Hanayo had always wanted to be idol for as long as she could remember.
She practiced everyday, remembering all the dance steps of the beautiful idols she watched on TV, remembered smiling up at her mother when she finally did a routine without any mistakes, remembered Rin-chan clapping excitedly for her when she performed a routine for her. They always had so much energy, running all over the stage, dancing and singing their hearts out. Their voices were always so clear and powerful as they sang, a sharp contrast to Hanayo's timid squeaks when she talked.
Hanayo wanted to be an idol because they were everything she wasn't.
"Those girls are looking to recruit, why don't you join them?" Rin had asked her again, frowning down at her. Hanayo looked away from her, shaking her head.
"I... I still need some time," she mumbled, "s-something like this... it's... it takes some time to fully decide, you know?"
"Kayo-chin!" Rin bent down, looking at her worriedly. "You've always wanted to be an idol for as long as you can remember! And now you have that chance in front of you! Why don't you do it?"
"B-because... um... I..." Hanayo laughed nervously. "I just need more time." Rin looked as if she was about to protest again before Hanayo looked at her pleadingly. "Please, Rin-chan."
Rin still looked unconvinced, but she nodded slowly. "Okay, Kayo-chin, but you gotta make the decision soon! Otherwise, you're joining track with me!"
Hanayo tried not to let out a squeak at that. That was something she could do, considering it only involved running and nothing complicated like volleyball or sports, but it was still something really physical and that... really didn't suit her at all. At least, the only physical thing she wanted to do was...
Hanayo sighed, waving goodbye to Rin. She had to try not to flush when her friend only smiled teasingly at her, patting her on the back and whispering "say hi for me, nya!" before running off, most likely to the nearest ramen restaurant.
Passing through the music room, Hanayo heard the voice of her classmate once again, slowly filtering through the closed door.
Maki Nishikino, the smartest girl in their grade who always got the highest scores in every subject. Maki Nishikino, who the girls in μ's were doggedly following in order to recruit her. Maki Nishikino, whose piano playing and singing entranced Hanayo and she would gladly listen to it forever if she could.
Her voice was beautiful, Hanayo thought, and that was why she was better suited to be an idol instead of her.
Hanayo began to regret not keeping herself in shape as she bent over, breathing heavily.
"It's not good if you do that," she heard someone speak above her. In the next second, she was pushed upright, blinking up at Maki. "Always keep upright. Breathe in your nose, out your mouth," she instructed. "Take in as much air as you can."
"O-oh, um, okay," Hanayo said, trying to follow Maki's advice despite the temptation to bend back down. Eventually, after several large breaths, she began to feel better though that just meant everything inside burned less than it did before. "T-thank you, Maki-chan."
"Yeah, no problem," Maki answered, drinking from her water bottle after.
Hanayo took a long sigh, picking up her towel to dabble at her forehead. As she looked around, it didn't even look as if anyone else was as winded as she was, breathing close to normal. Rin was already recovered and playing tricks on Nico-senpai, laughing loudly.
A sudden bout of clapping made Hanayo turn her head to where Umi-senpai was now standing, in front of the rooftop entrance. "Alright, we're done for today, good work everyone," she called out. "Remember to work on what I told you today, and we're also having practice tomorrow morning too, don't forget!" With that, μ's disbanded for the day.
After changing back into her school uniform, Hanayo noticed the second years had already left, with Honoka-senpai shouting she had to go to work and the other two quickly following afterward, saying their goodbyes. The only ones left were Rin, Maki, and her.
"M-Maki-chan," Hanayo began, stuttering as she still found it strange to be using Maki's name, "are you still going to the music room?"
"Hm?" Maki turned around. "I guess. We got out early today for practice so there's still some time before it gets dark."
"Ah, um, okay." Hanayo paused, wondering if it was fine to ask if she could... join. It was awkward, because all the other times she was listening to Maki, she had been secretly standing outside the door, never announcing her presence, just listening to Maki. It was... kind of creepy now that Hanayo began to think about it, and she realized that maybe Maki thought of her as such.
"Kayo-chin!" Rin came over at that moment, and Hanayo was glad for the distraction, turning to her friend. "Hey, are you gonna go listen to Maki-chan again?" Hanayo let out a mortified squeak. It didn't help when Maki paused, about to walk out the door and turned around, staring at the two of them strangely.
"Um," Hanayo could only said in her embarrassment, fidgeting and trying not to look at Maki. Rin glanced between the both of them before she smiled, patting Hanayo on the back.
"Kayo-chin really likes listening to you, Maki-chan. She always stands outside the music door all the time just to listen to you, nya!" Rin revealed with a cheeky grin, trying not to laugh when both of their cheeks began to flame even further.
"R-R-Rin-chan, that's, um..." Hanayo didn't even know what to say. Rin only turned to her with a thumbs-up before looking back at the other girl.
"So, Maki-chan," Rin began, smiling mischievously, "how about letting your biggest fan listen to you?" And Rin pushed Hanayo toward Maki with a cheerful shout.
And this was how Hanayo found herself into what undoubtedly had to be one of the most awkward moments she had ever been in, as she sat in the music room, trying not to flinch away at how close she was sitting next to Maki on the piano bench.
"So..." Maki began, twirling her hair as she looked everywhere her. "Anything you want to listen to?"
Hanayo blinked. "H-huh?"
"I-I mean, you're here to, uh, listen to me right? So... anything you want me to play?"
"Uh... I'm... I'm fine with anything?" Hanayo only answered, not knowing what else to say. It was apparently the wrong thing to say because Maki sighed and said nothing else, still twirling her hair. "I-I mean... I was... always listening to you so... um..." Hanayo began to mumble, "sorry, you probably think it's weird of me to listen to you all the time and I'm bothering you, and I... um... I'm sorry!" Hanayo stood up, running out the door.
Or she would have, if she didn't suddenly jerk back, blinking when she realized something was on her arm. Turning around, she found Maki hunched over on the bench, about to fall over from lunging to grab Hanayo. "H-hey!" she said, frowning at Hanayo, "I didn't even say anything, why are you leaving?"
"B-because! Um..." Hanayo stopped herself, unsure of what else to say now. Maki sighed, pulling herself upright.
"Just... sit here," she muttered, scooting back. Hanayo was too mortified to do otherwise, trying to sit back down without making as much noise as possible. "Okay... so..." and there was nothing else said, another awkward silence again.
"... um, your hand is still on me," Hanayo decided to point out. Maki blinked, whipping her head to where her hand was indeed still on Hanayo and promptly opened it, releasing Hanayo's arm and drawing her hand back slowly. Hanayo pushed her hands into her lap, eyes darting everywhere except at the girl next to her.
"Argh!" Maki suddenly exclaimed, pushing her hands onto the keys. Hanayo flinched at the terrible sound the piano made at all the keys crashing together, staring at Maki in horror. "Sorry," she apologized, "I was just... it's how I clear my head sometimes." Hanayo only nodded, still too surprised to say anything.
"Do... you play the piano for... um, fun?" Hanayo decided to ask.
"... I guess?" Maki began to play something with one hand, fingers seamlessly going across the keyboard. Ah, wait, Hanayo could recognize this, it wasn't a song but... a... warm-up... it was at the tip of her tongue, something with a s–
"The only thing I can do is play the piano for fun, at this point," Maki muttered, pressing sharply on the final key of her warm-up, frowning at it.
"Y-your playing and singing are really beautiful though! I really like hearing it," Hanayo said earnestly. The way Maki sang so confidently, with her voice so powerful and clear, always left a deep impression with Hanayo.
"... mm." Maki hummed, shrugging afterward. "I suppose I'll have more chances to sing, now that I'm... a school idol." She said the words as if they were foreign, making a strange face to accompany them. Hanayo let out a quiet laugh at that.
"Being an idol is really fun!" Hanayo couldn't help the smile as she talked about her favorite topic. "The way they always look like they have so much fun with how they make everyone else so happy... it's nice, isn't it?"
"I don't know much about idols so I can't really say anything about it," Maki replied, twirling her hair as she glanced at Hanayo. "Is that why you want to be one?"
"... um!" Hanayo fidgeted, caught off guard by the sudden question for some reason. "I... er... I... guess..." her voice trailed off inaudibly at the end. Maki made a humming sound, raising a brow.
"Really, you want to be an idol, but you're so... shy."
"I..." Hanayo averted her eyes, voice quiet. "I know." How couldn't she, when she heard the same thing countless times in her mind?
"... Hanayo, if you want, I can still, uh, help you. I said I'd give you... advice, right?"
Hanayo snapped her head up, staring at Maki. "Er!? R-really? You... would do that?"
"... didn't I say that before?"
"But that was... um, before you said you wanted to join."
"... the offer still stands!" Maki looked as if she was about to scowl before she took a deep breath, keeping her face impassive. "I know you're still self-conscious about yourself, and the only way you're only going to get better is if you keep practicing. I can help you with your singing." Maki began to twirl her hair, beginning to look away from her for whatever reason Hanayo couldn't figure out. "The only reason... I'm good today is because I dedicated myself to practicing all the time. Just worrying about it all the time isn't going to do any good for anyone, least of all you. So..."
"B-but I don't want to be a bother to you!" Hanayo began to wave her hands. "I mean, it's fine, you don't have to go out of your way..."
"Hanayo," Maki said, turning to her fully, "like I said before, I can give you advice on music, it's no big deal. And if you get more confident in your abilities, then you won't be so shy anymore!"
"Y-you don't need to trouble yourself with someone... like me..." Hanayo mumbled, glancing down at the floor.
"... alright, then tell me that." Hanayo snapped her head up, blinking at Maki. "Tell me, what do you want to do?" Maki crossed her arms as she stared at her. "If you tell me loudly and clearly what you want to do, then I'll follow with whatever you want."
Hanayo opened her mouth, about to tell Maki she didn't want to bother her, until she paused, blinking at the girl before her. Why... was Maki being so obstinate about someone like her? Hanayo didn't know why, but with the way Maki stared at her so intensely... it made her want to...
"I want..." Hanayo said before she took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She straightened her back as she gazed at Maki. "I want to get better," she said, and though her body trembled, her voice was as firm and sure, just like when she asked to join μ's. "Please help me!" She finished with a deep bow.
"Hanayo." At the sound of her name, she slowly looked back up, blinking at Maki. The corners of Maki's lips twitched but Hanayo wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not as Maki turned back to face the piano. Maki lifted her hands, resting them upon the keys before glancing at Hanayo.
"... well, your first lesson starts now then."
When she registered the words in her mind, Hanayo nodded eagerly, smiling widely.
She took a deep breath, listening to the familiar sounds of the piano accompanying her. She waited a few more seconds before opening her mouth, trying to match the pitch of the piano. Even as the notes climbed higher and Hanayo felt her voice strain, she still tried her best to match them. Hanayo wasn't sure how long it went on until finally, she could hear the piano no more.
Afterward, Hanayo let out a deep breath, trying to breathe as she put her hand on her chest. "Good work," Maki murmured where she sat at the piano bench. "You sound much better today."
"R-really?" Hanayo turned to look at her hopefully.
"Yeah, you're definitely improving."
"Yeah?" Hanayo couldn't help the smile, looking at Maki excitedly. Her smile only grew when Maki returned it with a small one, nodding. She was smiling more, Hanayo noticed, and she absently thought that it made Maki look even more pretty than she already was.
"W-well, of course," Maki said, suddenly turning away as her cheeks turned pink, "I'm helping you so if you weren't improving, it'd look bad on me too." By now, Hanayo had realized many of Maki's mannerisms, and that this was her own strange way of saying that she was glad to help.
"Of course," Hanayo answered, smiling at her.
"You... feel better, don't you?" Maki asked. Hanayo looked at her questioningly, about to answer that she felt fine, until she realized what Maki really was looking for.
"I'm..." Hanayo nodded, smiling gratefully at she looked at Maki. "Yes. I feel... a lot better than we started. Being an idol... it doesn't really feel like something so far away now, with all the help you've been giving me!" When Maki praised her and told her that she was improving, Hanayo really did feel that her dream of being an idol was no longer something unattainable, especially for someone like her. Even if slowly, her abilities were slowly improving, and Hanayo relished in the rare feeling of having confidence for once.
"It's not so bad, right?" Maki answered easily, smiling at her. "You're doing better at matching pitch than you were in the beginning, so maybe we should try holding the notes longer?" she asked, looking at her thoughtfully. Hanayo nodded, eager for more now that she knew she was steadily improving. Until she caught the time on the clock hanging on the wall, and she gasped, turning her eyes to the window where the sky was now a dark orange.
"O-oh! It's already so late!"
"Hm?" Maki turned to look at the time too, the corners of her mouth turning down slightly. "Huh, I didn't realize it was already so late. Our practices are dragging on later and later, aren't they?"
"Y-yeah, they are." Hanayo glanced back down at where Maki sat, taking a deep breath before she began to mumble. "Um, if... you don't mind, would you like to get dinner together?" Before Maki could even answer though, she began to wave her hands, completely embarrassed. "I-I mean, I just want to repay you back for everything you've been doing for me and..."
"You don't have to do that!" Maki made a face. "It sounds like I wasn't doing it for you." Her face began to redden as she began to shake her head. "I-I mean, I wanted to help you because I said I would and you looked sad–uh!" She stopped talking, pointedly looking away now.
Instead of fidgeting awkwardly though, Hanayo smiled, laughing softly. Maki was strange, completely opposite of straightforward and honest Rin, but Hanayo liked this flustered side of Maki. "Please, I want to do this," she said, looking at Maki pleadingly. And Maki's face turned completely red, blinking at her strangely before she whipped her head away, muttering a quick "fine."
… and Hanayo realized she should have thought this plan better as she walked outside the school gates with Maki, neither of them having spoken a word since agreeing to her plan.
Hanayo was used to walking to places with Rin and her friend would always fill the silences with enthusiastic outbursts, talking about anything. Even sometimes, Maki would join them after school (mostly because Rin would drag her out), and Rin would be eager enough for the both of them, getting them to open up. But Rin wasn't here, and it was only her and Maki this time. There was nothing but silence that made Hanayo tense, fidgeting with her bag as she thought about what to talk about. It didn't help that Maki was being quiet as well, looking all around them.
Hanayo opened her mouth, about to ask what Maki wanted to eat for dinner, when she glimpsed something out of the corner of her eye. Attention momentarily taken, she let out a sharp gasp as she realized what it was, dashing to the front of the store with a bounce in her step. She gasped loudly, mouth open as she read the words on the poster and, more importantly, the date on it.
"A-ah! The single was already released!?" She quickly whipped her phone out, staring at the date flashing on her phone, matching the same one on the poster. "Oh! I completely forgot all about it! I was supposed to pick up a copy! Oh no..."
"... hey!" Maki ran up to her then, looking at her strangely. "Y-you just took off! What was that about?"
"M-Maki-chan!" Hanayo turned to her, and Maki stepped back from the intense look in her eyes. "Is it okay if we make a quick detour right now? I just have to buy her album really quick and then we'll get dinner around the area!"
"Eh?" Maki blinked at her, turning to look at the poster, brightly colored and full of sparkles with a girl in the middle, holding a CD in her hands along with a date. "What?"
"This idol just released a new album today! I'm probably late already and it might be all sold out but I really want to check out the store right now!"
"Can't... can't you pick it up some other day? Does it have to be now?"
"Yes! It has to be–" and Hanayo blinked suddenly, shrinking back. " Oh, um, s-sorry, I... I forgot, um... I can pick it up by myself, that's okay," she laughed nervously, turning back to the sidewalk. "A-anyway! Let's get dinner!"
"Wait!" Maki reached out, grabbing Hanayo's arm. "I... don't mind going with you, if that's what you really want."
"Er?" Hanayo turned back. "You don't have to do that! I mean, yeah, I can pick it up any other day, it's okay." She tried to smile reassuringly though she still couldn't help but feel that nervousness she still had when alone with Maki. She didn't do a very good job though, because Maki only sighed, shaking her head exasperatedly.
"I don't really understand, but this is important to you, right?" she gestured ahead of them. "So... um... it's fine. We're already out this way anyway so..."
"A-are you sure?" Hanayo waved her hands, still trying to refuse. "It's okay, really, I can go–"
"Hanayo." And she let out a tiny squeak, nodding her head quickly before leading the way. Maki trailed behind her before eventually catching up, their steps falling into tandem now as they walked together again in silence.
"Why do you like idols so much anyway?" and Maki broke the silence with the question of the century.
Hanayo blinked as she thought about that answer. "Um... idols..." she sneaked a glance at Maki. "Have you... ever seen an idol concert before?"
"No, I haven't."
"U-um!" Hanayo began to wave her hand vaguely as she struggled to explain. "It's like... an idol concert... it's just... they always have so much energy, and they're always singing and dancing everywhere, and they always have a smile on, and everyone smiles with them. They always know what to say, and everyone's always so excited to see them too! And they just look so pretty and sparkling! It's just... everything is so amazing and wonderful, you know?"
Hanayo couldn't help but keep her eyes down at the ground as she spoke. "Idols are... so amazing and incredible... I... I want to be able to do that too," she admitted, voice even more quiet than usual.
Maki stared at her, as if caught off guard by what she had said. "You... really like idols, huh." And she smiled, glancing at Hanayo out of the corner of her eyes. "That's fine too," she said, and Hanayo let out the breath she didn't know she held.
It started when Umi looked at them all and said, "I think we should ask Eli-senpai for help."
They did, and Hanayo couldn't help the feeling of dread creeping into her as their senior stared at them with eyes narrowed and brow furrowed, studying them. Hanayo nearly flinched when those cold eyes swept over her, pushing her hands together as she tried to make herself seem smaller.
Then Eli-senpai started making them do stretches, and that was when Hanayo knew nothing was going to end well. She knew it, when she lost her balance and crashed to the ground painfully.
"That's enough, you're all done," she heard, and Hanayo wanted nothing more than to curl up and lay there on the ground.
After Eli-senpai left and Umi said they were done for the day, that was when Hanayo let out a deep sigh, wincing at the soreness of her entire body at what had to be the hardest workout she had ever done in her life. It didn't help that her whole body ached from when she had fallen, and she hissed slightly at the scrapes and cuts along her arms.
"Kayo-chin, are you okay?" Rin asked worriedly, laying a comforting hand on her back. "Are you still hurt from falling down?"
"I'm... I'm okay," Hanayo said with a smile, shaking her head. "It's nothing that won't mess with me."
"Hanayo." She turned her head to find Maki next to her, looking uncertain for some reason. "You're... um, okay?" she asked.
"Y-yeah!" Hanayo quickly nodded. "I'm fine, that's normal of practice, right?"
"That wasn't normal practice," Maki muttered, shaking her head. "Today was tiring so I'll be heading home instead of going to the music room. Is that okay with you?" She looked at Hanayo, raising a brow.
Hanayo blinked, wondering why Maki thought to ask her before leaving. "Y-yeah! That's, um, fine with me. S-see you tomorrow!"
"... bye," Maki said, nodding to the both of them, but Hanayo thought she looked at her strangely before leaving.
She walked home with Rin, trying to ignore how her friend was shooting her worried glances. Rin had always helped her before, but this... after a few days, it would pass, she kept telling herself. Pushing down the uneasiness building up, she turned to Rin, smiling easily.
"Kayo-chin, you're not feeling alright, are you?" Rin asked a few days later, as she stood over Hanayo's desk, watching her pack her things into the bag before they headed over to the clubroom.
"I-it's nothing!" she said, shaking her head. There really was no use trying to fool someone who had known her her entire life. "I guess I'm... still a little shaken up by Eli-senpai, you know?" Hanayo laughed nervously. "I mean, she was really intimidating and that... really left an impression on me so..."
"Oh yeah, I know what you mean." Rin shuddered, grimacing. "I get so scared going through the hallways, I don't want to see her, nya!"
"Y-yeah, just... give me a few more days, and I'll be fine!" Hanayo said with a nod, looking at her friend. Rin smiled at her, holding out her hand.
"Then, let's go to practice, nya!" Hanayo allowed herself to be helped up, mood improving with Rin's happy attitude.
"Are you two ready?" and Maki came over, raising a brow at the both of them. They nodded at her and made their way to the clubroom together.
Hanayo's mood deflated again when Umi only clapped loudly again, stopping them all in the middle of their practice. "No, this isn't enough!" Umi let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through her hair. "We're still... missing..." she sighed again, rubbing her head.
"Umi-chan, maybe... we should just call it here then?" Kotori spoke up, looking at her and everyone worriedly. "It's not going to be good getting ourselves worked up, you know?
"There's... it's..." Umi frowned, and everyone tensed up, scared that she would tell them to continue. To everyone's surprise and relief, she only nodded curtly, sweeping her eyes over all of them. "Alright. Tomorrow, we'll ask Eli-senpai for help again." She ignored Nico's groan. "Get some rest until then."
Everyone was quiet in the clubroom as they changed back into their uniforms, nothing but the sound of cloth rustling instead of the usual chatter. Hanayo was slower than usual today, too distracted to realize that she was buttoning her uniform wrong. She caught it, hastily fixing herself but her hands shook more than usual.
"Hanayo." At the sound of her name, she turned around, blinking at Maki who called out her name. Strangely, Rin was next to her, looking suspicious as her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them.
"You're gonna be going off with Maki-chan to the music room, right?" Rin asked. Hanayo wanted to say no, not today, but for some reason Maki nodded, crossing her arms.
"Let's practice today," she only said in a firm voice, and Hanayo blinked at how... insistent she sounded. Rin nodded, smile on her face as she waved goodbye to both of them.
"Okay! I'll text you later tonight, Kayo-chin! See you tomorrow then, Maki-chan, Kayo-chin!" and before Hanayo could protest, Rin was already gone from sight. Hanayo sighed, resigning herself.
"... well, let's head over," Maki said, opening the door for Hanayo.
The entire walk there was silent between the both of them, with Hanayo nervously wringing her hands as she walked, hoping they would never reach the music room. She knew that staying quiet would eventually rouse Maki's suspicions, but there was nothing to help her mood, as she felt it steadily worsen with each step closer to the music room. Eventually, they reached their destination, and Hanayo murmured a quick thank you to Maki who held the door open again for her.
"... Hanayo," Maki said as she closed the door behind her, looking at her strangely, "is... there something... wrong?"
"N-nothing!" Hanayo squeaked out, though she knew that was most unconvincing thing she had ever said, when even Maki looked at her dubiously. "Um, I mean... no..."
"If you're trying to get me to stop asking, you're not doing a very good job," Maki said, crossing her arms with a huff. Maki's heavy stare broke Hanayo's resolve and she sighed, moving her eyes away. Maki was always direct and blunt, and Hanayo was silly for even trying to hide in the first place. After all, without Maki's help, she couldn't be here today, and she felt completely guilty for voicing her next thoughts...
She swallowed before she spoke. "It's... I just... um, I... I couldn't do the practices that Eli-senapi made us do," Hanayo mumbled, unable to look at Maki. "Because I fell down... Eli-senpai didn't think we were..."
"Is that really what got you bothered?" It didn't help when Maki only sighed, and Hanayo felt like she was being silly for worrying so much. "I mean, none of us could do it! Except maybe Umi-senpai, but she's already well-trained from..." Maki waved her hand vaguely, "everything she does."
"I-I know, but I just... I just feel..." Hanayo let out a deep breath, twisting her hands nervously together. "I can't help but feel like it was my fault for Eli-senpai not taking us seriously..."
"... with the way she keeps trying to stop us, I don't think she would have accepted us even if we were able to practice perfectly," Maki muttered. "Come on, don't let it bother you."
"I..." Hanayo was still uneasy, pushing her mouth into a thin line in her worry. "I just... I'm..."
"Hanayo, really, what's wrong?" Maki raised her hand, looking as if she was about to put it on Hanayo's shoulder before she paused, letting it drop. "There's something else bothering you, isn't it?"
"N-no!" Hanayo shook her head, but once again, she was still too easy to see through, when Maki only gave her a look that clearly said otherwise. "I just... I think... that I'm... not really cut out to be an idol," she whispered, closing her eyes as she faced the ground. "I can't... really..." she trailed off, not wanting to speak because she felt if she continued, the tears she was trying desperately to hold back would fall.
"... you talked so much about wanting to be an idol, why do you have so many doubts now?" Maki said, eyes wide with disbelief. "Look at everyone else! We're not exactly perfect but—"
"Because!" Hanayo closed her eyes, shaking her head. "Because… you… you don't understand… I'm… I'm not like everyone else. I can't sing as well as everyone else and… I'm not... physically fit like everyone else... and I can't even do Eli-senpai's practices… I just…"
"Then are you going to give up, just like that?" Maki spoke in a low voice. She stepped forward, grabbing Hanayo's shoulders, forcing her to look up at her. "Tell me, are you just going to give up on your dream?!"
"I…" Hanayo whimpered, shaking her head as she tried not to let the tears fall down. "I… I don't want to—"
"Then don't!" Hanayo whipped her head to her, almost shrinking back at Maki's angry look. She wanted to listen to Maki but she found words slipping out of her before she realized.
"But I can't do anything!" Hanayo didn't care that her face was wet now. "I don't have the energy and stamina like all of you, I don't have the confidence to stand on stage like all of you, I'm always so shy and everyone's so much better and I don't have any good points about myself—"
"Hanayo!" She stopped at the shout of her name, flinching. Maki's hands were tight around her shoulders but she didn't look as if she was conscious of it, as she narrowed her eyes at Hanayo.
"Are you even listening to yourself right?" Maki asked, her voice low. "Are you telling me that everything you did, everything we did together, didn't mean anything to you?" Hanayo shook her head as she whimpered.
"It did but! I... I just–"
"You've wanted to be an idol for as long as you remember! I've never heard you complain about practice! You even spend extra time after to practice your singing! You do so much work to improve yourself because you understand what you don't have and know how hard you have to work." Maki shook her again, forcing Hanayo to look up at her. Violet eyes bored into each other as Maki spoke her next words, "But how would any of that matter if you don't believe in yourself?"
Hanayo flinched, recoiling back as she gaped at Maki. "I... I'm..." She blinked rapidly, staring at Maki incredulously. "I just... why? I... um, not to be... mean, but um, why?" Hanayo was often good at voicing her thoughts (when she had the courage to voice them) but she found a knot in her throat when she tried to continue speaking. Thankfully, Maki understood and to Hanayo's surprise, her face softened as did her grip, sliding her hands off of Hanayo's shoulders.
"Because... I don't..." Maki sighed deeply, suddenly subdued. "I know... how it feels to... have to give up something you love doing... and I don't want to see you do that," she admitted. Hanayo felt new tears forming in her eyes as she listened to Maki, choking up at the melancholy and resignation she heard from Maki's voice.
She averted her eyes in shame, shaking her head. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, unable to look at Maki in the eyes. She hated this moment of weakness and she was sure Maki was disappointed with her now. Hanayo was used to disappointing herself, but she didn't want to disappoint Maki. "I'm... I'm sorry," she mumbled again, quietly sobbing.
She blinked suddenly when something was thrust in front of her. Looking up, she found Maki holding out a handkerchief. "H-here," she said, pushing it toward Hanayo, "you can use this. I-I mean, it's... kind of my fault you were crying."
"O-oh! Um, thank you," Hanayo mumbled, gingerly taking it and wiping her own face, trying to keep her sniffling down. She already felt guilty enough for her earlier outburst and now she was using Maki's handkerchief.
"Hanayo, you're..." Maki began, pausing for a moment to gather her words, "you're... you're doing okay. As long as you don't give up, that's the only thing that matters." And Maki smiled, though it looked more like a smirk as she tilted her head. "I'm... I'm here for you, you're not alone in this. Rin's with you, and everyone else too. So we're all just... moving ahead, together. I mean, that's what μ's is about, right?" She began to scratch her cheek, looking as if she said something embarrassing. "I mean... it's normal to feel down sometimes but... don't do it... all the time, you know? It makes me mad when you talk about yourself like that."
And Hanayo couldn't help but laugh, more at herself than anything. Of course, as she remembered now, when she recalled that empty auditorium and how Honoka-senpai still wanted to push forward with μ's in spite of all the challenges that laid ahead. And if she hadn't, Hanayo wouldn't have been able to join this wonderful group and be given this opportunity to do what she had always wanted.
"Y-yeah," she said, smiling tearfully. "Thank you for... not giving up on me."
"... and it isn't as if I'm really perfect either," Maki began to mutter, raising her hand to twirl her hair. "I still have a lot of trouble smiling naturally and trying to be..." she trailed off with a grimace. Hanayo laughed again, realizing what Maki was trying to do. Maki only gave her an exasperated smile before she looked away, suddenly nervous.
"Uh, since, I made you cry," Maki said, shushing Hanayo when she tried to protest, "I... I guess I'll, um... do whatever you want, then." She turned to look at her, guilty look on her face. "If you want, you can go home, I won't mind. O-or, I'll even treat you out to something i-if you want," she began to stutter in her nervousness, quickly spinning around to hide her face. "J-jeez, Rin owes me for this..." she heard Maki muttering. She wasn't sure what that meant, but if Maki was insisting... there was something Hanayo did want right now.
She reached out then, grabbing Maki's sleeve. Maki stopped, turning around anxiously, face red from embarrassment and guilt. Hanayo couldn't help the smile, trying to reassure the other girl. She shook her head, glancing toward the piano. "U-um... if it's okay... just... for today, can I listen to you instead?" she asked shyly. "Your singing and playing always inspire me so..."
Maki blinked at her and followed her gaze, letting out a fond smile when she found it was on the piano. Tentatively, she raised her hand to where Hanayo's was on her sleeve, pulling on her gently as she led them to the piano. "Yeah, sure, of course."
A/N: This is probably the most stuttering I've ever done in a fic. I think I made Hanayo too, uh, self-conscious. Thanks for reading.