Title: Packing Up The Moon (X; X/A) 1/1
Author: lullaby_psyche
Email: lullaby_psyche@hotmail.com
Summary: An AU piece, from Xander's P.O.V., based on the premise that
Anya was more seriously hurt following the events of 'The Gift'.
Spoilers: 'The Gift'
Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure that they don't belong to me. I'm just
borrowing them and I *will* return them. I promise.
Packing Up The Moon
This isn't the first time I've sat beside a hospital bed while one of
the women in my life lay quiet and still, and it isn't the first time
that I've spent countless hours hoping that my will alone could bring
them back to me. This time we once again have a Slayer dead and I
suppose I should be grateful that we don't have a psycho vampire on
the loose too.
Ultimately, three years ago there turned out to be a happy ending but
as of yesterday I've already lost a very dear friend and at the moment
I'm alone with my thoughts and the sounds of the machinery keeping my
fiancee alive.
My girl never ceases to amaze me but...I just wish that this time she
had. Because she ended up under a ton of rubble meant for me. She
actually pushed me out of the way and took the brunt of it herself to
save my life when she didn't have to. She was still conscious when me
and Giles reached her but then she gently closed her eyes and she
hasn't opened them since.
They say that she's suffered a fractured skull which led to bleeding
in her brain. They say that by the time she got to the hospital she'd
already gone into shock, that ten minutes more and she'd have been
dead. And I've seen their grim looks since, the ones that say she's
going to die anyway.
I don't want this to be the end, we deserve so much more. I think I
can hear the Fates laughing, because we dared have the audacity to be
happy on the Hellmouth and now we're paying for it.
I truly believed that we would all make it through this mess, if not
in one piece then in enough pieces to build a whole again. I had to
have that faith to keep functioning. I turned out to be so wrong
though and now I have to grieve for Buffy and still be strong for
Anya's sake.
Because I refuse to believe that she's not gonna wake up. I don't care
when they say she's arrested twice, that there's probably brain
damage, that she could be on the respirator indefinitely and there's
little hope she'll recover. As long as she's still here, I've gotta
have hope.
Giles was the first to come by and I haven't seen him look so bad
since Miss Calendar was murdered. He'd been with the others in Dawn's
room, where they'd had to sedate her, and he offered to sit with Ahn
while I had a shower and something to eat. Well, actually he
threatened to physically remove me to the cafeteria if I didn't leave,
at least briefly, and for a while there was a flash of old times
before the veil of suffering came shuttering back down again over both
of us. When I got back I stood outside the door for a while and
pretended I hadn't heard him sobbing; sobbing for Buffy and for
himself and for us all.
It was a little while later that I pulled out the ring - I'd found it
in my clothing after I showered - and I told Anya that the world
hadn't ended, slipped the ring on her finger and kissed her hand. Then
I totally lost it. I broke down and all the tears I'd been holding in
poured out as I laid my head gently next to her. At some point I found
myself in Willow's embrace and our bodies shook with matching sobs
until I couldn't carry on crying because it simply hurt too much.
Now she's waiting outside with Tara and Giles and I'm touched by this
sincere gesture, because although I know its mainly for my sake, I
also know that in their own individual ways they all care about what
happens to Anya.
I do have to wonder though, how long they'll tolerate this. Whether
eventually they'll try and convince me that the situation isn't in
anyone's benefit.
And whether I'll concede.
But for now I'll continue my vigil in this bright sterile room,
watching my wonderful girl grow paler. I'll make a promise now that
I'll stay as long as she wants. Because I love her - she's beautiful
and unique and she's mine dammit. The darkness can't have her. I won't
let it.
Author: lullaby_psyche
Email: lullaby_psyche@hotmail.com
Summary: An AU piece, from Xander's P.O.V., based on the premise that
Anya was more seriously hurt following the events of 'The Gift'.
Spoilers: 'The Gift'
Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure that they don't belong to me. I'm just
borrowing them and I *will* return them. I promise.
Packing Up The Moon
This isn't the first time I've sat beside a hospital bed while one of
the women in my life lay quiet and still, and it isn't the first time
that I've spent countless hours hoping that my will alone could bring
them back to me. This time we once again have a Slayer dead and I
suppose I should be grateful that we don't have a psycho vampire on
the loose too.
Ultimately, three years ago there turned out to be a happy ending but
as of yesterday I've already lost a very dear friend and at the moment
I'm alone with my thoughts and the sounds of the machinery keeping my
fiancee alive.
My girl never ceases to amaze me but...I just wish that this time she
had. Because she ended up under a ton of rubble meant for me. She
actually pushed me out of the way and took the brunt of it herself to
save my life when she didn't have to. She was still conscious when me
and Giles reached her but then she gently closed her eyes and she
hasn't opened them since.
They say that she's suffered a fractured skull which led to bleeding
in her brain. They say that by the time she got to the hospital she'd
already gone into shock, that ten minutes more and she'd have been
dead. And I've seen their grim looks since, the ones that say she's
going to die anyway.
I don't want this to be the end, we deserve so much more. I think I
can hear the Fates laughing, because we dared have the audacity to be
happy on the Hellmouth and now we're paying for it.
I truly believed that we would all make it through this mess, if not
in one piece then in enough pieces to build a whole again. I had to
have that faith to keep functioning. I turned out to be so wrong
though and now I have to grieve for Buffy and still be strong for
Anya's sake.
Because I refuse to believe that she's not gonna wake up. I don't care
when they say she's arrested twice, that there's probably brain
damage, that she could be on the respirator indefinitely and there's
little hope she'll recover. As long as she's still here, I've gotta
have hope.
Giles was the first to come by and I haven't seen him look so bad
since Miss Calendar was murdered. He'd been with the others in Dawn's
room, where they'd had to sedate her, and he offered to sit with Ahn
while I had a shower and something to eat. Well, actually he
threatened to physically remove me to the cafeteria if I didn't leave,
at least briefly, and for a while there was a flash of old times
before the veil of suffering came shuttering back down again over both
of us. When I got back I stood outside the door for a while and
pretended I hadn't heard him sobbing; sobbing for Buffy and for
himself and for us all.
It was a little while later that I pulled out the ring - I'd found it
in my clothing after I showered - and I told Anya that the world
hadn't ended, slipped the ring on her finger and kissed her hand. Then
I totally lost it. I broke down and all the tears I'd been holding in
poured out as I laid my head gently next to her. At some point I found
myself in Willow's embrace and our bodies shook with matching sobs
until I couldn't carry on crying because it simply hurt too much.
Now she's waiting outside with Tara and Giles and I'm touched by this
sincere gesture, because although I know its mainly for my sake, I
also know that in their own individual ways they all care about what
happens to Anya.
I do have to wonder though, how long they'll tolerate this. Whether
eventually they'll try and convince me that the situation isn't in
anyone's benefit.
And whether I'll concede.
But for now I'll continue my vigil in this bright sterile room,
watching my wonderful girl grow paler. I'll make a promise now that
I'll stay as long as she wants. Because I love her - she's beautiful
and unique and she's mine dammit. The darkness can't have her. I won't
let it.