Who Are You?
I need to shake off my write rust. *giggles* Hope you people enjoy.
If Alice had her way, she'd stay in Wonderland forever. Away from the world which deemed her mad. She thought it was something good – Hatter and Cheshire seemed to think so. She still dreamed of them, but they were akin to mannequins in a play – moving, but not answering to her calls.
She barely remembered the world around her, only remembering the world that had entranced her, comforted her, and brought her something close to magic.
With all its wonders however, its name was strangely ironic, and Alice found it rather amusing. After all, it was called Wonderland, but yet, everything within was outside what she could have wondered. She'd rather deem it Outsideland herself, after remembering how disconnected, and outside the world was from reality.
In fact, there wasn't even a "how". There was simply no reality in Wonderland, as much as there are almost no falseness in the world outside. Anyone trying to hide behind falseness in reality would eventually be consumed by it, living or otherwise, cruel or no.
However, in Wonderland, nothing was consumed, or corrupted. Everything remained crooked in its own way, an odd, mad status quo.
Yet, Alice mused, there was no falseness in Wonderland either. It was simply abstract and disconnected. Hatter made it clear when he kept musing over the impossible question of asking exactly why there was a raven and a writing desk.
It was nothing more than madness, but in a world like Wonderland... perhaps not.
And this was what always entranced Alice back to this particular dream. The possibilities of impossibilities… the absence of both falseness and reality, and the comfort behind the madness it exuded compared to the stillness and greyness of the true world. She found herself always trying to return no matter what, calling to Hatter and Cheshire during the nights in the small hope that they'd answer.
There was a hidden charm to Wonderland that Alice had yearned for, but as it reappeared, it started consume her thoughts as well. She was as if under a spell, always longing for another appearance of the rabbit hole. Voices had whispered of her yearning, some frantic and some soft, but they could not draw her from the spell.
As she grew older, it became more apparent. Soon, the voices fell to a stop drowned by her murmuring in her own thoughts, with a distant memory of a fall down a rabbit hole piercing through followed by other voices.
Familiar voices.
"Who are you, girl?" They said.
"Alice."
"Who are you, girl?" They said again.
Alice gave the same answer, but they asked again. Again and again, like a broken record until she got frustrated and shouted "ALICE!"
It fell silent, but it didn't stop. Then, she found herself being sucked into somewhere with the force of a vortex and found herself in a dark area. The feeling of weightlessness, mixed with a familiar sense of familiarity struck her, and she immediately knew where she was.
The rabbit hole leading into Wonderland.
Yet, Alice was motionless. The darkness seemed to close around her. She couldn't see the colours of Wonderland, nor the crookedness of the world. All she could see was black, and she couldn't help but tremble, wondering if this was a bad dream.
A nightmare.
Alice had already forgotten what nightmares felt like, and she wondered why Wonderland would see fit to grant her with one. Horrified, she blinked. Once. Twice.
Still, the blackness closed around her more, and the girl could almost touch it. She tried to wave her hands, anything, but found herself motionless. Soon enough, she felt it – an unrelenting cold, almost freezing. She felt like she was in a void of space, floating helplessly within a still darkness, contradicting the crooked light of the world.
Alice's eyes were watering, moving rapidly. Yet, she could not see anything, and it was completely silent. Even her attempts to scream seemed worthless, her world consumed by a nightmare.
She needed to wake up – needed to wake up…
"Alice!" Suddenly, her hand was grabbed, the familiar voice loud and shaky, and she found herself seeing a familiar yet grim face.
"Hatter..? Hatter!" Alice exclaimed, throwing herself at the Mad Hatter, who returned the embraced warmly. "There was something, I don't know.. It was a nightmare…'"
"Alice…"
"But it's alright now, for I've finally met you again!" Alice continued, her rambles increasingly louder in volume. "Now I can stay here – I'll never leave…"
"Alice!"
"I've been waiting for so long.. calling you… why didn't you answer me?" Her voice turned wistful, and Hatter growled.
"ALICE!"
Alice recoiled in shock. Hatter had never used that tone of voice with her before. He was angry, very much so, and she tilted her head downwards, rubbing her hands until it hurt. What had she done?
She didn't know, but she murmured. "I'm sorry. I thought…"
"It's not your fault, Alice, it was ours," Hatter sounded remorseful, his voice low.
"Huh?" It was the only thing Alice could say, as confused as she was.
"No matter…" Hatter murmured. "You have grown so much. Much like this place has."
Alice looked around, saying, "It's evening."
"It's never evening around this part of Wonderland, Alice," Hatter laughed.
"What?" Alice blanched.
"Who knows what lies deeper in your mind?" Hatter mused. "Or perhaps, you are hallucinating. I could never really tell the difference, myself. It's like asking the difference between your full name and your last name."
His eyes were wide and constantly moving, but this time there was a shadow behind them.
"Drop the charade, Hatter," Another familiar voice, followed by a series of fangs appearing in the air. They were usually curled in mischief or otherwise, but this time they were bared. "Why have you come back, Alice? Do you hate yourself so much that you wish to drown inside meaningless dreams?"
"How could you say that, Cheshire? You abandoned me," Alice blurted out.
"On the contrary," Cheshire showed himself for a brief moment, his silky tail swishing the air. "We set you free."
Hatter shook his head, almost in finality, "And yet, you wish to confine yourself again. Don't lock yourself in yourself, Alice. I do not wish to see an Alice submerged within Alice."
The cat chuckled, but it wasn't out of humour. His fangs were still bared, and his tail was puffy. He beckoned to Alice, who couldn't bring herself to speak at the moment. They were abandoning her again, after all those quiet nights.
"Come," Cheshire's voice was deeper than usual, and she complied.
"Where are we going..?" Alice was bewildered
"To get you out of here, of course!" Hatter told. "I doubt you'd want to stay in this dodgy midnight, do you? It's not good for the light trying to shine off your yellow hair."
"But…"
"You said it yourself, Alice – the world consumes falseness.. and what you are doing is lying to yourself," Cheshire was blunt, not wanting to take any of her nonsense. "And one day, this paradise will consume you, as it almost did."
Alice bit her lip in anger, refusing to answer the enigmatic creature.
Soon enough, they found themselves at a clearing, where a remains of a party could clearly be seen. The chairs were overturned, and teapots were tipped over, not to mention the distinct smell of stale bread.
Yet, she could barely see them, save for a silver moonlight shining down upon them, giving her some semblance of vision. In the distance, she saw it. The Looking Glass. However, instead of showing her an opposite horizon, a crooked contour, it showed her in bed.
Her eyes were closed, and she saw herself sweating. It was almost an out of body experience, as the scent of Wonderland seemed to fade, replaced by the musty tang of her sheets. The sound of rustling trees, replaced by the sound of a crackling fireplace. Her home. And there she was.
It was then, she looked at herself, and remembered her last name. Suddenly, Hatter stepped forward, and laid a hand on her shoulder.
"Who are you?"
She tried to answer, but before she could, Cheshire growled yet again. "Go, girl."
"Can I at least say goodbye?"
"No. I will not have you consumed by this little unnecessary spare room," the cat added a tone of menace in his voice.
"I'll miss you, Alice. But before you go," Hatter's face was mischievous, an expression Alice hadn't seen for a long time. "Why is a first name not like a full name?"
".. because the full name is full?" Alice was bewildered, but Hatter laughed, causing Cheshire to finally sigh.
"Alice, go," Cheshire said. "You have another world waiting for you – I know it's not Wonderland… but it's genuine and true. Live your thoughts. Do not be consumed. This is the last gift we have for you."
With that, the creature grinned, bumping his head on Alice, who fell forward into the looking glass.
xXx
Alice woke up with a start. Her head pounding, she wondered what had happened so. She saw Margaret, her sister beside her, looking concerned.
"Bad dream?" Margaret asked, her voice careful. Alice had always been extremely defensive over her dreams, and she had stopped after a while; trying to rouse her sister from her thoughts was futile.
But this had gone on for too long – she was losing her younger sister.
"Probably." Alice replied, rubbing her temple, drawing a small surprised gasp from Margaret.
An image of a grinning line of teeth and a tall man wearing a hat, a brilliant smile on his face, ran through her thoughts, but she forgot it soon after. She felt a strange rush of sadness, as if she had lost someone extremely dear, but it faded quickly.
Alice roused from her bed, and winced when the rays of sunlight went into her eyes. It felt like she hadn't seen it for a long time, and she unwittingly smiled.
'Alice…" She said to herself. "I'm Alice _ _ _"
Margaret's eyes started to wet when she heard her little sister say that, "Yes.. yes, you are."
"I remember."
xXx
End