An ElfQuest Story
by: Yuuki Miyaka
Disclaimer:
ElfQuest is the sole property of WaRP Graphics and Father Tree Press, and
they retain all rights and priveleges to it. The characters have been
borrowed solely for your enjoyment. The story idea is the author's, and
should be treated as such.
Warnings:
Angst, deathfic, male/male implications.
Full elves aren't supposed to die. We're supposed to be Forever. It's those humans-cursed Wolfriders who are supposed to die. The ones who still have wolf-blood in them. But full elves . . . we're supposed to live on, forever and ever, until time ends around us. And since forever is infinity, since time never truly ends, we aren't really supposed to, either.
It's my fault, I suppose. My fault for bringing him here, for making him choose the path of the full elf instead of that of his brothers. But until now, I thought I'd done him a favor. I honestly thought he would appreciate being able to see the future through eyes unafraid of death. It never occurred to me that he would still die, that he wouldn't be there. And because of that, it never occurred to me to tell him how I felt.
It's too late, now. Why should I burden him with my own feelings when he's in such pain? Instead, I hover at the door, watching as Leetah tends him and knowing that there is nothing I can do. Wondering if I am even welcome, though he's never really borne a grudge. But . . . it might be different now. It certainly should be.
He looks so frail, so fragile. I can feel a strange pain in my chest, a tightening for what I should never have to lose. Beside him, even Leetah's vibrant beauty pales. I hear a half-chuckle escape my lips, see his eyes flick toward the door, noticing me for the first time. He beckons me inside and I obey. I would always obey him. But he is not smiling. He is frowning. At me.
"Yes?" There are few people who hear my voice when it is like this, so quiet and full of tenderness. Leetah was one of them, but no longer. She and I . . . were not meant to be. I can see that now. I can see that because my heart is caught up in blue-grey eyes that shine like stars, even through the pain. I never expected to feel so strongly again. Certainly not for the best friend of my ever-rival, Cutter. Certainly not for Skywise. And yet, here it is, and here he is, and it's over before it's even begun.
I focus on his words before misery can drown me, answer his questions softly. The Palace and the stars. His eyes are ever locked above us all, higher than ever my own ambitions drove me. It is an almost-kinship I share with him, a way for us to understand each other. And after a few moments, Leetah leaves us and I shape a chair out of the Palace floor, sitting beside him. Just talking. Nothing else. Just talk. It is what he seems to need the most, and I would not refuse him anything were it in my power.
At length, the pain overwhelms him and he drifts away to sleep. I can only hope it is a dreamless slumber. I don't want to know what the pain would do to his dreams, how it might twist them into nightmares. I should leave. I know that. But . . . I take his hand. It is cool within mine, but not cold. There is still some life left within him. I could tell him. He could at least die knowing what I felt. But I will not. That is selfishness, and I can no longer be selfish. He deserves better.
Cutter is there, when I wake. He growls at me, and I growl back, thankful that Skywise is still asleep, that we haven't disturbed him. Cutter glares at me for a long time before I realize that the skywatcher's hand is still in mine. I let that small warmth go, settling it back onto the furs he rests on with infinite gentleness and am rewarded by Cutter's confusion for a long minute.
He starts to shake Skywise awake, and I pull him back. "No," I say in a voice I barely recognize as my own. He frowns at me, and I continue. "He needs sleep. The pain is getting too much for Leetah to block, even with the Palace's strengthening." I see the wolf-chief nod and hide my relieved breath. He does not need to know how great my worry is.
I turn to leave, only to be stopped by Leetah's presence. "It will be time soon, Rayek," she says gently, and I know I bear her sympathy. Or is it pity? It no longer matters to me which it is. "Stay. Say goodbye to him."
She knows. She has to know. I've seen the wisdom in those verdant eyes before. I can't even begin to comprehend how she knows, but she does. I shake my head, blessing the determination that brought me ten thousand years into the future. That determination will hide my tears until I am finally alone. Not even Ekuar can share this with me.
I see her nod, watch her back away from the door and let me past. It is all I can do to keep from running from that room, from the smell of death suddenly closing around me. How could I have ignored that scent for so long? How have I watched him for half a year with that odor hanging around and me never even smelling it? There are no answers to my questions.
I seek out the Scroll of Colors, needing to see what will happen. The future-howl is no surprise. They are still his brothers, though he is yet a full elf. But the knowledge of when now floods my soul, choking me. I had to know when, though up until now I've avoided that subject, avoided everything about him within the Scrolls lest it give too much away. By midnight, it will be over. Barely an hour after that, the howl will begin. I have only three hours to get myself into position for the homage I will pay him, only four until the raucous noise breaks my heart. It doesn't take much though, and I will have the hours to contemplate his life.
I spend the first two hours searching out his entire life, from birth until now. I can finally understand why his eyes were always in the sky. They are the same eyes his mother had. I can only wish that I had shared the same bond with him that Cutter did, that I had been able to admit my feelings to him. Anything.
The final of the three hours comes too quickly. I search out the highest tree in our part of the forest, climbing it with little effort. He can no longer be moved. It would cause him too much pain. And so, instead, I part the branches just above me, staring at the night-time sky as I lock minds with him.
At first, he is rebellious. There's a tremendous strength within him, holding him here. But when he understands my wish, he lets me in. Our souls brush—just the edges, though the touch makes my heart sing—and he starts, but I lock down the feelings before he can ask me about them. Instead, I show him the sky, the moon, the stars, knowing that he would wish it and knowing that no one else has thought to give him this.
I can feel his gratitude, his joy at being able to see the stars. And I can feel both slide away from me as he does. His soul will never be content in the Palace. And though he has given up the wolf-blood, I know he will not give up his place in the forest, among the living things and under those incredible stars. And the last thing I feel from him is understanding. Understanding of what I feel. Understanding of the stars. I'm not sure which. It doesn't matter.
I stay there, staring at the sky, until I hear the wolves howling. And then, head bowed, I make my way down the tree and back to the Palace. They've taken his body, but they left the lodestone. Leetah brings it to me, telling me that at the last, Skywise whispered that it was mine.
I see my own dark hand close around it, see that there is a new string braided and holding it. A string of his hair. My beloved knew long before this night. He had to, to complete such a task. And as I stare at it, one thought rings through my mind. Full elves aren't supposed to die. We're supposed to be Forever.