Everything was so lovey-dovey at first. He would always whisper sweet nothings in my ear whilst we cuddled and watched films and drank lattes. He was always there to hold me if I got scared and tell me it'd be okay.

We did everything together, went everywhere together, we were basically joined at the hip.

We were no longer separate entities anymore, we loved each other so much we became one person.

Or so I thought.

It all started when he began distancing me from the rest of my family. He told me that they were bad for us and didn't think we should be together.

At the time all of the things he said made sense. I wanted him forever so I did what he wanted.

I cut off contact with my brother and parents and friends so it was just me and him. He said it would make us happier.

And I believed him.

Then he started drink more than usual. He knew that drinking made me uncomfortable and we only ever had wine once in a while but this was a whole new level.

He would come home and smell like sweat and alcohol. He stumbled and was flushed and had a slick grin on his face.

I asked him what was wrong and his bight blue eyes would go all angry and dark. It wasn't so bad at first. He would only shove me and tell me to piss off and stomp upstairs.

I always thought that it was just the alcohol that made him so happy and loopy when he would first come home, but I know now it was because he just fucked a random woman.

I would cry for hours in the night and then when he woke up I would care for him and clean him. He told me it was all his fault and he'd never do it again and apologized profusely.

And I believed him.

He didn't do it for another two weeks but this time he walked in and shoved me up against the wall and started roughly kissing me. I didn't like it. His sweaty hands made my hair go curly and he smelled like someone else. All I wanted was for everything to go back to the way it was before. When we were both young and innocent.

I shoved him off me and told him that I didn't feel like it now. Well he did.

Before I could comprehend what was happening he slapped me and told me I was worthless. He said that he regretted ever meeting me. He said everything was my fault. All of the problems and the bills and his drinking and cheating was all because of me. He then shoved me to the ground and told me one word before walking upstairs and locking the door on me.

Worthless.

And I believed him.

Everything just got worse. I slept downstairs every night. I never left the house and was constantly walked around like I was stepping on eggshells.

I was always in fear I would do something wrong and he would hit me and insult me again.

After the first incident he never apologized again. Everything was my fault. He would come home most nights and be drunk. Insults would be thrown. Faces would be hit. Memories would be damaged.

And after one night I would never be the same.

He came home drunk like every night but this time instead of just slapping me and telling me how useless I was he decided I needed a different punishment.

As if my boyfriend hating me along with hating myself wasn't torture enough.

He pulled me upstairs for the first time in months. Not in the loving way I remembered with kisses and arms around necks and giggles and moans about how we would never leave each other.

Soon enough he was ripping the clothes off of me. I screamed and kicked and cried and reached for a phone on the bedside table. I had just enough time to click it open and pull up contacts when he slapped it out of my grasp and chucked it across the room.

He continued to hit me muttering things like, 'I wanna here you scream like that more' and 'take it like the faggot you are'.

He was hurting me more then any slap could ever do. This was such a raw thing meant for someone you love and now it was the ultimate invasion of trust and our entire relationship.

Or what was left of it anyway.

He would force me to deepthroat him and he would slap me while he roughly fucked into me. It was the worst day of my life.

Afterward he just passed out and that's when I would pull on boxers and a tshirt and crawl out the door into the bathroom sob until I passed out.

I would wake up around 9ish so I would have 2 or 3 hours until he would awake and the cycle would start over.

I decided to do something I hadn't done in years. He help me out of it and I was happy for the first time ever. Those times are over now and I'm worse than before.

I looked under the cabinet and searched for something I haven't needed in 3 years. Three whole years we've been together and after all of that he keeps me like a toy to poke at and play with.

I took out a shiny metal object and sighed in relief. If I couldn't find one it would make things a lot more difficult.

I brought the razor up to my arm and made jagged lines.

I am disgusting.

I an worthless.

I'm pathetic.

I am fat.

I am ugly.

I am weak.

I am unclean.

I am repulsive.

So many other things.

I deserve all of it.

The blood dripped down my arms and I felt relieved like I haven't felt in 8 months. Before all of this started.

The blood pooled around my arms and the metal fell onto the floor with a loud 'chink'.

And that's how the days went for months and months on end.

I would be alone, constantly breaking down on the inside and the outside. He would come home drunk. He would hit me. He would call me disgusting. On some occasions he would be too tired to force me into bed and I would spend that time wishing I could just escape the house and throw myself off a bridge.

He never seemed to mind the cuts when he was defiling me. In fact, I think he was happy that I was so broken and hurt. It made him feel even stronger and more powerful over me.

I always wondered what happened to the man I fell in love with. The man that fell in love with me. The man that would calm me and rock me back and forth whilst singing sweet nothings in my ear.

Are these even the same people?

I wanted to die. I needed to get out and death was the only way.

Or so I thought.

It came from a knock at the door.

*present tense*

The sound of the door startled me, ever since he forced me to cut off contact with the rest of my friends and family I hadn't seen anyone.

He is at work right now so I was just sitting alone in my room. When I heard the sound came I almost thought I was hallucinating. I wouldn't have been the first time either.

I got on a pair of black jeans and brushed my hair so I looked less zombified and dead.

When I finally swung the door open I was met with my guardian angel.

My old best friend.

"Dan!" Phil screamed and pulled me into a tight hug.

I somewhat winced at the force on my tired body and cut up arms. Phil didn't seem to notice.

"Oh my god Dan how have you been? I was nearby so I thought I'd stop by! I haven't seen you in forever!" Phil squealed again holding onto me.

"I guess I've been fine..." I trailed off not really knowing what to say.

'Oh yeah Phil, my boyfriend has been abusive in more ways than i can count and I haven't eaten a proper meal in 6 months and my arms are covered in cuts and scars and my body is bruised! I've been doing just dandy!'

That wouldn't go over too well.

"So uh... What are you doing here? Not to seem rude or anything... Just curious." I said somewhat shakily. Everything I've been through has caused me to wince at the slightest of loud noises and never want to talk back.

"Oh no it fine, I just thought I would see how you're doing. You know, no one has seen or talked to you in awhile. A lot of people have been wondering where you and him went off to." Phil chuckled softly but had a distant sad look in his eyes.

At the mention of him I tensed and shook. With the thought of him in his head all he started to think was of scenarios where he would barge in and punch and kick me and hit me and call me useless and-

I was cut off of my train of thought by Phil shaking my shoulder roughly shouting, "Dan? Dan? Are you okay? What's going on?"

I flinched at his words and backed up instinctively.

"No no no no don't hurt me..."

I can't stop myself from feeling like I'm in danger and trying to get out.

It's just my body's instinct now.

"Dan! Dan! What wrong?!" Phil started coming towards me and then all rationally went out the window.

I wasn't with Phil anymore. I saw Greg and he was going to hit me.

"Why are you here? What are you going to do to me? No! No! No

No no!" I didn't want this anymore. He can't keep hurting me. I don't understand Greg.

Phil looked up backed up from me and whispered, "Dan, what's going on? Has Greg been doing anything?"

Phil's soft voice seemed to get me to become more aware of my actual surroundings.

"Phil? What happened to you? Where did Greg go?" I asked him, my voice trembling.

Phil gave me a shocked and saddened look and just said, "He was never here Dan. I've been here the whole time."

I didn't understand. Just one second ago he was coming at me a forcing me up against a wall.

"Why are you lying Phil?! I've had people lie to me so many times! Why you too?" I pleaded.

"Dan let's just leave okay? You don't have to see Greg anymore..."

"No no no!" I screamed. "He'll find me! He will find you! He'll always find me and hurt me! Why Phil? Why do I deserve this?!" My voice quivered and my body shook.

"Dan you don't deserve this... It's okay... He won't find you. I'll make sure of that Dan." Phil tried reaching for my shoulder but I flinched and pushed him away.

"NO MORE!" I burst out.

"Dan, I'm sorry i didn't mean to..." Phil replied, afraid of my sporadic outburst.

"I-I... I ca-an't h-handle this anymore P-Phil..." I started hyperventilating. I shut my eyes tightly and dropped to the ground, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Dan... We can leave. Greg won't hurt you. I'll take you home... You'll be fine." Phil tried reassuring me.

"Then how do I know you won't hurt me too?" I croaked out.

I've been too beaten. Too broken. I can't take this anyone. Someone let me go. Why do people keep taking advantage of me and breaking me? What have I done to deserve this?

"Fine," I sighed out, "Take me away from here. Kill me. I wouldn't really care Phil. Just don't let me live."

Phil probably thinks I'm absolutely insane now. I guess that's not too bad and now I can leave and throw myself off of some high place or something.

I just want it to end.

"Dan, you are not going to die. You are going to leave this house and get help and be loved and happy and calm life is going to be okay. Let's just leave." Phil begged with watery eyes.

Phil picked me up bridal style and started carrying me out the door.

"Dan... Phil sighed out, "You're so thin... I can feel your ribs through your shirt."

"No it's good Phil. I'm fat. I'm disgusting. I don't need to eat." I told him flatly.

"Dan you're so beautiful ... But you need help. And I'm going to get you that." Phil told me soothingly.

But I was too beaten and tired to understand that he was taking me to a hospital and away from this place forever.

Phil carried me out the door and down the flights of stairs. Soon enough we he was walking to his car.

"Phil..." I croaked out, my mouth so dry and rough from the lack of water and the incessant blowjobs Greg forces me to give him.

"Yeah Dan?" Phil asked curiously yet cautiously.

"Where are you... Taking me?" I said without energy. I haven't slept in about week and I'm on the verge of losing consciousness right now.

"To get help Dan. You need it. I'll be with you every single step of the way. I want to make sure you get past this." Phil told me with care evident in his voice.

He placed me in the passenger seat of the car and started driving. I'm pretty sure I passed out because before I knew it we were at the hospital and Phil was carrying me in.

When we got closer to the hospital Phil's facade started cracking and he began to look nervous. He walked up to the front desk and at this point I was seriously slipping in and out of consciousness. All I heard was bits and pieces of 'yeah I'm pretty sure he's malnourished' 'he's been through some rough stuff' 'I only found him about an hour ago' 'No no no no he's just my best friend...'

I felt something wet on my arm and when I looked down I saw red painting through my jacket. I guess some of my cuts opened up while I was being carried or something.

I didn't do anything about my bleeding; I deserved it anyways.

But Phil thought differently.

"Dan?! Dan! Oh my god! Nurses! Doctors! He's bleeding!" Phil yelled frantically.

"Dan... You've got to stay with me. Don't close your eyes. God! Why didn't you tell me how hurt you are?! I can't lose you Dan!" Phil pleaded with me.

My vision began to blacken. Everything was slipping in and out of focus and before I knew it I was on a gurney being wheeled into the emergency room.

And everything was black.

*beep*

*beep*

*beep*

"Doctors! He's awake! Dan? Can you hear me?!" A voice that I immediately recognized as Phil's said loudly.

His hair looked disheveled and messy and his ocean blue eyes were red and puffy. He's obviously been upset.

So what happened?

"Yeah I can hear you, just stop shouting. Where am I anyway?" I ask confused.

I don't remember anything that should've put me in the hospital. Although I do remember seeing Phil running around with a stressed look on his face and me... On a gurney...

"Do you really not remember Dan?" Phil asked sadly.

"Well I can see snip its of you carrying me, doctors, me on a gurney, passing out, some weird things you said..." I told him groggily.

"Dan..." Phil sighed out, obviously stressed. "You went through a lot of traumatic things. I don't think you want me to repeat them to you. You'd be best if you forgot them."

"Well what if I want to know what my own life has been?!" I asked Phil harshly. I didn't mean for it to come out so rude but I'm confused and disoriented and I just want to know what happened.

"Okay Dan..." Phil said defeated. "Well... You... Your boyfriend Greg used to hit you and insult you and force you to do things you didn't want to. I went to your house because I missed you and hadn't seen you practically since you guys started dating. When I saw you, you were covered in bruises and cuts and were so so skinny. I immediately noticed but I didn't want to alarm you so I tried to tell you to leave Greg but you got really upset and told me you wanted to die. I quickly realized the extent of what he had done had affected you dangerously so I carried you to my car and took you to the hospital. Once we were there for about 15 minutes I noticed your arm was bleeding and not long after that you passed out. You've been asleep for about 36 hours."

I looked down at my arms and saw hundreds of red and white marks going all down my arms. There were bruises and purple blotches. Even further down I noticed that I was extremely skinny. I can see the outline of my ribs and bones. My skin looked deathly pale and paper thin.

I couldn't believe everything he'd just told me. But what I couldn't believe more was the fact that I forgot all of that.

Some flashbacks started to come back to me and I saw scenes of Greg hitting me, calling me worthless, cutting, all the terrible things that have happened to me.

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks and slid down my shirt.

"Oh my god Dan. I shouldn't have told you that stuff. I'm so sorry." Phil said, his voice cracking.

He wrapped his arms around my fragile frame and ran his hands through my hair. I put my head in the crook of his neck and breathed in his sweet smell of raspberries.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this was happening Dan? You could've left at anytime and called me. Why didn't you?" Phil asked me, sounding hurt.

"I really don't know Phil." I told him haphazardly.

"What do you mean Dan? How could you not-" I cut off Phil.

"I don't know because when I was in that toxic environment no matter what rationale told me that if I called the cops on him I could get out or I literally could've left at anytime, I always felt like Greg would find me and hurt me." I told him quickly.

"Well he's gone now. He's gone forever. After you passed out I was literally so furious with Greg and how could he do this to you! You deserve so much better and-"

"Phil's that's really sweet but get to the point." I told him flatly.

"Anyways after you passed out I called the cops and told them what happened and the things he had done and they told me 'they found him at a local bar and apprehended him'. He's going to be in jail for a long time." Phil told me smiling.

I couldn't help but still have the doubt that Greg would get out and come get me and I'd be helpless to stop him.

"Phil where will I go? I'm all alone and I can't take going back to that house and the house is in his name anyways..." I asked him anxiously.

"I thought about that Dan and well for now... You could stay with me?" Phil asked me skeptically.

"Really?" I looked at him hopefully. I need a best friend now than ever and Phil has and always be there for me.

"Of course Dan. You mean more to me than you could ever understand so... Yes. Definitely." Phil said with his deep blue eyes filled with care.

"Thank you so much Phil. You have no idea how much that means to me." I said suddenly grabbing him when wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders tightly.

"It's okay Dan." Phil said soothingly, "What kind of friend would I be if I left you alone in a time like this?"

Phil then gently lied us down and I instantly fell asleep.

*time skip of like a week*

After about a week of tests and regulating my eating and therapy I was finally able to be checked ok by Phil.

"Dan are you sure you are okay with staying at my house? I would understand if you just wanted to live alone or maybe you'll be annoyed by me..." Phil asked me anxiously.

"Phil it's fine. You're the only person I would want to live with." My cheeks heat up and I can feel the blush all the way up my face.

"Okay well let's go then and you can start a better life... With me." Phil grabbed my hand as walked to his car and towards a brighter future... Together.

**3 years later**

Over the last three years everything has gotten insurmountably better. Phil really has been with me every step of the way. I always thought that eventually Phil would get tired of me or kick me out but that never happened.

For around half a year after I moved in I would have break downs constantly and would never leave the house. Phil always rocked me and tell me everything would be okay.

He wiped away my tears and held me while I screamed into my arms. Also, he always came with me to my therapy sessions and was constant support.

I am so happy now and it's all thanks to the beautiful man with the black hair and the blues eyes who saved me.

And it was about to get so much better.

I was sitting in the lounge one day watching Doctor Who when Phil walked in looking better than ever.

Over these last years Phil has always been there for me, calling me 'perfect' and 'beautiful' when I would cry. I have kind of developed a crush on him. It was insanely hard not to fall in love with Phil Lester.

We would cuddle and sleep in the same bed when I would have nightmares. He makes breakfast and we go out to lunch together (I like to call them dates but I would never tell him that).

I know Phil will never fall for me though. I've been through too much and I'm unclean. I would never come near me if I had a choice.

"Hey Dan... Can I talk to you for a minute?" Phil asked me nervously.

Oh no this is it. He's disgusted by me. This is the end. I'm going to live on the stress. I'm going to die.

"I know what you went through and you might never really heal after a traumatic experience like that... But... I don't know how to say this..." Phil laughed anxiously

"Okay. I knew this was going to happen eventually. You got tired of me. I'll get my stuff and be out by the morning." I said quietly, my voice cracking.

"No no no! How could you think that?! I could never out the person I love!" Phil screamed.

Wait.

What.

Loved?

Loves?

Phil... Loves me?

"Phil what did you just say...?" I asked him, hesitation leaking through my voice.

"Shit. Wait. Dan, I'm sorry I can leave if you want. You can keep the flat. I didn't mean for that to come out. I just... I'm sorry." Phil rushed out. His eyes were watery and wide with fear.

"Phil did you mean what you just said?" I asked him trying to not make my voice sound hopeful.

"Yes I'm sorry Dan. I'll leave. I know you probably don't want a relationship and even if you did you wouldn't want to date someone like me-" He was silenced with a kiss.

My hand went to hold Phil's neck for support and I felt his hand run through my hair. Sparks flew and I felt like I was floating. The kiss was slow and soft, not rough and heated.

Even though I was the one who initiated the kiss he took the lead and led us through.

When we broke apart for air the only thing Phil said was, "Why did you kiss me?"

I couldn't stop smiling and before answering I pecked his lips and said, "You told me that I wouldn't want to date someone like you and I needed to prove you wrong."

"So is that a yes?" Phil asked hopefully.

"A yes to what?" I asked him. What did he say?

"Oh god sorry!" Phil laughed at himself, face palming. "Will you be my boyfriend?" Phil's eyes were wide and scared but he took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles.

"Yes you idiot. I've liked you for ages." I smirked at him and brought our lips together once again.

The kiss was slow and passionate, nothing like what I was used to with Greg. Phil cared for my so much and I was so lucky he was now my boyfriend.

I'm with the best man ever. In the best flat ever. I've gotten over so much with Phil by my side. Just like he promised.

"I love you," I looked into his eyes and was met with only love.

"I love you too Dan I'm so glad you're with me now. I wouldn't want anyone else to fall deeply, madly, in love with." Phil kissed me one last time before lying us down on the couch and letting me snuggle into him, just like all those years ago at the hospital.

I'm finally with the person I'm mean to be with forever.

And I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.

ヽ(；▽；)ノ

DONE MY SNUGGLE MUFFINS HOLY SHIT LIKE 4400 WORDS FOTHER MUCKER YHATS CRAZY.

Bye love you all💕

~Nicole ^_^