So this story is a little, well not really based on, I guess inspired by the Ellen DeGeneres ride at Disney World. If you've been on it you should understand. If not, well, it won't really make a difference.
This was actually originally supposed to be a one-shot, but it was too long for that, so it's going to be a short multi-chapter. I'm thinking somewhere between 3 and 6 chapters. This is NOT the multi-chapter I mentioned to some of you already. For those of you who don't know, I've had an idea for another multi-chapter story in my head for some time now. I don't want to reveal too much just yet, but (if it happens at all) it will be a supernatural fic of sorts, but NOT one of those where someone dies and becomes a ghost. No offense to anyone who writes/likes those, some of them are quite good. I just think that's starting to be a little overdone. As far as I know this idea I have hasn't been done yet for iCarly on this site, but if it has, well I haven't seen it. I haven't even started writing that story yet, so I don't know if it's going to work out. I may not even end up posting it, but if I do, expect it to be a while from now. It's kind of a complicated story and I don't have it really figured out yet. And what with school to deal with and PSATs and SATs coming up soon, I'm not quite ready to take on any big challenges just yet.
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, the Ellen DeGeneres ride at Disney World, Buddy from Cake Boss, or Head On (apply directly to the forhead!)
"You can sleep over here if you like, but no eating Mexican food in my bed, no messing with our DiVoed shows, no selling Spencer's goldfish to a hobo again…"
"Seriously," added Spencer. "Hobos might seem like nice, caring people, but in reality they're nasty fish eaters!"
"Spencer, I think you've probably killed more fish than all the hobos in Seattle combined," his sister pointed out.
Spencer opened his mouth to object but then realized she was right. He sighed in defeat. "I'm gonna go wait in the car." And with that he slung his large canvas bag labled "beans" over his shoulder and left. Why he was using an old bean sack instead of a suitcase, I'll don't know, and frankly I hope I never will.
"ANYWAY," said Carly. "Where was I? Oh yeah, don't throw any wild parties, remember to close the fridge when you're done invading it, and please, PLEASE try not to kill Freddie."
"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving my ham sandwich filled hand at my friend.
"I mean it Sam," she warned. "You'd better be good."
"Chillax," I said as I took monster-sized bite of sandwich. Mmm…sweet, hammy goodness. "Ah pwomiff, ah'll beh gooh."
"Sam! What did I say about talking with your mouth full?"
"Sowwy," I gave her an apologetic look as I quickly swallowed what was left of the ham and bread that hadn't yet escaped my mouth and landed on the Shay's couch. "I promise, I'll be good. Don't you worry your brunette little head about it. Besides, it's not like you're leaving for Yakima for good, just three days. What could possibly go wrong?"
Carly scoffed. "Knowing you, a lot."
"Meh. Well I'll be on my best behavior, alright? Now, you'd better get going or you'll miss your flight."
"Okay," she said and picked her pink duffle bag up off the floor. "But just one last thing…"
"Nope." I hopped up from the couch and started to push her out the door.
"But I just wanted to say…"
"Nuh-uh Shay. Bye-bye now."
"But I…"
"Hasta la later."
"Later is luego…"
"Like I care, now leave!"
"But…"
"NYEEEH!" I yelled as I finally succeeded in pushing her out the door and shutting it in her face, leaving her with her mouth open and her index finger raised like she was about to tell me to remember to floss my teeth or some chizz like that.
Finally, I was alone at last. I let out a sigh and plopped down on the couch. I checked my wrist watch, only to remember I didn't own a wrist watch and had never bothered learning how to tell time. Hey, it's not my fault my 1st grade teacher who was supposed to teach me how to tell time was awful. And you can't expect me to do anything a bad teacher says, can you? My eyes searched around the room until they landed on the digital clock on the microwave. 7:29 pm. Ah, just in time for my guilty pleasure.
I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Right on time. I smiled to myself. I hadn't been able to watch this show lately.
"This…is…JEOPARDY!" Johnny Gilbert and I announced in unison. Yep, that's right. Sam Puckett watches Jeopardy. You probably want me to explain now. Well here's your explanation: it's none of your damn business. All you need to know is that Jeopardy is my favorite show…and that if you tease me about it…well, I hope you live near a hospital.
Oh shoot, I spaced out and missed who the contestants were. Oh well, I could already tell who I wanted to win. Definitely the hot guy in the middle podium, with his soft looking brown hair and chocolate brown eyes…hey, he kind of looked like…never mind.
Ah, darn it, I zoned out again. Okay, now to start watching for real.
"This is the official language of Brazil," said Alex Trebek.
"What is Portuguese?" said the hot dude.
"Correct."
"Whoo!" I cheered. "Get 'um…uh…" I glanced at the name written on the hot guy's podium. Oh you've got to be kidding me.
"Pick again Freddie," Alex said.
"'Before and After' for 200 Alex," said Freddie 2.
"19th century novel about a giant whale who becomes vice president to the 43rd president of the United States."
"What is Moby Dick Cheney?"said the mousy-looking woman named Margie in the podium to the left of the other Freddie.
"Yes."
"Boo!" I shouted and threw a piece of ham sandwich at the TV. Whoops, I don't think Carly would approve of that. I should clean that up…later.
A few minutes passed with the contestants answering questions (or were they answers?) when they went to the first commercial break, and a commercial came on for some crazy new invention that was supposed to relieve headaches. If you ask me, the thing just looked like a giant tube of Chap Stick, and their stupid commercial was so repetitive (I get it already, you want me to apply it directly to my forehead!) it was starting to give me a headache. I decided to turn down the volume on the TV until the show came back on, but then realized it was so quiet that I was bored. So I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes, just to rest my eyes for a minute…
"Sam! Sam, wake up! Come on Sam, it's time to wake up…"
"Mmm…" I moaned. "Five more minutes…" I stuck out one hand with all the fingers outstretched to illustrate the amount of time I wanted to stay asleep.
"No Sam, now! Come on, the show's going to start without us."
"iCarly day already?" I said, still not opening my eyes.
"No Sam, today's the day we go on Jeopardy, remember?"
"Oh, right, right, Jeopa…wait, what?" My eyes flew open and stared menacingly at the offending nub. "Did you just say Jeopardy?"
"Yes Sam," Freddie sighed. No, not the Freddie I that was on Jeopardy before. My Freddie. I mean…no! I didn't mean it like that! I mean…urg, just forget I said anything. Freddie 1 continued. "You don't have to keep rubbing it in my face that you managed to get on Jeopardy too. Although I still say you must have cheated."
"Hey! I didn't cheat…whoa, what am I saying? How did I even get on Jeopardy? How…how did I get here? Where is here anyway?" I said, for the first time noticing I didn't recognize this place at all.
"Backstage on the Jeopardy set," he answered as if it were obvious. "Where else would we be?"
"Uhh…"
"Two minutes 'til show time!" yelled some guy with a clipboard and a headset as he power-walked by. "Everybody to the set!"
"Oh shoot, we'd better go!" said Freddie.
"Why? I thought these things were taped in advance." But Freddie had already left to take his spot for the show. I sighed and slowly made my way to my own podium, where my name was already written in my own messy handwriting. That's weird; I don't remember writing my name. Then again, I don't even remember taking the Jeopardy test, much less coming to be on the show. I figured it wasn't doing me any good to question it, so I might as well just accept it.
"This…is…Jeopardy!" The sound of Johnny Gilbert's voice suddenly flooded the set. "Introducing today's contestants!
"An honors student and technical producer for the popular web show iCarly, meet Seattle resident Freddie Benson!" Freddie waved at the camera and mouthed something which I figured out to be 'Hi mom.' I rolled my eyes. What a dork.
"One of the iCarly co-hosts and creator of the 'World's Fattest Priest Fanclub,' also from Seattle, here's Sam Puckett!" I smiled at the camera awkwardly.
"And finally, a school teacher from – you guessed it – Seattle, and one of Scotland's most beloved bagpipers: our champion, Francine Briggs." Ms. Briggs? Wasn't she a little old to be competing against teenagers? "Twelve days; cash winnings total 299, 435 dollars!" 299,435 dollars? HOLY CHIZZ.
"And now, here's the host of Jeopardy…Alex Trebek!"
"Thanks Johnny," said Alex. "Good luck to all of our contestants today, although I'm sure some of you won't need it." He smiled at Ms. Briggs. Jeez, I knew from watching the show that he was kind of an ass, but this was ridiculous.
"And now here are the Jeopardy categories! First off: Web Show Hosts." Alright, I think I could handle that. After all, who's the co-host of one of the most popular shows on the web?
"Next: It's A Twin Thing." I'm a twin… "All About Meat…Anger Issues…Random Dancing…The MMA…and finally: Famous Blondes."
"Francine, you start us off."
"Hmmm…I'll take Anger Issues for 200, Alex."
"Answer. This term designates a person whose mood can switch from happy to depressed very quickly."
Ms. Briggs buzzed in. "Francine."
"What is bipolar?"
"Correct."
"Anger Issues for 400."
"Many therapists recommend doing this form of exercise to help angry people relax…Francine."
"What is yoga?"
"Correct again." Jeez, these questions were really easy, but for some reason I just couldn't buzz in as quickly as Ms. Briggs.
"Anger for 800."
"Answer. The Daily Double! You found it already! Great job, as usual." Alright Alex, enough flirting. Isn't he supposed to be married?
"Why thank you Alex," said Ms. Briggs. "I'll wager…300."
"Alright, here's the clue. This Corsica born military and political leader of France was known to have a rather short temper." Short. Ha ha. The writers of this show must feel so clever.
"Who is Napoleon Bonaparte?"
"That is correct!" Well duh… "Pick again."
"Let's move on to All About Meat for 1000." Finally. There was no way Briggs could buzz in before me in this subject.
"Canadian bacon isn't really bacon at all, but a variation of this popular sandwich meat."
Briggs hesitated but I clicked the signaling device right away. Nothing happened. I looked over at Freddie, who looked just as bewildered as I was. Finally Briggs buzzed in. "What is bologna?"
"Ooh, sorry, no. I'm afraid that's incorrect. Sam or Freddie?"
"Uh, dude," I said. "I'm trying to buzz here but…"
"I'm sorry, but no talking is allowed unless you buzz in. I'm afraid I'm going to have to deduct 200 dollars from your score."
"What! That's janked up! You can't just…"
"And with that we'll go to our first commercial break! Stay tuned."
As soon as the cameras stopped rolling I started walking toward Alex, pointing an accusing finger. "Look dude, I don't know exactly what's going on here, but I do know that my signaling device isn't working and her's," I pointed at Ms. Briggs, "is. Now you'd better give me back my 200 bucks and fix this chizz before I…"
"Whoa, calm down Sam," said a voice behind me as I felt hands gripping my wrists. I turned around, ready to smack Fredward silly, but then I saw that it wasn't Freddie at all and went into killer ninja mode.
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" I yelled, and quickly flipped the person over so that they landed to the ground with a loud thud.
"Ugghhhh," groaned the man on the floor. I got ready to pounce on him and cause him even more damage, but then I got a good look at him for the first time. He was chubby, with a round face and thick black hair, and he looked like he was probably in his mid-thirties.
"No way," I murmured. This couldn't be who I thought it was, but the name sewn into his white shirt confirmed my suspicions.
"Jeez," said the man in a kind of strange accent as he struggled to get up. "If I'd known I'd be flipped around like some kinda giant pancake or somethin' I woulda stayed at Carlo's. You have a hell of a nice way of greeting people, you know that? And I thought my sister Mary was hard to get along with."
"Uhh…" I said, but my mouth wouldn't work right. So I just offered him my hand and helped him to his feet. "S-sorry," I finally managed. "Um…aren't you…"
"Call me Buddy," he said, extending his hand for me to shake.
"As in the Buddy from the show Cake Boss?"
"In the flesh."
"Dude!" my senses finally came back to me. "I love that show! Especially when you make cake that looks like meat…"
"Yeah yeah, that's great, but there's no time for that now. We've got a lot of work to do and I don't know how much longer I can keep the people here frozen in time."
"Huh? Wha…" Just then I noticed that everyone except for Buddy and I was standing completely still, not even breathing. "How…"
"Never mind that now. Like I said, no time. All you need to know is that you need to win this thing, and that I'm here to help you do it."
"But my signaling device won't even work. And besides, I don't see why I need to win. I mean, sure I want to, but why do I need to? But why are you the one helping me anyway? And how do you know my name? How…"
"Good god, you ask a lot of questions. Listen, all your questions will be answered, but you just have to trust me. Okay?"
"Why should I?"
Buddy sighed. "Alright," he muttered as he reached behind his back and pulled out a small box containing a variety of different meats. On closer inspection, I noticed from its sugary smell that it wasn't meat at all, but cake made to look like meat.
"Gimme!" I yelled and grabbed at the box.
"Ah ah ah," he said, closing the box and putting it behind his back. I glared at him menacingly and he took a couple steps backwards. Smart man. "You can't have the cake until you agree to come with me…and not attack me again."
"How about I don't go with you and you hand over the cake before I bash your face in?"
I heard him gulp loudly and he took another step back. "Sam, listen. This is really important. Let me ask you something. Did you notice anything about the categories?"
"Yeah, I guess…it's all stuff I know about."
"Eh…kind of, but you see, there's something else about those categories. You need to understand what it is. And you'll never be able to do that if you don't come with me."
I sighed. "So…I get the whole box of meat-shaped cake if I come?" Buddy nodded.
"What kind is it?"
"Vanilla with barbecue sauce flavored icing."
Ooh. That did sound good. "Alright. But don't try any funny business, or you might just end up in the hospital for the rest of your life."
He chuckled nervously and handed me the box. "I don't doubt that."
"Good. So where are we going?"
"Lots of places."
"Well that's specific."
"You'll find out, okay? Now come on. We don't have a lot of time."
I hope you liked. I'm open to suggestions and criticism, so please tell me if you have any. Next chapter will hopefully be up soon. Until then, hasta la later.