Disclaimer: Not mine.
Feedback: Would be loverly.
Spoilers: Vague season one. And a trip to the dentist.
Make Believe
Her lips were raw from his mouth. The biting searching angry kisses. The soft wet tender kisses. His kisses.
Veronica tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about him.
But some addictions were harder to break than others.
Lilly loved you he had said earnestly after the first time. As if that would explain everything. Lilly loved you.
She hadn't the heart to tell him that she wasn't sure entirely what Lilly had thought, felt, about her. Sometimes Veronica was convinced it had been love and other times she couldn't help but think their friendship must have been instead some form of entertainment for the other girl. She didn't think the latter very often. But enough to not answer the boy staring so intently at her.
So Veronica kissed the corner of his mouth. The part that only ever smirked. And she softly drew her fingernails down his chest over his heart. The part that tried not to let on how much it was damaged.
Tattoo's kept so much of him hidden away. So Veronica bit gently at the edges of them as if she could peel them aside with her teeth and see what lay underneath. But it never worked. He instead only moaned, rarely said her name, and led her small soft hands lower. Not noticing that there was one tattoo she never touched.
He was too preoccupied with finding oblivion. And her mouth and hands were too full with his flesh to make him see.
Veronica didn't think it would be like this when she had kissed him.
He had driven her home one night. Veronica had pressed herself against the solidness of him. He pretended not to notice but she felt an anxious tension in his back. So she clutched at him harder. Fisted her hands in his jacket and held him as tight as she could.
Maybe she was lonely. Maybe she was tired. Maybe she felt an affinity towards another outcast. Or maybe it was the vibrations from the motorcycle making her dizzy, making her want.
Once the helmets were removed she pressed her lips to his and held them there frozen. Finally she took a step back and looked at him. Hands limply at his side, feet firmly planted on the ground keeping the bike upright, head shaking slowly from side to side.
"You don't know what you're doing". And it was true. Normally she puzzled things out until their conclusion. "It wouldn't work V, it just wouldn't. There's too much you don't understand…"
"I know about you and Lilly" Veronica interrupted. His face became devoid of expression but his eyes remained wild. "She wouldn't have liked getting that sort of reaction out of you" Veronica cajoled. "Show her some respect and react."
He got off the motorcycle and pulled Veronica towards him using his hand and the nape of her neck. He pressed his lips to hers savagely. Biting and sucking. Ravaging her mouth while keeping the rest of his body apart from hers.
"How's that?" he snarled into her mouth.
"Better" she breathed simply.
Three days later they had sex for the first time. She didn't cry until two days after that. After he had ignored her at school pretending that nothing had happened. Not even glancing her way once. But the note in her locker said that he would be by at eleven.
Her tears made the ink bleed. But they were so hot she thought that they should instead make it boil. Veronica tore the note up into tiny little pieces and kept them in a desk drawer. She did that with all of his notes thereafter. Somewhere in the back of her mind Veronica believed that if she filled the drawer up then she would no longer be forced to deal with Lilly's past mistakes as if they were her own.
Veronica wonders sometimes if he fucks her like he did Lilly. She doesn't like thinking it but sometimes the thought comes unbidden. And somehow it's better than wondering why she started this.
They don't talk much about certain things. When Veronica asks too many questions he'll touch her the way he thinks she likes, and that sometimes she does, until she moans and forgets all about it. But he never remembers that she's Veronica Mars and Veronica Mars never stops an inquiry. Even when his tongue is writing distracting rhymes across her body.
Especially then.
They go about their daily routines as usual and only meet some nights. Mostly during the day the only time they talk is when she needs a favor. Business. Though when the darkness can hide swollen lips and wrinkled clothing it is anything but. Love that is. Or so she watches him try to convince himself.
If he doesn't love her than this can remain easy. If he doesn't love her than none of this really matters. But when does it ever matter? Certainly not when he arches his back and thrusts one more time into her. With his eyes always closed. Certainly not as he mouths nonsense into her neck, warm fingers sliding down her stomach, before the sweat even cools on her body from the last time. And never as he speeds away from her on his bike, fast and jerky, like an upset man.
The sky was cloudy the day that whatever it was that they pretended they had ended. She couldn't see a single star; the moon was only a vague distant glow. Veronica liked to think that she could taste salt on the wind from the ocean but really all there was was the sharp tang of grime and asphalt.
They were in the back of her car parked away from the street lights. His hand was on her thigh and she was in his lap. In the dark Veronica could barely see him. The shift of his eyes, the furrow of his brow untraceable by sight in the haze. So she tried to kiss him, almost missing his lips in the dark. He laughed with a cruel amusement.
"Very suave Mars" he drawled softly, his exhale light and hot upon her lips. Veronica merely shrugged. "You'd think that all the practice we've been having would have made your aim more accurate".
"Well maybe if your mouth stopped moving so much I'd get it right" She responded. He stilled his movement.
"Y'know Lilly and I parked here once. But she…" he trailed off clearly weighing his words.
"But she what?" Veronica questioned sharply. The restrained malice in her tone at where this conversation was heading was tangible.
"She got down to business a helluva lot faster than you are", the sneer was evident in the timbres of his voice. Veronica climbed off his lamp angrily. Her hands were fisted and they shook slightly.
"Are you done?" she asked harshly. Her slowly adjusting eyes could barely make out the smirk that was present upon his face.
"With you? Oh ya" he taunted.
"Get out" Veronica whispered. Then louder. He merely nodded his head and climbed over the seat. She quickly climbed after him. As he was striding away from the car she clutched at his shoulder and spun him around.
"So that's it?" Veronica demanded an answer.
"Pretty much" he said with scorn.
"Was this just some misguided way to get back at Lilly? Am I just her fucking replacement for you? You just had to continue what she started?" she asked with increasing ferocity.
"You always were her pet. It was about time you got to know the real Lilly Kane." His eyes blazed into hers. His jaw set in an angry line.
"I may have been her pet but at least I was never her whore" she grated out through gritted teeth. His jaw clenched once, twice and then he strode away.
The drive back to her apartment was sedate. The white of her knuckles the only thing expressing her turmoil. Once she parked she got out of her car and laid down on the asphalt parking lot.
All she could taste was the salt of the ocean.
They pretended that nothing happened between them for a long time after that. She rarely talked about him. And he became increasingly devoted to the memory of Lilly. Fanatic even in his words and actions.
She burned the pieces of his notes finally realizing that she would never be rid of Lilly or the repercussions of her. After all Veronica still had her murder to solve. The smoke set off the fire alarm and her father had raced in with a fire extinguisher ready to save the day. At least he had tried.
Things might have continued on forever that way. Except for Logan. He became her knight in shining armor and she became his. For a brief time anyways.
Kissing at the Camelot. Teasing in the bathroom. It was as close to sublime as Veronica figured she'd be allowed to get.
But somehow he found out. His dark eyes followed her and she knew. He had found her and Logan out. Finally he approached her in the parking lot, leaving her with little room for escape.
"Tsk tsk V. You've been naughty." He told her in a semi serious tone. She didn't even pretend to not know what he was talking about.
"I thought that you'd be happy. Lilly's legacy is being carried on. Secret relationships were her specialty after all." She responded sarcastically. He smiled an unhappy smirk.
"Oh Veronica you just don't seem to get it" he said. Furrowing her eyebrows she questioned him with her eyes. Slowly he leaned into her, his mouth brushing softly against the shell of her ear.
"Whose Lilly's whore now?" he whispered. Veronica jerked back and her eyes widened in a stunned disbelief. But he wouldn't let her put space between them and he followed her action with one of his own. His lips barely touched hers as he murmured into her mouth "Keep enjoying Lilly's sloppy seconds". Then he turned and strode away.
After that she acted like she still had sublime. Kissing at the Camelot. Teasing in the bathroom.
And eventually rape accusations at midnight.
Maybe the beautiful that she wanted didn't actually exist. Watching as Logan's anger faded, and pity filled his face instead, she knew it didn't. Knew it in her bones. And that made her miss him. Not because what they had was healthy by any stretch of the imagination but because it was messy and hurtful and it made her ache.
Love hurt too but at least the other pain was expected. Welcomed.
Once she found out that it wasn't Logan who raped her she pretended. To forgive, to forget. To not be the tough ass Veronica Mars that was mostly shaped by the rich boy kissing her like she was a drug and he was craving an illusion. Well she just happened to be chock full of those. Maybe he'd overdose.
Unfortunately Logan never got the chance. The video cameras made sure of that.
And what was a girl to do in that sort of situation? Stop playing at being a princess for one. Stop playing for another.
The call had been automatic. She was already dialing before she even realized what she was doing. He had initiated the end. But she decided that she wasn't quite through yet.
Veronica had wondered why he was being so pleasant when he picked her up. For the entire drive back to her place she couldn't figure it out. Her puzzler had become sore. After she let the two of them into her apartment he sat her down and for the first time in a long time he had a tender look about him. His hand caressed her arm softly. His eyes traced her face ardently. And she couldn't keep it in any longer. Veronica told him everything she knew about Lilly's death. Everything. Ending with what had happened in the pool house.
He took it all in. Thinking rapidly he sighed and turned to go. But Veronica grabbed him and pulled him on top of her.
"Make me forgive you" she told him earnestly. There was something vulnerable about the tilt of her voice and the look on her face.
He stayed. But she knew that he wasn't focused on her. As he licked his way past her navel she thought he was probably planning some sort of highly hurtful attack on Logan.
It took until her legs shook, her back arched, and the world muddled around her for her to figure it out.
He had manipulated her. He was doing an investigation into Lilly's death on his own.
And apparently Weevil never forgot an inquiry either.
Veronica wondered why the thought of him using her didn't hurt more.
Maybe because her and Weevil were trying to reach the same end. And she had rather enjoyed his methods.
So she kissed him like she didn't know and he kissed back like he believed her.
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Author's Notes:
Nice people. I hope you haven't forgotten about me. The prince came a galloping will be continued. Here is something to hopefully tide you over for a little bit longer.
And exuant.