We are stronger here together, than we could ever be alone,
So hold on to me, don't you ever let me go.
Carla sat curled on her sofa, her feet tucked underneath her and a large mug of vodka in her hands.
She hadn't been here in months and yet it felt right that she should be here today. The ghosts of a thousand memories linger in the air. She doesn't feel him around any more, not like she used to. Little pieces of what used to be still float around the flat, cups that past lovers once drank from, picture frames that had been wedding presents. In the kitchen draw that still held her cutlery lay a small, blue lighter that hadn't been used in years, but she still remembers the last cigarette it ever lit. It was a shared one, and from that moment on her whole life had twisted and turned and lead her to this moment.
Pieces of clothing that don't belong to her still hang in her wardrobe, jumpers and sweatshirts, a few suit jackets and shirts with matching ties. Every time she looks in there, which is admittedly not often now, she is hit with a scent so familiar it could only ever be Liam.
If she reaches down to the bottom of the cupboard she would find a shabby box, covered with dust, inside a thousand things that remind her of her first husband. Before they moved here, before Underworld and before the days when her love for Liam became so strong, that her love for Paul became resentment. Concert tickets, jewellery boxes, little things that reminded her of how good things had been.
She swigs the remainder of her drink, and bangs it down onto the table in anger. The anger she still feels years later, why her, why them?
Carla doesn't look up as the door of the place she once called home creaks open. She knows only one person has the key to her flat now and if she's honest with herself, it's the only person she would want to see today.
The only person who feels in anyway like she does, the one person she doesn't have to be strong for because they can both break down together.
"Car?" The younger woman moves straight towards the sofa and sits down. Carla instantly notices the mascara smudges and red, puffy eyes. Michelle's hazel pools mirroring Carla's broken gaze.
"How did you know I'd be here?" Carla asks, he voice soft, scared of upsetting her friend as she knows if Michelle cries, she will too and then neither will be able to stop.
"Where else would you be today?"
She realises now that the woman in front of her knows her probably better than she knows herself. After years of heartbreak and loss, they'd been through everything together. The ups and downs, the bitterly painful funerals, the fights and the murders.
She'd been the only one Carla had truly ever opened up to, Peter still couldn't read her like Michelle could, even after two years of living together.
"I still can't believe he's gone 'Chelle"
They fell into each other's embrace now, tears streaming down both their pained faces. They didn't speak, they didn't need to. Michelle's hand ran through Carla's hair and her own hand rubbed circles on her younger friend's back. Both instantly knowing what the other needed as comfort, already having had years of practise.
Each time another disaster had struck, they'd stood side by side, hands clamped tightly together, showing the world exactly what the Connor sisters are made of.
Michelle could feel Carla shaking as her violent sobs shook through her body, both their tops are wet with salty tears but neither of them care.
"Does Peter know you're here? Michelle asks finally, already knowing the answer. Carla never was one for heart to hearts, but even the mention of Paul or Liam usually sent her into self destruct mode. Especially the youngest of the two.
Carla shakes her head, remembering how she had stormed out of their house only hours ago, biting her partner's head off and then leaving without even an explanation. "He doesn't know about today, how could he?"
"He knows Carla, of course he does. You know, I think you underestimate him sometimes" Carla doesn't answer, instead she uses her sleeve to wipe the smudges around Michelle's eyes, rubbing her finger along her cheek before bringing her hands back down to her lap with a small smile.
"D'you remember Lee's 20th 'Chelle? He got so bladdered he couldn't walk, Paul 'ad to drag him to the car"
"Yeah, his trousers got caught in the car door, mum's face when she saw him in his undies was a picture"
They were both laughing now, remembering little things about their past that made it worth all the agony it had ended in.
Carla didn't have to thank her closest friend for the last few hours they had spent together, consoling and comforting each other. A simple look would tell her everything she needed. Carla held out her hand which Michelle accepted, and they sat together for a while longer, stronger and closer than ever.