BAMDAMMMster Prompt of the Week: "I am my own worst enemy."
As usual, I don't own these amazing characters, I am just taking them on a ride! They will be returned to the Duffster!
Enjoy!
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Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have ever but my team and most of all, the Captain, in danger because of my actions. I just had so much bottled up anger and I had no way to release. So, when I came across a jerk of a suspect, who tries to resist arrest, I can't help it. I know that it is wrong to release my personal frustrations on them, but they tend to trigger something in me. I wanted to work on my anger but I didn't understand how counseling could change it. I started my IA mandated Anger Management and it did nothing for me. I still pummeled, Jesus of Nazareth's face in.
The look on the Captain's face when she called me into her office was so heartbreaking. I still remember the day like it was yesterday:
"Detective Sanchez, can I see you in my office please?" Captain Raydor says as she holds the door open for me. I can tell she is dealing with a lot, between my anger issues and Stroh's escape, her mind must be running a mile a minute.
I walk into the office and take a seat, she closes the door and the blinds, as the entire team is looking in the window.
She takes a seat and places a folder on her desk and pulls out a form, "Julio, before I ask you to sign this, I just wanted to tell you that I support you as your Captain and as your friend, but I cannot continue to allow you to behave in the manner in which, you are prone to do. Your anger has gotten completely out of control. I was rooting for you to get it under control by attending the Anger Management sessions." She slides the form over to me and I as I read it over, my face becomes flushed and saddened. I can see the sheer hurt in her eyes. "Julio, I am sorry to inform you that as of today, you are placed on five months of unpaid leave, and during that time you must complete 250 hours of Anger Management and 50 hours of community service. If you have any questions, please let me know before you sign the document." She says as she slides the paper over to me. I feel a knot forming in my throat. I want to speak, but I can't find the right words. She watches me for any sign of confusion. I reach for the pen in my pocket and begin to sign the form. I stop mid signature and confess, "Ma'am I am so sorry for any problems that I have caused you and the team." I finish signing the paper and I look up at her, she has tears welling up in her eyes. "Ma'am I am truly sorry for tarnishing your faith in me." I whisper as I slide the paper back to her. "Julio, you did worse, you disappointed me." She confesses as she adds her signature to the form. It hurts to hear her say she is disappointed in me, but I know she has every right to be. "Is there anything else, ma'am?" I inquire as I stand up. She shakes her head no. As I walk out, I hear her release a deep sigh.
Today, I am at my final session with Behavioral Science and the therapist asked me to invite the person, who would be the proudest of my accomplishments, so I chose two people, Lieutenant Provenza and Captain Raydor. As they are sitting here listening to the therapist, I can see they are proud of how far I have come.
"Julio, are you ready to tell them now?" Dr. Baker asks.
"Yes, ma'am, I am." I say with pride.
"Captain and Lieutenant, I want to thank both of you for having so much faith in me. I know it hasn't been easy. Both of you could have given up on me a long time ago, and I appreciate that you didn't. Also, through the course of my therapy, I have come to one vital conclusion: I am my own worst enemy. I have the ability to control myself and the actions that I take. I now know that is all about the will to want to do better. I now have tapped into that will, thanks to Dr. Baker and her wonderful methods of coping." I say proudly. The Captain has tears of happiness in her eyes, as the Lieutenant is beaming with gratitude.
"You are more than welcome, Julio." Captain says.
"I knew you could do it all along." Lieutenant says as he stands up to give me a handshake.
"Well, Julio that concludes our final session. You are all cleared to return to work Monday morning! I hope to hear nothing but good things from your division and IA about you from now on." Dr. Baker says, as she stands up to give me a handshake.
"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot, Melissa wanted me to give you these delicious Gluten-free chocolate chip cookies." Dr. Baker says walking over to her desk to retrieve them. "Melissa! Who is that Julio?" Lieutenant teases as he pats me on the back. "Isn't that your receptionist, Dr. Baker?" The Captain inquires with a mysterious glint in her eyes. "Mmm, hmm." Dr. Baker confirms. "Oh wow, Julio! It looks like you have caught the attention, of a cougar!" The Captain teases before she laughs hysterically. "A what?" The Lieutenant inquires. "Come on Louie, I'll explain on our walk back across the street. Glaring at the Captain using his first name, he utters, "Ye, Gods!"
Walking out of the session, the Captain pulls me aside and says, "Thank you for reestablishing my faith in you." I smile and say, "You are very welcome, ma'am." I pull her into a hug and she is surprised, but I feel her hug me back. I release her from the hug and I say, "I could tell you were holding back in there." She laughs and nods. "Idiots!" is what we hear Lieutenant mumble as he is snacking on one of the best cookies known to man.
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