AN: Hello guys! So this is my first attempt to write a fanfic. Yep, I've always written original stuff and never paid tribute to any series, I suck, I know D: This is kind of an AU-ish post SBURB thing, so you can say that's an alternate ending, even if the comic hasn't ended but oh well. I beg you to forgive my grammar errors and stuff as English is not my native language. Without further ado, enjoy!
== Be the bored derp.
Your name is JOHN EGBERT. You are 17 years old. It's been a LONG TIME since you played SBURB, and now everything has pretty much returned back to NORMAL. The POST-SCRATCH VERSION of your relatives have replaced their older selves, your TROLL friends are living in EARTH hiding from society, and your DAD and the players who died but the dream selves are alive again for some reason. You've learned to ignore this kind of details to this point, and they sound like something that only Jade could understand anyway. Back to the topic, SUMMER has just begun, freeing you from HIGHSCHOOL, which is always something nice.
Right now, you are in front of your COMPUTER, staring at this awesome WALLPAPER of yours. Isn't it charming? Okay, scratch that. It sounded plain creepy. What would anyone think if they saw you like this? They would probably think you are such a weird guy! You don't want to embarrass yourself, so you quickly open your web browser, TYPHEUS. You are bored, and you just type "MSPA Adventures" in the search bar and click the first result. You are willing to read The Midnight Crew's new chapters! Hmmm… not bad at all. But you can't help but get a bit disappointed with the last one you read. It ended in a cliff hanger, and now you will be so eager and desperate to read the rest of the story that you will probably spend all the time checking at the website to see if they have uploaded it. It's not a big deal, you think. You did it anyways. The plot is really interesting now, as the story is coming to its end, after all those years of following it. You let a manly tear of joy to come out. This is epic. But not as epic as Con Air, of course. Nothing can be more epic than Con Air.
Suddenly, a beep gets you out of your inner monologue. Someone is pestering you. Nobody really uses Pesterchum anymore, except of your friends and maybe a few nostalgic people. The popular and new social network Buddybook's chat has replaced the old modest chat client. Not that you care, you've always been an old school geek kid anyways. Nothing will replace Pesterchum's 90s feeling! Ahem, back on topic, someone is pestering you.
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:11 -
TG: sup dude
EB: hi dave! i'm bored, the usual. what about you?
TG: bored as fuck too. plus, this morning my bro wanted to fight
EB: you got your ass kicked again, didn't you?
TG: ...touché
EB: but hey, now that you're the same age shouldn't you be more even?
TG: we are i mean i havent lost my cool but hey he played dirty again with his used-to-be-cool-but-are-not-so-cool-now puppets and shit and it was like oh my god seriously man are you legit with this
TG: and then i dont know even how there was this one robot bunny thingy kinda beating the crap outta me
TG: and everything was just so fucking twisted that id dare to call it uncool
TG: so uncool that it got ironic yo
TG: the irony making it cool
TG: and this paradox being the source of irony
TG: so it all makes sense in a nonsensical way
EB: ok ok i got the point! jeeeeeeeez.
TG: so hey what were you doing
EB: i was reading the midnight crew. can you believe there's a cliffhanger again?
TG: are you serious about this egbert
TG: are you still reading that
TG: you sure need to get a life dude
EB: oh shut up! you used to read it too!
TG: you said it man
TG: USED
EB: anyways, gotta go, i think i heard dad and jane coming
TG: later
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:21 -
You close the chat and pay attention to the sounds downstairs. Effectively, Jane and dad have arrived home. Probably with more of those boxes full of BAKING INGREDIENTS. You shiver at the thought. God that you hate that Batterwitch.
The conversation downstairs proves your point. They get along really well, as they spend more than a half of their spare time together in the KITCHEN. You wonder if your dad thinks it's weird to live with a YOUNG VERSION of his own MOTHER, but it seems that he doesn't. You both got pretty accustomed to it. You prefer to think about Jane as your SISTER though, because her being your previous adopting GRANDMA and ECTOBIOLOGICAL MOTHER just doesn't feel right. But sometimes you still call her by her nickname Nanna, out of habit. And when you do, she calls you Poppop and throws a pie right at your face, with a "Ho, ho, ho, ho, hoo!". You'll never figure out how does she pick up these so fast. Maybe she has got a bunch of them captchalogued at the ready, who the heck knows.
Anyway, you don't feel like talking to them, as they are probably busy baking goods by now. So you stay in your room, and look around you, hoping to find something that's going to make you feel less bored and unproductive.
Your room hasn't changed a lot since you were 13 years old. Same posters, same furniture. Some of the stuff that you made throughout the game is inside the MAGIC CHEST, and the objects that you use the most are usually scattered around the floor or on the desk.
There are also some pictures of you with your friends in the wall. One of them features you with your ECTOBIOLOGICAL SISTER and friend, JADE HARLEY. Her dog BECQUEREL is jumping on you excitedly, and she's in the background giggling at your surprised face. Next to it there's a group picture of the day you all spent CHRISTMAS at Jade and Jake's, with the trolls. Dave was wearing a Santa hat "for ironic proposes yo", Vriska, with a mischievous grin, was bugging Karkat, who had an annoyed expression in his face. You were putting two fingers over Eridan's head, without noticing that Terezi was doing the same to you. It was surely a funny day.
You bite your lip –oh, and your teeth are less dorky now— and realize how much do you miss them all. Sure, you were still in touch through Pesterchum, but it just wasn't the same. You hope that this summer you are meeting again. It would probably be in Jade and Jake's house again, as all the trolls have lived with them since the game's end. So you just sit there, daydreaming.
Hey. No. Hell no. You weren't daydreaming. That sounds too girly. You are thinking. Of a plan. That sounds better. In fact, you are pestering Jade right now. You are going to make shit happen, like Strider would say.
- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:45 –
EB: hey jade :)
EB: ...
EB: ...are you there?
EB: jaaaaaaaade?
GG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
EB: ...is that you?
GG: DOES THIS SOUND LIKE JADE, FUCKASS?
Your mind quickly connects the typing quirk with a frown and a pair of nubby horns. A smile comes to your face. It's a long time since the two of you have spoken. He's offline most of the time.
EB: karkat? what are you doing in jade's account?
GG: I WAS JUST PASSING BY HER AND NOTICED SHE FELL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF HER GRUBTOP, YOU ARE THAT BORING.
Ouch. That was just the usual trolling, in fact, it was mild. But it kind of hurt in some way. You shrug it off, and answer sarcastically.
EB: nice to hear from you too :/
GG: ANYWAY… WHAT DO YOU WANT?
EB: euhhhhhhhh... i just wanted to tell jade that it would be very nice if we all met up this summer. you know, going to the beach, or... just stuff.
There is a pause. An awkward pause. You catch yourself being nervous about his answer, all of sudden. Come on, this is ridiculous. You've got no reason to be. You should know already that he won't like this idea. He never does, for some reason. Nonetheless, you start to type 'what do you think?', but before you send it you receive a reply from Karkat.
GG: NO. NOT AGAIN. GOG.
EB: why not, karkat? i mean… it would be fun!
GG: FUCK. FUCK THIS TO FUCKING DERSE AND BACK. FINE. WHAT THE FUCK EVER. JUST LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS. I'LL TRY TO WAKE JADE HUMAN UP.
EB: ok...
GG: hey john!
EB: oh finally it's you jade
GG: i know i know hehehe i guess i fell asleep! :P but hey i think thats a wonderful idea! we should totally meet up this summer! :D
EB: do you think so? :B
GG: yeah! we can start planning it right now, don't you think? X)
== John: Be Karkat.
Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You are 8 Alternian sweeps old. Now you are really pissed, baring your FANGS at a HUMAN GIRL's back. This human girl happens to be JADE HARLEY, and she is talking rather excitedly with her human friend JOHN EGBERT about some MEETING they are planning to do in an early future.
Getting to the TELEPORTER, you start to think. You hate those meetings. Not because you don't enjoy the others' company, but also there's something else. It's because you are forced to see him. The aforementioned John Egbert. This human has always caught your attention: in your first conversation you even thought you could have a kismesissitude with him! You thought wrong. You two grew a little closer, and the inevitable happened. You started to feel red for him. It was that kind of flushing that is so cliché in your romcoms. But there is a problem that stands between you and the sloppy makeouts with the Heir. John has stated in public several times that he wasn't a… what was it? Honesual? Monexual? Humans sure are weird, you think. But anyways, that word means that he doesn't like males for neither blackrom nor redrom. And as far as you know, you are male, for both troll and human standards.
You know that he's never going to be yours. That's why you don't want to see him: just staring at his baby blue eyes and his derpy smile hurts. Everytime he said that he wasn't… whatever that was, it did hurt just as if Jack had stabbed you in the middle of the chest multiple times. But that's something that you'd never admit to anyone. And that is you: the grumpy troll that always gives romantic advice, lovesick. Stuck in that feeling, if you will. Something so ironic that human Strider would be proud.
The teleporter finally makes you appear in the floor where your respiteblock (or bedroom, as Jade and Jake like to call it) is. After the game, her and Sollux had worked for weeks to get a running version of the program that the server SBURB used to edit the client's house, and used it to create room for Jake, and the twelve of you trolls, as you had nowhere to go. The island had plenty of space in case that new towers had to be created, but she preferred to just make the existing one taller.
Right from the window next to the human bed in your respiteblock, a wave of light slams at you. Narrowing your gaze instinctively as a nocturnal being, you close the window's curtains, and block the view to the ruins. You close your eyes (which are bright red now, so your blood color isn't a secret anymore), throw yourself on your bed, and let a muffled sigh out. Jade's enthusiastically clapping and giggles from upstairs let you know that they have decided something. Something that you probably won't agree at.