Arc of trust I : Shattered trust

Hey there! Welcome to my not so little fanfic about Voyager and it's great crew!
I am new at writing in English (it's my first try to do so) – therefore please bear with any mistakes in grammar and spelling, ok? I really hope I am not that bad, so anyone who will read this actually enjoys my little tidbit of a Voyager-Fanfic.

This will actually be more than one Fic. I try to make it into five of them, which are called the "Arc of trust".
This first one starts with the episode (in the original series), where Tom Paris played the 'traitor' for Captain Janeway to find out, who is the real spy onboard. But in my universe, there are some differences – mainly the fact, that he is really believed to be the spy. From then on that will be an AU.

Disclaimer: Voyager and its crew will never be mine. Such a shame! But I can't get, what has not been produced by my brain. Therefore only the events of "Arc of trust" is mine. I promise not to hurt the characters…not much! (smile)

Warnings: nope (for this one), later that will probably change

Rating: G for now (I change it in the later chaps)

Pairings: wait and see

Genre: Action/Adventure

I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO GET REVIEWS! CHRITICISM WILL BE WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS AND MIND, BUT ONLY IF IT'S OBJECTIVE!!! I LIKE TO IMPROVE…BUT THEREFORE I NEED TO GET ANY COMMENTS!

So now R & R! I really hope, it will be fun for you!
geministarlight

Chapter 1:

It was early in the morning - for Tom anyway, who was on his way to Alpha shift. Having slept restlessly the whole night, he felt really tired. His body was aching distantly, as he strode purposefully towards the turbolift to get to the bridge.

'What's the matter with me these last days?', he wondered silently as he stepped into the lift, which he gladly realized he had for himself. He wasn't sure he could handle another person right now or put up a cheerful expression before he had to by stepping on the bridge.
'The last five nights I got almost no sleep at all and when it was like last night - tossing and turning until I was too exhausted to move. And these aching gets more and more each day, as if…oh no, I don't want to get ill now!', Tom silently moaned.
'The Doc will have a fit, if he has to put up with me as a patient – and I can't say, I would consider myself a lucky person to be under his care. Duty with him in Sickbay is bad enough…I don't want to spend more time there.'

As if answering his thoughts, his body relaxed and the distant aches faded away.
For some moments the Lieutenant felt free of that constant little pains, which had hindered him the last days. A relieved smile crept onto the handsome features of the blond pilot, only to vanish seconds later to be replaced by a grimace of pain, as his whole body was flooded by waves of intense pain. Tom bit onto his lip to prevent an agonized scream and searched for the cool texture of the turboliftwalls to steady himself.

"Stop!", he said through clenched teeth and the lift obediently halted.
But Tom only distinctly noticed the halt because he was desperatly trying to regain his senses over the pain which wracked his body. He tightly shut his eyes and tried to slow his labored breathing to get more air into his suffocating lungs.
Then it suddenly stopped and the pilot sighed, leaning his throbbing head against the walls. He stood like this for uncounted minutes and willed himself to stop shaking so badly. His hands on the walls steadied him, but it took him nearly ten minutes to be able to stand without the help of the walls.

His eyes still closed and feeling dizzy, Tom slowly breathed in and out, a simple relaxing exercise he had learned in his Academy years. Concentrating on something
simple and repetetive to sooth his reeling mind, which tried to find an answer to that massive pain attack. But he could not for the life of him say what had caused that attack, which nearly had had him down on the floor by its intensity.

"Holy", he breathed out. "Where did that came from?", he asked the air, not caring for an answer which naturally wouldn't come, but continuing: "Probably I should visit the Doc after all, that was not normal. I hate getting sick!"
The last sentence was said with simmering anger at himself for catching some virus or something like that and not knowing it at all until it caused him such unease. But it could be worse, he tried to settle his mind – what he had to do now was going to the bridge and ask his Captain for letting him off his shift to go to Sickbay. He would like to have himself checked out for the causes of his pains.

Straightening, Tom set his face into a mask of his normally cheerful appearance.
No need to worry Harry before he had the results of the tests. His friend worried so much over him, that at times Tom felt as if he was the younger, unexperienced one from the two of them. And not the other way around.
The thoughts of his friend – his little bro, how Tom called the darkhaired Ensign sometimes fondly in his mind – transformed the forced smile on his face into a real one. The Lieutenant called himself lucky to have someone like Harry to care for him as a friend.

Then he directed a command to the lift, which had stood still all the time.
"Bridge", he said and renewed his fight in controlling his boiling unease because of this unexpected happenings. But with every second he came nearer to the bridge, his worry rose up and up, until he felt himself stiffen slightly with a sudden sense of foreboding.
Then the doors to the bridge swished open and Tom wished he had stayed in bed this morning. His eyes took in the atmophere, which seemed to be calm and relaxed. But his gut told the pilot a totally different story – there was a tenseness in the air, close to crackling with its intensity.
'What happened here?', Tom wondered, stepping a little bit hesitantly off the lift and onto the bridge.

Noticing his presence the Captain turned around and the blond Lieutenant felt a knot tying up in his stomach. Her expression was calm, eerily calm. Too calm.
'Oh, I am in trouble. But what did I do now? I felt so bad these last days, I couldn't have done something unforgettable…couldn't I?' Desperatly trying to think through his behaviour of the last days, which was hard because of the throbbing pain in his head, Tom moved slowly forward, his gaze solely on the Captain's face.

As he tried to say something, her look hardened imperceptibly and she moved to stand. Then she curtly said: "Lieutenant, into my ready room."
'Her ready room? Right, big big trouble.', Tom thought, setting his features into an indifferent mask. He was sure, he would get to hear something he wouldn't like. Therefore it was not necessary to reveal too much of his feelings too soon.

And as he caught movement in the corner of his eyes, he straightened a bit further and followed the Captain into her ready room. Outwardly collected and calm, inside his mind was wheeling with possiblities. Why had the Captain chosen Tuvok and the Commander to be there when she said what she was going to say?

The feeling of dread in his stomach increased and for a moment Tom feared another attack like the one in the turbolift would seize him. But with inner strength he fought the pain back to from wherever it came. Now was not the time to collapse from pain.
Not in front of three persons who he held in high respect and wished the same from them.

He had to be strong, like his father had told him over and over again.
Tom could hear the Admiral's voice in his head as if the older man was standing at his side: "You are a Paris, Thomas. And our family always stand proud, even in pain or anything else. Hold yourself up in every crisis and don't put shame above that name, do you understand me?"
'Yes, Sir!', Tom silently answered sarcastically. He straightenend his long slender frame to his full height, ignoring the pain which throbbed in his head. 'A world for some hypospray to rid me of that headache!'
Lacing his hands together behind his back, he stood still in front of the Captain's desk and looked down to her, because meanwhile the woman had taken a seat. But inspite of the height difference between them, Tom felt uneasy and smaller than her because of her look.

A look he had hoped to never see again on a face regarding him. A look she never wore before when looking at him – despite everything which had happenend in his not so easy life.
A look of barely controlled anger.
But that was not what made Toms heart clench.

It was the disappointment in that dark blue gaze, only thinly veiled by the anger.

Disappointment in him.

What had he done?

End for now…that was only the beginning. Curious? Then send me a review to make me write more and more of this fic…I really look forward to get a comment.

Make me happy!

Bye, geministarlight