Title: Bent
Disclaimer: I do not own ER. I also do not own the song "Bent".
Summary: After Carter leaves for Africa Abby is faced with a reality that she isn't sure that she can handle alone. (chapter 1/?)
Author's note: This takes place after Carter has already left for Africa. The whole thing with him proposing never happened.
A/n 2: Also, just to warn everybody. I'm a 16 year old with the imagination of a director, and when I dreamed this story the other night I dreamt it in TV format, so that's how I'm going to be writing it. Just pretend you're watching the show. Please review, I need all of the helpful criticism I can get. Thanks...
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(I decided to put this song at the beginning of the story b/c I though that it suited Carter and Abby really well.)
BENT By: Matchbox 20
If I fall along the way Pick me up and dust me off If I get too tired to make it Be my breath so I can walk
If I need some of your love again Give me more than I can stand When my smile gets old and faded Wait around I'll smile again
Shouldn't be so complicated Just hold me and then Just hold me again
Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will live With you and me bent
If I couldn't sleep could you sleep Could you paint me better off Could you sympathize with my needs I know you think I need a lot
I started out clean but I'm jaded Just falling Just breaking my skin
Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will live With you and me bent
Start bending me It's never enough 'Til I feel all your pieces Start bending me Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in
Shouldn't be so complicated Just touch me and then Just touch me again
Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will live With you and me bent
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Abby sat quietly on the couch, watching the egg timer that was sitting on the coffee table. Four minutes. The apartment was quieter since John had left for Africa, she realized. And also, she wasn't quite sure that it was because John was gone, but time seemed to go by a lot slower now too. Three minutes. She took the small box and nervously tapped it against her knee. She pulled her eyes away from the timer and starred off into space. She closed her eyes tightly, praying. Well, not praying, so much as wishing, hoping. Though, did she really know what she wished for? Yes, she did. She wished that John was home. More than ever. She wished that John was there with her.
Abby was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of the timer. She took a deep breath and looked toward the direction of the bathroom. Slowly, she got up and walked to the bathroom sink. Taking one more deep breath, she picked up the pregnancy test and looked at it.
She immediately felt tears running down her cheeks. But was she happy? Or sad? She sat down on the side of the bathtub. She didn't know why she was so upset about this. After all, it was what part of her had wanted. But, another part of her, was hoping that the test would say something else. Abby was now in sobs. What did she want? Did she even know? Yes, she did. She wanted John to be home. More than ever. She wanted John to be there with her.
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John couldn't believe that this was happening again. He had only been in Africa for a week and already they had transferred him to 4 different hospitals, and now, at four o'clock in the morning, they had waken him up to transfer him to yet another hospital a couple of hours away. That's how desperately they needed the type of skills that he had. I should see it as a compliment when they wake me up in the middle of the night to ship me off to another town. He tried to tell himself.
Carter and his supervisor road in the back of a small pick-up truck down the dirt road. Suddenly he heard a loud noise and saw flashes of light in the distance.
"What's that?" He asked.
His supervisor turned around to look. "Oh that," he replied, sitting back down. "That's nothing. There's always fighting in that town. Guns. Bombs."
"So than why are we driving that way?" Carter asked.
"That's where the hospital is."
Carter smiled nervously. "Oh."
Great, he thought, just great. He leaned his head back and tried to focus on the stars. Unlike in Chicago, here, you could actually see them.
I wonder how Abby's doin'.
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Pregnant. A word Abby thought that she would never have to deal with again. After she had had an abortion when she was married to Richard she had just told herself that motherhood was not for her. That it would never happen. To just forget about it. And then she met John Carter. And her life did a complete 180. Suddenly she wasn't miserable all of the time. She wanted to be with John. She wanted to marry John. And yes, she even wanted to have a family with John. When did all of that change? When did she start feeling like more of a burden than a person? She knew that her life sucked. She had known that all along. But somehow, with John, all of her problems seemed a lot smaller. More manageable, because she wasn't alone.
But now she was alone. John had left for Africa and she was suddenly faced with the reality of how much she actually needed him, and that scared her to death. If she was this miserable with him only being gone for a week, than what was she going to do when he left for good? What was she going to do when he finally realized what he had gotten himself into and left?
Abby shook her head. No, John wouldn't do that. He's too loving, he's too understanding to do that. He'd stick around. Even if he wanted to go, he'd stick around. Especially, she thought, when he found out that she was carrying his baby.
No, she thought to herself as she reached for the phone and wiped the tears out of her eyes. She loved John. She needed him. But she was not going to rope him into a situation that she knew would eventually destroy him. How could it not destroy him? She had ruined anything and anyone who had gotten close to her. Her mother, Eric, Luka. It was just a matter of time before she did it to Carter too.
"Hello," she said, speaking into the phone, "This is Abby Lockhart, I need to make an appointment with Dr. Shafer.....I need to have a pregnancy terminated...yes, I'll hold....
Tbc
A/N: Okay.I know that it's kinda short, but there's more coming. But tell me what you think so far. Oh.I know that the whole 'Carter in Africa' part may have seemed kind of unnecessary for this chapter, but I felt like it needed to be part of it.
Disclaimer: I do not own ER. I also do not own the song "Bent".
Summary: After Carter leaves for Africa Abby is faced with a reality that she isn't sure that she can handle alone. (chapter 1/?)
Author's note: This takes place after Carter has already left for Africa. The whole thing with him proposing never happened.
A/n 2: Also, just to warn everybody. I'm a 16 year old with the imagination of a director, and when I dreamed this story the other night I dreamt it in TV format, so that's how I'm going to be writing it. Just pretend you're watching the show. Please review, I need all of the helpful criticism I can get. Thanks...
**************************************************************************** *****
(I decided to put this song at the beginning of the story b/c I though that it suited Carter and Abby really well.)
BENT By: Matchbox 20
If I fall along the way Pick me up and dust me off If I get too tired to make it Be my breath so I can walk
If I need some of your love again Give me more than I can stand When my smile gets old and faded Wait around I'll smile again
Shouldn't be so complicated Just hold me and then Just hold me again
Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will live With you and me bent
If I couldn't sleep could you sleep Could you paint me better off Could you sympathize with my needs I know you think I need a lot
I started out clean but I'm jaded Just falling Just breaking my skin
Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will live With you and me bent
Start bending me It's never enough 'Til I feel all your pieces Start bending me Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in
Shouldn't be so complicated Just touch me and then Just touch me again
Can you help me I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together Keep breaking me in And this is how we will live With you and me bent
**************************************************************************** ************************************
Abby sat quietly on the couch, watching the egg timer that was sitting on the coffee table. Four minutes. The apartment was quieter since John had left for Africa, she realized. And also, she wasn't quite sure that it was because John was gone, but time seemed to go by a lot slower now too. Three minutes. She took the small box and nervously tapped it against her knee. She pulled her eyes away from the timer and starred off into space. She closed her eyes tightly, praying. Well, not praying, so much as wishing, hoping. Though, did she really know what she wished for? Yes, she did. She wished that John was home. More than ever. She wished that John was there with her.
Abby was jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of the timer. She took a deep breath and looked toward the direction of the bathroom. Slowly, she got up and walked to the bathroom sink. Taking one more deep breath, she picked up the pregnancy test and looked at it.
She immediately felt tears running down her cheeks. But was she happy? Or sad? She sat down on the side of the bathtub. She didn't know why she was so upset about this. After all, it was what part of her had wanted. But, another part of her, was hoping that the test would say something else. Abby was now in sobs. What did she want? Did she even know? Yes, she did. She wanted John to be home. More than ever. She wanted John to be there with her.
**************************************************************************** ************************************
John couldn't believe that this was happening again. He had only been in Africa for a week and already they had transferred him to 4 different hospitals, and now, at four o'clock in the morning, they had waken him up to transfer him to yet another hospital a couple of hours away. That's how desperately they needed the type of skills that he had. I should see it as a compliment when they wake me up in the middle of the night to ship me off to another town. He tried to tell himself.
Carter and his supervisor road in the back of a small pick-up truck down the dirt road. Suddenly he heard a loud noise and saw flashes of light in the distance.
"What's that?" He asked.
His supervisor turned around to look. "Oh that," he replied, sitting back down. "That's nothing. There's always fighting in that town. Guns. Bombs."
"So than why are we driving that way?" Carter asked.
"That's where the hospital is."
Carter smiled nervously. "Oh."
Great, he thought, just great. He leaned his head back and tried to focus on the stars. Unlike in Chicago, here, you could actually see them.
I wonder how Abby's doin'.
**************************************************************************** ************************************
Pregnant. A word Abby thought that she would never have to deal with again. After she had had an abortion when she was married to Richard she had just told herself that motherhood was not for her. That it would never happen. To just forget about it. And then she met John Carter. And her life did a complete 180. Suddenly she wasn't miserable all of the time. She wanted to be with John. She wanted to marry John. And yes, she even wanted to have a family with John. When did all of that change? When did she start feeling like more of a burden than a person? She knew that her life sucked. She had known that all along. But somehow, with John, all of her problems seemed a lot smaller. More manageable, because she wasn't alone.
But now she was alone. John had left for Africa and she was suddenly faced with the reality of how much she actually needed him, and that scared her to death. If she was this miserable with him only being gone for a week, than what was she going to do when he left for good? What was she going to do when he finally realized what he had gotten himself into and left?
Abby shook her head. No, John wouldn't do that. He's too loving, he's too understanding to do that. He'd stick around. Even if he wanted to go, he'd stick around. Especially, she thought, when he found out that she was carrying his baby.
No, she thought to herself as she reached for the phone and wiped the tears out of her eyes. She loved John. She needed him. But she was not going to rope him into a situation that she knew would eventually destroy him. How could it not destroy him? She had ruined anything and anyone who had gotten close to her. Her mother, Eric, Luka. It was just a matter of time before she did it to Carter too.
"Hello," she said, speaking into the phone, "This is Abby Lockhart, I need to make an appointment with Dr. Shafer.....I need to have a pregnancy terminated...yes, I'll hold....
Tbc
A/N: Okay.I know that it's kinda short, but there's more coming. But tell me what you think so far. Oh.I know that the whole 'Carter in Africa' part may have seemed kind of unnecessary for this chapter, but I felt like it needed to be part of it.