Hey, having a day break from writing anything for Re-birth. Next chapter should be up tomorrow :D. anyways, I heard this song and thought of Bella. Its set before she goes cliff diving, after Edward leaves. When I wrote it I was in a kinda hyper-ish mood, so I had to try and be depressed to get all the right emotions in. I don't know if I succeeded…when I read over it it doesn't seem sad enough. I'm really sorry if it doesn't meet your expectations :(
Reviews please…might end up changing this soon.
Thanks guys
All my regular reviewers, THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH. WITHOUT YOU GUYS ID BE LOST ON IDEAS. YOUR ALL INSPIRATIONS AND IM REALLY GRATEFUL YOU TOOK TIME OUT OF YOUR LIFE TO HELP ME hugs :)
Enjoy!
Megan x
Song: Madina Lake – One Last Kiss
BPOV
As I was laying on my bed listening through my I-pod that Edward had brought me, a song started to play that I did not recognize. It didn't hurt to say his name anymore…well I don't know if it did, I just felt numb. It had been 4 months now since he had left me in the woods. I missed him so much, and I was contemplating whether or not to listen to his voice again. Not too sure what dangerous event to do now though.
What would it matter if I died? My heart was already dead.
He had put all my favorite songs on here, but I can't remember hearing this one before. I glanced down towards the screen.
"Madina lake?" I mumbled to myself. I fell back down onto my bed as the intro started to play.
He looked at me and his eyes were watering
then I knew that this was about to end
frozen in that moment, time was standing still
and I could feel my heart simply breaking
I sat bolt upright.
These lyrics struck home too much, and I wondered whether he had planned on leaving me way before he said he had. They took me back to that day in the forest.
As soon as we were there I knew something bad was going to happen, but I was refusing to let it sink in. His eyes were full of pain, but he knew how to hide it well. I acted like I didn't notice, in a hope to make the situation more awkward for him. At least then he might give up on it all. I can remember his words like he had said them not a minute ago. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me."
As soon as he said this I knew he wouldn't be changing his mind. I knew I would have to live my life alone without my one true love, with out my Edward. The tears id been fighting to keep in now started pouring out my eyes, taking my mascara with them and staining my pillow. Id been trying so hard not to think about that day in the forest, the words he had said. A 5 minute conversation managed to make every single time he had said he loved me and every single time he had smiled at me seem completely worth less. I love him.
goodbye he said
there's someone in this world for you
so good luck he said
and went and found some body new
I was never good enough for him. Never. No matter what he said. No matter how beautiful he said I was. I was no comparison to some of the girls he could have. And I was sure he would have them now. I bet he is off with a pretty girlfriend under his arm thinking "Bella who?"
I don't even know why I fell for him in the first place. Of course it was going to end like this. Who would want me?
Stupid shiny Volvo owner.
and I gave you every waking moment
I gave you every thing you wanted
and now my love, you're giving me up
I don't understand what happened? Why did he leave me? I could have gone with him when his family had to move. I belong with them, my life is with them, my life is him and he belongs to them.
All day I thought about him, and when I slept I could see him. He was in every second of my existence. Anything he wanted was his. I would die for him if I had to, with out hesitation.
Now he still haunts my dreams…but now their nightmares. Not because he is in them, but because I awake every night screaming because the angel in my dreams is only in my dreams now, and I'm starting to believe that he always was. The real Edward was just a figment of my imagination, he never was there.
Then how come I had a song on my I-pod called : Name: Bella's Lullaby. Composer : Edward
He was real, no matter how much I wanted to deny it in a hope to make it hurt less.
he walked away and I could hardly breathe
I turned around and fell down to my knees
im shivering as the truth is settling
im sure tomorrow is nothing new from this
so before you go can you just leave me one more kiss?
I swear I was dying as he left. He had taken my heart with him. I needed him. Trying to chase after him was the most agonizing thing of the day. Inside I knew I would never find him, he was already back at his house or further. But I wouldn't give up. My mind didn't give up, but my body did. I crumpled in a heap on the floor, praying for the ground to open up and bury me alive. Anything would be better than having to live without him.
As it sunk in that he had really left me, and this wasn't just a dream, I tried to hold my breath. I didn't want to die, just not to exist.
He kissed my forehead, but that wasn't enough. Even if he had kissed me properly that still wouldn't be enough. There was nothing he could do to make this goodbye better, it still tore me to shreds and made me think whether life was now worth living.
As I brought myself back to reality of being in my room instead of back in that forest with him, I felt the hole in my stomach growing larger. But as I tried to grip at the sides of it to pull it back together, it just ripped more. I gave up and let the pain take over. Thank god Charlie was out, I was crying so loud that I was screaming. Hoping that he was driving to my house and would hear my screams and drive faster. Of course I knew he wasn't; he was off with his new girlfriend who he loved.
I remember when you were falling and I was there just holding on to you
I remember all the scars that you have carved in me.
I began to feel angry. Through everything he had been through I had been with him. I knew most of his bad times were caused because of him helping me, but still. If he had a problem why didn't he just say? Oh yeah, he did. 4 months ago.
Not just emotional scars, but physical ones. I tried to wipe my eyes so they weren't so blurry, but it didn't do much. The tears continued to flow like a water fall. I raised my wrist to look at the crescent shaped scar of where James had bitten me. I closed me eyes and shuddered a breath inwards as I thought back to when Edward had found me. I could feel his cool lips against my skin as he sucked out the venom.
Bad move Bella.
This just started a new wave of pain flowing through me, pulling out chunks of the remains of my heart with it.
He said the human memory was like a sieve, but I would never forget him. He was my first love, my last love. I knew I would never be able to love anyone else like I loved him. I loved Jake, but compared to what I still felt for Edward it was nothing.
I couldn't live like this anymore.
I needed him in my life.
If he wasn't in it, then there was no life.
If there's no life then what am I doing breathing?
I need to hear his voice. That would be the least that could happen.
The most is that this pain would stop completely, and I would be able to watch over him for eternity.
I'm jumping off that cliff, there's no one to stop me. And I don't care if I die.
I'm already dead.