"Supplanto!" A jet of light blasted from Harry's wand and struck its target.

Power Reading: 65%

Accuracy: 55%

"Good," said Sirius, grinning at him. "you're getting there."

"I love these training dummies," said Harry.

"Don't make me regret my decision to let you in the dueling room," Sirius warned.

"Man, you really have no faith in me," Harry whined, pouting at Sirius, who smirked.

"Now, the tripping jinx you almost got down. Give me a cutting curse."

"Conseco!"

Power Reading: 71%

Accuracy: 65%

"Alright, now give me some fire." Said Sirius.

"Mucro incendia!" A fire shaped like a sword's blade extended from his wand. Harry swung it at the dummy.

Power rating: 95%

Accuracy: 40%

"Excellent," said Sirius.

"But I got a 40," said Harry.

"That spell's insanely difficult to control. Be happy you got to where you are now. Alright, that wraps it up for today."

Harry nodded, gladly holstering his wand. He was dead on his feet. "Thank Merlin," he muttered.

Harry stumbled into the bathroom and took a nice, long shower. He got out and, wrapped in a towel, stepped inside his bedroom. He got dressed, brushed his teeth and headed downstairs. Vinconex was lazily curled up on a couch. He trilled at the sight of Harry. He rose into the air and alighted on Harry's shoulder.

"Hey kid, ever seen a guy get mutilated because of his own pee?" he asked in Harry's head.

"Um, no?" said Harry.

"Ok, so there was this one guy in Brazille. He takes a dip in the Amazon and starts peeing, but there's this fish that's attracted to human pee. He literally swims up the man's member. The man decides to pull it out, but the blood attracts piranas… you can guess what happened after."

"The piranas lived happily ever after?" said Harry.

"Yup," said Vinconex.

"And they say I'm psychotic," muttered Harry. "By the way, did you get any letters yet?"

"Nope," said Vinconex.

"Damn. I haven't got any letters from the guys," said Harry.

"Isn't today your birthday?" asked Vinconex.

"Yeah," said Harry.

"Well, happy birthday then," said Vinconex.

"Thanks," Harry replied gloomily.

"Ah, come on. Hey, how bout this: I take you to Barcelona to see a bullfighting match, huh?"

"No thanks, Vinconex."

"Ah, come on! Idiot humans running around getting chased by angry bulls, what's not to love?"

"Not in the mood," said Harry, suddenly feeling tired.

Vinconex instantly shot up like a cannon ball, his head flicking left and right. "I sense a disturbance in the force."

"Vinconex, seriously, starwars references get old real quick."

"Well, fine then. I sense a displacement in the wards, happy?"

"Where?"

"I can't tell."

"I'll get my knife," said Harry. Sadly, he wasn't allowed a gun yet. Only during training would he get a gun. He rushed upstairs and into his room, Vinconex flying invisibly behind him. He instantly stopped, his mouth agape.

A little house elf was happily bouncing on his bed, giggling to himself. He instantly stopped at the sight of Harry. "Harry Potter!" it squeaked. "Such an honor it is!"

"Um, who are you?" asked Harry. "Kreacher!"

"Master called?" Kreacher materialized with a loud crack, his eyes instantly gravitating towards the other house elf in the room. "Why yousa not with your master, Ichtengal?"?"

"This is more important," it snapped. It finally turned to Harry. "I be Dobby, sir, Dobby the house elf."

"But Kreacher called you "Ichtengal"," said Harry.

"Yes, that be our elven name," said Dobby, "not our common name."

"Yeah, house elves are weird like that," explained Vinconex.

"So, why are you here?" asked Harry.

"Mesa came to warn Harry Potter," said Dobby.

"About?"

"Yousa must not go back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year."

Harry sat there, stunned. "Why not?"

"There is a plot," he said, "a plot to make the most terrible things happen. That is why mesa come here, sir. Harry Potter is too great and noble of a wizard to die."

"Um, I appreciate the warning and all, but I have to go back. Hogwarts is like a second home to me."

Dobby's eyes instantly filled with tears. "Yousa thanked Dobby!" he squealed. "Yousa truly a kind changeling!"

"A changeling is a baby fairy or elf," explained Vinconex.

"But what's the plot?" asked Harry.

"Mesa cannot say," said Dobby. "My masters will put a hurtin' on me. They would probably kill me just for being here, sir."

"Then theysa be not good masters," growled Kreacher.

"No, they aren't," affirmed Dobby, to the astonishment of Kreacher. Dobby quickly got off of the bed, ran towards Harry's bedside table and started slamming his head against it, while repeating, "Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!"

"Stop!" Harry cried. Dobby stopped at once. Harry went over to Dobby and bent down. "Damn, you ok there?"

Dobby stared at Harry with worship clearly written in his eyes. "Yousa care for meee," he said. "This is why yousa cannot go back. Yousa must stay here, where be safe. Mesa thought that by hiding the letters—"

"Wo, hold on there," said Harry, straightening up. "You hid my letters?"

"Mesa thought that if yousa thought yous friends had abandoned him, then yousa not want to return to school, sir."

"Where are they?" Harry growled.

"Yousa must promise me not to go back."

"I won't," said Harry.

Dobby got up.

"Kreacher! Get him!"

Light leapt from Kreacher's palm, wrapping around Dobby and binding Dobby in place. "Yousa not be escaping," he growled.

"Mesa sorry!" cried Dobby. "Mesa only want to protect you! Yousa not want to hurt me!"

"I won't hurt you," said Harry. "Just tell me where the letters are and I'll let you go."

"Well, yousa have to let me go so mesa can get the letters."

"Yeah, right," said Harry.

"Yousa want letters, don't you? Yousa let me go, and mesa get letters to you."

"Fine! Kreacher, release him." Kreacher snapped his fingers, and the light ropes binding Dobby vanished.

"Mesa sorry," said Dobby. "but this is for yousa own good." And with that, he vanished with a pop.

"Dammit!" snarled Harry. "Got tricked by a bloody house elf."

"Mesa sorry," said Kreacher sadly.

"Nah, it's not your fault," said Harry, patting Kreacher on his bald head. "It's mine for being an idiot."

"What's going on here?" Sirius stood in the doorway, looking around the room.

Harry explained to him what happened.

"A plot?" asked Sirius.

"You don't believe that, do you?" asked Harry.

"Of course not!" said Sirius. "Do you know how dishonorable it is for a house elf to abandon his masters' house? It clearly was a prank. Have you made any enemies?"

"Well, Vold—"

"Beside the obvious, Harry," said Sirius.

"Well, Draco Malfoy," said Harry.

"Ichtengal be serving da Malfoys, Masters," said Kreacher.

"Ichtengal's Dobby," said Harry at Sirius's confused look.

"There you go," said Sirius. "Now, get your butt downstairs."

Harry walked downstairs, still pretty miffed about being tricked by a little house elf. Although, the slight resentment he felt towards his friends faded. They did write to him. He wandered into the kitchen, smiling at the sight of his surrigot family: Sirius's boss, as tall and imposing as ever, Remus Lupin, the full moon still not doing him any good, Nimphadora Tonks, sporting a short, spiky hairdo with a sceptum, a ripped jacket and a t-shirt with a barby doll with an arrow through its head to complete the image, Appalonia, standing next to her husband Kingsley, and Dierdra with her sister Carmella, staying close to their mom.

"Happy birthday!" they chorused.

"Thanks guys!" Harry said, grinning at them and rushing forward to the onslaught of hugs, handshakes and pats on the back.

"Looking good, Prongslet," said Lupin, smiling down at Harry.

"Thanks, Moony," said Harry.

"Alright, you kids be off now while Appolonia and I do the cooking," said Sirius.

"No, no, no, you are not helping me again," said Appolonia.

"Oh, come on," said Sirius, "the firefighters cleaned it up."

"You destroyed my oven!" retorted Appolonia, the smile negating the scolding tone.

"Ok, then Appolonia will do the cooking," said Sirius.

"That's better."

Harry, Dierdra and Carmella ran off into the living room, Vinconex trilling a greeting.

"That's a cool bird, Harry!" exclaimed Carmella, gazing at the bird.

"He's a good birdie, aren't you Hedwig?" said Harry, ruffling Vinconex's feathers affectionately.

"Call me Hedwig one more fucking time…" warned Vinconex. "I pity the fool who dares to call their pet by such a despicable name."

"Mr. T? Really?"

"Can I play with the birdy!" squealed Dierdra.

"Sure," said Harry. To Vinconex he said, "She's only 7 and a squib. Please don't scar her for life."

"Both of them are?" asked Vinconex.

Harry nodded sadly.

'Why are you so sad?" asked Carmella. She was four years older than Dierdra.

"I'm not sad," said Harry.

"Good, cuz its your birthday!" said Dierdra happily. She stroked the bird's soft feathers, then cried out in pain.

"Dierdra!" Carmella cried. She ran over to her. Vinconex's razor-sharp feathers had neatly sliced her finger.

"It cut me!" cried Dierdra.

Vinconex trilled with sadness. His head hovered over her injured finger, then tears started to drip from his eyes, sealing her wound. Dierdra gasped, looking at her finger which was good as new.

"It made me better!" she squealed. "Harry can I please keep it?"

"No, he's my bird," said Harry patiently.

"Daddy! I want a birdie!" cried Dierdra, running to the kitchen.

"Now she won't stop bothering him," said Carmella, chuckling. "What kind of bird is it? I am sure I read about them in a book somewhere?"

Harry rolled his eyes. What book hadn't Carmella read? "It's a cockatrice," he said with a straight face.

Carmella clapped a hand to her mouth. "You're kidding right? Please, please tell me you are kidding."

"Nope," said Harry, popping the p.

"Do you realize how dangerous cockatrices are? On average, it takes approximately 10 wizards to subdue them, not taking into account power levels and level of skill! Furthermore, Sirius is highly irresponsible for keeping one in the house!"

"Well, it's pretty tame to me," said Harry.

"Merlin, Harry, you have got to be more cautious. Otherwise you could end up in serious danger."

Harry just shrugged.

"Oh, you can be so recalcitrant at times."

"Ow, four-sylable words! They hurt! They hurt!" Harry made a show of grabbing his head in pain.

The dinner was very noisy and happy, Appolonia's cooking being as godly as always. Harry's presents consisted of a broomstick servicing kit from Sirius, an action novel written by a wizarding author from Lupin, a copy of "Frowned upon but Legal Ways to Kick Ass Revised Edition" from Kingsley, (Harry's eyebrows were raised at this one), and a studded belt with an invisible weapons holster from Tonks. And that was Harry's 12th birthday. But what were the Weasleys upto…