Title: I miss you so
Author: HWeasley
Paring: Crellie
Rating: pg13
Warning: None
Summary: Ellie thinks on her relationship with Craig
A/N: This is a follow up piece to leaving me behind. It is a song fic to the song where'd you go by Fort Minor.
Where'd you go
I miss you so
Seems like forever since you've been gone
I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I saw him walking down the street hand in hand with a girl that looked identical to Manny Santos. I don't know if he saw me. I sprinted away, as far away as I could get from Craig Manning. I had no idea he was back in town.
I was at Joey's last week and he didn't say a word. How does a rock star manage to walkdown the street without being mauled, I thought bitterly. Craig's career had bloomed in the last few years. His videos played among the rotation on every music television and radio station and it was hard to avoid hearing his voice or seeing his face.
I went into the dot to wait for Marco and my mind kept finding its way back to Craig. We hadn't spoken since the break up, although Marco and Jimmy both mentioned him from time to time since then. Sometimes it was hard to remember how or why things ended the way they did. As I stirred my coffee I let my slip back in time to the days, weeks and months leading to our break up.
The day the downward spiral happened was a day no different from the rest. I had no idea that was the day I would become aware the realities in my relationship. That was the beginning of the end.
The school year was almost over and being in class was kind of joke. I was in Simpson's class chatting with Alex and doing a little Paige bashing. Alex was still a little raw about their break up. I could feel my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. I didn't have to look at the number to see who would be calling me at 1:00 on Thursday. It was him.
"Mr. Simpson" I called thrusting my head up in the air. "May I be excused".
Simpson looked at me and I swear I could see something in his eyes, sympathy maybe? He waived me off silently and I took off down the hall. I opened my phone as I threw open the double doors.
"Craig, hello?" I said trying to catch my breath.
"El" he replied, "I was just about to hang up. What took so long to answer?"
"I was in class Craig. I am always in class when you call." I told him.
"I know, it's just I don't get to talk to you very much" Craig answered. "I just miss you"
"I miss you too," I whispered. I fell back against the brick wall and lowered myself to a sitting position. The line was silent for a long moment. The eerie silence was finally broken by the clearing his throat.
"So, how's school?" Craig asked. I sighed and racked my brain to find something new and interesting to say.
"Paige and Alex broke up." I said.
"You told me that a couple of days ago" Craig replied. "But yeah, that's still weird. The whole Alex and Paige thing in general, you know?"
"Yeah, weird" I echoed. I hate this, I thought angrily, I wait all days for a phone call and I have northing to say.
In the background I could hear Leo call his name. "I better go. I have a photo shoot then dinner with my manager and PR guy" Craig said sounding weary. "I will talk to you later this week ok?"
I didn't answer his question. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to ask when he would call. I wanted to ask when he would be home. I wanted to tell him that I hated the distance. I hated missing him. I hated planning my life around his phone calls and sporadic visits home. But I knew the last thing he needed right now was my negativity and my neediness. Craig was stressed enough for both of us. So I kept it all in and remained silent.
"Ellie" Craig said his voice a little softer. "I love you. I miss you"
"I love you, I miss you" I whispered and then heard him hang up. I lifted myself and headed for the classroom, knowing that there was no point in expecting to concentrate.
She said some days I feel like shit
Some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone
Because your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
And when I pick up I don't have much to say.
It hit me on the way home. The anger, the boiling rage, that would spark inside me after I talk to Craig. How dare he, I fumed silently, how dared he leave me and expect me to wait around for him. I have to remind myself that this is his career; his dream and I have to respect the steps he is taking for both of our futures.
My mom greeted me at the door and I tired to be social but since Craig and I have been together it has been tough. I think Mom gets the whole distance thing and she has been really good about giving me space. I went to my room and tried to write him a letter. A letter telling him how much he means to me but the words get stuck. All I can do is whine, whine about everything lacking in my life. I crumble up each draft and litter the floor with them.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone
Please
Come back home
Words used to flow out of me like water, at least until he entered my life. I worry that loving him is breaking me. Sometimes I think about ending things between us, I think that maybe if I do I won't be hurt so bed and he can focus and his career. But truly I don't think I could ever break up with Craig.
I want you to know it's a little fucked up that I got to visit Joey and Angie on weekends. The vibe in that house been off since Craig left. They smile and they are nice but I cab see it in their eyes, they miss him more than they want to admit. Some times Angie and I go out, just shopping or dinner but more often than not we sit in the garage. Everything is the same; nothing has been moved since he left.
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing
Angie's little face lights up when my cell phone rings. I don't think he calls that girl enough. She holds her breath as I answer the phone. It's usually not him and I can see the sadness in her eyes. The on the rare occasion it's him; I give Angie the phone. She bounces up and down and down as she chatters on about school and friends. I can just see Craig, in my head listening patiently with a smile on his face rolling his eyes every so often. She runs through the house and thrusts the phone at Joey. He talks about his girlfriend for a minute then asks a thousand questions about the business. When he is done he gives me the phone. I walk into the garage and let door close behind me, but there really is no point because before I can even say a proper hello he has to go. I hear the line go dead and the buzzing begins, I ignore and whisper, "Please come back home"
You know, the place where you used to live
Used to barbeque with burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every halloween
with candy by the pile but now
you only stop by every once in a while
Shit
Days and weeks pass. I think eventually it became months. I know Craig missed graduation and that stung. It's hard to explain to everyone where he is. It is hard to make everyone understand why my boyfriend is never around.
I attended U of T and it was easy to distract myself. The phone conversation with Craig became even more awkward as they were now filled with stories of parties and beach trips. It was Craig's turn to be forlorn and little anxious.
When he stopped calling my heart literally broke my heart. I tried to keep going, if I kept moving it wouldn't catch me.
I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine and I plan to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say
I was sitting with a boy from my English class the next time he called. I looked at my watch. How familiar, 1:00 on a Friday, I thought grimly as I excused myself.
"Hello" I answered trying to sound non-chalant.
"El" Craig replied sounding unsure"How are you?"
"Oh Craig, I am great and you?" I asked.
"I am ok" Craig answered sounding tired and a little sad.
"Good, really good" I commented a lot more cheerfully than I felt.
"I am sorry I haven't called, I just really felt the distance between us you know. I am sorry" Craig told me. Tears were welling up in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.
"That's ok" I replied. "I have been busy you know?"
"Yeah" Craig sighed. "El, we should talk, really talk"
"I just don't have time," I told him. "Maybe we should just…" I tried to break it off but the words wouldn't leave my mouth.
"Yeah, maybe we should" Craig said bitterly. "I'll talk to you later"
I want you to know it's a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debating
Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling sorta useless
It seems that one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got till its gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here
I went on with my life. Craig never called again. I tried to call him but I was afraid. Marco thought it was all a big misunderstanding, until Craig started dating again. I graduated top of my class and got a job in the states, New York to be exact.
I tried to forget Craig Manning but after his first album debut, he was everywhere. I dated, a lot of first dates but I never forgot Craig.
"Ellie" Marco cried, "are you ok?"
I pulled my face out of my hands and looked at Marco. "I saw him"
Marco put his arms around me, "I am so sorry" he whispered. "I didn't think he would actually be here"
"You knew?" I asked trying to hold back tears.
"Manny asked him to come and visit" Marco replied softly. "They are together"
"Oh" I said," that's great. I am really happy for them"
"El" Marco started but I waived him off.
"We better go," I told him. "We have to meet Jimmy"
Marco and I left the dot and walked in silence. We passed Craig and Manny; I could feel Craig's eyes on me. Marco reached out and took my hand, squeezing it lightly.
"Craig, Manny" he greeted in passing.
I could still feel Craig watching me but I never looked back.
Where'd you go? Please Come back home Please Come back home
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home