Disclaimer: Surprisingly I own nothing.

Rating: T, I would estimate if I had to

Spoilers: Not really, it's set somewhere in season two, I guess

Summary: "Don't think this will save you from the graveyard shift I'm gonna put you and Rodney in for the rest of your days."

Author's Notes: This is my first fanfic. Ever. It's a probably pretty poor attempt to be funny. But I hope I didn't screw up too bad. Any opinions are very, very welcome since I'm really not sure about this whole thing – and its sense … Hopefully you'll enjoy it anyways.

Strokes of genius

by loserbaby

Chapter 1 – Men!

Somewhere on the mainland, puddle jumper one, two hours after crash

He was dead. Officially dead. She would kill him...right now…slowly…painfully…Maybe she could strangle him and make it look like an accident subsequently? Ripping out his heart would be more fun, obviously, but selling it for suicide or something could be a problem. Although, she probably didn't even need to bother, nobody would convicther of murdering her 2IC after hearing of his latest bright idea and the way it had turned out.

The morning had started so well, the sun shining; no off-world teams and best of all, Sheppard's team on vacation, so the chance of having a nice and calm day for once without a crisis of catastrophic dimensions had been there, slightly, but it had been there. Though frankly, thinking about it at this point, she should have known something had had to go wrong, since everything that seemed too good to be true, was too good to be true most of the time. Apparently she had underestimated the significance of Murphy's Law for her, or better John Sheppard's life; in all likelihood the man would even manage to get himself in trouble on holidays in Disneyland, let alone a day with nothing to do on Atlantis.

So things had advanced the way they had to, ultimately leading to the current situation in which the two leaders of Atlantis found themselves stuck in a very dark and very powerless puddle jumper after a pretty severe crash somewhere on the mainland. Actually, it was not only Lt. Col. He-Man Sheppard Elizabeth had the honor of being trapped with, but also Dr. Brainy McKay, who was spending his time in the back part of the jumper on the other side of the wall that had shut down immediately after the energy loss. Elizabeth guessed he was trying to fix the consequences of his and Sheppard's joined stroke of genius, but since the jumper's communication system had suffered the same fate as any and all other of its systems she couldn't be sure what he was up to behind said wall. Men!

Thinking about the things she didn't have a clue of, how much time has actually passed out here? Regarding to the way her body felt, or better regarding to the parts of her body she still could feel despite the cold and the bruises and scratches the rough landing had resulted in, she must have at least been sitting in this damned thing for the last three weeks.

Granted, she could always ask the man sitting on the opposite of her how much time really had passed, but that would require talking to him, which then again would increase the chances of him saying something wrong to make her finally snap and give it a try on the strangling thing.

But, self-destructive as always, Col. Incorrigible started talking exactly that second. "Elizabeth, I …"

"Don't!" Only the sound of her voice made him stop dead in his tracks, and if there had been light, he'd have also received a raised index finger and a death glare that could have brought Darth Vader to tears. However, on the bright side it was an answer at all, the first one he'd gotten since McKay's "speed improvement" had erased all the jumper's energy reserves and the following touchdown. So her short reply was filed as a good sign. John desperately needed to talk to her. Considerable parts of his body freezing and hurting like hell was something he could live with if he had to, but the icy silence and the daggers he felt Elizabeth's eyes shooting at him all the time even though it was dark were an totally different thing. Although he was utterly sure this whole mess was entirely and exclusively McKay's fault, John Sheppard felt guilty. The back parts of his brain, which happened to be the parts that even sometimes tended to stuck to reason, told him to keep his mouth shut and pray, but since when was John Sheppard a man to listen to reason?

"Look, I'm really sorry." John tried again, hoping his puppy-eyes-offensive and the gentle tone of his voice would somehow reach – and dispel - her.

"And I'm really not in the mood to talk to you." She shot back with a voice tight of frustration.

Okay, screw this. Dead end. She'd thrown all of his apologies right back in his face, so, as always in life, he was facing the two monumental alternatives of how to carry on: first, shut up and ask God for help; second, attack! Obviously for John Sheppard this was no true choice, for him, acting was more often than not the accurate way of solving problems. So inevitably he settled for the latter. He knew that the more time passed the more appealing it must become for her to kick his sorry ass and sell it to the next best Wraith they would cross paths with, so he launched his assault by skulking next to her. Surprisingly instead of wrenching away like he had somehow expected he heard her hissing.

"Are you hurt?"

"It's nothing." She retorted stubbornly. That wasn't even a lie, there were no terrible injuries, it was only the cold, the tiredness and her stiff body that had made her hiss. She'd tried and move, which had unexpectedly turned out to be a bad idea. What she could have expected on the other hand was that he wouldn't be convinced with that answer.

"You sure you're alright?"

"I'm cold, tired and stiff. I need a hot shower and my bed. Despite that I feel just peachy."

He didn't get the last words. His brain had gone on strike after associating her with a hot shower. For once he thanked God for the darkness around them that saved him from having to explain the second stupid smile plastered on his face within mere hours. Get a grip, man! Too bad his mind refused to go back to work. So his instincts took over and brought him to put his arms around her shoulders and draw her close. During the process he heard her taking a deep breath. She's gonna shout me utterly deaf, was the only thought he managed besides the image that still dominated his mind: a completely naked Elizabeth enjoying a hot shower.Luckily his mouth did as usually and operated without the help of his brain "Just trying to keep us from turning into icicles."

In some way he still anticipated her to pull away, but instead he felt her moving closer in his embrace – only because of the chill of course – and heard her mumbling "Don't think this will save you from the graveyard shift I'm gonna put you and Rodney in for the rest of your days."

He sighed and thought back to a morning that had been promising to become a great day. The morning that had happened barely a few hours ago.