How could I have forgotten my own mother? How could I have fucking forgotten? I knew I was forgetting something. I knew it was something important. How could I have fucking forgot? I need to make it there to visit her. I hate myself for this. I hate myself for everything. There is no solution to everything I have fucked up besides I hate myself. I can't do anything right.
The sun is chasing me in my rearview mirror. Telling me to go straight and fast. Straight and fast Alaska; don't fuck this one up too. It's hard to drive straight and fast when you've already drank over twice the legal limit, but it seems to make time go by twice as fast. A DUI should be the least of my worries right now. I still can't fathom how I fucking forgot.
I lick my lips. They still singe of the taste of booze, cigarettes, and Pudge. Pudge: the boy who truly loved me. I vaguely remember the turns of this road. It's merely a five or six mile stretch that I have to navigate. This road has become my own personal labyrinth-the only thing between me and my mother.
I could have swore that the sun was behind me, and not in front of me when I saw the flames, but then I noticed what was straight ahead-the end of my labyrinth.
That truck was so bent and broken. It had a few small flames that were quickly dying out. That truck was me. That truck was the end. I go to slow down but then I think-there is an easy way to get out of this labyrinth- straight and fast.
I second guess myself, and wonder if this is right, but when in my life have I ever done anything right? I made my decision- straight and fast. My foot hugs the gas pedal and sticks it to the floor. My hands grip the steering wheel and turn ghostly white- straight and fast, I say. Straight and fast.
Before I knew it fate took its toll and I could see my life flashing before me. The only thing I regret was not saying goodbye, but that would have been more painful for them. They would have tried to stop me, The Colonel and Pudge. They're probably a mess, especially Pudge. Oh God, Pudge.
The pain is ripping through my bones, and I know that I don't have much time left. The final thought on my mind is Pudge. Pudge, the only boy I ever truly loved. Pudge: the boy who loved last words. I wonder if Pudge knows that my last words are for him. Goodbye, Pudge.
I still can't fathom the idea that I didn't say goodbye, but goodbyes aren't possible when you get out of the labyrinth straight and fast.