Freya: …(grins like a stoned hippie)… Hiyus!
Kaz: (crawls out from a rabbit hole) WE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!
Freya: After 10 months of college, we finally found the time to indulge ourselves in some wholesome yaoi lovin'.
Kaz: INDUUUULGE!!!
Freya: Here we introduce… the BUCKET CLUB.
Kaz: (does weird swooshing sound effects that scare no one) CLUUUUBB!!!
Freya: Composed of… (pulls out a wall sized poster) SENRI SHIKI!
Kaz: (pulls out a mall sized poster) AKATSUKI KAIN!
Both: AND FINALLY, (pulls out a poster SO LARGE it cannot be measured by our puny human scales) ZERO KIRYUU!!
Kaz: dunduru-RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
Freya: (coughs) DISCLAIMER TIEM. -_______- We do not own Vampire Knight.
Kaz: (sniff) We lost it.. and it was THIS (gestures with hands) big too…
Freya: Actually, Kaz owns it. (disdainful sniff) As if I'd ever own something so terribly… EEEEEEWWWW.
Kaz: (weird stoned unicorn voice) shun the non-believer!! SHUUUUUNNN!!
Freya: And now, for our featured presentation…
1 Kaname Kuran
2 Zero Kiryuu
3 Senri Shiki
4 Takuma Ichijou
5 Hanabusa Aidou
6 Akatsuki Kain
7 Ichiru Kiryuu
8 Kaien Cross
9 Toga Yagari
10 Rido Kuran
11 Homura Kain
12 Maria Kurenai
(trust us, you'll need this ;D)
That Meme-Thingy (as answered by The Bucket Club)
The office of Cross Academy's Moon Dorm's President was empty that afternoon. The President himself had been taken by the Vice President to an undisclosed location where the only means of escape would be to finish the six months worth of paperwork that had piled up.
That, or saw his own leg off.
Well, it would've been empty, if not for the three boys who were casually lounging around the desk there. One of them was the President's unofficial consort (slash 'love muffin'). Another was the VP's personal advisor. And the last was a scruffy wolf cub that had taken the form of a vampire whose last name did not match his father's.
In the silence of a game of Plants VS Zombies, an email arrived in the inbox.
"Use the sunflower, dammit!! The SUNFLOWER!!"
"I'm trying!!"
"…"
"Don't put the peashooter there!! What are you thinking??"
"I'm thinking I wanna kill this Michael Jackson (RIP) zombie!"
"…there's an e-mail."
"Oooh! Let's hack into my cousin's mail. I want to commit a felony against him today…"
"That's completely absurd, Shiki… Oh, look. We're in."
The e-mail was from a certain company labeled 'ETC Corporation'. The subject said 'URGENT'.
"…I feel something ominous about this."
A virtual arrow landed on the download link.
"Friendship Compatibility Test…? That sounds…mushy…"
"Instructions. List down 12 of your closest friends. Answer the questions. …It sounds easy enough."
And thus… the horror began…!
(roll the script form of awesomeness!)
1Q: Do you think 3 is hot? How hot?
Zero and Kain: (look awkwardly at Shiki)
Shiki: I'm hot!
Kain: Like? It's asking 'how hot'.
Shiki: Super hot!!
Zero: Lame answer. You're about as hot as a popsicle in the middle of July.
Shiki: Hm, true… if that popsicle just made its way out of your pants, Zero.
2Q: Can you picture 8 & 5 together?
All three: (obviously freak out)
Shiki: Ohh, that's, eww, that's, uhh, ewww, that's- that's-
Kain: (slaps a hand over Shiki's mouth) just. Stop.
Zero: (deletes question) We're skipping that.
3Q: What would happen if 9 got 7 pregnant?
Shiki and Kain: (restrain Zero before he could smash the computer monitor)
Shiki: It's just a QUESTION!
Kain: Calm down.
Shiki: There, there, I deleted it, I DELETED IT.
Zero: (mild hyperventilation) O_O
4Q: Do you support 1/12?
Kain: …Honestly? I don't think Maria would even go near us after the… 'cotton candy incident'.
Shiki: That was NOT sexual abuse!! I just really wanted her candy…
Zero: Now that just sounded like an innuendo.
Shiki: (flails) NOO!!!
Kain: Hm. I don't think Zero's gonna let them date, though…
Zero: …No, I would not. -_______-
Shiki: It was strictly sugar-related!!!
5Q: What would a romantic date look like between 11 & 2?
Kain: … Zero… and my grandfather…?
Zero: … O_O
Shiki: A lot of blood, probably. Stored up in nice little wine bottles. And a fireplace…
Kain: … My grandfather's not very romantic.
Shiki: …little heretics roasting on an open fire..~
Kain: … And he wouldn't take advantage of someone as pliable as Zero.
Shiki: So what's my dad then??
Kain: Hard as a rock. (pause) Both literally and figuratively. The walls are thin enough for me to know.
Shiki: EW! Parental guidance!! I need parental guidance in this room!!
6Q: What might 8 scream at a moment of great passion?
Zero: … O_O
Shiki: Personally, I think this questionnaire was created to mentally scar Zero for life. Even more than Kaname.
Kain: … In favor of not being expelled… (deletes question)
Zero: … o__o
7Q: What would 7's wedding theme song be?
Zero: … (headdesk)
Shiki: It's just a QUESTION, sheesh..
Zero: (pauses) … (fumbles for his iPod) … (silence) … (grimace) I can't pick one. (pouts)
Shiki: Awww, someone's overly concerned~
Zero: Oh, go screw your lynx.
Shiki: I would love to. Just that he isn't here right now..~
8Q: How would you bribe 6?
Zero and Shiki: (look weirdly at Kain)
Kain: (small smirk) 'A Kain is never to show his weakness. Unless it's favorable for him.'
Zero: (deletes the question right away)
Shiki: It is an answer never meant to be shown to the digital world…
9Q: What would 9 most likely be arrested for?
Shiki: oh, I know this one! 'Unintentional Child Suffocation with bear fur rugs and guns'!
Kain: 'Reckless gun use'.
Zero: You're both wrong. (types) It's…
Shiki & Kain: 'Losing a pair of four year old's at a mall'??
Zero: You can't say anything against me. You weren't there…
10Q: Is it possible for 4 to ever be in love with 2?
Shiki: (tackles Zero to the ground)
Zero: (flails)
Kain: (deletes)
11Q: What do you think of a 2/6 pairing?
Shiki: (adjusts the collar of his shirt) Who-weee~ hot.
Zero: (twitches) DELETE IT!
Kain: … (looks away)
12Q: Who do you think would 4 rather date, 9, 7 or 12 ?
Shiki: MEE!!!
Zero: T_T you're not one of the choices, Shiki…
Kain: '7' it is.
Shiki and Zero: O_O?!
Kain: Yagari-sensei is too… married. Maria is too… paranoid. Ichiru needs taking care of.
13Q: You're out on a fun date with 5 at an amusement park. What would you suggest the two of you do first?
Zero: Backhand him for suggesting an amusement park in the first place.
Shiki: Say that I would enjoy it if he would sit over there, on top of that water-filled container while I 'rescue' him with my perfect aim.
Kain: Buy him a candied apple and sprinkle it with a sedative.
Shiki and Zero: O_O
14Q: If 10, 3 & 1 were a band, what do you think they'd be called?
Zero: (straight face) The Three Banditos.
Kain: (stops Shiki from deleting the answer)
Shiki: AUGH!!
15Q: If 7 & 2 were together. Who would be the seme & who would be the uke?
Kain: (turns his restraining to Zero)
Shiki: (types malevolently) 'I-chi-ru'. (glances at Zero) Unless Zero's feeling particularly vicious.
Kain: (RESTRAINS Zero)
Zero: (being RESTRAINED)
16Q: Describe a sleepover with 4 & 11.
All three: (shudders)
Kain: Shall I…?
Shiki and Zero: (nod)
Kain: (deletes)
Q17: 6 sends 4 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?
Zero: A mission to take over the world. Ichijou succeeds within a matter of minutes.
Shiki: …the tables seem to have been reversed…
Kain: … I don't like bossing Ichijou around…
Zero: …no one does.
Shiki: … (glances) But what if you had the chance??? (paranoid shifty look)
Kain: I'd tell him to stop it.
Q18: If 5 Was in the Dictionary, what would the definition be?
Shiki & Zero: 'EGG'.
Kain: … (looks away) (shoulders shaking)
Q19: What would 10's job be?
Shiki: The world's first official bum~
Kain: I can recall my grandfather saying he'd be Pureblood King. Instead of Kaname. Or you.
Zero: ..seriously..?
Shiki: Sweet.
Q20: What would the warning on 6/11's door be?
Shiki: (before Kain could restrain them both) 'Fiery Hell Going On'
Kain: (grimace) …?
Zero: Hey, Kain's face is a different color than before…
Shiki: Cool.
Q21: What might be a good pick-up line for 1 to use on 7?
Shiki: 'Do you have a good twin?' XD
Kain: 'I think I've seen you before..'
Zero: ...some fictitious concepts are too dangerous to dwell upon. -___- (deletes)
Q22: Who would make a better college professor - 4, or 10?
Kain: …I honestly think I'll learn more from Ichijou…
Shiki: My dad's a douchebag. (frowns) Am I thus, a douchebag-by-blood?
Zero: Touche… douche.
Kain: (looks away hurriedly, shoulders shaking)
Shiki: (tackles) TAKE THAT BACK, JELLY BEAN!
Zero: (flail) I can not take back my word vomit. Sorry.
Q23: "Two and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. Two, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Seven and a brief unhappy affair with Five, then follows the wise advice of Eleven and finds true love with One." What title would you give this love story?
Kain: Zero & Toga are in a happy relationship…
Shiki: …as pet and owner, probably.
Zero: (tackles Shiki) SHUT UP, DOUCHE BAG JUNIOR!
Shiki: (sticks his tongue out) word vomit. Can't help it now, can't I?!
Kain: Until Toga suddenly runs off with… (glances at Shiki) … … … … Ichijou… … … …
Shiki: LIKE HELL!
Zero: How quick of them.
Shiki: (tackles Zero)
Kain: Zero, broken hearted, has a hot, one night-stand with… (glances at Zero) … … Ichiru… …
Shiki: Very probable. Ichiru would probably seduce him.
Zero: (tackles Shiki)
Kain: And a brief, unhappy affair with… (glances outside)… … Aidou.
Shiki: oooooooo..
Zero: O_O ..it's just a questionnaire, Kain.
Kain: … Then follows the wise advice of Homura…
Shiki: I'm kinda scared… this is all starting to make sense… O_O
Kain: And finds true love with… (blinks) Kaname.
Zero: I knew it. Even the internet offers no solace. T_T
Kain: (sends) Well, that's done.
Shiki: I'm kinda relieved. Answering that thing was like calling forth the spirits of Kuran's past. Or poking a sleeping Toga.
Zero: Can I get back to my zombies now?
Kain: (about to leave the desktop when…) Oh. There's another new e-mail…
Shiki: 'Please stop messing around with the Dorm President's computer. That's a felony, and you all know better. :) Also, the zombies won't die with just watermelons. Or flaming peas. '
All three: (back away from the computer)
Zero: …I'm going. Bye. (hurries out the door)
Kain: … … (steps back and miraculously blends into the shadows)
Shiki: … (walks away from the computer)
…
Shiki: (glances over his shoulder) … (sits back down) I'm getting you this time, Michael Jackson!
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The end
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?
Freya: (rotf)
Kaz: (lol-ing)
Freya: That was fu~n.
Kaz: Si. Mui fun~
Freya: FUEGO~!!!
Kaz: DOOUCHE!!
YOU'VE JUST BEEN ETCETERA-ED!
…and there's no regaining your lost sanity.