The Malevolence of Turtles
Welcome to my third instalment of Harry's dislikes caused by the Marauders. This is what I've now decided to call the little mini series of fanfics about Sirius' hate for peas, James' hate for beetroot, and now, Remus' fear of turtles. This one is actually in chapters, because there's just so much in it! So bear with me here, as Groovy Turtle (that's me) is terrible at updating… Here's the first chapter!!! ENJOY!
Chapter 1
"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Remus leapt up, tore out of the living room and sprinted out of the house into the street, unfourtunately forgetting to actually open the door, resulting in a lot of splintered wood and a lot of broken door.
In complete contradiction to the pandemonium now screaming down the street of Godric's Hollow, the living room itself held four very stunned, confused and downright shocked individuals. Lily indeed, looked as if she'd never speak again. James and Sirius just sat with their mouths open, looking remarkably like guppy fish at feeding time, and little baby Harry dropped his Spongebob doll, and after about 20 seconds, started to cry. Lily then ran out to go after Remus, saw the door in complete disarray and started to cry herself, which caused James to run out to comfort his wife while Sirius looked after his godson. Sadly though, Harry decided to punch and kick in "sorrow" and "accidentally" kicked and punched his godfather in the nose, causing Sirius to cry. James entered the room with his arm around his wife, only to find two bawling babies, sorry, Harry and a bawling baby with a broken nose to comfort, and a usually nonchalant werewolf crying in terror and running around in public. So, predictably, he took control of the situation. No, I'm kidding, he completely fell apart.
How did it come to this you may ask? Well, it all started when Remus was a little boy. He was playing out on a cool, full moon night, when he heard a sound. Stopping whatever it was that he was doing (poking something most likely) Remus straightened and stood frozen, shivering all over. The noise happened again, a sort of rustling, creeping if you will, and then a twig broke. SNAP! A quick shiver ran through the little boy and he started whimpering as he heard the something get closer. It broke through the hedge, and he could hear its breath, smell its breath, and he thought that its breath was so bad that if he turned around, he would be able to see its breath as well. Deciding to test this theory, he slowly started turning around. His eyes caught the horror that was behind him and he started to scream, but it was too late, the damage had been done, the creature clamped its horrid breathy mouth over Remus' tiny arm, and there was nothing left for it. His mother and father came flying out of the house (literally in his father's case, as he was riding a broom) and down to their son, only to see the cold hard green shell, the little stubby fins, the tiny tail and the bald head. Yes, their son was being savaged by a turtle.
Oh, and it turns out the turtle was just a werewolf who turned up to a costume party on the wrong night, but that's hardly relevant information. Pretty trivial actually… However! The whole turtle thing is very relevant to the story, if you can believe that. Shall I explain? Why then yes, I shall.
You see, that terrible ordeal shook Remus forever, and he has since been deathly, spastically, if-I-see-one-I-will-run-screaming-into-the-street afraid of turtles (very different to tortoises). SO, Remus had seen a turtle (not tortoise) on TV, and had run screaming into the street. Now, what kind of turtle was it you may ask? It was a mutant one, in his late teen years, and happened to be not too bad at the ninja fighting skills. That's right, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle! (NOT tortoise) Donatello to be exact, but like Remus either knew or cared about that.
While the author was explaining this rather relevant back story, the situation itself had moved forward conveniently to James having gone after Remus and all the occupants of the Godric's Hollow house sitting around the dining table and discussing the problem. It is convenient because it saves the author writing some complicated description.
At the dining table in reality once more:
"So, what you're saying is, you're afraid…of…turtles?" Lily questioned with a slightly sceptical look on her face.
"Yes," was the most natural answer for Remus to reply with, "but not tortoises," Remus added, thus ruining his running strike of answering normally.
"Aren't tortoises and turtles the same thing?" asked the ever-so-blunt Sirius Black, once again voicing his own opinion before actually thinking about what he was going to say first.
"NO! They are completely different!" There was life in Remus still! Though obviously not sanity, as he then went on to rave about the subtle but effective differences between the two that created a distinct sense of fear and hatred in Remus. "They have fins, whereas tortoises have legs, which make them worse!"
"How?" Lily asked.
"IT JUST DOES! Now, also, turtles have-"
James rolled his eyes, shook his head and grinned at his best mate. "Pads, just shut-up next time okay?"
"I was just asking," Sirius finished with a mumble.
At that moment, Harry started crying and everyone stopped talking or lecturing or being embarrassed or listening intently or picking their nose, or eating an apple or making a card castle or breathing to look at the baby who deserved ALL the attention. Having got it, Harry stopped crying at once and being the ATTENTION SEEKER he was, started giggling and clapping.
"Awwwwwwww……" went everyone, and all trace of fear, embarrassment or whatever left the room. Yet another save by the Chosen One. Eventually they all went into the living room to watch TV again, but it was an ad, so they all waited until the show came back on, and I'm sorry this chapter was so boring.