Summary: Thanks to Claudia's clumsiness a powerful artifact is unleashed, with…awkward consequences. Rated T.
"Grumpy old man…. making me sweep…why'd he have to do that… isles are so long!" Claudia mumbled to herself as she swept up some more crate packing material. The little shredded paper was everywhere in the isles farthest from Artie's office. She didn't understand why he was punishing her for messing with her Farnsworth when she clearly saved the day from that B-movie baddie. Cause that more than makes up for it, right? Claudia was sweeping so furiously trying to get done as fast as possible that she didn't realize she was very close to one of the rows.
I guess she's had enough by now, Artie thought; after all she did save the town. He supposed she deserved a little leeway. "Claudia!" Artie boomed as he neared the back isles only to stop dead as he heard a thump, glass shattering, and a loud curse one isle over.
"Geez Artie!" Claudia yelled indignantly. "Dude a little warning next time would be nice!" She griped glaring at the broken perfume bottle on the floor. Then she froze as a white mist drifted up swirled around her then floated up towards the ceiling before it dissipated. "Uh oh."
"Claudia", Artie whispered in a low too-calm tone, "what did you do?" He held his breath waiting for the answer.
"Hey this isn't my fault you shouldn't be so sneaky. People don't expect it coming from…you know, a guy like… you know." Claudia trailed off as she saw the direction her sentence was going.
"Claudia just tell me what broke?" Artie replied his voice a bit high as he remembered some of the glass artifacts in that isle. "Please tell me you did not break an old fashioned perfume bottle. Anything but that?" Artie asked hope in his voice.
"Uh…define old fashioned." Claudia responded weakly. Artie sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Ah. Did anything happen when it broke?"
"Yeah this glowy mist just floated away, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that's bad." Claudia said as she scanned the air above her.
"Very. Ok Claudia whatever you do just stay over there, ok? That bottle contained the perfume of Lou Andreas-Salome she was said to be one of the world's greatest seductresses. Her love life was famous. Do you understand, if you got that perfume on you and came close enough to a man for him to smell it then…well…just stay there!" Artie said hurridly. He was about to go searching for an artifact to counteract the perfume when he stopped.
"Well what am I supposed to do? Vegitate?" Claudia tried to act annoyed but she couldn't help notice the little quiver in her voice.
"Artie?" Claudia asked timidly after she hadn't heard him respond to her complaint. After what seemed like a long time of standing hesitantly alone in her isle, she heard him.
"Claudia, it would seem that we're too close. I know this because I just caught a whiff of the most… beguiling scent I've ever smelled." He said inhaling deeply, his hands clutching a shelf to keep him from dashing straight to Claudia. "You should go run and hide. And keep quiet so I don't find you. I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna be able to just stand here much longer." Artie's voice was low and harsh, like he was gritting his teeth in pain.
Claudia didn't say a word, she just ran, eyes wide. Where can I go, she wondered, as she turned a corner and ran down another isle? Pete and Myka were away on a particularly dangerous mission, so no help from them. That perfume would wear off eventually. She should speed up the process, she thought, making this turn and that. Claudia stopped zigzagging and made a b-line for the sink in Artie's office, she could lock herself in there and try to wash off this perfume. She was mentally giving herself a pat on the back when she heard loud footsteps behind her. She stopped dead in her tracks looking for the source. There was no one in her Isle, suddenly the footsteps stopped, close by, on the other side of the row next to her. Claudia didn't dare breath as she began tip toeing back the way she came hoping to head in a right angle from where she heard the noise.
Artie had waited for a few seconds so she could get ahead of him, before he finally couldn't stand there a second longer. He took off after the faint sounds of her converse padding a few isles down. He could guess what her plan was, so instead of following the subtle noise he headed to her destination. He was catching up when he suddenly didn't hear her anymore. Maybe she was hiding, he hoped she was. He stopped to listen and his thoughts rushed through him, Artie felt such guilt and shame, he only ever saw Claudia as the daughter he never had and now here he was chasing her like barbaric bride snatcher. And what was worse he didn't know what he would do if he caught up to her. All he felt right now was an intense need to be with her to see her to talk to her, but how would he feel if he did see her? Would it satiate his need or would it not be enough. His momentary pause made him feel more like himself but then he caught the faintest trace of perfume coming from his left.
Claudia was out of her isle and almost in the relative safety of another when she heard him. Glancing over her shoulder Claudia spotted Artie walking slowly toward her. He didn't look like himself. Something was off in his eyes. He just stared at the floor. Claudia turned preparing to make a mad dash for some cover when Artie spoke to her.
"Claudia wait." Artie seemed to master himself by clinging to a support beam. "This is a tricky situation, but we can get through it if you can hold on for roughly twenty-four hours, the effects should lessen significantly by then." He was trying to hold his breath. Claudia knew this wouldn't last so she backed away quickly.
"Got it Artie." As she spoke his eyes snapped to her face and became strange again.
Artie was fine holding his breath, she was putting distance in between them, and this was good he thought maybe he could handle this. But then she spoke and it was like hearing her for the first time, and he had to see her. He looked at her face and felt joy warm his entire being. Whatever power the perfume had over him just tripled as his other senses experienced her. Her voice sounded like honey, he just wanted to hold her and smell her hair and listen to her speak softly forever, but she was backing away from him with wary eyes. He was hurt. How could she cut him so deeply like that? He felt like he would suffocate if he lost sight of her. Artie let go of the support beam and took a few steps forward, wanting to be close to Claudia, but this only made her take off. In panic and fear of loosing her he took off too.
Claudia ran and ran and ran but Artie was still fast on her tail and gaining. She would never make jokes about him being out of shape again. Her pace slowed as she began to feel winded, Artie looked like he could go on forever, she went left running down an isle then squeezing between artifacts to enter the next isle. She knew this wasn't the safest way but if she didn't do something soon Artie would catch her.
"Claudia! Don't that's dangerous!" He shouted after her, genuinely worried, soon he lost track of her.
Claudia was doubling back heading for Artie's office when her Farnsworth went off. Claudia scrambled to turn it off only to stop as Artie walked to block the end of the isle. He was holding up his Farnsworth.
"Aw come on. That's cheating." Claudia whined throwing hers down and turning to escape through another impromptu short cut, but Artie was too quick for her. She had just made it through when Artie grabbed her ankle, causing her to fall. And with strength she didn't know he possessed, Artie drug her back into his isle.
"Artie! Artie wait!" Claudia shouted flailing as Artie took hold of her wrists. He pulled her to her feet still keeping her wrists secure and stood there patiently for whatever she had to say. Surprised at this Claudia just stared at him for a moment.
"Claudia, I'm tired of your tricks, and I care way too much about you to just let you run around this dangerous place. But since I know you'll try to run again I'm going to have to incapacitate you." He said this quietly and patiently as if teaching a small child that no you shouldn't touch the stove cause it's hot and it'll burn you. Artie released one wrist to reach for something in his pocket.
"Artie listen, you're not yourself. You need to chill for a second and think about this." Claudia was struggling to free her other wrist when she saw the handcuffs. And with one quick flick of his wrist Claudia's hands were bound. Artie leaned forward and taking her bound hands in one hand and holding her feet still with the other he draped her across his shoulders like she was a fur wrap.
"Ok, this is not how I imagined my weekend would go!" Claudia grunted straining against Artie's hands.
"Ok Artie stop just put me down I'll walk with you, I promise." Claudia said calmly, Artie wasn't fooled she would try something. But without a word Artie set her down and started walking to his office, still keeping her handcuffed hands in his firm grasp. Claudia was patient. She kept her eyes peeled looking for the right opportunity. After ten minutes of silent walking she spotted it.
Artie knew she was on to something. He doubted she would enlighten him. So he waited, confident. He almost missed it but he felt a tail tell tug as Claudia bumped into a precariously balanced artifact. He jumped forward shoving Claudia back and caught the ancient mirror just before it hit the ground. He set it down quickly and turned to find Claudia just getting to her feet. She ran and he lunged catching her shoulders. Caught, she just stood there eyeing Artie worriedly. She had never intentionally tried to break an artifact before.
"Claudia do you know what would have happened if that mirror broke?" Artie asked in a tone she'd never heard him use before.
"Um, something… not good, I'm guessing." Claudia gulped as he pulled a little necklace off the shelf in front of him.
"I' m sorry, but this is for your own safety." He muttered grimly moving to put the necklace on her. Claudia tugged and yanked as she thought of all the things that necklace could possibly do. An instant slavery necklace, an amnesia inducing necklace, a paralyzing necklace, one small tear ran down her face as she stared into Artie's eyes, silently pleading. Other than this her face was impassive, if a little grim, and it tore Arties heart to pieces but she would be safest this way. And with that last reassuring thought he slipped the necklace over the struggling girl, she stilled and collapsed in his arms, asleep.
Artie lifted the little red head and carried her bridal style to his office. Once there he sat down still holding the sleeping girl, he looked at her face. She looked so much younger when asleep. He memorized every detail of her face, and then went on trying to remember exactly how it felt when she said his name. When Claudia had told him she understood she'd said his name, he felt so happy and content when she did that. Slowly Artie leaned forward and kissed her cheek, it wouldn't have felt right to kiss her lips with her asleep.
"I'll always take care of you." He whispered to her.
Claudia woke up on an old couch in Artie's office. Her hands were still cuffed but other than that she seemed fine. She looked across the room to find Artie asleep in his chair like he'd been guarding her. She could barely smell the perfume anymore but she thought better to be safe, she got up and went to the sink washing her face, hands, arms, and neck. Artie began to stir and Claudia froze. How long has it been?
Artie woke up to find Claudia by the sink; she just stood there like suspicion written clear on her face. " Claudia its alright, I'm much better now." He said rubbing his tired eyes. He felt like he had a hangover and he couldn't quite remember everything. Then he saw Claudia's hands.
"Aw Claudia I'm so sorry!" He jumped up and went towards her with the keys. He saw her flinch back a tiny bit at his sudden movement. He took care not to get too close as he freed her.
"Relax Artie it's cool. No harm done honest." Claudia said putting her hands on his shoulders trying to get him to look at her. But he saw faint bruises on her arms and just stared at the floor.
"Artie." He looked up at her serious tone trying to ignore the calming feeling her voice gave him as she said his name. "It could've been so much worse. We're lucky you're just a natural gentleman." She smirked at him. "There is a way you can make it up to me though!" She grinned evilly at him.
"Okay… name it." He said slowly, cautiously.
"No more punishments for five years!" She held up her hand in his face and wiggled her five fingers, just to make sure he got the message.
"One." Artie sighed.
"Aw Artie! Seriously." She whined.
"Yep."
"How bout three?"
"One."
"Two?"
"One."
"What if I-"
"One!"
"Fine."
THE END
If as you read this you saw something horrible and thought, 'Wow that was awful someone should tell her this' or if you saw something cool and thought, 'Wow that was awesome I gotta tell her this' then please, please do.