Castiel?
She spoke quietly from the door way. She had awoken to find Castiel was missing.
Walking through the cold house she had found him starring out the kitchen window with his eyes glassed over.
As she acknowledged his state. She realized that these " episodes " were occurring more and more lately.
"Cas" She said again gently tapping his shoulder. He turned and she could see reality flooding back into his eyes as he looked at her.
"Yes?" Was his single word reply.
Trying to avoid upsetting him She simply asked if he were alright. Usually after she woke him from these episodes he gave a simple I'm fine or I'm ok, but tonight that didn't seem to be the case.
"No I'm not alright, not at all." He uttered staring at her with a depth of suddenly unmasked sorrow.
His sudden display of emotion was so rare that she took a step back. "What's wrong?" She asked unable to think of any better response.
"I'm scared" .
" Scared of what Cas? "
"Of everything, Of losing"
"We won't lose Cas"
"How do you know it's the Apocalypse We're supposed to lose all odds are against us and what are we? 5 people"
"Yeah we're only 5 people Cas." She said with a sudden angered edge to her voice. Who was he to give up If no one else could why could he. "we are 5 people who they don't expect to have a chance, but God damn it if we give up now we won't have one"
Castiel stared at her his brow creased while he thought. " maybe your right , but a positive attitude won't help us to much"
" Cas what happened to you? You came in here all ready to kick ass and now you wallowing in self pity."
"I got a look at what's going to happen and You ,Sam ,Dean ,Bobby ,and I can't stop it"
"do you believe in god Cas"
"I'm an angel I have to"
"did god actually perform all the other miracles we hear about? Noah's Arc Jonah and the whale? "
"I wasn't created yet but I think most of the stories are true."
"Then why can't you believe in this? Without you no we don't stand a chance "
"Why do you need me?" "
Because believe it or not without out you we would fall apart. You can make dean laugh! I can't even do that. You give Sam and Bobby almost all the info they need to fight what we come up against I mean do you think we would be able to fight an angle without you?"
"We need you Cas!"
"What about you? "
"what do you mean what about me?"
"How do I help you?"
she wasn't ready for a question that personal . So all she could do was answer . With a blush covering her cheeks she told him and this time she told the truth.
"Castiel I don't know exactly what you do to help me, maybe its because you do so much. You are the reason I can pull myself out of bed in the morning , the reason I can deal with Sam and Dean Without killing them. "Castiel opened his mouth to interrupt her but she cut him off "Let me Finish! You can some how through everything that's happened make me smile." "I know its impossible for you to comprehend because your designed not feel any emotions, but Cas Some how along the way I fell in Love with you and that's what keeps me going."
She finished her speech and couldn't stand to look at him. She heard his steady breathing. The suspense was killing her. Finally he spoke
" Your right I was designed not to feel anything , or to understand emotion, but I was also designed to stay in heaven and obey gods every command and I was able to go against every instinct to try to stop the inevitable"
I looked up at him a tear sliding down my face.
"So therefore you are also wrong" he said as he wiped the tear away." Its no longer impossible for me to understand." And as he bent toward her ,his lips inches from hers brushing a single golden lock of hair out of her face. he whispered "and its no longer impossible for me to feel" As there lips met She could swear That she heard Dean cussing Behind them, but she didn't care.