Summary: Do innocence and ignorance walk hand-in-hand? She would never know which led to her misery, or why she deserved to find happiness with such a wonderful hanyou when she was still lost in the ruins of what was once her. Warning: Rape.
{ .x|o. To the Death of Innocence .x|o. }
"Innocence is lucky if it finds the same protection as guilt"
~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld
[…]
At first, when the thought of a tranquil countryside filled with green grass, gracious crops, and a small village filled with common folk that could find joy in their straightforward lives comes to mind does it not seem pleasant? Perhaps even a small part of you, maybe just an itty bitty fraction, ponders what your life would be like in such a place, such a deceitfully childlike wonderland? Would you be happier with simplicity? Would the ample complications that came from progress fade?
Would you find bliss?
From an outsider's point of view, the village of Seijun seems ideal for anyone looking to get away from the loneliness of a large one but, alas, boredom must be a problem, wouldn't it? Yes, the youth dances, sings, and laughs together and the adults drink and share merry stories but would it not become mundane after a while? Would it not be too much of the same over and over again?
For the Higurashi family that was a blatant and boastful 'yes'. They were a family of four, a faithful father, a mindful mother, a satisfied son, and a darling daughter. For this family, though, generations of the same life became ever so humdrum. This family wanted more, this family wanted to be elevated, this family wanted to be prestigious.
Correction, the faithful father that devoted all his efforts to plowing the field for his family wanted all this and seeing as the father was the head of the family, the decision maker, it must mean the rest wanted the same, mustn't it?
No, the idea was alluring to the mother, a fairytale synopsizes for the brother, but a bother for the daughter. A girl of the mere age of sixteen, nearly a woman, enjoyed the simplicity of Seijun and wished for no other type of life. She could be happy there, she could find a proper man, she could form her own family, and never ever leave the village. Her life would be filled with content memories and her heart would never doubt that her actions were pure.
It did not matter what this girl of the mere age of sixteen wanted, though, to the father she was the ticket out of the bars akin to poverty that surrounded their village. No one had more than they needed and no one went without food, but this simply was not good enough for him. He wanted more and since she was but a child she had been scheming, you see, he could tell when she was but a child what a beauty she would grow into and she did not fail him.
There was a faultless glow about her, a natural loveliness that caught many of the young males in the village, and the reason he had so many offers from any family with a boy over the age of seventeen for his daughter's hand in marriage. None could provide the proper amount of dowry that he would want; none of them would raise the Higurashi family to the height he wished for. That was why he worked ever so hard to back track their family tree, to find some sort of connection outside of Seijun.
He found his answer and felt an ecstasy he did not know existed when he devised a plan. To the far east the very well off family, the Onigumos, lived and they were faintly related to them, generations had passed, but it would be good enough. He could send his daughter to work on the plantation they owned, he could prove their kinship enough that the young master would most likely accept her—the young bachelor. How could he deny such a pretty face?
He gave his daughter the documents and sent her off and wasn't she ever the obedient girl? Though it was against her will she made her way across the land, from carriage to carriage, spending more money than she knew her family had to spare to get there. All the money she'd make on the plantation would be sent back to her family, she would see to it. The poor girl, she had no idea what her father had hoped for. He did not tell her to woo the young master, for he knew she would do better if she was ignorant of her actions, but he did tell her it would be very beneficial to the family if she found a suitable husband soon.
The young onyx waved haired, rather handsome, she thought, master took one look at her, another at the documents, and said, 'why of course, cousin.' His tone was so charming; he had an edge of high society in the way he talked that she had never heard. It was enchanting.
He offered her a place, a room all to herself in the house all the workers stayed in, and introduced her to those that would help her readjust to her new life.
"It must be frightening to go so far from home," he had said with a deceitful hand upon her shoulder, she had thought nothing of it, it seemed caring, comforting, "if you need anything, cousin, my door is always open if you need someone to led you an ear."
How kind, she had to admit; over the month she stayed there she had become rather smitten with the young master. She did not let that get in the way of her work, though; she was devoted to whatever task she had in hand and won the vague respect of those that had been working on the Ongiumo property for generations. Vague, was the key word. Some would give her the oddest looks when she was pulled to the side by the young master to speak for but a moment, she assumed it simply because she paused her work but… that was only because no one ever bothered to warn her.
The poor thing fell farther into his trap, like a butterfly stuck in a spider's web, and the worst part of it all? The other insects around could have chirped loud enough to warn the butterfly that the invisible thread was there. She could have diverted the sticky situation.
How could he be a bad man? He was such a good son, his father was weak and could not even get out of bed, there had been an accident some years ago that had left the elder man badly burned. The young master would usually leave her to tell her how he had to go check on how, what a sweet son, wasn't he?
The looks only occurred more often, her friends started to whisper behind her back, the other girls were the worst about it. She held her head high, though, and ignored it; she pretended to know the truth. They were jealous, Naraku, the young master, was partial to her over them. That was all, and she was partial to him, too.
Her everlasting dilemma did not start until the foggy, cold, night in the late months of the year. It was in that hazy stupor that her life would forever be altered, when the seed of sorrow would be sown.
If only she knew.
[…]
All the work had been finished early that day so they gathered in the farm in the light of many lamps to dance, singing, and drink to celebrate… life. They wanted to have fun, they thought they deserved it, so they pranced around, clapped, laughed, locked arms, spun around, and laughed some more as they drank more and more. Life was splendid for them, what did they have to complain about?
The unspoken horrors, of course, but who talked of those? By definition, they never should.
When the sun long left the sky they gathered together, arms interlinked, as they began off towards their shared home. Somehow, the topic of the young master arose, and he was not spoken kindly off.
"The stupid man," one of the elder ladies bickered, "he thinks he is God's gift to the world!"
"He makes my skin crawl," another squealed with a shake.
"He's as evil as—"
"Now, now," Kagome protested with a pout as she brushed some of her loose ebony curls behind her ear, "that's not fair. If not for him than—"
"Aye, that's right, little Kagome is ever so smitten with him," a girl hissed with a narrowed gaze upon her, "you stupid thing."
"How cruel," she kept up as she yanked her arm free of someone she used to think was her friend, "you all are ungrateful."
"Ungrateful," one of the men chuckled, "ungrateful? What a dimwit you are."
"Dimwit?" She retorted in awe as she stumbled away from them, her feet tripped over each other and she found her intoxicated self falling bum first onto the ground.
"Aw, poor Kagome, if you are so close to your 'cousin'—"
"What's going on?" A rather menacing voice inquired, killing all of their smiles as all their eyes wondered up to the always well dressed man upon horseback, "cousin, are you alright?"
"Yes," Kagome meekly replied as she got to her feet and brushed off her dress, a frown planted upon her lips all the while.
"Come," he requested with a hand held out, "I'll take you home."
She could see the cruel glares those she considered herself friends gave her, she'd show them, they were just jealous, so she took his hand and let him pull her onto the back of his horse, her arms wrapped around his waist as they pranced away. If only she looked back, she would have seen dread upon all those left behind's faces.
The alcohol warmed her on such a chilly night, but it also made her lids heavy and with her head resting so comfortably on the back of her cousin's shoulder that she felt it was alright to close them. If only she hadn't, she would have noticed how far away from home they were riding. She would have felt the horse stop and him pull her off to lie her in a bed of dead leaves.
In her fog, that reflected the night so flawlessly, she could feel the chill upon her thighs, she could feel something pull at her clothes and push her legs open. It wasn't until she felt a plunging pain that her eyes opened and back arched, a silent scream left her lips. Her begs, and pleads for whatever was occurring would go unheard. Her hands would fumble to push the assaulter away as he bashed into her over and over again yet she was weaker than him, she felt tears cascade down her cheeks as sloppy salvia covered lips trailed a way about her skin.
If her mind could only function properly, if she had only drunken a little less, she would have been able to fully comprehend what was happening to her. Then again, maybe that was the one blessing the heaven's would give her. That night would be a fog, the pain would be vivid, but the actions would be forgotten.
The way he filled her with his steaming pleasure would be a void in her memories.
[…]
Her friends knew what occurred to her without her ever saying, she could not believe it… how could she be so wrong about a man she thought she knew so well? She was so stupid… so very stupid, and now she had paid the ultimate price. She lost something she would never get back, and so much more.
She could not marry now that she was no longer pure, it was a sin, it was unheard of, it was… not right. Now she would go on the rest of her life without the one thing she really always wanted, a family. She gathered her things the next day and left to return home, she wanted to be as far away from her 'cousin' as possible. A breath in, a breath out, she would not cry, she would not… she would just leave. She would return to Seijun, she'd be happy again. She would… she had to be.
Alas, she only reached the outskirts of the plantation before she heard a carriage come up behind her, she weakly turned to see the horse drawn buggy that was driven by her convincing, cruel, cousin.
"Dear cousin, where are you going?" he inquired, truly, did he have the gall to see her after all he did?
"Home," she simply stated.
"Come now," he sighed as he held his hand out to her, a dull look on his face, "let me at least take you to the next village. It would be unfair for you to have to do so all by yourself."
"No, thank you," she retorted quickly but he kept following her all the same. "Please, stop."
"I understand I made a mistake," he muttered, as if it was a chore for him to say it, "let me make it up to you."
How? How could he make it up to her? Could he give her back her innocence? Could he make it so that she could, with a clear conscious, marry another man? No.
"I'll do right by you," he grumbled as he held out his hand once more, "I'll take you as my wife."
Why… why would she ever want to do that? Why would she ever want to become his wife? After all he did, why? Then again…. who else could she marry? It would make her father oh so happy, too. Honestly, for a moment she pondered the possibility of what it would be like if she said 'yes' but then a loud, important, thought came to mind—would she ever have children with that man?
No.
"No, thank you," she replied as she turned her back, "goodbye."
He pestered her for some time after that before he gave up, swearing that women were the bane of his existence before he turned around and left her.
Funny, he was hers.
[…]
She returned to a highly disappointed father, a pleased mother, a brother that was awestruck by all the stories she could tell of the land far away, and a village that was enthralled with her and the fine clothes she had with her. The clothes that she did not think she packed… the clothes that her crude cousin had given her back when she was mistaken into thinking he was just a kind soul.
How wrong she was, how very, very, wrong…
Was it wrong of her to feel so prideful when all praised her fine things? To feel special when all wanted to talk to her about what she had been doing and how it was like outside of Seijun? Truth was, vanity took her.
Until… the nausea got in the way.
Until… her belly began to bulge.
Until… she could no longer deny what had happened to her.
Until… her family found out her condition.
"He offered to marry you afterwards?!" Her father shouted, "why did you not say yes!? Do you know what a burden this is now! To have a child out of wedlock like this!"
It wasn't fair; she opened her mouth to protest but only felt tears tinge her eyes instead.
"You aren't allowed to go out in day anymore, we'll just tell everyone you are ill… damn it, Kagome," he hissed.
"You should have warned me!" She built up the courage to retort, winning an awe-struck gave from him, how often did she speak back to him? Not since she was a child, and even then it was a handful of time. "You shouldn't have sent me out in the world without telling me the evils of man! It's not fair, father! I didn't know that's all they carried about!"
All the same, she did as her father said, she didn't show herself outside but at night, when she was all alone on the hillside beside the village and watching the moon each night. She tried her best not to think what was happening to her, about what she would do, about what had occurred. Though, the thoughts still came. Could she love a child created by an unwilling union? When she disliked the father so much? As much as her sweet soul could, that was.
The answer that always came back to her in small whispers… 'no'.
Did that make her a terrible person? Did that make her as evil as the man that did this to her…?
The itsy bitsy, screaming child that she bore was a girl. That was the opposite of what she wanted, how could she ever want to bring another like her into the world when there were so many like 'him' out there? What good was the innocence the little girl held if it could be taken so easily and without her permission? No, she did not want that… she could barely hold the girl.
For the first time since her return to Seijun, she allowed herself to cry for the cruelties the world through at her, for the unfortunate situation she was stuck in. She sobbed so hard she did not notice the heart that stopped beating.
A/N: This is sort of based off a well known book, I'll reveal it at the end or else you'll know what'll happen. This is kind of not that descriptive but I think the next chapters will, I'm not sure. It will be angsty, I'm just in that type of mood. It should only be four, too. So I hope you enjoy and please review.
And when I used the word 'cousin' it's not like your aunt's son or something, it's like a distant relation, how people used to use the term.