Steven's POV
I suddenly felt my legs walk out my flat and head towards the village, I'm guessing I'm going to Cheryl's flat, after all she's like the big sister I never had, she helped me with everything, including this wedding which was a surprise. Considering her brother was my ex-lover... And well, let's just say Doug didn't exactly enjoy being in his company, actually he didn't enjoy me being in Brendan's company now that I think about it..
I was still in a pair of trackies and a blue striped top. I was just hopeless at getting ready properly, my tie looked dirty and just didn't seem to look right, my trousers were shiny-in a bad way, and all crinkled. A fashion disaster.
Let's be honest, it's been years since I turned my life around and I still felt like a lil' chav on the inside. Guess not all things change. But it was my big day so I had to make the effort, after all how embarrassing would it be going up to the alter with Doug's blue eyes staring down at me, him wearing a nice suit and me in my trackies. Recipe for disaster I'm guessing. I began walking up the stairs towards the flat as I felt my mind beginning to drift away thinking about whether or not I was doing the right thing, I mean I just caught my soon-to-be-husband trying to rat Brendan to the police. I didn't want to admit but my heart began to pump harder than usual and I could even hear it through my ears, it made me sick to my stomach thinking of Brendan locked away behind bars, I just didn't understand why? I mean today was the day I married Doug, the day I've been looking forward to for ages, it's meant to be the happiest day of my life, I've got my very own business, I've got a good STABLE future to look forward to and my kids are even going to be here for my wedding but still I couldn't bring myself to admit that I wasn't anywhere near as happy as I should be. And that's when I saw it, I mean I'd been in me own small world for some time now and I just clicked into reality. Instead of Cheryl, it was Brendan I was now staring at, his eye's locked onto mine, and then I saw it, a suitcase, filled with clothes, and a small Bible placed on the top. My eyes flashed from the suitcase to Brendan, suitcase – Brendan, suitcase – Brendan. I stood there, my heart basically pumping out my throat. Then a place ticket on the side. It was silent for fuck knows how long. Then he broke the silence.
"Steven." His Irish accent dug deep into my ears.
He broke it again.
"Can I help ye with summit? Don't ye have a wedding to go to? That ain't the normal wedding attire you're wearin' there?" His gaze interlocked with mine again, just as he broke it off to look me up and down for the second time.
"I was just.. Just, looking for Cheryl – what's going on? Are you leaving?... Brendan?!" I mumbled off the first bit about Cheryl and then quickly added my suspicions, I needed to know, was he leaving? For good?!
"She's not in, she'll be down at the chapel preparing for ye wedding." His voice cracked a bit at the word 'wedding' his blue eyes looked up at me and then around the room not being able to focus and keep them still.
Before I knew it, his usual poker face returned. He moved his hands around as to signal telling me where the door was.
I didn't care about that at this moment in time, I just needed to know if he was leaving forever, which I'm guessing he is as he refuses to answer my questions. But I persisted. I know I shouldn't care but I just got in a fight with me fiancé for defending him, the least he could do was give me a straight answer. Or so to speak.
"Brendan, answer my question. Are you leaving?"
He just stared at me. The room froze. Time froze. I knew what he meant, but I wanted to hear it for myself. Was it for good?
"Right okay, just ignore me then, but the least you could to is answer me question. Yeno ever heard of common courtesy?"
He just laughed but it was a soft laugh, like he was broken but looking for an escape. I just kept asking though, I wanted to leave it as that but something was ticking inside my head so I asked him again.
"Right yano what?! It's the least you could do. You know ya owe me at least that, all I'm asking is if you're leaving Hollyoaks for good. Not a love declaration or nowt." Anger spilled onto those words. Why was I angry all of a sudden? What's going on?
He snorted.
"Owe you? I don't owe ye fuck all Steven. Now if you don't mind closing the door on your way out as you make it to your lovely perfect fucking wedding!" he snapped at me, I knew how much it hurt him knowing I was getting married, I just didn't think he still cared like this. But his eyes said different.
"Really? How about all them times ya was smacking me round? Ey? Don't you owe me nowt for that either? Or did ya think a bit of guilt money was gonna make up for all them bruises and scars? I've tried to fix things with ya, don't make this seem like it's my fault, this right now. What I have with Doug, me getting married to him now, it could be me and you, and you know that! But it's not, cause you just pushed me away everytime!" I didn't like how this was heading and I know how much it hurt him whenever someone brought up the past of when he hit me up but I just blurted it out, I didn't mean to.
"Don't say tha Steven. Ye know how much I regret doing what I did to ye. But I guess ye won't have to worry about me no more. Will ye?! I'll be out ye fucking life for good soon! Both of ye, you and ye precious Douglas!" The last bit hurt, he almost screamed it at me as he threw a lamp at the wall. We both knew we didn't want to argue but that was all we could do today. Seeing as it was an awkward day for him.
"So you are leaving then?! Why didn't ya just say that when I asked ya?! But no ya had to make me angry! Coz you don't have the balls to answer do ya? No course not. Coz' when it comes down to it big man Brendan Brady is a coward. He only cares about himself!" I screamed at him back.
What was I doing?! On my wedding day and I spend it having an argument with my ex. This wasn't right.
"I've tried to change for ye Steven. I really fucking have! But nothin's ever fucking good enough for you! Ye know somethin Steven, I've been told by someone that I owe it to ye to tell ye how I feel. So here it is Steven, I've never stopped loving ye, I thought this thing with you and Douglas was a fling. But now I see he makes ye happy in ways I never could, so why should I put myself through rejection?! I've done everything in my power to change, to make ye proud of me, make me someone ye would be proud to be with. But after everything ye still love Douglas, I know I never did deserve ye in the first place, so I guess this works out better for everyone. I'm going back to Ireland because I can't stand to sit here while you say your vows to Douglas- how you'll love him forever. But Steven don't ye ever say I only care about myself. Cos you and I both know that's bullshit! I didn't tell ye cos I know ye better off with Douglas anyway. He'll make ye happy in way I'll never be able to. Ye fucking happy now Steven? Ey?!"
Those words stung. They engraved themselves into my heart, printed themselves onto my memory, scripted themselves in my ears. They replayed in my head like a broken record player. As I snapped myself back into reality. Progressing every single last word he spat at me I found myself unbalanced as he shoved me out the way and slammed the door. There it was. Everything I ever wanted to hear. But just a little too late. As the door slammed shut, I felt like most of my heart left with it. There it was. The door to my past. To my heart. Time froze with me. I knew right then that if I didn't go after him I'd lose him forever. As I opened the door and legged it out, reality hit me like a brick. There I stood in the middle of village with nothing but cold air trapping me, stiffening my limbs. I was all alone with wind touching my face. I looked around. He was gone. Maybe this was how it was always meant to be.
I felt pain that I hadn't really felt in along time. Loneliness. That pain I felt every time I woke up to an empty bed after spending the best night of my life with Brendan. That pain I felt every time he kicked me out his house after we'd just had the most blown-minding sex known. That pain I felt when he refused to acknowledged me in public. It's been two years of the same games, the same dance, and endless lies and manipulation. I knew right then if I chased after him, that I'd only carry on feeling like this. Maybe I was meant to be with..Doug.. I rushed back to the flat and changed into my suit. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I rubbed them off and just smiled. I had a future to look forward to. And Brendan, well he's nothing to me now. It's finally over between us.
-Few hours later-
I had Cindy's arm wrapped tightly around mine as we both walked down the isle that we shared. Yep, that's right I had a shared wedding with my ex-boss, not the psycho ex-lover, no not him, I meant Tony Hutchinson...
I saw Doug stood there at the alter, he never looked happier, and well I was getting there too, loneliness was now no longer a part of my life, and neither was the man who kept hurting me.
We finally reached the alter and we said our vows and I felt better, I was happy. I did love Doug. He was my future. We had a future together. A good one!
Music hit my ears, my arms flew around and my legs danced to the beat, I got lost in the moment, everything was peaceful. I swung my arms around Doug;s neck, he did the same.
"Is ya phone charged up now then?" I said as I started looking through his pockets grabbing his phone out.
"What no, wait Ste!" he said in a panicked motion.
Then I saw it.
"[Brendan]."
'What did ye want me to say ey Douglas? How I battered Danny Houston to death? Ye I killed him – for ye husband-nearly-to-be. For Steven. Would ye do that for him Douglas? Ey? Take the life of another man to save the one you love? Would ye?'
"Doug what is this?!
"What the hell's wrong with you?! No you know what get ya hands of me Doug! Well guess what, this marriage is over before it's barely even began!" I shuffled out of his grasp and ran outside for fresh air. His eye's looked panicked, tears spilled down his face. I heard him shout my name repeatedly.
I took a deep breath. For fucks sake! Really after all this?! He's still trying to put Brendan behind bars it made me sick.
I saw Leah across the road picking daisy of the ground, a smile creaked onto my face, her and Lucas were my proud and joy, not a day went by that I didn't miss them. I called her over and before I knew it she was stood in the middle of the road as a mini-van and a car was speeding down..
"LEAH GET OUT THE WAY!" fear spread through my whole body.
"LEAH!"
Both the vehicles moved out the way and before I knew it my body flung over the mini-van. It crashed right into me. My head hit the floor suddenly. I couldn't move, my mind began to deteriorate.
Yano how they say that when you're about to die you see your whole life flash before your eyes? Well guess what? You don't. Not at all. You see only the things you love. For me it was when I first held Lucas at the hospital right after Amy gave birth to him, when I vowed to become a better person for him. When Leah drew her first picture of me and her with massive smiles. She was destined to be an artist she was. And then Brendan. Nothing more and nothing less. Just my Brendan holding me, telling me he loved me and it was going to be okay.
I hadn't been able to open my eyes for weeks, I knew I was in the hospital though, I knew the minute I got pushed through them doors. Days went by that I just heard Doug cry, asking me to wake up, begging me. Saying he loved me. Speaking to me, having a conversation with me, knowing I wouldn't reply any time soon. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes. I couldn't, not just yet. I felt like I was dead, but my mind was still alive. And my heart. I'd get images racing through my head of Leah. Was she alive? Did she make it out? Did she get hit? All these questions filling up my mind but I just couldn't wake up, I felt like I was just a spirit floating in a dead body. A vegetable so to say... A couple of people had visited me, I could just about hear what they were saying, "ste wake up I love you, please" everything was along the same lines as that. Cheryl visited me a couple of times, she'd just sit there and cry. Doug was there all the time, just crying, saying sorry and how he loved me. The rest of the voices were a blur to me. I guess I was just waiting for a strong Irish voice to speak to me. But it never appeared, it never spoke..
After another week of being a vegetable I felt myself coming back to life. First I began to see if I could move my fingers, then I tried to see if I could speak, but the massive tube going down my throat made it uncomfortable as fuck. I felt a hand grasp mine. I did my best to hold it back, but I felt so weak, I could just about bend my fingers. Then my eyelids begin to open up, everything was out of focus, it was all a blur, it felt like my eyesight had been smudged. Colours were flying around. I saw two blue eyes staring down at me and the familiar voice of an American shouting down at me.
"Ste?! STE! Oh my god you're awake, please come on! Wait here I'll go get a someone now! Nurse! NURSE?"
And as if it was that simple I began to come back to life, my eyesight started to adjust. Doug's hand gripped onto mine with a strong hold. He spoke to me but words just couldn't come out my mouth.
"Ste, I've been so worried, I'm so sorry for everything I'm going to spend the rest of my life – our life, making it up to you, I love you so much, I'm so happy, I can't believe it! Just wait here I'm going to phone Cheryl she told me to ring her when you woke up!"
"I love you so much" Doug whispered and kissed me on the lips.
I looked around the room and felt a cold chain on my hands, I began to touch it, get a feel for it, it was familiar, strangely familiar, but what was it? I managed to build up strength to lift my arm up and there it was.
The cross which I use to always see around the neck of that particular Irish man, Brendan Brady. The one which he never took off for anything, the one that never left his chest even if we were having sex. That must mean he was in here, and he gave me it. I need to find him, I need to see him! Thoughts were running around my mind, driving me crazy. When the doors burst open and I saw the familiar face of my favourite Irish blond.
"Oh Ste love! It's so great to see you, you gave us a wee scare! It's great to see you, I've been so worried, we all have! Don't you dare do that again babe."
A smile splurged across her face as her soft voice comforted me. She went on for ages speaking about well anything that could cross her mind. But only one thing was on mine.
"Oh by the way we've been looking after you're kids, oh they are such a joy Ste! We had such a laugh with them, I'll bring them later if you want love?"
I managed to focus all my brain on my voice, I actually needed to speak to her now.
"Urm.. Yeah I-I..I just don't w—ant them tosee me li-ke this."
"Oh, of course, say nothing more pet. I'll bring them in once you've recuperated a bit yeah?"
"Y-eah, ugh, s—ssorry it hurts to speak."
"Oh of course, you get your rest love, don't be forcing anything on yourself, in fact I need to pick up your Leah from school now, she'll be over the moon once she hears you've woke up!"
"Yeah, but C—heryl, you said we before, who's 'we'?"
"Well me and Bren of course, who else love?"
I felt my eyes open properly this time, I suddenly felt stronger, knowing my Leah and Lucas were okay made me the happiest man ever, but to then know the man who I thought I'd lost forever not long ago let my kids stay with him and looked after them stopped making me feel weak and a smile just crept up on my face.
"Actually I should go phone him now, he'll be at Church though, like he has been for the past days, ah dear! He's been praying for ya non-stop our Bren has! But you get your rest love, and I'm sure B will be here as soon as you wake up"
A few minutes after Cheryl left, I felt myself drifting off to sleep, it was a good feeling what I felt now, I was genuinely happy. For once.
I got taken out my dreams and brought back to reality by the voice I'd been desperately waiting for these past weeks. I kept my eyes closed though, I know Brendan would never admit to me what he really felt if he knew I was awake. And with that I began to listen to what he was saying...
"- really scared me – us there, but I knew ye would pull through, ye are a fighter Steven, I mean I put ye through hell and back and ye survived that, survived me. I know I shoulda' been there to protect ye Steven, and I'm sorry, I let ye down. Once again. But knowing ye life could be dragged outa' ye killed me inside. I wish I could go back a few years and take back all the beatings I made ye go threw, when I made ye hide in the closet with me, I wish I could take it all back. It's just I can't, but I never expected any of this in my defence. I know if you could hear me right now ye would be laughing at me because that's no excuse and I know it ain't I just wanna explain ye know. I saw ye, and I thought you'd just be another lad that would want me, one I could use in any way I wanted, my own toy. But then I began to miss ye the nights ye weren't with me, pangs of jealousy arose when I saw other men flirting with ye Steven, with my Steven. Ye could make me smile, like no-one before and it scared me, all me life I grew up being taught that queers were fucked up people, they were disgusting, that everything I felt was disgusting, I was a freak, so I hated myself. Every time I looked in the mirror I was disgusted with myself, I wanted to hurt myself, so I hurt you instead, and you sat there so helpless. I hated it. I know we don't talk about this because well I just can't not to ye face, not when ye can hear me, because once ye would look at me with those eyes I would just wanna go run away, hah. The irony of tha', I'm Brendan Brady for fucks sake and I'm running away from you? Anyway I'm going on, like ye normally do. Hah. Ye but Leah's been a pleasure to look after, she'd come Church with me and pray with me for ye, you really should be proud of her, she's a good kid. I'm sorry I didn't visit much I just couldn't bare to see ye like this, it killed me, I'm a coward I know. But ye, I love ye Steven, always have, always will. Once ye are allowed out the hospital and ye can take care of Leah and Lucas again I'm off back to Dublin, for good this time. You and Douglas can have that happy future after all ey? But listen you have a good life ey, you deserve to, you're a good man Steven Hay, twice the man I'll ever be, but ye keep that cross ye? It's lucky and it'll look better on you than me, you can have something to remember me by, not that you'll want to, but ye, remember, 'every day until I'm in my grave, you will always be in my head.' I meant every word Steven, I still do."
Just as I was going to open my eyes and kiss him and told him that I loved him and still wanted to be with him, he was gone. He'd left. Once again, I'd missed my very last chance to be with the man of my dreams, the man I'd been in love with since fuck knows when. My very last chance.
Days went by and every time that door opened, hope filled my body, only to find it was Doug. I was beginning to resent the lad. - my husband. Ugh. I had to listen to him drone on every hour of every day. I couldn't take it any more, the only thing in my head was Brendan. Why couldn't It be Brendan boring me? Why couldn't it be Brendan telling me all this? Why couldn't it be Brendan speaking to me? Why couldn't it be Brendan by my side? Like it should be. Until I gave up.
"Doug.. can you phone Cheryl and ask her to bring Leah and Lucas round, please?" my voice had gotten much stronger, in fact my whole body had, it was a good feeling.
"Yeah yeah of course Ste! God it's great to hear your voice again, I've missed it so much."
I just smiled back, what else was I meant to do?
A coupla' hours passed and then. There were my beautiful little kids rushing through the doors onto my lap, their smiles as big as their faces, god it was good to see them again, I'd missed them so much! We all had a little catch up, them telling me how much they missed me, how much fun they'd had with "Auntie Cheryl and Uncle Brendan" hah. They made me genuinely smile, it was good. To be happy again, having my kids round my arms again, like it should be.
Just as it was time for them to leave, Leah suddenly burst onto my lap and showed me this picture she'd drawn me, she was a good artist she was, my little girl!
"Look daddy, it's me and you in the park with Lucas in your hands, and mummy's there behind looking at fairies!" a massive grin appeared on her face.
Tears sprung to my eyes, it was amazing.
I thanked her for drawing it for me, and then I turned it over to the back and there it was. Those words.
'Under the shelter of each other, people survive'
"Leah what's this sweetheart?" I pointed to the writing.
"Uncle Brendan told me to write it, he said it would make you smile, me and him went to Church everyday, we're Catholics now."
"Is that so? Well you tell Uncle Brendan thank you from me and you better say thank you for letting you stay with him and Auntie Cheryl, yeah?"
"Yeah daddy."
"Good, now come on, off ya go, you need to go to sleep now, love you, give us a kiss."
"Love you too daddy, good night"
Cheryl took her and Lucas back and I clutched onto the drawing tightly, tears streaming down my face, not realising Doug was sat right next to me.
"Uncle Brendan ey? So what's this then Ste? You tell me you don't love him then whenever someone mentions his name your eyes open wide and you turn all happy! And now you're crying over some stupid words he said. Why did you bother marrying me if you love him so god damn much?! Ey Ste?! What excuse you going to come up with this time?!"
Oh shit. I really messed it up this time. But I just couldn't bring myself to argue back, I wanted to be alone, cry alone. But there was no point denying anything any more, I'd never be happy with Doug, not the way I'd want to be, for some time he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life, he was the one I loved, but that was back when Brendan was fighting for me and I knew that he'd always fight for me so I'd be able to push him away, but now. Now I was going to lose him, forever. And if I stayed with Doug I'd just wish he was Brendan all the time.
"Look Doug I'd really like to be alone now, so.." hopeful he'd get the message and leave.
My long eyelashes swept up the tears that trickled down my face, I could just see a blurry outline of Doug.
"God Ste! You can't even come up with a lie any more can you?! So all them times you told me you didn't love Brendan any more that you loved me, who were trying to convince me or you?! That man abused you Ste, he made you miserable, he beat you black and blue, and still you pick him over me?! He made you hide who you are, hit you, made you cry and still you go running back to the Marvellous Brendan Brady?! Well you know what it's your choice. Him or me?! Because we will never be able to be together while he's still controlling you! Phone me once you've sorted your head out yeah?! God Ste!"
"He's not controlling me any more Doug. He's changed."
Why did I have to open my mouth? Why didn't I just let him leave. But no I had to defend Brendan. Fuck sake.
"Really?! That's all you have to say for yourself?! This is ridiculous, you're more stupid that I thought! Well guess what I'm done Ste, it's over! All our future ruined because of that, that thug! That criminal! Look at him for what he is Ste! Or has he got his claws too deep inside of you?!"
"You what?! Ya know what Doug, get out! Get out my face, and don't come back here! Not now not ever!"
"Wow. Well fine. Whatever you got your wish then ey Ste! Brendan finally won in the end didn't he? Remind me to congratulate him some time."
He stormed out, and I held Brendan's cross closely to my heart, while tears ran down my face, my eyes began to swell and turn red, the picture which Leah drew began to get damp, I couldn't stop the tears, then I felt this arm go around my neck, this body hold me, and that voice, that strong Irish voice. Was I dreaming?
"Hey hey, calm down, it's okay, don't cry Steven, he's not worth your tears, no-one is, shh."
He kissed the top of my head and drew circles round my arms, while his left arm held my waist and his breath tickled my neck. I felt his nose rub against the back of my head.
"I'm not crying over 'im right! I'm crying over you! I don't love Doug, ye, I love YOU! But you just leave me, go on then why aren't you in Dublin?! Ey?! I'm getting better so Leah and Lucas will be able to come back home with me, so tell what you doing 'ere then?"
I couldn't stop crying, I was trying to choke back the tears, I wanted to be angry at him but I couldn't. He made me feel so loved, so safe.
"I.. I came to say goodbye. But ye don't mean that Steven you've just had a little fall out. Teething problems. Ye love him not me, I hurt you."
"Stop telling me what I feel right! I LOVE YOU Brendan! I always have! I want to be with you, please"
I felt his breath stop, the room filled with silence.
Seconds later.
"I love ye too Steven, more than you could ever know." He whispered into my ear.
The next half an hour was filled with a silence, a comfortable silence, no-one spoke, or anything, eventually my tears stopped, and I just rested my head on his chest. I couldn't be happier. Until..
"Steven." He nudged me carefully, like as if I'm delicate and he doesn't want to break me..
"I have to go, my flights in a few hours and I don't wanna miss it, just know that I'll always love ye and I hope ye have a good life, ye really do fucking deserve a happy ending."
"Why do you keep doing this? It's cos you're scared innit? You're scared. But you don't need to be, me and you. We'll get through whatever problem gets thrown at us. Please. Just..Just don't leave me."
"Steven. With guys like me, we never get happy endings, just a bunch of obstacles that make our life difficult and then we eventually die. I'll never be able to be the man ye want me to be."
His arm began to slide away from my neck but I just held onto it, I wouldn't let it move.
"Steven." he warned me.
"Stop it Brendan! Okay you are already the man I want you to be! I don't care what you say, I will always be in love with you, and if I have to follow you to Dublin so you believe me then I will, you know I will!"
I heard a slight chuckle behind me.
"Steven ye really are an eejit sometimes aint ye?"
I turned around, smiled at him with a massive grin and kissed him softly on the lips, how good it was to finally touch them lips again, it made me feel at home. He rubbed his forehead with his free hand and he raised his eyebrows and his wrinkles appeared. I dropped my head to rest on his arm. We both lay there, soundless, flawless, just perfect. Like it should be.
He grabbed my hips and spun my whole body around to face him, our foreheads resting against each other, while we both got lost in each others eyes. We met each other halfway for a kiss, I got lost in the moment, like it was just me and him, no hospital, no hospital bed, no-one else, just me and him. I rested me head on the crook of his neck while he stroked my hair.
"Ey Steven, how did you know I was going back to Dublin?"
He lifted my head up and stared into my eyes.
Shit. I'm going to have to come clean now. I'll try and play it cool first..
"What? I don't know what ya mean..?"
"Dublin Steven. How did ye know I was goin to Dublin?"
I might as well just tell him now, he's not going to let it drop...
"Well, see don't get mad, please! But when you came to visit me at night when after I'd woke up and you told me all that stuff about when you hit me and how you love me and how you were going to go back to Dublin, I might've have been awake! But before you say anything I only pretended to be asleep because I knew if I'd been awake you would have been so stubborn and you wouldn't of said half the things you did say and I just needed to hear the truth for once. And when I opened my eyes to tell you I loved you too and stuff you'd already left. Don't get mad please?"
A small laugh escaped from his throat.
"Steven, that's pretty smart, for a kid like yeself. Course I ain't mad, it was good that ye did in a way, I needed to get all that off me chest." he winked at me and stroked my cheek bone.
"I learnt it from a special someone. I love you Bren"
"I love ye too Steven. Ye still wearing me cross"
"Well you said I could keep it, why you want it back?"
"Don't be stupid Steven, I want ye to have it. It's lucky."
"Yeah it really is."
"Hm, well look, I still gotta go to Ireland because I promised Deccie and Paddy that I'd go see them-"
"Oh.. Okay.. well you did promise them-" I crossed my arms against my chest, I turned my head away from his and stuck out my bottom lip. My usual strops, which if I remember correctly Bren always found them amusing.
"Shh, you didn't let me finish! If ye want, if ye well enough, ye can come with me, if ye want that is?"
"You serious Brendan?! Like you aint joking?"
"Of course I wanna go! Yeah! I can't wait!"
I couldn't stop smiling. If someone told me two years ago that Brendan Brady would ask me to go to Ireland with him to see his kids I think I'd laugh my head off and told them that they clearly don't know Brendan as well as they thought they did, but it's nice to dream.
"Good. Now go to sleep, I'm shattered, I've spent the past weeks running after ye kids and I gotta tell ye they're full of energy them, and I aint been able to have a decent night's sleep knowing ye were lying here.
Don't know how you manage to run after them and still have time to put up with me."
He gave a soft laugh.
"I love you old man." I winked at him, I knew his age was the one thing he hated bringing up considering it was like 10 years old difference between us, but I didn't mind, I loved him, even if he was 10 years older than me, he meant everything to me.
"Ey watch it Steven, I aint old, now go to sleep, ye pissing me off."
He kissed me good night and with that we both finally had the sleep we'd been waiting to have for ages. That was the first chapter of my life finally complete, the first chapter of me finally happy. And the irony is, that I had to get married to someone else and have a near-death experience for this to work out. But I wouldn't take one minute of it back, because if that's what got us here, right now, to be in this moment, then I'd do it all over again if I had to, just as long as I knew that I'd be going to bed next to Brendan Brady and waking up next to Brendan Brady, every single day for the rest of my life.