in Makoto's voice. "But I'm the one who cooks... It's supposed to be me." Not whiney, just sad. I wanted to run over and hug her. To pull her to a kitchen where she could make her masterpieces. Where she could shine.. I'd eat her food and I'd love it! Like I always do. Like I love h--- no I don't..
"It's good-don't give me that look!" She replied defensively, fully misinterpreting all of our looks.
"I'm sure it is. And of course I'll be there." I'll be there? I can't be there. She'll be there.. and I.. and we'll and.. I have to...Okay. "Just let me find my mom, and I'll see you guys there."
I left briskly, avoiding the looks of anyone, staring blankly for my mother in the crowd when I knew she would be in the parking lot. I walked without pace, quickly then slowly, then almost sprinting. My head was dizzy and my heart was beating too fast to count the beats. Like a humming bird. That's what I was, a humming bird, humming by so quickly I almost missed my mother standing by our little green Nissan.
"Ami-chan. My little girl's grown up! And she can't even find her way in a parking lot." Mom smiled. That was constant. In a world of evil youma, magical powers, and kisses, Mom's smiles were always there to welcome me into a world of security. I ran up to hug her. She had missed an important surgery to see that day and it felt so good to hug and revel in someone's love that I didn't have to worry about.
"You're a wonderful speaker, Ami. Why don't you skip medicine and go right into politics?"
"Augh! Enough with my speech and the politics jokes." (Mom was constantly bugging me on my hatred of the government systems.) "That's all anyone can talk about."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were so serious about your political career." This made me smile and hug her with even more certainty of my love for her. "So, are we on our way to Rei's?" She asked as she got in the drivers' side of the car.
"Yeah." I replied as I entered the car, trying to sound as upbeat as possible without sounding too phony. Until that day, I'd never prayed for traffic jams. All I wanted to do was to bask in the sent of my mother, rubbing alcohol and Chinese tea. To sit in the passenger seat of the new car and strain my ears to hear oldies play so softly on the AM radio over zooming traffic only a foot or two away from me. This was heaven.
I looked at my mother. Same indigo hair, down to the middle of her back, straight, but pulled into a loose braid. She had no wrinkles; just middle-age-laugh-lines that only made her look more beautiful. A few dots on her arm that I had asked about when I was little. She had replied that she partied a little too much as a teenager and these were the scars of her mistakes.
"A few dots on an otherwise perfect woman," was all I thought then... And it's all I think now, too.
"Whatcha lookin at?" Her eyes were still on the road, but my stare can be a strong thing, or so she says.
"Oh, just looking at you and thinking how similar we are." I lied. I only wish I could be like her.
"Oh, Ami. You can be so smart and yet so stupid you know?"
"Huh?"
"We're not anything alike. Sure some of the things we like are the same. And some of the ways we look. But I don't want you to be like me."
"Mom, you're a successful doctor! You've got everything. You're happy, you have friends. And Mom, let's face it-- you're rich."
"But that's not you. And I know that's not what you want.-- Well, it may be part of what you want, to be a doctor. But I think what you really want is deeper than that...
"When I was a little older than you, I fell in love. I was at a party. I was always at a party. But that's when he finally spoke to me. Ichiro. I had had a crush on him for months and when he started talking to me, I was too stoned to talk back. But he didn't give up on me. I'd like to say that he got me off drugs and we lived happily ever after. But he just gave me someone to help me with the needles. I won't say I wasn't happy then. I won't say that those years weren't wonderful. Everything was worth it, because we had each other. And you..."
Her usually steady voice began to break now. "But you were sick, Ami..." "You were sick because of what I did. The choices I made, the things I did.. made my little baby girl hurt.. And I loved you so much. And so did he.
"But he wouldn't stop for you..... He wouldn't stop!!!!" Tears flooded from her onyx eyes now. "And I knew I had to choose between the two worlds I loved the most." A long pause followed.
"That's when we moved to Tokyo, you and I. And you got better. And I got better. And I knew then that I wanted to become a doctor, to help other sick little children. And to make the world better for mine.
"That's why we're not the same, my little girl. You're smart, you're good, you know what you want. My only hope for you, is that you find the person you were meant to be with, like I did." This I didn't understand. She hadn't seen my father in seventeen years. Luckily for me, she saw the confusion in my eyes.
"I was meant to be with you."
Somehow, "Mom, I love you" didn't seem to be enough, but I said it anyway and let her reply be the same. The quiet that filled the rest of the car ride wasn't awkward as I had expected it to be, but more of a calm. Like a peaceful sleep after a long day or a glass of water, plain but just right. And when we arrived at the shrine, I was confident in what I had to do.
"Hey! What took you so long?" Usagi said as she ran up to hug me for the millionth time today.
"Traffic." I said and smiled. "Is Mako-chan here yet?"
"Of course she's here! Everyone's here." And everyone was. Michiru smiled and waved at me from inside as I walked up the steps and entered the beautiful stone building.
"Okay min'na! Ami's here so we now can REALLY have some fun!!" Usagi wailed as she headed for the snack table. It's funny, I never really thought of myself as the bringer of fun... Oh well. My eyes scanned the room in a fury for Makoto until I spotted her out of a window sitting under a willow in some blue jeans and a jade spaghetti-strap shirt. She was lovely. I suddenly was aware of the fact --again-- that I'd never taken off my cap and gown.
I quickly ducked into a corner to see what I had on under the black cape-- a navy skirt and a white button up blouse. Ah! I was stuck looking like a junior executive no matter what. Umm.. What to do? I tossed off my shoes and pantyhose into a corner, un-tucked my blouse and unbuttoned a few of the top buttons.. uh... Tossed my hair (as if it wasn't already a mess from my quick change.) Huhhhh...
"I'm relaxed..." I was going to do this... I had to talk to her...I had to tell her that she was who I wanted. Who I was meant to be with. I wasn't relaxed..... "I'm relaxed! I'm relaxed.. I'm calm.. I'm cool..." I practiced what I would say. "Hey...Howya doin?... I sound like an idiot! So Mako-chan, you kissed me...So, I was noticing that your lips touched mine in a friendly way...No!!!.. Hey-Did you just kiss me?...Makoto, WHAT WAS THAT?"
"What was what?"
I spun around to face ..of course...Makoto standing in the entrance to the hallway I was changing in. What had she seen? What had she heard? Oh, kami.
"What was what?" I responded stupidly.
"That."
"That What?"
"That That!"
"Just say it please...." I cut off. I couldn't take any more of this torture. Had she meant the kiss like it felt? Did she regret it? Did she want another? WHAT??
"I kissed you." I felt it was an understatement.
"Yes."
"You kissed back."
"Oh..."
"Then I'm sorry."
"No! I mean yes! I mean.. Yes. I kissed back."
"So we kissed..."
"Yes, this point has been established."
I smiled.
She smiled.
We kissed.
Again.