Author Dana5
Disclaimer The beautiful mountie and flat foot cop with experimental hair unfortunately don't belong to me, they belong to some Canadian dudes I'm just stealing them for my own twisted pleasure.
Rating T
Pairing Fraser/Kowalski
Spoilers None
A/N This is a pov fic from both Fraser and Ray and also my first Due South fic so love it or hate it let me know. Oh and the obvious spelling mistakes and bad grammar in Rays pov are his own.
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They lay there next to each other on the bed; not touching, not trying to, just lying on their backs staring at the ceiling, neither daring to steal a glance at the other.
I can hear him breathing hard next to me, almost panting. How did this happen? Well of course I know how in the sense of I recall the details of the event in their entirety. What perplexes me is how it could have happened, how I could have let it happen, I am after all a Constable of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, what would her Majesty thing of such conduct.
He's breathing so calmly next to me, not that that surprises me, I swear if I had the guts to look at him guaranteed his hair wouldn't even be ruffled, I swear it's plastic. Well ok it's not and I know it's not cause I've felt it, had my hands wrapped in it as he…Kowalski stop it stop it. Do you even realise what you've done, idiot, idiot, IDIOT. How could I have done that. Idiot.
My conduct was inexcusable, it was supposed to be a simple congratulatory hug to celebrate the fact that our hockey team had just won and that Ray had just won a fifty dollar bet that he had running with Detective Huey, not that I condone gambling of any kind but this is after all Chicago and there are cultural differences that I must respect. Respect. How can I pretend to preach respect after what I have done.
It was just a manly man hug, your run of the mill sports fan howdy doody hug. Nothing more. Our team had won and I was fifty big ones richer (I'll have to remember and get that from Huey first thing tomorrow, boy is he goin' ta be sore…). Focus Kowalski, you got a butt naked sweaty mountie in your bed and it's all your fault! He was probably just obiging…obligingy…oby...ahh screw it, that thing he does to be polite an' all, damn Canadian Mountie.
It was just a hug, an embrace, then it was longer than your average male hug of congratulations, it was at the point were you are supposed to laugh and pat each other hard on the back before avoiding eye contact and sitting back down on your respective sides of the couch before making some comment about the nice young lady advertising beer in a bikini on the television. But we didn't, we ignored the manly laugh and back patting, we stayed standing and were oblivious of any advert that may have been playing in the background. We held each other, one arm around the others neck, the other round his waist, hips touching ever so slightly…(oh god Fraser pull yourself together, you are a mountie for gods shake) our breathing had increased, his smile dropped and his eyes became more focused and serious, intense, beautiful. And then…what was I thinking I am an officer of the law, a Constable in The Royal Canadian Mounted Police under the service of her Majesty the Queen, I am not supposed to man handle and bed my best friend after been invited to watch a hockey match no matter how much or how long I have wanted it, wanted him…
So let me sort this out; we were stood there just hugging, like guys do, then it wasn't hugging like guys do, cause we were still doin' it, still holding each other, by this point most guys would have laughed it off, gave each other a few back slaps, swigged some beer and then start rating the bikini babes in that new bud advert. But no Kowalski you couldn't get up the concentration to move cause your dick was in charge, couldn't shake the fact that his hips where so damn close to yours (I have absolutely no self control). Then it got all serious and we weren't laughing, we where lookin' right at each other; he wasn't smiling, he just looked serious an' all intense and hot. Then…I'm a god dammed Detective in the Chicago Police department, guy cops don't bang other guys, that's just how it is, it doesn't happen, specially with your best friend, even if you really wanted it to, needed it, its just not supposed to happen…
…we kissed.
…we kissed.
But he kissed me back…did he? Yes, yes he did. There I was standing in Detective Stanley Raymond Kowalski's apartment, kissing him and with him kissing me back. We didn't break contact, or look into each others eyes again, we didn't talk, we just kissed and groped and then we where in the bedroom undressing each other, kissing each other, caressing each other. And that's how it happened; no words of love or lust; no words of consent; no words of protest; just moans, curses and rasped names.
Did I kiss him first or did he kiss me, I know we were kissing each other…ah what am I on, course I kissed him first…I think. Not that that's important, what's important is that we were kissing, then we were touching like everywhere, he had one hand in my hair and the other up my shirt pawin' at ma back…I don't know what ma hands where doin'; funny that, I finally get to touch the guy I've being dreamin' about and I don't know what I was touchin'. Normally I would have dropped down onto the couch, like what me and Stella used to do, but it didn't feel right -not with Dief in the room anyways- so we started towards the bedroom. God our clothes were flying every and anywhere like in some over done scene from a romantic comedy, (I swear I kept waiting for a director to shout cut). And then we where on the bed…together…naked…touching…kissing…licking…biting…together…we where together…me and Fraser…we didn't speak though, well not directly to each other, I swore a few times and we called each others names but we didn't say how we felt about each other or ask "are you sure 'bout this?" or "what the hell are we doin?", nuthing like that was said…it just kinda happened and that was it.
How did I let this happen. How did we let this happen?
What have I done. What have we done?
Perhaps it was merely one of those things that occasional occur between two male friends that never happens for a second time and is never explained or talked about. Perhaps we shall get up and dressed without uttering a word to each other. Perhaps he shall walk me to the door and I will say "thank you kindly for inviting me to watch the hockey match with you". Perhaps on Monday morning I shall walk into the 27th precinct and he will say "hey Frase, got a new case so pitter patter lets get at her". Perhaps it will never have happened. Perhaps it will have happened. Perhaps I have just had the most amazing afternoon of my life and perhaps I have just had the worst.
Maybe it's just one of those things that guys occasionally do, experiment like, ya know wham bam thank you sir. Done a bit of it myself after Stella left. Maybe Frase done a bit of it up in the Yukon, seems like a Canadian thing, not much else to do up there I suppose. Maybe he'll just get up and leave and on Monday it'll be all back to normal and we won't eva mention it 'gain…God I hope not…Well here goes.
"Frase"
Oh dear, "Yes Ray."
"…ah nuthin." I'm a coward, absolute fucking coward.
"Understood," I should say something.
"Frase." am a coward, an' I'm gonna regret this but the alternative scares me to much, so I'm a coward.
"Yes Ray."
"I'm not gay, ya know." Yep, I regret it all ready.
"Understood Ray, but neither am I." Great not only am I a gay mountie I'm also a coward who just so happens to be in love with a heterosexual male Detective from the Chicago Police Department.
"Kay". DAMN!
"Ray."
Ah shit, here comes the long Inuit story to explain what has just happened, why it just happened and why it can never happen again. "Yeah Frase."
"Never mind."
Never mind, never mind, never mind. That's not what I was expecting. Never mind. What does he mean never bloody mind…it can't…he couldn't…but…nah he's a mountie…but he's also a Canadian, mmh…nah, even if he is Canadian he couldn't, not about me…or…okay bite the bullet Kowalski or regret it for the rest of your natural life that will hopefully now be very short. "Frase", this time Ray turned his head towards Fraser, he quickly glanced down the exposed body, Fraser had his eyes closed as though deep in thought, his thin lips where still swollen and bite marks where visibly on his neck leading down to his scratched chest. Ray let his eyes drift further until the sheet obstructed his view, he then flicked his eyes back up to Fraser's face and waited for a response.
"Yes Ray?" for the first time since they had kissed their eyes met as Fraser also turned his head to face Ray.
"Kiss me".
"Understood Ray."
The end, please R&R.