The WARNING!!!: This is a story written for no other reason than to kill off a character. If that's not your cup of tea, you may want to think about skipping it and reading something of ours that isn't part of the Anime Hit List Arc. Thank you.
The Disclaimer: We, Boobies of Power or the Anime Assassin Corps, do not own either Dragonball Z or Haunted Junction. We do own the Anime Assassin Corps and the Anime Hit List.
The Notes: As this was originally in script format, (not allowed on this archive) I've had to rewrite it in an acceptable format. If you'd like to read the original (script format+images+pretty colors+dynamic font) just go to the Anime Hit List (homepage on our profile.)
Anime Assasin Corps Official Report
Case #8: Holy VS Satan
The Client: Double O (Anime Hit List Client)
The Hit: Hercule Satan (Dragonball Z)
The Intro:
Double O is our staunchest supporter. He's been there since the beginning and was the first to sign the investor's log. He's requested more hits than anyone else. Now, it's our turn to give back... to prove we love our supporters. Double O, your day has arrived. Mr. Hercule Satan will be no more.
Hercule Satan is (ahem) the World Martial Arts Champion and deciever of the entire world. He's claimed to defeat the ultimate fighting machine, Cell, but will he have the strength to defeat...
The Hitmen: The son of a buddhist monk, the daughter of a shinto priest and the son of a minister, Kazumi Ryudoh, Mutsuki Asahina and Haruto Hokujo are...
The Holy Student Council of Saito High!!!!
The Holy Student Council Report
by Haruto, Asahina and Kazumi
"This is just fresh!" whines a red-headed teenager in a shrine maiden hakama. "I thought there were going to be boys here! Little pretty boys in shorts!" She drools unabashedly at the thought.
"Asahina, please," replies the white-clad blonde to her left. "This is a mission."
"What's in it for you, Kaicho?" asks Asahina the miko. "This doesn't have anything to do with Saito High or School Spirits!"
"None the less," replies the boy-one Haruto Hokujo-, "We should do as the Principal asks."
Asahina glares suspiciously. "Yeah, right. She looks around. "Where are we anyway?"
"I don't know. What's the name of the target?"
Asahina digs a piece of paper out of her pocket. "Um... Hercule Satan."
The kaicho turns white as a sheet and stutters, "D-did you say 'S-satan?'"
The miko checks the paper again. "Yup."
Haruto faints. A blue-headed boy named Kazumi runs up to him on all fours and begins licking Haruto's face. Haruto wakes up.
"ASAHINA!?!" cries Haruto.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm on it." She falls into attack stance. "Asahina Super Exorcist Attack!" She unleashes her super violent Super Exorcist Attack on Kazumi and a vaguely dog shaped soul floats out of the boy's body.
Kazumi blinks up past his new injuries at Asahina "Sempai? What'd I miss?"
"Baka!" The red-head konks him on the head for good measure. "We're on a mission!"
"Really?" he replies, climbing to his feet. "What kind?"
Haruto interrupts pointing ahead. "Too late! I think that's him!"
They approach a huge muscle bound man with huge hair and a handle bar moustache. He is flexing in front of a mirror.
"Excuse me, sir," began Haruto with a bow of respect, "But are you Hercule Satan?"
"Am I Hercule Satan?" asks the man. "Ha Ha! Cute kid. Of COURSE I'm Hercule Satan!" He pulls a pen out of his sleeve, grabs ahold of Kazumi and scribbles "Hercule Satan, Savior of the Planet Earth" across Kazumi's shirt.
"Sempai! Kaicho! Help!" cries Kazumi attempting to squirm to freedom.
"Don't worry!" assures Mr. Satan, finally releasing Kazumi. "There's enough for everybody!" He reaches for Asahina.
Asahina gives him one of her Special Exorcist Attacks and grins at him. "Unless you're under the age of twelve, you don't touch me!"
Mr. Satan groans but still manages to look somewhat tough. "Under twelve, huh?"
"Shouta Complex," says Haruto by way of explanation.
Asahina looks up from the note in her hand. "Kaicho, it said, 'slowly and painfully.'"
"What did?" asks Mr. Satan allowing a bit of panic to creep in.
Haruto waves Satan off. "Nothing. Asahina?" The miko looks up and Haruto nods at Kazumi.
Kazumi holds up his arms in a warding gesture and backs away from the miko. "No, Kaicho." Asahina takes a menacing step toward him. "Kaicho? Kai-" Asahina konks him on the head and he growls and attacks Satan.
Mr. Satan tries to dodge the possessed boy but by this point Kazumi has latched permanently on. "Wha-? Wait, Kid! OUCH! No! OW! ARGH! AAAAAHHH!"
Kazumi manages to leave Satan a bleeding mass on the ground before collapsing. A polar bear shaped spirit rises out of his body.
"Did we win, Kaicho?" asks Kazumi before passing out.
"Asahina," scolded the kaicho. "It said slowly and painfully!"
"Gomen!" she apologized. "I couldn't FIND anything else! This isn't Saito, you know. Besides there's nothing in it for me to keep him alive. The sooner he dies, the sooner I get back to my delicious Nino."
Mr. Satan crawls to his feet and laughs. "Ha ha! You thought I was down, but I was just foolin' you. Ha ha ha!"
The remaining two conscious members of the Saito High Holy Student Council look at each other.
Haruto sighs. "There's only one way to end this properly." He pulls out the School badges in a dramatic flourish. "There's an emergency at the um... school! Everyone assemble, on the double!
"WELCOME!"
The badges shoot out light and each school spirit arrives in their corresponding color.
Pink-Miss Hanako
Yellow-Nino
Purple-The Dancing
Giant
Red-Red Mantle
Orange-Mirror Girl
Irredescent-Bones &
Haruo
Blue-The Pricipal of Saito High
"We're here!" they all cry simutaneously.
"Thank you all for coming." Haruto sweatdrops with nervous tension. "I know this isn't the school, but-"
"Nonsense," interrupts the Principal. "Just tell us what to do."
Haruto nods and addresses a small child in a floating mirror. "Mirror Girl, he likes mirrors. Can you do something about that?"
"Hai, Kaicho!" She floats over to Mr. Satan. "Konnichiwa?" she begins sweetly. "Will you play with me?"
"Wha-? A little girl? How cute." Mr. Satan smiles and nods. "Sure, little girl, I'll pl-" He turns blue. "You're- You're in a mirror!"
"Hai, I know," she replies happily.
Mr. Satan screams and runs away from Mirror Girl.
Haruto addresses the next two School Spirits. "Red Mantle, Giant, stop him!"
They both reply "Hai!" and cut off Satan's retreat.
Mr. Satan scowls. "What NOW!?! Oh! You don't look so tough! Why, I could take you with one arm!"
"You fancy yourself quite the looker, don't you?" asks Red Mantle.
"Whaddaya mean 'fancy?'" replies the fighter. "Women LOVE me!"
Red Mantle shakes his head gracefully. "It's all about grace, chivalry, and mystery, not power. You leave nothing to the imagination. You're stale."
"Miss Hanako, that's your cue!" says Haruto.
"Hai, Kaicho," replies the scantily-clad ghost. She floats over to Satan. "You see..." She reaches out almost touching Satan's face, but not quite. "It's like the desire for something you'll never have." Satan tries to grab her but she floats just out of his reach.
Haruto's eyes are fixed on the target, but he calls for the next spirit. "Nino?"
No response.
He tries again this time looking back. "Nino?"
"Kaicho!" The eleven-year-old, green-haired ghost cries desperately from Asahina's loving grasp.
"Asahina! Not now!" orders the kaicho.
"But, Kaicho..." whines the miko.
"No!" he replies firmly.
Asahina reluctantly releases Nino.
Nino pulls the wrinkles out of his clothes and looks up. "Yes, Kaicho?"
"Start explaining quantum physics to him," orders Haruto, "And make sure he's paying attention."
"Hai, Kaicho." He proceeds.
Haruto smiles. "Bones & Haruo, do what you do best."
"Kossac Dance?" the skeleton and anatomical model ask hopefully in unison. Haruto nods. "Hooray! Kossac Dance! Kossac Dance! It's FUN!"
"No!" cries Mr. Satan. "No more! I give up! AAAAaaaaahhh!"
Kazumi wakes from his slumber and climbs to his feet. "This is what you call painfully and slowly, Kaicho?"
Haruto looks at the havoc of all the school spirits, save one competing for the attention of one Hercule Satan. "Yes, Kazumi, I do. Principal, I wouldn't be adverse to you giving him a bit of a scare."
"Really?" really askes the short ghost.
Haruto nods. "Go ahead."
The Principal smiles and then screams at Satan with a huge head. Mr. Satan lets out a cry of defeat and collapses. Nino checks for a pulse and shakes his head.
Bones and Haruo continue their dance and chant, "Yeah! Kossac Dance works! Kossac Dance kills! Kossac Dance is fun!"
Asahina slaps her hands together as if she's brushing off dirt. "That's that I guess."
"Don't forget to collect your pay," the Principal reminds Haruto.
Haruto blinks and then asks, "What exactly is our pay?"
The Principal of Saito High smiles "Two new Hanakos and an entire possessed classroom complete with chalk that writes mystery messages."
Haruto twitches. "That was the pay for THIS!"
"OH, MY GOD!!!!"
Mission accomplished: June 7, 2001