Title: Suitors and Sorrow
General: The second in the Suits and Suitors series. The story starts to develop.
Disclaimers: Not mine, would love it if they were but they not, urgh!!!!
Spoilers: nothing much really, seeing as I'm deprived and have only seen the first series so far (damn British TV!!).
* * *
"Josh."
"Maggie if you would just listen for one second, we know your one of us, we know you agree with insurance reformation. You've got to help us bring Senator Borges in."
"Josh! You know I can't do that, I've only been here 6 months I don't have much weight around here and the Senator is not going to think twice about firing my ass." She looked into my eyes with those piercing blue circles of hers as she brought her wineglass up to her lips and took a sip. I tried desperately to keep my mind on the job but she was just as intoxicating for me as she had been 6 years ago.
"You have more weight than you think and the Senator needs you, he listens to you, what about the L29 Bill?? He listened to you then." she smiled and held up her glass as if to toast me,
"You've been doing your homework." I smiled, ok so flattery will get you anywhere with me.
"I have, and if you've done yours you should know how badly we need the Senator."
"I do, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna get him."
"Maggie! Lets not play games."
"That's what we do Josh or had you forgotten." she said smirking at me reminding me of how I used to preach about the "Game of Politics". I laughed and put down my fork.
"Look, all we're looking for right now is the chance that maybe you could help us with some of the ground work in convincing the Senator to vote with us." She eyed me up in the way she had done when we'd met for the first time, as if trying to decide whether I was worth taking the time for or not. Finally she looked away and sighed,
"Alright. But I am not promising anything, ok??"
"Great" I couldn't help but smile, see I had done an excellent job, perfectly professional, very well done I thought.
"I've missed this you know." there, she said it, the one thing I had been half praying for and half-dreading. My heart pounded as I remembered how she had left me a wreck.
"I'm going Josh."
"What? Ok, I'll see you later, I'll probably be late so don't wait up unless you really want to." I said with a slight smile. I looked around but she wasn't sharing my smile.
"No, Josh. I'm going, I'm leaving."
"What do you mean?" God I was so dumb.
"I'm leaving you Josh. I…I need to get away. I need some space."
"What the fuck for?"
"I just don't feel the same way anymore. I don't…I don't love you anymore Josh." there it was, that little sentence winded me completely,
"Since when" I managed finally to ask.
"Too long. I have an offer in LA. It's not great but it pays well. Please Josh, don't make this any harder than it already is." but before I had a chance to argue she had turned around and was out the door.
I had loved her so much and she had torn me in two.
"Me too." was all I could answer.
"I…I'm sorry Josh, about everything."
"Me too" this is why Sam's the speechwriter and I'm not.
"So, are you dating anyone right now?" she asked, trying to sound casual, she was never very subtle. I smile at this as I answer
"No, free as a bird" I say it smiling but something sticking in my throat makes me cough and I take a drink of water.
"You?" I ask also trying to sound casual.
"Same, very very single." Its just then that I realise that we've been staring into each other's eyes for the past ten minutes and my hands are just inches from hers. I can't resist the temptation to take her hands and hold them like I used to.
"Feels familiar doesn't it?" I say, never looking away.
"Yes, it feels good."
"Maggie…"
"Yes?"
"Could we try again? I know what happened before but it could be better this time. I think we could work, we deserve a second chance Maggie. I…I still love you."
"I…I do too. I left cos I was scared of what was happening. I'm not scared anymore." I felt like I had just stepped onto the top of the world, I smiled and lent forward taking her in a passionate kiss. It was just how I remembered it. Later I took her home and we made love as passionately as that first night when we had finally let our desires take over.
I'll admit it. I skipped into the office that day.
"Good morning Donna. How are you? Isn't the world just wonderful this morning?" Donna just gives me a strange look,
"You didn't take any pain killers today did you?" she asks as she follows me into my office looking mildly concerned.
"Nope." I say grinning at her from ear to ear.
"Then what?" I'm feeling mean so I give her a wicked smile and tap my nose. She makes a "humph!" noise and is about to walk out of my office when Sam walks through the door. He hesitates for a second when he sees Donna and then looks up at Josh,
"Hi Donna. Josh, how'd last night with Maggie Jenson go?" I catch Donnas face for a second and I swear her head sinks slightly but I'm too happy to get into an argument with Donna bout how I didn't tell her.
"Great!" I say
"Great how??" Sam frowns at me
"Great, in that she's gonna try and talk to Borges, though she says she can't promise anything and great in that we're back together again."
"Really?" Sam says in disbelief at how quickly I did it, but I mean come on this Josh Lyman Studmeister (did I just say that!)
"Again?" Donna says looking confused
"Yeah, they went out like forever ago and she broke his heart."
"Oh." God, Donna can be so tetchy if she doesn't know everything first.
"Well, she put it back together again last night!!!"
"That's great Josh. No, I'm really happy for you. I know it was hard when she left you, but you two really did make a great couple. Nice going." Sam is smiling, and I know he means it. He'd always thought highly of Maggie and it was nice that they got along, I just hoped Donna would like her too because her opinion mattered just as much as Sam's did.
"Thanks buddy!" I call after him as he walks out after saying he had to see Toby. Donna is still stood there though, looking slightly confused.
"Look, I'm sorry I never told you, its just that…well it was sort of a difficult break up and the only reason Sam knows is because he was around when we were going out."
"Josh, don't worry about it." She says already walking out of the door
"Ok." I say at her retreating form, but I still felt bad.
* * *
I put the files on my desk and almost run to the toilets. Oh god!! I feel like I'm going to be sick. I can't believe it. He's actually going out with her, he loves her! Oh my god, I can't cry, everyone in the whole bullpen will notice. I feel like me heart is ripping in two. I can't breath; I can't stand up straight. I mean Joey was close and I knew he cared about her, but this…this looks like serious wife potential. They're both big political players, both smart, both good-looking. He loves her and they're perfect for each other. Even Sam could see that. Oh God, he's never gonna…he doesn't love me. I guess I'd always hoped that under it all he felt the same for me and those little things he does once in a while made me ever more sure that maybe just maybe…. But now all that's gone. I've been kidding myself for too long. Its time to pull it together, its time to move on. He's not going to feel the same and its time I faced the fact and gave up.
I let one tear roll down my face and then I pulled myself together. I felt strange and sad, I knew things would never be the same and again I wanted to cry but I fought hard to control myself and vowed that I would get on with my life and forget all about Josh and just be his friend.
Walking out of the toilets I was still trying to hold myself together when Sam bumped straight into me.
"Donna, I'm sorry. I was miles away." I smile weakly at him
"Same. I guess it's the early mornings."
"Tell me about it. Are you ok?" Sam asked looking at my slightly flushed face
"Yeah, great! Just feeling a bit tired that's all."
"You should get Josh to let you go home early sometimes. You know you don't have to stay with him till 1.00 in the morning every day."
"I know, I know, but how would he cope?"
"Very badly."
"Exactly! Anyway, what are you up to?"
"Oh nothing, just looking for…just hanging around."
"Shouldn't you be busy, you know, running the country." Sam looked slightly lost for words and I couldn't help but smile at his bemused face.
"Well, yes but Toby is still mad about stuff and he's throwing his ball at the wall. It's driving me crazy!" I laughed but when I did thoughts of Josh started to flood into my mind and I couldn't help but look at the floor to hide my expression.
"You sure you're ok?" I hear Sam ask. I mumble a response and excuse myself. I walk over to my desk and try and drown myself in work. Work gets you through; work helps you forget for a little while.