Author's Note: This is my FIRST EVER fanfiction, read, review, and enjoy!
I had always been an unusual girl. -Lana Del Rey
LILY POV
That was the summer that was different. It was the summer right before my fifth year at Hogwarts; compared to previous summers, on the surface, it was nothing different. But inside-inside! That was what was changing. I was changing. I could feel it, not that I knew quite how to explain, but I was growing apart from my old friends, questioning things that I had done in the past; what I was going to do in the future. There was almost a void deep within me that I somehow needed to fill. The problem was that I didn't know just how to do so.
I was lonely.
It seems like all stories start at the beginning of the new school year. It can't be helped, really; it's just what everyone considers a "fresh start". Anyway, there's just something so fresh and new about September 1st. The fun, free summer air hadn't quite gone away yet. The excitement was palpable in the air, and nostalgia from summer and the workload hadn't started to weigh people down.
My immediate family has this tradition of going with Rose, Hugo, and the rest of their family to the train station and saying goodbye there. I waited at the platform until everyone had said the usual "stay safe, have fun, get good grades" speech. It was the same every year. My immediate family and I were close; we always had each other's backs. Rose and I are very close too… but, well, we're different. It's a little hard to explain.
I'm outgoing, smart (though, not nearly as smart as she is), funny, and flirty. Very flirty. I have an… interesting sense of humor. I can be bitchy, but hey, at least you know what you're getting with me. That last reason is probably why I'm not as well-thought-of by people. I am a Slytherin.
Rosie's quieter. Still smart, though, don't get me wrong, and she has a wicked nasty temper, but it takes some prodding to get the oh-so-lovely experience of seeing it in action. Rose is really nice, and she always gives you a shoulder to cry on. She's probably one of my best friends in the whole wide world, even if she's a year older than me. She doesn't open up easily; even I, her "almost-sister" don't know all her secrets. She's a Ravenclaw.
So, in summary, we're different. We don't see each other as often as we used to when we were younger. We've both grown up, and we have different friend groups. But we always manage to spend time together when we really need it. You know how you can tell that someone is going to change your life, just by being in it? Well, my person's Rosie.
Anyway, I get on the train after all the antics are done, along with my brother, Albus. It's crowded, and as I try to find a compartment, I get run into by someone.
"Watch it," I snap. I hate it when people don't have the common courtesy to watch where others are in relation to them.
"Well, hello, dear Lily," a snotty voice says to me.
Oh, goody, and here I was hoping she'd died. Guess not.
"Watch were you're going, sweetie," I say to Ashley Brown. Merlin, she is the most self-centered, arrogant, ignorant, prejudiced, asinine person I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I'm not joking. And, damn, she'd been made prefect too.
Shit.
"Lily! I'm shocked! Didn't you get made prefect?"
She is such a-no, words don't even do her justice.
"Actually, Ash, I have, I'm just not so presumptuous to think that the whole world wants to know, and I'm not insecure enough to broadcast it to everyone. You see, unlike you, I don't have Narcissistic Personality Disorder."
She sighed. "Dear, dear Lily, keep your tongue civil! I was only being polite."
She walked away.
Fuming, I went to go to the prefect's compartment. I hate her. I hate her stupid, dyed strawberry blonde locks, her stupid tone of voice, her stupid ugh!
Well. Enough of her. I wasn't going to let her bother me. There was no point to it. Calming myself down, I went in search of my best friend, Lottie McVeigh.
I found her sitting in our usual compartment with, Lacie Thomas, and Anita Gerald.
"Gah." I said, sitting down. "I hate how chaotic this train always is, especially at the start of the new school year. All the firsties, all the stupid little…" I trailed off.
"Well," said a smirking Lottie, "I see you've seen our dear friend Ashley. Did she get another spray tan?"
"Unfortunately. And she still has the stupid, frickin' attitude that never fails to piss me off." I said. Guess I didn't do as good of a job as I had thought with "calming myself down".
Anita snickered. "Oh, sweetie, I can see your temperament hasn't changed one little bit over break. I'm surprised."
"Oh, doll-face, of course it has! I've seen the err of my ways, and I'm just a little, bright ray of sunshine that lets people walk all over me!" I said, batting my eyelashes sweetly at her.
"Don't do that," said Lacie, "It looks like you've got a bug in your eye."
I rolled my eyes at her and grinned. "Well, ladies, I suppose it's time for me to be responsible, ugh!" I laughed. "I'm off to go listen to the Head Girl's oh-so-stereotypical speech about 'being an example to our younger years'."
"How the hell did you get made prefect!?" Lottie yelled after me. I laughed as I walked away.
"I have my secrets, darling!" I called back, shutting the door behind me.
As I walked down the hallway to the prefect's compartment, I reflected on the summer break that I had just completed. My family had traveled to Spain, where we could all practice our Spanish skills. It was fun, but spending three months in a foreign country was, well, hard. I was the youngest of all of my family by two measly years, although sometimes my brothers acted as if I was five, not fifteen.
I had almost no one to talk to. Brothers can only relate so much, even if mine are the best in the world, and owl post is great-when you actually get letters from your friends. Lottie was a good correspondent, generally taking three to seven days to write back. Rose was also a good writer, only taking three to four days to write back. But my other friends, Lacie and Anita? Not so much. They were traveling, in their defense, but really. They wrote me maybe twice! On a three-month vacation!
Really, Anita and Lacie are decent friends. We're close, but my two really good friends are Lottie and Rose. And Rose I don't even see each other that often.
One can understand why I was so lonely; and when I get lonely, it's like a huge void opens up inside of my chest, and I just need to do something-something- in order to make that loneliness go away. When I doesn't have best friends to talk to, that leads to what I like to call "Lily's Rash Decisions".
Last year, I was "discovering myself". I dated Zane, a seventh-year Sytherin. Yes, I know, spare me the lecture, not a good idea, blah blah blah. I've heard it all before. Well, as one might predict, we only lasted about two weeks. But, man! Those two weeks earned me a reputation as a tart, opened up insecurities inside of me, and made me do several things that I still regret to this day. Not to mention, I lowered several of my grades (ahm, Transfiguration and Arithmancy, that's you) that I had to work my ass off to get back up.
Finally, I made it to the entrance of the prefect's compartment, where the meeting had, incidentally, already started.
Oops.
Having had several older siblings be Prefects, I had actually known that I was supposed to be here earlier. However, seeing as my older brother and cousin were the Head Boy and Girl, I didn't really think that I had missed all that much.
Still, that kind of blantent disregard for the rules of being a prefect isn't really what the Head Boy and Girl are looking for. So, even though "blood runs thicker than water" (yeah, right), I still got several glares from the Prefects and a lovely lecture from my family.
"Lily," Albus said testily, "where, exactly, have you been?"
"Um, around," I replied.
"Lily, you need to be here on time… I could have sworn your prefect letter said that."
Aww, Rose, thanks for looking out for me. YOU'RE at least the "good cop" of this dynamic duo of Heads.
"See me after the meeting, Lily," Albus said.
A hand went up. "Um, do we not give out punishments to our family members, when we're prefects? Because that would be good information for the rest of us to have, before we go on duty," a nasal voice said behind me.
"Yes, we do give out punishments to those in our family, but that's really not your jurisdiction…" Rose trailed off.
"Because, you see, if Lily were in my family…" Ashley began.
"If I were in your family, Ashley, I'd shoot myself." I said.
"Ladies! It is not too early in the year for me to take away your badges!" Al yelled.
Albus, sweetie, stop trying to be tough.
Rose coughed, then started where the "you're a prefect, these are your duties" speech had evidently left off. "Right, well, I think that's everything, and I will give you a patrol schedule by tomorrow afternoon."
I ducked my head, and began to walk out of the compartment with everyone else, hoping to get lost in the fray of prefects, wanting to get back to their own compartments.
"Not so fast, Lily," Albus said sharply.
I exhaled.
"Why the hell were you so late? I know you know that you're supposed to be here when the train starts. Seriously, just because you're my sister doesn't mean that you can just go breaking all the rules."
"Al, really? I know you've broken your fair share of the rules after you became prefect. Don't get all high-and-mighty." I said, exasperated.
Al flopped down onto the seat. "Yes Lils, you're right, I did. But… I want people to think that I can actually do this job. James had much more levity to his words than I seem to. And Lils, people respect you. I need respect in order to do this job right, and so, even though I really don't want to do this, you get the fist patrol tonight, from 8 to 11," he finished.
My heart stopped. Miss the first night back? Miss the conversation? Miss the parties? How could he do this to me?
"How could you do this to me?" I wailed. (Alright, I will admit to being melodramatic, at times. I am a fifteen-year-old girl, for Merlin's sake, give me a break).
Rosie hid a smile. "It's alright, Lily, I'll be patrolling too."
"Still!" I exclaimed. "You and I-and he- all know that he's only doing this to get out of his patrol and hang out with his friends and possibly go to that seventh-year party that's always held at the beginning of the year!"
Al spluttered. With a smirk, I strode out of the classroom. "Meet you by the Gryffindor Common Room!" I called back to Rose.
Well, I thought with an inward sigh, I guess I won't be missing much. I mean, my friends hadn't really kept in contact with me, and it was going to be a good chance to catch up with Rosie.
-I tried not to think about what had happened that summer-the things I had done, the mistakes I had made. But the thing is, loneliness does not help one to forget about things. Loneliness causes one to self-reflect in the worst possible way; negatively, without any outside perspective. And that brought me to realize something-the fact that I had no fucking clue who I was or what I was doing.