Title: You're Standing at a Crossroad (There's a Choice You Gotta Make)
Category: Glee
Genre: Drama/Romance
Ship: Puck/Rachel, mentioned Finn/Rachel
Rating: Teen
Prompt: Picture / "I need to know you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently." by sarcastic_fina – puckrachel drabble meme (part 8)
Word Count: 2,081
Summary: "It's all you, Rachel! We're just choices in your happily ever after… You either pick the guy that breaks your heart every damn time or you pick me…"
You're Standing at a Crossroad (There's a Choice You Gotta Make)
-1/1-
Puck really thought he was done with this fucked up triangle in high school. When he hit New York with Rachel, Kurt and Blaine, no tall, dopey, Finn Hudson to be seen, he really thought this was his chance. And he fucking took it! Sure, things were casual. She was just starting out her life and she was still pretty raw from the Finchel Show that went on two years too long. But now, he was her designated Friday night date; for drinks and shows and exploring the city.
For months, he was the guy on her arm. He showed her the smoky blues bars he found, where they'd stay out until three in the morning, just immersed in music while he drank his beer and she sipped her fruity girl drinks. They found a diner that legit made the best breakfast he'd ever had in his life and she dubbed it theirs. They had a coffee shop and a favorite take-out place and they had certain days for each. They had a routine. And he… He really fucking liked it. Like it wasn't suffocating at all!
He always kind of thought being tied down to one girl would mean handing over his balls. And Lauren was a pretty good example of that. He was always walking on egg shells with her and he did everything on her terms. He thought that's what would make her happy, but in the end she dumped him because he wasn't man enough for her! The fuck ever.
Rachel never expected him to be somebody else. There were things he did for her, things he knew would make her happy, but he didn't do it because she asked it or wanted it. He did it because he liked being the guy that made her smile; the guy she could lean on for anything. He wanted to prove to her that the leading man she was looking for was right there, within reach.
He thought he had. Or at least, he thought he was close.
But then Finn was at the door and he had flowers. He was grinning and apologizing and saying all these epic things like, "I knew that losing you was the dumbest thing I'd ever done… And if it means being in New York, then it's worth it. 'Cause you're worth it!"
Puck knew, as his heart sunk into the floor, that she would take him back. She would open her arms and invite him right back in, and Puck would be out the door. Try again next time…
And she did. Kind of. He had to stay with Kurt and Blaine because she wasn't about to invite him right into her apartment. He had to get a job or go to school or find something, because she couldn't be his only reason for staying in New York. But she wasn't saying no… She wasn't saying, "Go back to Lima, Finn!" like he wanted her to.
So he took himself out of the equation. He stepped back, threw in the towel, and walked away. He tried not to turn around when he heard Finn ask what his problem was; there were a lot of things he could've said that he just didn't.
Suddenly, he was at their favorite blues bar alone.
He was ordering take-out for one.
He was picking up his coffee on the run before classes, rather than getting up early so they could talk over breakfast.
And New York took a pretty big dive from the best damn city ever after that. He still hung out with Kurt and Blaine when they had time and he started spending more time with his college buddies, but it wasn't the same. He missed hearing Rachel's latest gossip about her Tisch peers. He missed arguing with her and laughing with her and just… just being with her. And it really pissed him off that Finn was in his city… In their city!
He didn't see her for nearly a month. He ignored her phone calls and her emails and all of her texts. Until one day, she cornered him on campus. She'd memorized his schedule, so it wasn't really surprising. But seeing her again, after convincing himself that maybe he could do this without her, was like a punch to the gut. She was still so damn beautiful.
Standing in front of her, hands in his pockets, he stared at the ground so he wouldn't be looking in her big, brown eyes.
"I… I haven't seen you in awhile," she said hesitantly. "I know things have been confusing and hectic lately, but I was hoping we'd still be able to…" She shook her head. "I don't know why I'm doing this. I mean—I know I owe you an apology. The last person I ever wanted to hurt was—"
"Rachel," he interrupted, clenching his jaw. "You don't owe me anything." He looked up at her. "You owe me nothing, all right?" He shrugged. "I tried… But it doesn't matter what I do…" He took a step back. "So I'm going to go live my life… without you and without Finn. And if you're happy, then be happy… But don't drag me into it again." He turned around to leave.
"Noah," she called, her voice shaking. "Noah, please…"
He kept walking.
"I don't know what to do!" she cried.
Whirling around, he glared at her. "You choose!" He stabbed a hand through the air. "'Cause it's all you, Rachel! We're just—We're just choices in your happily ever after… You either pick the guy that breaks your heart every damn time or you pick me…" He held his arms out. "But I'm done chasing you! I'm done showing you that I can be what you want! I can be what you need!" He stared at her searchingly. "I can't be any better for you. I don't—I don't know what more I could've done…"
She sniffled, smiling sadly. "You were already the best…"
His jaw ticked. "Then your choice should be really fucking easy…" He turned then, leaving her there, and walked away quickly.
She didn't call after him, didn't chase him down. Even if some part of him kind of wanted her to. Like she would know, right then, that having him walk away was the worst possible thing.
He went home to an empty apartment, called for take-out and watched the game highlights. He ignored the home phone, knowing it was his ma to check up on him or Kurt to bug him into hanging out or maybe even her…
He wallowed, telling himself he wasn't waiting… 'Cause deep down, he thought he knew who she'd choose. Who she always chose.
And it was never him.
The knock at his door startled him out of sleep. He was sprawled out on the couch still, a half-empty and now warm beer sitting on the coffee table. At first, he didn't hear anything. He sat up, rubbed a hand into his eyes, and tried to gather the energy to get up and climb into bed. But then there was another knock, this one more demanding, and he dragged himself off the couch, glancing at the clock to see it was a quarter after one in the morning.
"The fuck…" he muttered.
He was still too tired to have expectations for who might be on the other side of the door, but when he pulled it open and found her standing there, he woke up really damn quick.
She was wet; like it must have been raining and she left her umbrella at home 'cause she was dripping all over the place. Her usually perfect, shiny hair was all frizzy and wavy, clinging to her skin. She stared up at him from beneath long dark lashes and it was like everything she needed to say was right there.
I was stupid. I pick you. I sent him home.
Never taking her eyes off him, she dragged her jacket off her shoulders, revealing the clingy red dress beneath, and hung her coat over her arm. "Can I come in?" she asked.
He raked a hand over his mouth and forced his eyes back up to hers. "You know what you're doing, Rach?"
She bit her lip. "What I should have done a long time ago…"
He swallowed tightly. "There's no going back," he warned, staring searchingly.
She shook her head, ducking it a little as a smile spread across her lips. "I don't want to go back, Noah… Going back was trying with Finn again. It was thinking that what I had in high school made sense for the rest of my life! It was thinking New York would fix us when he didn't even know we were broken!" She raised her chin to stare at him. "I was confused a—and stupid…" Brushing hair from her cheek, catching a tear as she went, she told him, "I want to go forward… And I want you to be with me when I do…"
He wanted to open the door wider, invite her in and pretend this whole Finn thing never happened. But he'd tried this once before, letting himself be completely open with her, and as soon as Hudson showed up she just threw it away. He couldn't do that again. "I don't want to be your second choice…"
"You're not," she argued, shaking her head hastily.
"And if he comes back? If he says he wants to fix things? Wants to be better for you?" he nearly shouted, bitter.
"He won't…" Before he could argue, she held up a hand. "But if he does… Then I'm prepared to tell him no… I was caught off guard before. I had no idea he would do that and Noah, you know how I get around big declarations! I'm dramatic!" She smiled shakily. "But he had his chance…" She rolled her eyes. "He's had many chances…" She shook her head. "He's run out. I'm done with him."
He looked away, trying to clear his head, trying to make the right decision.
She reached for him, laying her hand against his chest, drumming her fingers over where his heart pounded. "Let me in…" she asked. "I won't ruin it this time."
He stared at her chipped pink nail polish, a half-smile coming to his face even when he tried to stifle it. Reaching up, he covered her hand with his, playing with her fingers. "I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently," he rasped.
"I might freak out… We've already covered the part where I'm dramatic…" she professed. "But that's only because falling in love with you is new to me. Waking up in the same bed as a man is new." She smiled slowly. "I won't be scared for long. You make loving you so easy…" She laughed a little breathlessly. "I want this, Noah… I want you."
He dragged his fingers down her hand and swiped his thumb along her pulse before he reached out and took her jacket from her. Stepping back into his apartment, he brought her along with him, closing the door behind them. Closing it on the past and on Finn and on everything else. He tossed her wet jacket over a chair and brought her closer, ducking his head until their noses bumped.
He smirked when her breath left her thickly, her body shaking as it pressed into him. Stroking a wet curl off her face, he tucked it behind her ear. Licking his lips, he murmured, "You missed dinner… I ordered Thai…"
She pouted. "That's disappointing."
He grinned. "Leftover's are in the fridge…"
"Later then… After we're done… reacquainting." With a smirk of her own, she wrapped her arms around his waist. "No kiss hello? I've been missing those."
He laughed lowly, covering her lips in his, and sighed with the rightness of it all.
When he woke up the next morning, with a naked Rachel staring at him softly, he knew her feelings for him hadn't changed. Much. They might've been stronger, deeper, but they weren't what he'd feared they'd be. Disappointment or regret was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she pressed herself against him, leaning in and nipping his lip good morning before she stretched full body and gave a sigh of content.
There was no going back, only forward, and it was the best choice they ever made.
[End.]