Disclaimer: Don't own; you know the drill.
Ukyo had enough. She watched in disgust as Akane again tried to feed Ranma one of her "meals." This lovinglymade dish was as hard as cement with odds and ends sticking out of it including something that looked like an eyeball; it was supposed to be soup.
This was the fifth time in a week that Akane made Ranma lunch. The first time the dish was furry with purple polka dots. The second time it was a brown, cohesive blob that, Ukyo was pretty sure, was alive. The third time the dish actually ate the bento box. The fourth time the food looked normal- just rice with pickled vegetables, but as soon as Ranma touched it with his chopsticks, it exploded.
Ukyo had to put a stop to this; it could not continue. Imagine all the ingredients that went into making those atrocities! Those poor vegetables, eggs, rice, and who knows what else; they never had a chance to be turned into delicious meals (preferably okonomiyaki). Instead they were wasted, abused, and underappreciated. Ukyo was sure that more money went into one of Akane's science experiments than she paid Konatsu.
Cooking to Ukyo was art and watching Akane cook was the equivalent to an art expert waching someone burn the Mona Lisa, so she was going to put a stop to this. She was going to teach Akane a lesson.
Akane gathered her books, waved good-bye to her friends, and prepared to go home. She was going to have to walk home alone since Ranma had not come out of his hiding spot since lunch.
She felt depressed. It took her three hours to make that soup. She woke up earlier than Kasumi, skipped her run, and missed breakfast. She started over five times and made sure that it was non-explosive, yet the jerk would still not eat it. Oh, sure it looked like cement, but a few good whacks would loosen it up. She even packed a hammer…..
She sighed. It was no use; Ranma will never like her cooking. Her mood darkened.
She was so immersed in her depression that she almost jumped out of her skin when Ukyo stepped out of the shadows.
"GYAHH! Ukyo you scared me. You shouldn't lurk in the shadows like that. I thought you were some pervert."
"Ok, I'll get to the point, hon. I have let this continue for too long. I didn't want to do this, sugar, but you left me no choice. Meet me at Ucchan's today at five o'clock. I'm going to teach you a lesson once and for all." Ukyo said this and left without letting Akane reply.
Akane stared flabbergasted after her rival. When she snapped out of it, a look of determination burned in her eyes. If Ukyo wanted a fight, she would get one. Akane ran home to don her yellow gi.
The closed sign fluttered somberly in the wind and an ominous aura surrounded Ucchan's. People steered clear of the restaurant; they could sense that something was about to happen.
Ukyo checked the clock for the umpteenth time. It was a minute until five.
"Is everything ready, hon?"
"Oh, mistress Ukyo, everything is set up as you requested. But, I have a bad feeling. Please don't do this. You might get hurt," pleaded the feminine ninja.
"Konatsu, it is my duty as a woman. Nothing will stop me," Ukyo replied with a steely voice.
"Oh, Ukyo-sama, I wish you luck."
Just then the door opened, and a determined Akane entered. Ukyo was noticed that Akane had put on her martial arts uniform and nodded in approval.
"Good, she's serious," Ukyo thought to herself.
"Ok Ukyo, what is it that you want?"
Ukyo snickered. "I merely want to teach you a lesson, kiddo," having said that she launched her attack on Akane.
Akane wasn't expecting it. She thought that Ukyo would at least explain the purpose of the challenge. Yet, she expertly stepped aside and caught the projectile.
"HAH, you miss….huh? Akane stopped and looked questioningly at the object in her hand. It was an apron.
"Wha..what is this?"
"It's an apron, hon. I know you're a tomboy and all, but you should still try to keep clean. Now hurry up and put it on. We're wasting time. We've got a daunting task ahead of us," Ukyo chided.
Akane was confused. She came expecting to fight for Ranma (not that she cared about him, the jerk who would not even try the food that she made especially for him), and here was Ukyo throwing aprons at her.
"Ukyo what is all this about?'
Ukyo let out a long sigh, "Sugar, I watched you cook, and it's scary. I can't let this go on. Even though this hurts and I will probably regret it every time I see Ran-chan eating something you made, but, Ukyo paused dramatically and took out a microphone, I AM GOING TO TEACH YOU TO COOK!"
"Rea..REALLY? Teach me to cook? You? Me? Cook? This isn't a joke, right? Right? Oh, wow!" Akane's steely demeanor crumbled. She clasped Ukyo's hands and her eyes sparkled as she stared at Ukyo in awe.
Akane was sure that everyone had given up on her. Her father told her that it was okay to lack in some wifely duties, Kasumi cheerfully pointed out that there was always take-out, and even Mrs. Saotome threw in the towel and said that "manly men do all the cooking in a marriage." Yet, here was the wonderful Ukyo- the godly okonomiyaki chef. She hadn't given up. She would teach her. Akane beamed at this new turn of events.
Ukyo smiled. Akane could be quite adorable when she got rid of the murderous scowl, and she was so eager. This was going to be much easier than she thought.
"Oh, Miss Ukyo. I hope you know what you're doing," whispered Konatsu worriedly.
"Okay Ukyo, I'm ready," Akane stood over a large mixing bowl. Her sleeves were rolled up and her eyes sparkled with anticipation.
Ukyo nodded with approval. She examined the set up; it was perfect. All the ingredients were spread out and labeled across the counter top within easy reach. Everything flammable and poisonous was hidden. Konatsu even hid the dish washing liquid. There was no way for Akane to cook anything dangerous.
Ukyo decided to teach Akane to cook a basic Okonomiyaki- the Osaka style. It was a straightforward, easy recipe. Ukyo mastered it by age four.
"Ok hon, you need to add two eggs to the mixing bowl." She made sure to talk slowly and clearly.
Akane quickly found the egg pile and eagerly dumped two eggs into the bowl. She looked at her teacher for approval and got a look of pity in return.
"Err…Akane, you're supposed to crack the eggs." When the chef saw depression threatening to invade the short haired girl's expression, she rushed to cheer her up. "But, at least you got the eggs part right; that's the important part." Akane brightened.
"Alrighty, now stir in some water…gently."
With a look of outmost concentration, Akane carefully stirred the egg-water mixture. This time she got a look of approval.
"You got it sugar. Now, add a cup of flour little by little."
Akane searched for the flour, but it was not on the carefully organized countertop.
"Ukyo, it's not here."
The chef sighed in irritation. "Trust Konatsu to forget the most important part,' She mumbled then turned to her apprentice, 'Akane, check underneath the counter, there should be a bag."
Sure enough, she found a bag. Akane measured out a cup and began stirring it in.
"Hey, Ukyo, is flour supposed to be black? I thought it was white."
"Black? Off course flour is white…what are you doing?" Something was wrong.
"I'm mixing in the flour. This is the bag I found under the counter."
Ukyo glanced at the bag and turned pale. She had forgotten all about that bag.
"Akane, stop right now." Ukyo tried to stay calm.
"Why?" Akane saw the change in her teacher and grew nervous. "Oh, no is it pepper?"
"No, its not pepper or flour…iTS GUNPOWDER!" Just as Ukyo gave her revelation, the bag, which was too close to the hot grill, exploded sending the kitchen into chaos.
"Are you okay?"
"Oh, Kami."
"GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!"
"Where is it?"
"Ow!"
"I found it!"
"NO, Akane, THAT'S A FLAMETHROWER!"
"Mistress Ukyo, I heard…OH MY GOD, MISTRESS UKYO!"
"WATER!"
"I'LL Save YOU UKYO-SAMA!"
"FIRE DEPARTMENT!"
"Found it!"
"HELLLLLLP!"
Ucchan's interior was in need of a serious renovation. The walls were black, the chairs were reduced to piles of ash, and the floor was filled with broken glass and various food products. It was as if it survived a riot. The only reason that there was an Ucchan's left at all was because a fire truck was passing by, and the fireman graciously decided to help them out.
Three disheveled figures stood outside of Ucchan's. Akane turned timidly toward the shell-shocked chef.
"Um, Ukyo….why do you have a flamethrower."
"Mousse left it behind once," Ukyo numbly replied.
Akane fell to the ground. "Oh Ukyo..Oh Ukyo. I'm so sorry. So sorry. I didn't mean to use gunpowder. I'm so sorry. I thought that this time it would be different. I thought that I would finally do it right. I should have known it was too good to be true. I'm hopless!" With that the short-haired girl burst into tears.
Ukyo snapped out of her shock and gently put a hand on Akane's shoulder. "Akane, I gave my word that I would teach you to make something edible, and I swear on my spatula that I'm going to follow through with it. You aren't hopless; you're just a challenge. Now, are you going to give up, or are you going to let me teach you?"
Akane stood up, wiped her tears, and determinedly faced Ukyo. "Teach me Ukyo."
The chef smiled and gave her battle cry, "TO THE KITCHEN!"
"Mistress Ukyo, I don't think…"
A smiling Akane delicately held a foil covered plate. She had done it. She made an edible dish. Sure, the okonomiyaki was a little burned and the vegetables were a little chunky, and she used mustard instead of sauce, but it was edible. She turned to her savior, bowed in gratitude and began walking home toward the setting sun. She had insisted on helping clean up, but Ukyo and Konatsu were insistent that she get home.
Akane turned one last time and waved.
"Thank you Ukyo."
Ukyo and Konatsu stood by the crooked Ucchan's sign, waving energetically.
"Konatsu, I am such a good person."
"I know Miss Ukyo."
"Gosh I'm tired. I'm going to bed. You clean up, hon. Goodnight."
"Yes Ukyo-sama." With that Konatsu sighed and went to get the broom, planks, a hammer, and some nails.
I know that Akane looks really stupid, but I'm not bashing her (she's my favorite). This is just for fun^^.