Mommy's Baby
Summary: The real reason behind Susan's departure.
Author's Note: I know they mentioned it briefly one episode, but seriously. It's Susan. You don't just suddenly have her poof and not be there anymore. (Well, you do since it's Sherry Stringfield, but…) Sigh. Forgive my mini-ranting.
Disclaimer: I need a cool and witty way to say that I don't own Susan, Chuck, Cosmo, or anything else associated with ER. Shrug Just think of something cool. Pretend I said it.
Susan Lewis was in hell. True, she was not on fire, but she almost would have preferred that to her current state. She had managed to stay strong from the time she arrived home from County to the present. But now there was not anything going on. The dishes had been done, and her Cosmo was asleep. It was only her and Chuck. It would only be a matter of time before the topic came up.
Susan slouched onto the couch and pulled a blanket over her body. She moved her hand around on the couch to feel for the remote control to the television, but she did not bother to move at all to get to it. There was nothing good on anyway, she realized as she moved her head backwards and tilted it up towards the ceiling.
Chuck quickly walked over to Susan and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He guided her back so that her head was against his chest. After she was settled, he repositioned the blanket to cover her. "Do you want to talk about it, or should I just let you mope?" he asked before he placed a small kiss to the top of her blonde head.
Susan tilted her head down. She did not want to look Chuck in the eye. She could not look him in the eye. She did not even want to deal with the situation, but she had to accept the fact that it was reality. "I didn't get tenure," she whispered. "Even with Carter going to Africa, I didn't get tenure. It's…it's just not fair."
Chuck moved his hands and massaged Susan's shoulders. "I know," he told her sympathetically.
A single tear rolled down Susan's cheek. "It's just not fair," Susan choked again. "My whole medical life has been at that hospital, a-and we need the money. Especially with Cosmo…" Just the mention of her son's name filled her eyes with tears again. "I-I should be ab-ble to provide for him. I'm h-his mother."
"No," Chuck told her in a reassuring voice. He rubbed his left hand up and down her left arm. "Susie, don't think like that. You are a wonderful mother. Cosmo is lucky to have you."
Susan wiped the tears from her eyes. The motion was useless. The tears kept forming. "If he's so lucky, then why is he so sick?" She hated seeing Cosmo like this. She knew it was no one's fault. Cosmo had a heart problem. It was not something she or Chuck gave to him.
That fact did not make it any less tragic. It did nothing to console her.
Chuck pulled Susan in closer. He knew her well enough to know that she was not actually expecting an answer to her question. What she needed was comfort. He could provide that.
Susan was grateful to have Chuck. She needed him, now more than ever. His arms were around her. Her head was against his chest. She rolled over slightly as the warm tears from her brown eyes began rolling onto his shirt. More would follow. Chuck knew that.
The sound of Cosmo's crying interrupted her thoughts. She had to go to him. She rushed down to his room and over to his crib. As soon as he was in her sights, she picked him up and held him close to her. Chuck appeared right behind her.
"Susan," he started. "Honey," he continued with a gentle hand to the blonde's shoulder.
"No," Susan whispered. "He's my baby boy." She walked over and sat down in an old wooden rocking chair. Cosmo's head rested against her shoulder as Susan rubbed his back soothingly. "Shh, Mommy's here," she said gently. "Mommy's here."
"Susan, you're late," Kerry Weaver began in a cross tone once she spotted Susan walking in through the ambulance bay doors. Kerry immediately noticed the red in Susan's eyes. Not only had the attending been crying, but she was also not sleeping. It was clear in her expression. The tired, red eyes. Kerry herself knew what it felt like. "You ok?" she asked in a more sympathetic tone as Susan approached the desk.
Susan could not even make out her response without tearing up. The only thing she could do was shake her head.
"Ok, come on," Kerry said as she guided Susan to the doctor's lounge. "Beat it," Kerry commanded Pratt. The male doctor was slouched across the couch with a small cup of coffee in his hands. "MVA's coming in. ETA's four minutes. Keep everyone out of here until I come out."
Kerry said nothing more. Upon Pratt's lack of motion, she glanced over at him with a commanding look in her eye. Pratt then quickly obeyed.
"Is this about the tenure position?" Kerry asked once the two females were alone. She joined Susan on the couch and offered her a small box of tissues.
The words still would not form in Susan's mouth, but Susan did take one of the tissues. She began dabbing at her eyes with it. She then turned over to Kerry.
"Just a hunch," Kerry continued.
"Kind of," Susan finally spoke. She still did not want to say the real reason for why she looked so unprofessional. Admitting it would make it real. She could not carry out the normal functions in the ER if she knew that other people knew the problems going on in her life. She choked back another sob before speaking. "Kerry, I need the money. Carter doesn't. He never did."
"And you're very skilled at what you do, but Susan, I just can't give it to you," Kerry told her. "I'm sorry." She hated situations like this. She wanted to see herself as Susan's equal. Everything involving money and job positions was difficult for her, especially when she was dealing with one of her friends.
Susan swallowed and reached for another tissue. "Then consider this my two weeks or whatever," she whispered. "I quit."
"You're a valuable part of this ER and this hospital," Kerry assured Susan. "Are you sure?"
Susan nodded slowly. "I am. Look, I know being a doctor is about helping the patients. I really know that, and it's important to me, but I need the money." She knew her statement sounded selfish. The debate was whether it was better for her to sound selfish or to admit the real reason.
"Cosmo needs the money," she added in an even softer tone than before. She brought the tissues back up to her face and started dabbing at her eyes again. "He's sick, Kerry. Really sick."