The Fridge Catastrophe
-by InuKagNoMoreDreams
"Reno."
It was one of the rare times the bald Turk spoke, but Rude believed that in this situation, it was warranted.
"What the hell are you doing?"
The larger man shifted in his spot uncomfortably at the sight before him. This just… wasn't right.
Reno wailed and whimpered as he curled on the floor in front of him, hesitantly removing one of his hands from his crotch and sharply pointing over at the fridge. "Fuck!" He screamed, and grabbed his crotch again, banging his head on the wooden floor as he rolled around. "Fuckin' fuck!" He screamed again.
Rude sighed. "…What happened?"
"FUCK!"
Rude sat down, and nodded. "Start from the beginning. I'll grab you a beer."
"NO! Don't go near that… that thing!" Reno tried to stand up, but whimpered and fell back down with a moan. "I'll never have kids, Rude! All because of that fucking fridge!"
"What did the fridge do?" Rude asked, as he opened up the 'menacing' object, remembering to dodge the opening freezer door as well, and grabbed two bottles of Reno's strongest beer. He had a feeling the red-head Turk was going to need it. He knelt down beside Reno and handed him his beer, before sitting beside the younger man and offering his ears. Reno sighed.
"Alright. Here's—" He whimpered and clutched at his crotch once more before continuing on, "Here's the fuckin' lay down."
Reno sat down on his fold-out bed in the living room and flicked through the channels on the TV, pausing only long enough to see what programs were playing, and then long enough to lazily bring his finger down to change the channel. He smiled as he came across an old porn he had seen already, and deciding that this was the only good thing on, he threw the remote down on the floor. Just as he was really getting into the porn show (which featured some very artistic scenes, in Reno's opinion), he got a sudden urge to go the kitchen and get a beer. Knowing that this would make the porn that much more enjoyable, he lazily sat up from the fold-out bed and climbed to his feet. His EMR lay against the opposite side of the wall.
Reno walked over and picked up his weapon (he could never be too careful), slinging it over his shoulder as he walked into his kitchen. The kitchen itself was incredibly messy; dishes were strewn around the countertop, clothing thrown over the chairs (some with fresh new stains on them), and cigarette butts scattered the floor. But Reno took no notice of this, because he lived with it every day, and was very happy with it, thank you very much.
He casually placed his EMR down on the floor in front of the fridge, leaving it charged incase someone unexpected should show up, and he opened the fridge door.
Reno, ever the scholar, neglected to remember the fact that when opening his fridge door, the freezer door automatically opened with it. It was a fault that Reno couldn't seem to fix, no matter how many times he smacked the damn thing. But Reno forgot this, and yelped as he jerked open the fridge door and bashed his head into the oncoming freezer door. He stumbled backwards and slipped on a pair of boxers behind him, sending him spinning around to land on his front.
It was just then that Reno remembered his EMR.
He screamed as an electric shock surged through his body, starting in his thigh, all the way up to certain places. Let's just say that after that, Reno had no desire to watch any porn at all. It's not like he could have, considering the way he was wailing on the floor.
"That was when you walked in." Reno finished, effectively draining the last drop of his beer. He sighed as the cool liquid slithered its way down his throat, and then he attempted to stand up once again.
Rude, although ever the stoic man, and not very social, was finding it very hard to keep a straight face as Reno fell back down once more. He let a chuckle slip past his lips, and then tightened his lips once again as Reno shot him a deathly glare.
"Reno—" Rude began.
Reno waved him off and effectively, albeit slowly, stood on his own. He rubbed his temples and stood still for a moment. "I'm fine, don't worry." He muttered, glancing at his watch. He sighed and picked up his fallen EMR, double-checking it was turned off. Sure of it, he strode to his apartment door and picked up his jacket and keys. "C'mon, we're gonna be late for work."
Rude decided not to tell Reno that they were already an hour and a half late, and he stood up and casually walked out of his friend's apartment.
Reno shut and locked the door, and as they both made their way down to Rude's waiting car, Rude announced, "You're insane."
Reno laughed as they both got in the vehicle and, as Rude drove off to the ShinRa headquarters, he replied, "Yeah. I know."
Because Rude is allowed his chuckles, and Reno's allowed to be made out to be an ass. Thank you very much. Man, I just wanted comedy for some reason. Forgive me. Oh, and I am working on the next chapter of When Worlds Collide, but I just needed a break. :)