FINALLY! I own the plot! (readers: "Plot? what plot)
FINE! I own the senseless ramblings below. ("MEANIES!" -runs and cries in a corner-)
Summary:
Peace offering #2 for readers of "Entangled Love" or anyone who don't mind plotless humor. Ermm... I hope I managed to earn some laughs. -crosses fingers-
Warning(s):
Contains: Senseless ramblings and plotless point (or was it the other way around?)
Directions: To be taken AFTER you've read 'Entangled Love' final chapter OR if you're a citizen of fluffy world, you could skip the entire story and take this directly.
Remarks: Double quotes are spoken words, single quotes are thoughts. Words starting with "--" are whispers.
Peace Offering #2
A Tale of 2 Fruits
or
Entangled Love - The After Mint
by glowie
Natsuki: "Ok... someone tell me why am I here again?"
glowie: "Wella, you see... I sort of promise my readers that I was going to give them a surprise and err... since I figured they'll be really depressed after "Entangled Love", I was thinking... wouldn't it be nice to do something with the cast. You know... let the readers realise that it was just FICTION and that NO ACTUAL MAI-HIME CHARACTERS were actually abused or hurt in the re-telling of the story thingie. I mean the last 2 chapters are like BAM BAM BAM."
Shizuru: "And what pray tell is this SOMETHING? Hmm?"
Crimson orbs eyed glowie suspiciously.
Swallowing hard, glowie plans her words carefully.
glowie: "Well... I've put some thought into it and found out that the only thing I am remotely good at is telling riddles! So I'll attempt to tell riddles and you guys guess."
innerglowie: 'Erm... but you've only told silly riddles to little kids who didn't know any better!'
glowie: 'Ya... but they don't know that so... what they don't know won't hurt them k?'
innerglowie: 'Err... but the problem is... they CAN hurt you.'
Beads of sweat started to form on glowie's forehead.
glowie: 'Shit... you choose NOW to tell me that?!'
innerglowie: 'Duh! If I weren't in this together with you, I would say you deserved to be shot and I'll gladly pull the trigger myself.'
Natsuki: -Ahem- "Hello?! Anybody home?"
glowie laughs nervously suddenly having second thoughts.
Mai: "Hrrmppphhh! And why should I help you? Do I need to remind you that I DIED WITHOUT ANY BODILY REMAINS in your last fic? I am still UPSET over it!"
Nao: "Hey! At least you got a part k? I didn't even have a freaking mention in it!"
Nao: -glares dangerously at Akane-
Akane: "Well.. ermm... it's not my fault your asking rate was too high for the budget!"
Akane: -runs and hides-
Natsuki: "That's it? Gah! This is a waste of my time! I would have stayed home and rest... my arm is still sore from all that binding. It's tough hiding my supposed to be severed arm for the whole chapter you know?!"
Natsuki: -pouts to show her dissatisfaction-
Shizuru: "My poor Natsuki. Here, let me massage your shoulder for you."
Natsuki: "Aahhh... Mmm..." -purrs contently-
Shizuru: "But what's in it for me? So far, it's all about saving your own hide from our fans."
Natsuki: -still in cloud 9-
glowie jumps at the opening to make her offer.
glowie: "You see... I was hoping to shift my image a bit... from the translator of all that is ANGST! to the bringer of fluff and happiness." -starry eyes-
glowie: "This is how it's gonna work. I'm going to ask a riddle. Anyone who can come up with the right answer in the shortest time gets to have their fluff fic translated. Win-Win situation. No?"
Mai and Nao's ears perked up upon hearing the deal. They square their eyes at each other before both decidedly to re-focus their animosity towards the bigger threat, namely, the two lover-birds.
Shizuru's eyes narrows into a thoughtful slit, her mind moving in the speed of light, skimming through the countless fluffy ShizNats fics she had memorized, trying hard to pinpoint the right one. Obviously, the abundance of ShizNats fics proved to be a force to be reckon with as even our Quick-And-Devious-Minded Kaichou-sama needed some time to process the information.
Meanwhile, Natsuki couldn't be bothered as she was still purring contently enjoying the handiwork of her crimson orbed lover who continued her ministration despite her very busy mind.
Nao: -tries to look uninterested-
Nao: "Hah! Riddle? Who do you think we are? Kindies?"
innerglowie: 'Doh! How did she know our riddles were meant for kindies?'
glowie: 'Ssshhhh... time for some "persuasion"...'
-- Psst! Nao, I know you're still sour over the previous fic. It's not my fault! Our budget is really limited and Natsuki and Shizuru alone took 80 percent of it! To be honest, I really wanted you to win this one. I mean, just LOOK at her! -points at Natsuki- Clueless as always! Do you think she's smart enough to answer the riddle?
Nao: "Count me in! I can't wait kick that mayo pup's butt and show her who's boss!"
glowie: 'Muhahahha... one down... 3 to go...'
Smiling smugly, she plans her next move.
Mikoto: "Mai, I am hungry."
Mai: "Not now Mikoto! I am busy right now."
-- Psst! Mai, I know you're still sour over the previous fic, look at this as a peace offering, the riddle involve food. Between you and Mikoto, I seriously think you two stand a REALLY good chance of winning.
innerglowie: 'Groan... It involves food, yes but knowing a lot about food has nothing to do with the answer!'
glowie: 'Yes I know! But they don't need to know that k? So ZIP it! I'm trying to salvage our reputation here. You're the one who keeps choosing those ANGSTY pieces!'
innerglowie: 'Fine... fine... I'll ZIP! Just don't say I didn't warn you.'
Mai: -Eyes glowie suspiciously-
Mikoto: "Mai, I don't trust her, she smells of..."
glowie quickly throws a piece of chocolate chip cookie high into the air, Mikoto's reflexes took over and leap for the treat. Catching the piece of cookie perfectly with her mouth and landed, as planned, far away from Mai.
glowie: 'Hrmmph.. that should keep Mai's pet quiet for awhile...'
Mai: "Ok, count me in... I guess."
glowie: 'Bingo!'
Looks towards a still in thoughtful slit-eyed, poker-faced, Shizuru and a still cooing Natsuki.
-- Psst!
innerglowie: 'Groan. Not again... Man, you are SOOO unoriginal you know...'
glowie: -Glares inwardly at self-
Natsuki looks confused towards glowie... not sure what she's up too. She seemed to be trying to glare at something but her eyes are all weird.
-- Ne, Natsuki... there's this fic which have you do -THiS-, -tHIS- and -ThAT- on -ThERE-, -THeRe- and Oohhh - THERE- to -ThIS- and -tHAT- and then there's also ...
Meanwhile, our puppy's face glowed redder and redder; eyes glazed a deep shade of green as glowie threw in all forms of keyword concoction involving her 3 favorite from the works of various fanfic writers in a desperate attempt to win the pup over. For once, she was glad she spends so much time reading the multitude of ShizNat fics out there.
Natsuki readied her puppy eyes attack and willed her imaginary ears to droop down cutely while she looks pleadingly towards Shizuru... she knows she needed the Ever-So-Perfect Shizuru on her side to win this one.
Meanwhile... inside our Kaichou-sama's head...
-Ding!- It seemed our kaichou has finally found the fic she was looking for.
She reopened her was previously in a thoughtful slit eyes back to her usually calm but in actual fact scary eyes and lo and behold she was greeted with her pet's full blast of 'I am SO KAWAII' attack. Safe to say, resistance was futile.
Shizuru: "Anything for my Natsuki."
Shizuru smiled. Not that Natsuki doubted the powers of her 'I am SO KAWAII' attack but somehow... she seemed... TOO WILLING...
Suddenly... Natsuki don't think this is such a good idea anymore.
glowie: 'YES! I AM THE ULTIMATE MANIPULATOR! BOW BEFORE ME! Muhahahaha'
innerglowie: -Groans- 'Just what I need, an egoistic maniac of me.'
glowie: "Finally! Ok guys... first one with the correct answer is the winner. I'm only gonna say the riddle once so listen carefully."
glowie: "Imagine yourself in a fruit garden. Walking along a pathway you come up to a section where there are coconuts on your left and durians on your right. What's a durian you ask? Well... it's a fruit covered in spiky hard green shell. Just click on the link at the bottom of this page for a picture of it."
glowie: "Now... where were we... Ah! Yes... you are walking along a pathway. SUDDENLY! a coconut and a durian FELL from their trees and hit your head at the SAME TIME!"
glowie: "Question: Which is more painful?"
Natsuki: "WHat kind of riddle is THAT?!! How is that EVEN possible?"
glowie: "Ignore the possibility of the situation just concentrate on the question! It's a kinder riddle after all! Ohh... err... I mean.. it's a k..kk... quaint riddle I meana."
Natsuki: "Ohh... ok... sorry..."
Both Mai and Nao rolled their eyes at their friend's naiveness.
Shizuru fought hard to suppress a giggle.
Alyssa: "Miyu!"
Everyone: "Huh?"
Alyssa: "The riddle is open to all who heard it no? I want my fic to be translated too!"
Miyu: "Name: Coconut, the husk is composed of fibers called coir and there is a hard inner stone. A coconut tree commonly reaches 25 meters in height; a coconut can weigh two kilograms or more. A 2-kilogram coconut falling 25 meters would have a velocity of 80 km/h on impact and a force of as much as 1,000 kilograms... #toomuchinfocutoutreplacer#"
Miyu: "Name: Durian, widely known and revered in Southeast Asia as the 'King of Fruits'. Distinctive for its large size, unique odor and a formidable thorn-covered husk... #toomuchinfocutoutreplacer#"
Miyu: ...insufficient information to reach conclusion... activating brute force attack... this will take approximately 5 mins...
Everyone except Alyssa sweat dropped.
Natsuki panicked and looks expectantly towards Shizuru.
Shizuru: "Ara, ara. I can help Natsuki but what will she give me in return?"
Natsuki: "SHI...SHIZURU! Sigh... ok ok.. What do you want?"
Shizuru: "Nothing much except tonight Natsuki has to promise to -THIS-, -ThIS- and -tHIS- and then -ThAT-, -THIS- which will be followed by ..."
Natsuki pales and started having second thoughts.
Seeing this, glowie quickly gave Natsuki a nudge and a wink saying 'It's SO gonna be worth it'.
Natsuki: "FINE! WHATEVER!"
Shizuru: "Fufufu... do keep in mind I might be wrong but a deal is a deal my dear Natsuki. Do you agree?"
Natsuki: "FINE! WHATEVER! Just tell me the answer already!"
Shizuru: -whispers the "answer" to Natsuki-
Not wanting to let the chance slipped by, Mai quickly run through her options.
Mai: "Mikoto!"
Mai quickly picks up a coconut and a durian and throws them towards Mikoto, hoping the girl would be able to tell her the answer once both of the fruits hit their mark. Unfortunately Mikoto being the ever so agile and never stay in one place long enough to be hit girl managed to dodge both of them. Her curiosity having the better of her, she opened the durian and pop a few of the the yellow-fleshed fruit into her mouth.
Suddenly, Mikoto's face turned palish-green and she fainted on the spot.
innerglowie: 'Wow... who would have known, Mikoto's weakness is durian!'
Mai: "Mikoto! Are you alright? Speak to me! Mikoto! I'm sorry. I thought you are invulnerable when it comes to food! Please forgive me. No!! What have I done?!"
Miyu: ...processing... 1 min to go...
Nao: "DURIAN! It has to be more painful because not only does it cause pain physically, it's stench can scar you for life! I mean... LOOK WHAT IT DID TO MIKOTO!!!" (-1-)
Natsuki: "Coconut! Because... because its hard... and its round... and... Shizuru said so!"
Realising she said the last part out loud, a very red-faced Natsuki quickly covers her mouth.
Miyu: "...processing completed... divide by zero error... answer not in scope of question. ABORT."
Alyssa: "..."
Everyone except Shizuru sweat dropped.
Shizuru: -sips her tea- "Ara, ara, it's the head of course."
Flashing her Shizuru(TM) winning smile.
-Confetti rained down from above-
glowie: "CoNgRaTuLaTiOnS!!! YES! It's the head! If a coconut and a durian falls and hit your head at the SAME TIME, your head hurts the most. Man! You guys are dumb! Even a kinder knows the answer! LOL."
innerglowie: -sweat dropped-
glowie: "Err... guys? guys... hey! it's just a joke.. calm down k? dumb? Did I say that? Hahaha... you must be mistaken... I didn't say that... I meant.. duu... du... fun! Yeah... I meant FUN! Hahahha... ya.. ya..." -eeeekkkk-
--- VIOLENT SCENES CENSORED ---
Natsuki: "SHIZ.. SHIZURU!!!! Why you..."
Shizuru: "Well... Natsuki did not asked for the correct answer no? I figured you wouldn't mind me keeping the correct answer for myself."
Shizuru: -turns head away and started to sniff softly-
Natsuki: "Ermm... ok... ok.. I was just kidding... Please don't cry."
Shizuru: -sobs louder-
Natsuki: "I mean.. err.. I'm glad you win... Congratulations!... let's go and celebrate k?"
Shizuru: "Good idea!"
Shizuru: 'Fufufu... My, I do admire myself sometimes. I won both the prize and Natsuki's deal!'
Natsuki: ... -eyebrow twitching- -slowing entering stoned mode-
glowie: "Wow... THAT has to be the shiznat... talk about having the cake and eating it." -whistles-
innerglowie: -CRINGE!- -sweating profusely-
Shizuru: -Looks calmly towards glowie-
Shizuru: "Ohh... you're still alive? Well... I guess you have to be... you still owe me one fic. However... I can't just let you leave in one piece though."
glowie: -glups- "Err... why? What did I do?"
innerglowie: -searches desperately for the 'EJECT INNER ME' button-
Shizuru: "Let's see... You've made Natsuki pout, blush, whispered sweet fantasies to her, NUDGED and then WINKED at her. Need I say more?"
--- EXTREMLY VIOLENT SCENES CENSORED ---
Mai: "Wow... and I thought Mikoto is the toughest person I've met. Guess glowie wins hands down."
Nao: "You know... mayo pup? I think I've finally found someone dumber than you."
Natsuki: ...
Shizuru: "Ara, ara. I would like to apologize on behalf of glowie. So rude of her to just passed-out and not end this fic like a proper writer should. Do forgive her, ne?"
Shizuru: -Looks hungrily at her mayo pup-
Shizuru: "Natsuki dear, we should go now if we plan to finish the list of things you've promised me... Fufufu..."
Natsuki: ...
-FINISH-
Notes:
Whew... I hope that wasn't so bad.
So there! My first fic! Although it's just a bunch of my senseless ramblings. LOL.
Anyway, this is my peace offering #2.
Just to confirm, "The After Mint" to me means the delicious minty dessert after a heavy dinner. PLEASE let me know if this is not what it means. -blush-
I hate not being able to put link here... but I have a link to a picture of a durian in my LJ. Inside peace offering #2. For those adept in the art of URL manipulation, the link is here:
http :// pics . livejournal . com /kiluea /pic/00009af1/g7
Honestly, I hope this manage to lighten the mood a bit.
Again. As usual, please do not hesitate to offer me your suggestions, corrections or even critics. Thanks.
-rebuilds her anti-flame bunker which was lying in ruins previously-
-grabs her anti-flame helmet and runs inside the bunker, slamming the door shut-
Remarks:
1. After rethinking about volk83's feedback. I think I've done some injustice to durians. So just to clarify. This line is just a joke. Seriously, durians are delicious and is my fav. The unique odor is an acquired fragrance. -grins-
You'll learn to love it... except when it is burped out... or when left inside your car overnight... then... its an entirely different story.