That Fateful Day

By Arsenic Kiss

A/N: I wrote this about six months ago, and had completely forgotten about it… It's a bit strange, as usual, but I hope you enjoy. The form this is written in doesn't really fit the whole "letter" theme, but bear with me. A bucket of chocolate covered cockroaches to anyone who gives me a review…Lucky you!

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Deer Lucius,

I remember it good, my little spoonful of love…

I was sitting there, picking at the wart on my left thumb...

And then there you was.

Walking through that door,

with your long, white hair a-shinin'

I wanted to run up and touch it.

But I had eaten off all my fingernails that mornin'

and they were still a little bloody.

And there was this maggoty lookin' thing crawlin' around one o' them.

So I didn't touch your loverly hair.

I decided to kiss ya instead...

Remember that?

I got up reeeeeal pretty and slow...

Swayin' my hips when I walked up to ya.

When I got close,

you kinda gave me this look.

Like I was a toad or somethin'

(it just made me feel all gushy and warm inside)

And I wiped off my lips with my sleeve

to get off the remains of my rat and cheese sandwich, of course.

And looked you right in the eye and said:

"You're so handsome and clean-lookin'....I could just KISS ya."

So I did.

I grabbed your neck, and you gave this little squeal of delight,

(BIG squeal of delight, I should say.)

And SMUSHED my lips against yours.

And you pushed me down.

And I said,

"My darlin', I know you love me and all, but this really isn't the time or the place...."

And you started yellin' at me.

(A little pushy, there...but it turns me on.)

So I touched my finger real soft with my lips.

Or maybe it was the other way around.

Oh well.

And as you ran out the door...

I hollered,

"LUCIUS, my dearie, come back!"

And I knew you was going to buy me some chocolates.

I like chocolates a lot.

Almost better than rat and cheese sandwiches.

But you didn't come back, you goose, you.

So I figured you forgot where the Three Broomsticks was.

So I went home.

And you don't know my address!

(but I know yours..)

So now I'm sending you this letter poem thing.

So you can write me back and express your undying love for me.

With more love than a barrel full of Purple Smoking Rain Maggots,

Hathilda Hag.

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