I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters.
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Yami: How dare you do this to me, mortal! You tempt fate, for it is my DESTINY to-
Tea: Oh come off of it, you so had this coming.
LD: She's right you know. Besides, I could have utterly effaced you from the surface of the earth utilizing the ultimate power of man-eating, zombie creating gigantic pink rabbits but I 'm being merciful.
YOU'RE being ungrateful.
Bakura: Pharoh, your time has come, now you shall taste bitter agony and-
LD: Don't you even start, unless you want your various limbs sprinkled into various black holes in various dimensions. Now let's get started!
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Once upon a time, in far away Domino city, Yami was about to win another duel. Yippee. Apparently some reincarnation of some sorcerer, doomsday person, or general fanatic felt it was necessary to undo the ancient and unspecified wrongs commited against his generally fanatical incarnation by beating Yami at a children's card game. So basically, it was the plot line of the entire series washed out and reused...yet again.
.
It had been a long and grueling battle. There had been much flapping of the coattails of destruction, and much scandalous flashing of cards. Grown men ran screaming. Pigeons flying overhead fainted. Mothers hustled away their children while covering their poor, burning, innocent eyes.
Through the hideous strain of flapping his tongue, holding up his humongous head of hair, and playing a card game, Yami still stood proud and tall. It was kind of a pity, really. As in most instances, he had started off the duel assured of success, contrived to get backed into a corner, whereupon he lost all sense of being, was cheered on by his buddies- "You go get him, Yug'"-, regained himself and, once more in mind of his destiny, was on the verge of playing thefinal winning card. Bakura spewed profanities from the background, Ishizu mumbled arcane words over her glowing necklace, Pegasus was sucking the face of his pointy haired employee(couldn't resist lol), Kaiba sneered as Mokuba professed to not understanding for the third time, Joey and Tristan yelled supportive and incoherent nonsense while performing a nauseating dance, and Tea had just about had it.
.
"And so", proclaimed Yami while gesticulating in obscene and unnecessary ways, "I win yet again, having put my faith in the Heart of the cards and my destiny which is so much better than y-"
"Just drop it!" shrieked Tea. Bakura choked, Ishizu's necklace exploded, Pegasus pushed away his employee, screaming "I'm not gay or fabulous!", Kaiba swooned while Mokuba still did not understand, Joey and Tristan hugged in fright, Yami's hair curled, and somewhere far away the Grim Reaper accidentally dropped his scythe and obliterated half a country.
.
"I-I'm sorry," stammered the apalled Yami. "What?"
.
Tea released an unladylike snort. " You heard me! Yami, I respect you as a person devoted to justice, or at least your notion of it, I'm not sure that inflicting mental damage on people over games is quite justified, but you know what I mean.
I also love you as my friend, but seriously! How many times are you going to preach about the same thing! And kind of a fucking ridiculous thing too! I mean, what the heck? It's a game that you're supposed to win through intellect, not by
hoping some Heart will do all the damn work for you! And if it does, isn't that cheating? Besides, you are completely incapable of admitting yourself to be wrong, even though many times you have been. Lastly, you behave as though
everything can be solved by card games! Children's card games! Well, newsflash, cards don't cure cancer, or solve marital issues, they certainly haven't worked on Kaiba's ego or Bakura's homicidal tendencies, and they obviously don't
help with stupidity because if they did then maybe you would get a clue and a life!"
.
Tea's heavy breathing was very audible in the ensuing silence, partly because nobody else was breathing. Gaping like a fish, Yami sort of kind of fainted.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! This is brilliant!" Predictably, Bakura recovered first. "This is just too rich," he wheezed. "The Pharoh's most faithful and brainless wench taking him down in under a minute!" Once more, he
dissolved into hysterics. He even collapsed onto the ground in his fit, and thus remained oblivious to a ticked off Tea striding over to him, at least until she jerked him to his feet.
"What do you think is so hilarious, you pitiful ball of slime?" Her voice was utterly glacial. Penguins began to migrate to Domino, and Seto Kaiba, just woken up, swooned again from the shock of hearing a voice more frigid than his.
"I might be mortal in comparison to your nigh invulnerability, and I know most of the time I resemble a friendship drunk goody-goody, but at least I'm spared having a vendetta against a guy whose uncle was to blame, and at least I don't run around mutilating people as a hobby!"
.
Bakura sneered. "You make the latter sound as though it were a bad thing, you pitiful, worthless, weak-"
Tea unleashed an almighty scream. "WEAK THIS, YOU MAN B!!" And with that resounding cry of righteous and poetic indignation, Tea personally introduced her leg, incredibly strong through all her dancing practice, to Bakura's... nether regions.
Needless to say, he wasn't walking for a week.
With a huff, Tea stalked off, muttering something about senile spirits, soothing drinks, and giant pink bunnies, leaving the others gawking after her slack-jawed.
Nobody noticed the motorcycle that pulled away from the curb of the closest street. Watching the fuming brunette, Malik's lips quirked into a smile. 'How interesting...'
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LD: What do you think?
Bakura: I think you're dead, LD, well and thoroughly dead.
Tea: Says the thousands of years old spirit.
Bakura: How dare you-
Tea: More easily than your puny and nonexistant brain ca concieve, that's how.
Anyways, should I leave this a oneshot, or turn it into a story? Please leave your input, Yami needs some serious help! (But didn't he always?)