still the victor
How could he invite someone who simply was too busy to even bother to look around her? Well, surely this particular guy would figure that out.
It was nearing the 14th of February - - and so everyone at school knows what event it could possibly have with the sound of that date. Yes, it's Valentine's – that day wherein that cupid with his heart-shaped arrows would dart through the hearts of those whom he deem as "proper" and "destined" for each other.
And for this young man, time was simply running out. He had to make a move – now or tomorrow. But why would he not do it tomorrow? Why would he not ask her to accompany him on that special day the day after today? Besides from the fact that he could never have done it yesterday since the day had literally passed, the logic was quite simple. Because in Kira Yamato's mind, today had been yesterday's tomorrow…and he had been trying to get his wits together yesterday, the day before yesterday, the day before the day before yesterday and so the list continues to simply utter a simple "Hi" to the woman of his affections. He had been contemplating too much on himself that he never truly got the chance to talk her out into going out with him.
It would've been a splendid idea if he just looked straight at her and tell her how much he valued her company. It would've been something wonderful to think and reminisce at the end of the day. But why couldn't he say the words he ought to have said when she was already there – right there standing before him?
He had rehearsed his lines over and over again but like the ones preceding it, he always got himself dumbfounded every time she puts that smile on her face. Her alluring azure eyes locked up on his just melted him at the very ground he stood on. And why did she ever become so charming? Why was she made the way she was – a tempest devastating his inner being and thoughts?
She was, after all, a certain girl in class. And he, well, he was more than a classmate – but rather a true friend if there was still any in this deceitful world they lived in.
"Okay…breathe in, breathe out…"
A very nervous brunette whispered audible for only him to hear.
"It's not like she would bite you…say something nice…something cute…something…just something…" arguing with himself he continued. He can't seemingly get himself to push that tiny button straight across his face without first talking himself out of his nervous disposition.
Finally deciding it was now or never, he mustered all possible courage he had left and pushed that tiny button that rang a familiar sound…
'Ding – Dong…'
Once is enough, twice is too much, and thrice is a poison that can kill a person - - the quotation he lived by every single day of his existence. Come to think of it, as he awaited a response from the other side of this iron-clad gate, he recalled how he fared with inviting her out the previous year.
a week before the 14th of February, a year ago
The bell already rang. Students grabbed their bags and went out – some stayed behind to clean the dirtied room, others simply stayed just so they could talk more to each other.
"Ms. Clyne…" no matter how nervous this man's voice sounded, the said girl being called out simply looked at him and graced him with her usual smile. She was currently fixing her things that particular time.
He then arranged the frames of his glasses as he cleared his throat.
"Um, thanks for this morning…" he said – stuttering in his words.
"No problem." She replied.
"…you really seemed to need the help anyway." She further added noticing that the other was somewhat expecting her to say more of the incident – or so that's what she thought.
He simply laughed at the remark… 'Yeah, a guy being beaten up by kids…what a loser I must have been in her eyes…'
After his incredibly long laugh, and as he noticed that she was no longer laughing with him, he then arranged himself to finally ask what he had been waiting all day to ask her.
"Hey, umm, Ms. Clyne, do you…do you want to-,"
"Hey Lacus!" a girl suddenly shouted from afar, within the proximity of the room but whose pitch was too overwhelming and too, to put simply, unappropriate considering voices would tend to echo in this not so occupied room.
Lacus was really paying attention to this man but then, upon hearing her name called out all of a sudden, she faced him and excused herself for a while.
"I'll come back to you…is it all right?" she asked with her tone ever so sweet to which, all he did was nod.
After a few moments, she finally got back to him and apologized for her sudden leave.
"You were saying?" she asked once more, referring of course to the one Kira was trying to relay to her earlier.
"Yes, as I was saying…do you want to-,"
"Hey Lacus, don't forget! On the 14, we'll go to the charity school! Okay?" the same girl shouted once more.
"Sure…" Lacus replied, more calmly and refined than her loud friend's. This new-found information really surprised Kira. As Lacus once again shifted her attention to the one before her, she found him looking blankly somewhere, shock evident on his face.
"Kira, are you all right?" she inquired, worry on her face. As if her voice woke him up from the sudden 'revelation', he simply nodded his head and cheerfully exclaimed he was feeling mighty well. This somehow made Lacus feel better, she originally thought the change in Kira's mood was because of her or something she said.
"Charity school…on Valentine's…now that's…sweet…of you, I mean." Kira finally said, still reluctant and unbelieving as to how the things turned out.
"Yeah, don't you think so?" somehow, this response from Kira enthused her and even brought an unusual glow in her.
"Sure thing. I mean, Valentine's is love, and charity is love. They're the same thing…"
"You really think so? That's…unbelievable. You're the first one to ever say that."
"Say what?"
"That Charity school is sweet and that it's actually fitting for Valentine's. Thank you for that." She responded, her smile more radiant, her eyes reflected the delight she's currently feeling.
He really couldn't hide the blush he had on his cheeks whenever he got to talk to her like that, with just a glance from her, he could feel a twinge on his heart.
Finally realizing that asking her out would be of no good, he then decided to just give up his 14th of February plans. Without someone to invite to, why would he bother to spend the day anyway? If not Lacus, then being alone on that day would be the definition of sweet for him.
"So, see you tomorrow then." He ended as he waved at her. His bag pack's strap on his shoulder, he then turned around and motioned his feet towards the door.
"Do you have anything to do on that day?"
It was her - - and he couldn't believe it. Did she just invite him? Still doubting his ears, he turned around once more to face her – painted with an unusual expression.
"Pardon?" he asked…and hoped that what he heard was the thing she actually meant.
This caused a slight laughter from the girl as she stopped what she was doing and faced him as properly as he faced her.
"Do you have anything to do on that day?" she repeated, this time, carefully spelling out the words so that he could hear them clearly.
His mouth initially formed an "o" upon hearing those words. His eyes never leaving their gaze on her picturesque aura. Noticing how stupid he must have appeared, apparently since she again laughed a bit at his reaction, he gave her his warmest smile as he repeatedly nodded his head.
However, such gesture was taken wrongly by the pink-haired woman. She then looked down as her tone suddenly changed.
"So, you have something to do on that day…"
"W-What?? N-No! I mean, no, I don't have anything to do on that day…" obviously shocked upon the response he got, he answered as quickly as the statement was made.
"Then why did you nod your head…in so much enthusiasm I may add…"
"Oh, you mean this?" He said as he lifted a finger pointing at his face while nodding his head as before.
Stopping upon hearing the girl laugh again, he then smiled and clarified his actions, trying to suppress the overwhelming temptation to laugh out loud as stupid as he can on that room.
"This is my nod for the answer, yes, I'd love to do whatever it is I can do on that day, for I simply am not doing anything on that day…"
This, though no matter how true and sincere, confused her a bit but then, shrugged the feeling off.
"We really need a hand that day. Since most of the students already set their plans, we are in some sort of a shortage for assistance. I was actually wondering if you…if you could help us out. That is, if it's okay with you…is it?" she asked with a slight hesitation in her voice. She never knew Kira all too well though they had been on the same class for 3 years now. It was only in that day that they got to talk for the longest time – since the hour she literally "saved" him from being bullied and ganged upon by "little" but obviously sly kids of the grade school department.
In fact, this was all Kira needed for he immediately nodded his head and agreed to offer his service. This surprised the girl, since she never expected him or anyone for that matter, to give a response at once.
"Really? I mean, thank you. You don't know how much we appreciate it."
She then approached him and shook his hands, though the latter really felt more flattered and more appreciative just by the mere touch of her fingers on his.
"It's actually no big deal." He shyly replied. Suddenly, he remembered who he just "attempted" to invite out – the school idol and figure herself, Lacus Clyne.
Luckily, she just saved him from the disgrace of being let down, as he predicted it all to boil down to, for she just did something he never even dreamt she'd do – work the other way around that is, invite him out instead.
After a moment of silence after the outpour of appreciation and invitation, he then realized it's about time he'd go home, though, he'd really want to stay for a little while longer. He never really showed it in the sense of letting others be witnesses of the feelings he held strongly for this girl but he'd rather love her in a way he knew best – just to be with her whatever it was she's doing. And this would surely be a stepping stone, to think, he'd be spending his Valentine's with the girl he wanted to spend it with! How lucky can he get!
- - - - - - - - - - -
How unlucky can he ever get?
It was already the 14th of February then. The bus already arrived for the trip to the charity school they're about to visit. He had his seat on the bus and everyone was there, everyone except one – Lacus Clyne herself. At first, he thought she just woke up late for the event, but later, as minutes passed 'til it became an hour, he knew something else was the matter. He stood up from his seat and approached her loud friend, wondering if she knew in whatever way or means about Lacus' condition – as to the reason behind her tardiness on this day, or worse, her possible absence.
He knew she was so excited about the whole occasion and that if there was anyone who would back out on the last minute, it wouldn't be her. She wouldn't dare to miss this event or fail those children at that charity school...she won't, unless…
"Is she coming?" he asked her friend who stood as the co-organizer of the visit.
"I don't know. I've been trying to reach her but her cellular phone's out…there's no way I could contact her. I tried calling her home but it just kept on ringing. If it's not ringing, the answering machine would be the one 'answering' to me."
"Is there any other way to contact her?"
"Believe me, if there is, I already did. Unfortunately I don't have a stamp with me so I can't send her via snail mail now can I? Anyway, almost an hour has passed. Even teachers won't consider it as late in their records." She then excused herself from their conversation as she instructed the bus to proceed on their destination. Kira really wasn't into the whole 'charity school' thing if it wasn't for Lacus. But then, he figured he was already here and remembering how happy and excited Lacus was for that trip, he decided to carry on with his decision to join.
- - - - - - - - - - -
The minutes that passed seemed like hours as he waited patiently for someone to at least recognize his presence. It was the end of their classes then when he decided to go to her house. Primarily, his main purpose as with the previous year, was to invite her out on Valentine's – to spend that one special day with her, which was unfavorably denied to him. The last year's incident on the charity school still haunted him.
He never asked her about what happened or how come she didn't make it to the trip. Instead, he treated her the same way as he did before, as if the whole matter didn't exist.
Over the past year, they've become noticeably closer to each other. He'd become affiliated with her organizations and she, in return, treated her as one of her "good" friends. And he intend to change all of that by making his intentions known to that beautiful lady…which hopefully takes place, when everything goes out well (as planned), today.
A hammering was heard from the inside as the gate opened slightly, revealing not who he wanted to see but rather an unfamiliar face. He knew Lacus was rich but he never really knew how exactly rich she actually was.
"Yes?" a fat woman wearing a refined clothing asked, like that being worn by rich people's chambermaids..
At first, Kira initially thought to take the cowardly route and run for it to the opposite side of the road as if he didn't bother to drop by her house, but then, being one who sticks well to his own decisions, he answered the man's inquiry as calm as he could.
"Is Ms. Clyne here?"
"I could tell she's not on that side of the gate."
After hearing this, he then looked at the ground and after much thinking, he gave out a flushed laughter which either turned out as a squeal or as that sound produced when one lost air in his lungs.
"No, I mean, is Ms. Clyne there?" he clarified, not really expecting another philosophical response from this lady before him.
"Well, surely you'd be afraid if dear Ms. Clyne is here, healthy and all living when he passed away a couple of years back…"
Now, that wasn't expected nor was he prepared to face such an answer. Was she just referring to Lacus' mom? He knew she died shortly after giving birth to Lacus but ghostly sightings were another matter he's not prepared to contend with.
"…but if it is Little Miss Clyne you are looking for, I could say, you got the right address kid." Even before he could further ask, she then added, as if reading his mind very well.
In a relieved sigh, he then gave a suppressed laugh, this time, much noticeable with an ounce of confidence.
She at first eyed him from head to toe and then spoke once more.
"But then again, I'm sorry, she's not currently here. You just missed her."
"Really? I just did? Where did she go? Would you tell me?" he asked, throwing one question after another giving less time for the other to respond.
"Hold on, I'm not an answering machine to answer all your inquiries in such short notice. Let's see, I think she went to that park at her school. Yeah, I think she just made her way there."
After hearing that answer, his dampened face lighted up as if newfound strength had been poured over him and filled the gaps in his body. He thanked the lady and even shook her hands. After which he bade goodbye and went towards the direction if their school.
Upon reaching the school grounds, he immediately proceeded to the park where he'd usually spot her. Even from a distance, he could see her very well. Her long pink hair was quite unique and somehow, he felt her presence wherever he went.
He then began to approach her in shuddered steps but then, upon having a clearer view, he suddenly noticed that she wasn't really alone as what he initially thought. This prompted him to suddenly stop in his tracks and move somewhere else. He hid himself behind an old oak tree which overlooked the bench she sat on with a certain guy. Yes, he knew who that guy was…a senior student and the star player of the varsity team in soccer. Lots of girls actually and literally "flock" the guy like bees and he had never heard of any nasty rumor about him. Although, it's been the talk of the campus that he secretly admired someone from the lower years – and how dumb could he get that he didn't figure that out long ago. For who else would such a hotshot like him have his eyes on but the same girl he had his on, Lacus Clyne, of course.
And as he watched from the distance, he realized how better off these two might have been together. Besides the fact that their popularity ratings were soaring throughout the early course of their school life, they really do look good together. So good that he'd strangle him to death just so he couldn't have his way on her.
And as he was seeing them now, he couldn't be anymore jealous and envious of that guy. He had everything perfect for him. And he, who is Kira Yamato anyway? The math geek? The good friend? The true friend? These titles would be of no use to him anyway.
And as silently as he went to that park, he left. With his burning desire no longer aflamed, he resigned to his defeat. But still, hoping that at least, he'd be able to finally reveal his feelings…and when that day comes (if ever it will), he'd surely be able to move on – if that was the right word.
As the days progressed to a few more days, the 14th of February came at last. Most students celebrate this day with such fondness in their hearts and yet here he was, sulking for something he knew from the very beginning never was.
The bell rang which signified the end of the classes. No matter how down he felt, he still carried with him that smile…one of the many things he learned from Lacus – to smile when you feel like crying, to smile when pain stabs your heart.
"Kira!"
Again, she called out to him. Why? What for? He turned around and beamed a smile at her. As for that sadness enveloping his eyes, he concealed carefully and shadowed with happy memories…or that one time when little brats bullied him (which never fail to incinerate the fire of vengeance burning within him against those sly ones).
"Glad I caught up with you."
"Yeah, I'm…glad you did." A single line, another stab.
He really wasn't in the mood to talk but then stayed put unless he was dismissed.
"Happy Valentine's." she greeted and handed over a small piece of chocolate bar. Somehow this caused a leap on his heart. He smiled at the thought but then, his view shifted to the paper bag she carried with her around…a bag full of chocolate bars the same as the one she gave him…with names of different people, students close to her, he assumed.
"…friends…"
"Excuse me?" she then asked, looking on at Kira.
"What?"
"You said something, didn't you?"
"I didn't say anything. Must be the other students. You know, voices echo in the corridors." He then remarked as he took a good look around their surrounding that time. True enough, students filled the small corners of that corridor where they stood, obviously conversing with each other. The topic? Possibly the occasion.
Love was in the air, how true!
After a few stolen glances at her, he then excused himself as he had lots of things to ponder about, specifically since this particular day, he had to keep himself occupied.
"Goodbye then." She cheerfully bade which he gladly returned.
"See you on Monday, okay?" she added some more to which he only nodded and after which, slowly turned around and walked away – never daring to look back.
And what could possibly come next than another festive occasion for lovers?
The annual promenade.
The annual death stare.
The annual solitude.
What had been considered as a yearly evening for dance and socialization must have been coined by a jokester – one who did not feel the incredible solace Kira was feeling at the moment.
To watch the one he cared for deeply on that dance floor with another really was an unending execution. Each time the music stopped and played, all he did was watch her from a comfortable distance away. Him, alone, with those on his table sharing the dance floor with her. And he, he looked like one who lost a great deal in a lottery. Funny to say, he looked much worse.
As he finally decided to leave the hall which for him contained an air so intoxicating that breathing it would be poison in his lungs, the music was cut as the announcer, commentator or whatever that suited guy with the microphone was called took the stage.
"And now, as we close this wonderful promenade, we shall be having the last dance." He announced as if insulting to the ears of Kira.
He never even had a first dance, how could that guy announce a certain last dance? Why would he care? He had no dance partner. He took his coat and wore it once more, drank his cup and then prepared to leave.
"Mr. Yamato."
Again, every time he would take a step forward, he always seemed to find a way to step backward. He need not turn around to find out who just called him. The air was then filled with a sweet scent…fragrant…it must have been the perfume she wore. And as he turned, there before him stood a dazzling and alluring lady. Clad in cloth as white as silk, she shone among the others by her mere simplicity. She wore no diamonds but her beauty enough could buy one millions of properties.
And he, though obviously not in the mood for anything, graced her with his first smile. Dashing in his tux, he approached her and bent slightly forward – as a sign for respect to this lady who summoned his presence before her.
As he straightened his back, he looked at her wonderful eyes. He had never seen her eyes sparkle the way they did that night. The effect must have been caused by the different fixtures in the hall and the ambiance it provided with it. Nevertheless, neither descriptions nor words would only be a sacrilege to use for such a moment.
Her eyes looked on at his as if informing him of the one thing he forgot before he prompted to leave. He got the message pretty clearly and as compliance to her "silent" request, he approached her once more and within a few steps, found himself standing face to face with her.
"Do you want to dance?" he then lifted his right hand towards her which she gladly took with hers.
He held on her smooth hand with an extraordinary care. Not too tight that he might hurt her and not too loose that he would lose grip of it. And as he led her towards the floor, though the music had long ago started, it was as if they had their own one playing only for them.
With much grace and elegance, they danced to their hearts' content on that last song played. It must have been simply seconds that they stood there but those were enough to be cherished as part of an unforgettable memory. Then, the music stopped. And with it, his illusion of her affection towards him ceased. He opened his closed eyes and looked straight at hers.
No words. Not even a gesture would explain what he felt as he held her body close to his, her hand on his and her eyes, on his.
He then, let go of his hold on her waist…as she did the same on his shoulder. But then, his hand seamlessly cared not if the music had died down for it still held on her smooth one.
And for a few minutes, they stood there, just like that. She must have seen something in his eyes for she suddenly bent her head down and when she raised it up, the 'affection' he saw in her eyes was nowhere in sight.
It was also in this moment that another hand entered and offered its hold on hers. Both looked at it then at the one who raised it. It was him, whom she had been with for the past year and who knows how many years would his hand touch hers. She then glanced back at Kira who slowly let go of his hold on her hand and when he did, took a step backward and bent his body once more slightly forward.
His eyes and his gaze never left her as the other wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She may have felt something in Kira's touch for she looked at him as if there was a longing in her eyes…as if there was a small hint of that same fondness and affection he had been harboring for her since the very first day he laid eyes on her.
But then, such were not further dwelt upon for he, himself, backed off and walked to the sidelines…For it was in this place that he shall wait. No riddles and no explanations needed. He had been a friend and a good one at that to be called a true one…a stable foundation for something that only the soul can see.
It had been another year since then. And it was in this time did he realize something clear…something he did not doubt. Though that guy had himself presented as her escort that Valentine's, promenade or even those same events on previous years, he would be just that in her life, someone who'll accompany her in social events and nothing more.
For Kira was different. For that year's Valentine's, though he still failed to invite her out, he never failed to be by her side. And for that, he was and he would definitely be without a doubt, still the victor in her heart.
And how did that happen?
Something people fondly call as . . . "destiny".
end
Okay, now that didn't go so well…anyway, hope you enjoyed it…some sort of a pre-valentine offering thing.