Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS sadly
Leroy Jethro Gibbs sat slumped against the sterile white wall his head in his hands. He couldn't believe what was happening. He had been planning and looking forward to this day for weeks and he knew it was all going to be perfect. He had begun making furniture, carefully piecing together a beautiful crib and cradle made out of the best wood he could find with more love and care than should be possible for the hard as nails marine and he and Shannon had even started picking (and fighting good-naturedly ) over baby names . But it wasn't supposed to be happening now, not yet. It was much, much too early, as Shannon was only 26 weeks pregnant and he knew there were supposed to be several more months of her belly getting steadily bigger along with her ankles and her need to go to the bathroom before their baby was ready to be born. Ready or not though and no matter how wrong it was their baby his baby was entering this unforgiving world now and all he could do was pray JR as they had affectionately name their unborn child had enough strength to survive. JR had to survive, had to. There was no if or buts about it. He didn't think he could survive if his baby died and he knew Shannon wouldn't.
When Shannon had told him on that sweet summers day 5 months ago that she was expecting their baby he was over the moon but he also realised the idea of being a father scared him more than he had ever been before. However the fear he felt now as he realised his baby could very possibly die was so overwhelming it took his breath away. Not only that but the feeling of helplessness that coursed through his body was not helping anything. He wasn't there when Shannon's waters had broken and the only support he had been able to offer his distraught, terrified wife was through his cell phone as she was rushed towards the hospital forced to endure the agonizing contractions ripping through her with nothing more than the paramedics and her husband's voice to anchor her. And now it was happening as he stood outside the surgical delivery room he had been banished from only able to listen to the doctors terse conversation and the various beeps and whirls of medical machines. He wished more than anything in this world that he could be in there with his wife and his soon to be born baby, but no matter how hard the desperate marine had pleaded the doctors had still refused to let him stay and although it tore at his heart and soul Gibbs did as he was told and left the room were his child would soon come into the world to let the doctors work. He had no idea how long he stood there worrying and waiting for someone anyone to tell him what was happening before he heard the voices of the doctors change and the words both devastated and overjoyed him.
"It's a boy" one of them shouted which filled him with unspeakable joy. He couldn't believe it. A son he had a son. Someone he could teach to play ball and give advice about girls to. Someone he could laugh and joke with and teach how to build boats. However the next words the doctors uttered brought all his daydreaming of the future to a grinding Holt and reminded him that nothing in the future of his boy, who he had yet to set eyes on was certain. "He's having difficulty breathing, let's get him to the NICU!" He stumbled backward unable to even begin to process the doctors words before the doors of the delivery room flew open and a team of doctors nurses and a tiny incubator he knew held his baby boy inside tore out, entered the elevator and before he knew it had been whisked away. The rush of adrenaline that had previously surged the new father's body left in a rush leaving him feeling weak and he let his head drop into his hands and began to pray for his baby to stay strong and live.
He was jerked out of his silent thoughts as a nurse tapped him softly on the shoulder. "You can see your wife now" she said, her voice kind and sympathetic and her words made him realise how much he wanted, needed to see Shannon and he jumped to his feet and practically ran to his wife's bedside wiping the sweat soaked hair of her forehead and kissing her head softly.
"Jethro" she whispered exhaustion colouring her voice, along with happiness. "We have a son j a son."
" I know baby I know and I bet he's the most beautiful baby the world has ever seen" , he replied as a brief image of a small boy playing baseball with him, his brown hair slicked back with sweat flew threw his brain showing him what could be in the future.
"Go be with him J, please. I can't bear the thought of him all alone without anyone to protect him" she pleaded devastation coming through clear in her voice.
"But you need -" he began to protest before being cut off by his wife.
"Our son needs you more" she whispered softly. He nodded slowly and called to the nurse still in the room asking if it was okay. she began leading him out of the room where his whole life had just changed after nodding the affirmative. He kissed Shannon's hand tenderly whispered softly that he loved her and began to follow the nurse out of the room only stopping at the door when he heard Shannon call " tell him mommy loves him J, please" he quickly looked back at his wife pride swelling in his chest at the thought of the difficult and incredibly painful labour his wife had gone through to bring their child into the world and nodded his agreement "of course baby". Then he tuned on his heel and made his way down the sterile white hospital corridor-just behind the nurse- towards the elevator that would take him to his son. Nerves and apprehension began to grew in Gibbs mind and gut as the elevator crept closer and closer to the NICU floor coming to a climax as the doors opened slowly and he along with the nurse (who'd quietly informed him her name was Lucy) stepped out onto the corridor which led to the room his son was being cared for. The walk to the NICU seemed achingly long but when at last they reached the entrance and Lucy pushed open the door and beckoned him inside he hesitated to go in, afraid of what the room might hold. He shook of the unwelcome thoughts as quickly as they had arrived and quickly walked inside.
The sights and sounds of the NICU assailed him overwhelming his senses. The beeps and whirs of the monitors were incredibly loud and the rows of tiny incubators that he knew housed even tinier babies filled him with fear. He was beginning to lose his battle with the urge to run from the room when he felt Lucy's hand on his arm guiding him slowly to the bottom incubator on the left side of the room. He closed his fear filled eyes as they reached the incubator that he knew held his boy inside before opening them slowly and blowing out a shaky breath.
He barley registered the soft voice of the nurse stood next to him as he looked past the incubator and instead at the impossibly small baby it housed. Gibbs had no idea how long he stood there in the hospital rooms filled with noise, no idea at all. He didn't notice the nurse moving away from the incubator they both stood at nor did he pay any attention to other parents coming and going in the busy NICU as all his undivided attention was fixated on the most beautiful baby he had ever seen his life, his baby. He barely noticed the countless ivs running in and out of his son's tiny arms or the monitors and wires he was attached to and even the tube protruding out of the baby's mouth seemed to fade away as he stood staring at him his heart filling with love. He was covered in wires from head to toe, so pale his skin was translucent and seemingly small enough to fit in the palm of Gibbs hand but despite all of that Jethro thought he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He tentatively put his finger through one of the incubator holes and felt an overwhelming rush of love as his baby; his son grabbed hold with an impossibly small yet perfectly formed hand and gripped on. He smiled softly and dropped his voice low enough for only his boy to hear and whispered softly "Daddy loves you baby" as a lone tear trickled down his cheek.
TBC…