Disclaimer: Nah, I don't own da Hana-Kimi characters. Hisaya Nakajo would never do this to her poor creations. But I WOULD! Oh, I also don't own Family Guy.

Yeah, this is my first mature rated story! (BTW, my parents don't know I wrote this. Let's please keep it that way, Baka you know who you are. And if you tell my or your parents I will personally come to you're house and rip out your throat with my teeth, OK? OK!) Whoo! Um, basically, if Umeda and Akiha hooked up, they'd have 'fun' all the time, right? This is where. There's kinda a story beforehand that explains how they get together. Then there's a list of the ten places they'd do it. So read on!

All those years. The best years of his life spent filling the void that he left. Trying to fall in love with other people and failing miserably. Distracting himself with young, attractive college boys so he wouldn't remember kissing him. Or the way his lips felt so much softer than any lays since. And now, feeling the softness of these new lips, he was almost reminded of him.

Doctor Hokuto Umeda looked up at Akiha Hara, whose face was only inches from his own. He pulled back, using his desk as a shield and finding himself unable to look away from those bright, hopeful eyes. Those eyes that were so different from

Ryoichi.

There! The doctor thought angrily, I said it. Ryoichi! Ryoichi effing Kijima!

He knew Akiha was waiting for a response. Had seconds passed, or had they been sitting there for minutes now? Of course, when someone says they love you, then kisses you so gently you press your lips to theirs just to see if they're really there, then pulls away and frowns at you, it is customary to respond with something to the extent of

A: "I love you too. Let's have sex. Giggity."

Or B: "I hate you. I will always hate you. Unless you want me to kill you, get out of my sight or so help me, I will rip out your throat with my teeth."

Unfortunately, Umeda was at a loss for words. His entire life had been spent sleeping around with other men to avoid thinking about the man he wanted, Ryoichi. The man he knew he could never have. Unrequited love was sexy and popular in manga, but it hurt the doctor. He knew he had lost sense of compassion and could never love anyone fully. Of course, sex usually kept his mind off that. But Akiha's kiss just now—was so…so…well, he wanted more.

His warmth, his lips, his taste, his smell. Even his voice now was making Umeda's blood run warmer than usual. Wait—his voice. Crap! He's talking to me!

"What? I didn't catch that." The doctor spoke for the first time, cutting the photographer off mid-sentence.

"I said, if you're angry, I'll leave. I'm sorry, Sempai. I didn't do that to upset you."

"You…didn't." he answered.

Those full, sexy lips curved up into a gorgeous smile. "Really? You liked it? Can I kiss you again?!"

Umeda felt like he was in shock. But even more, he felt like he was being pulled towards Akiha. He needed to feel his body heat again. He needed to keep that smile by his side just a little longer. Just one night of Akiha Hara couldn't hurt. After all, his last boyfriend had gotten sick of his distance and broken up with him…

"…Yeah. Please do."

Akiha leaned over the desk, taking the doctor's face in his hands and kissing him again. Umeda kissed back with all his might. His heart was racing in his chest. If he had kissed me when we first met after all those years, maybe I wouldn't of been so mean to him. Idiot…

RANDOM SCENE BREAK. WHOOOOOOO….

"My god, what the hell is wrong with you, just come on!" the doctor snapped, pulling Akiha's arm with all his might and trying to drag him into his bedroom.

"Umeda-senpai, don't you think you're rushing things?! I do love you, but we've only been going out since yesterday."

"I know. And you refused to sleep with me last night and I'm horny."

"Jeez, thanks for the update."

The two men glared at each other. Akiha called it 'dating' and Umeda called it 'hooking up.' The doctor was beginning to think that kissing the photographer and letting him take him out to dinner had been a bad idea. Akiha seemed to be under the stupid impression that wanting to have sex was the equivalent of going out. Which it wasn't.

"C'mon, what about Ebi?"

"What about her, senpai?"

"Didn't you fuck her?"

"Not for like, a month since we went out! We were young!"

"Heh heh. Freak."

This conversation was getting them nowhere. Umeda turned to glare at the blond. "Look, do you want sex or not?"

Akiha frowned like he actually had to consider it. "Yes…of course. But not like this."

"Then get out."

"Wait!" his frown became a look of surprise. "Fine! I don't want to lose you, Umeda-senpai. You know I love you. I…I want to date you." For the first time he seemed to realize Umeda didn't want to date him.

However, something seemed to click in Umeda's head too. Maybe he wanted to date Akiha. How else would he explain the feeling he got when he kissed him? "Look. I'll date you! Don't just leave me, Akiha, not like everyone else!"

Akiha grabbed him and held him tightly. "I would never leave you. I'll make a deal with you. We can…have sex…tonight and you can decide how you feel about me."

"Why can't I be so level-headed? You're great."

Akiha chuckled. "Thanks. Oh, and I make love to you…not the other way around."

"Wanna run that by me again?"

"Umeda-senpai…"

"Fine. You suck, I hate you. You will go to hell for this, but fine." Once again, he was graced by that perfect smile of Akiha's. When he smiled, he was so radiant. Like having my own sunshine. The doctor mused. And he allowed himself to be de-clothed and he lay down on his bed, watching Akiha pull his own clothes off. "Will you kiss me again?" he asked, gazing at the taller man's pale, slender body.

Akiha looked up, amused. "You really like when I kiss you, huh?"

"It's…incredible. Please…"

And Akiha kissed him on the lips. And the neck. And lower. Umeda moaned as Akiha hesitated teasingly with his damp breath against his navel. Within minutes, Akiha was inside him, grinding into him and sending electric waves of ecstasy through both men. Why hadn't he noticed the blond sooner? This was better than anything. He tilted his head down, closing his eyes tight as orgasm built up within him. This was better than kissing Ryoichi. It was the greatest thing he had ever felt in his life. Akiha leaned forward, pressing his lips to the back of the doctor's ear. He thrust himself into Umeda again, receiving a loud moan in reply as Umeda rolled his hips into the feeling.

"I love you." He whispered.

Umeda whimpered a response while he bit his neck with his front teeth, not stopping what he was doing and not releasing his grip on the redhead's hips.

MORE RANDOM SCENE BREAKS. YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH.

Umeda was not the kind of person to profess his feelings with romantic words and poems. He didn't buy chocolate and Valentine's Day cards. He didn't usually do these things because he usually didn't love people enough to do them. Of course, he didn't feel like writing poems about Akiha, but the second he slept with him, he knew this relationship would be unlike anything he'd ever experienced.

The second he hit orgasm, crying out loudly and collapsing onto the mattress panting, all he could think about was whether or not Akiha had enjoyed that as much as he had. He wanted to lay there, in his sticky sheets and sleep all day, but he pushed himself up, still panting. A loud cry from his lover told him he too, had hit orgasm. Umeda brushed Akiha's hair out of his face, hoping to see the smile he had grown attached to. Akiha looked at him confused.

"What's wrong?"

"Are you happy?"

Akiha laughed out loud. "What kind of question is that, senpai? Of course I am! I just got the man of my dreams and you—wait! You're not happy?" his face fell.

"No—I'm really happy. I just…all I could think of was you."

There was a pause. The photographer's eyes became soft. Without warning, Akiha pulled him in for another kiss. Umeda bit the photographer's lower lip. His mouth opened and Umeda slid his tongue into his mouth. The redhead's nicotine taste mixed with the blond's sweet, sugary taste. He could also taste his own cum, which was insanely hot. He pulled himself tighter against Akiha's bare body, wanting to feel his warmth. Needing to be closer.

This damn photographer was like a drug. He couldn't get enough…

SO MANY RANDOMN SCENE BREAKS. O.o

Yes, Hokuto Umeda was dating Akiha Hara. You have a problem with that? Sure they didn't seem compatible, but they were. And sure, the doctor used to hate the photographer, but now he didn't. So there was nothing holding either man back anymore. Akiha didn't have to struggle with conveying his emotions, and Umeda didn't fear falling in love. Which is exactly what he did. Umeda couldn't remember the last person who had made him feel so...passionate. The two molded together immediately and their lives became woven into a single thread. Since Umeda wasn't any good with romantic words and hated buying pink-frilled Valentine's Day gifts, that left one way to express how much Akiha meant to him.

"I love you so fucking much, Akiha." the doctor whispered around the blond's slender neck.

"I—AH!--love you too, Hokutoooo." his blush deepened as the doctor bit his collar bone, sucking the skin that was there, then kissing down to his nipple. He looked up briefly to smirk at the disheveled photographer. He ran one hand along his skinny torso and the other through his sweat-dampened hair.

"No," he corrected his lover, straddling his bare waist and grinning at the feel of Akiha's erection against his own. "I love you more."

Akiha glared. "Says who? You can't tell!"

"Says me." he responded smirking. He he ground into Akiha, making him gasp. He bucked his hips, wanting more friction. "I love you more. Seriously, I do. And by the way, would you have a little patience? I'm enjoying myself."

"Damn, you're a tease." he panted in response.

Umeda raked his hands along Akiha's chest and kissed his stomach. "I know," he responded casually sliding lower along the body he already knew well. He listened closely at the different ways he could make Akiha moan his name as he slid his lips around his manhood. Akiha was perverted, grabbing at him before they even went out in front of other people, but he was almost disappointingly innocent. Sure he had been married before this...but had he ever slept with another man? Umeda's thoughts were interrupted as Akiha thrust his hips forward again, urging him to continue. The doctor snickered. You're too cute, Uke. You'll be hurting in the morning.

Soon after, Akiha lay gasping through his orgasm, feeling his lover reach it as well and enjoying the heat of his ejaculation along the back of his legs. Umeda collapsed beside him, smiling.

"I still love you more, Hokuto. Sorry."

Umeda attacked his lips in response.

"Ah, Hokuuuuuto, no." the photographer whined like a child. "No more. How the hell am I gonna get up in the morning?I work, remember?"

"Not until the afternoon. Tomorrow's Saturday and I don't work at all, so HA!"

Akiha blushed, happy to know Umeda had bothered to memorize his schedual. He acted as though he didn't care, but it was obvious in his actions. Everything he did say, everything he didn't bother to say. Everything he did. He allowed Umeda to rest his head along the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm tired, too though. I'm going to sleep. Good night, Akiha."

"Good night, Hokuto. I love you."

"Yeah...I love you too, you cheerful idiot."

And it was the truth. The plain, simple, stupid, wonderful, fucking truth.

SCENE BREAK...LAST ONE!!

Here's the list. Yeah. Sue me, OK?

1. In a bed.

2. On a couch.

3. On the dining room table (shout out to MyDirtyLittleSecret's Bad Case Of Loving You!!)

4. On a trampoline (It'd be cool, right? PrinceTono and I came up with that one.)

5. On the roof (see above parenthesis)

6. On the beach

7. In a pool.

8. In the back of Akiha's 'Love Bug'!!

9. On Umeda's desk at work!!

10. On a boat.

LONG LIVE HOKUTOxAKIHA! MU HA HA HA HA HA! XD

There you have it. PrinceTono and I have better things to do with our time, but this is fun. I am a yaoi fangirl for a reason! Please, please review, cause this was fun to write and admit it, you had fun reading it! SO GIMMI FEEDBACK!!