We usually took this path home. Remember? The snow would fall onto our heads and you would chuckle softly as it touched your soft pale skin. Oh how I loved that smile: that innocent smile that always seemed to cover your face. Your virgin lips: untouched by anyone, but yearning to be with mine. Your body fragile in so many ways, yet you seemed to achieve at almost everything you did. The way you moved, the way you spoke. Oh God, how I loved – no, how I love you…
"I love you too."
You always whispered back to me, in that gentle voice of yours that never seemed to ever get angry. That soft voice: that never raised higher then a child's.
You said you loved me, didn't you? Then why? Why did you leave me alone! If you loved me, why couldn't you wait!
I held your shivering body in my arms. Trembling. Scared. Yet, you only smiled back at me with that smile that I loved so much; that smile, which was now tainted in the blood of an accident. The milky ground around us now stained in a crimson red. I spoke softly to you, reassuring to you that everything would be okay, because I was here. Heh, what use was I to my lover when he was their bleeding to death in my arms. Yet you smiled up at me, and spoke, "Its okay, I'm sorry for being so weak… I'm sorry…I…love………you." His eyes closed slowly, the smile still sustaining itself on his face.
My eyes widen and began to tremble; I shook you gently and smiled, telling you to stop playing around, and that the ambulance would get there and everything would go back to the way it use to be. You stood still; your eyes closed with that smile on your face. I then screamed out your name, asking – no, begging you to stay with me, but…my voice didn't seem to get through to you. I held you in the tainted snow, scared… How could this have happened? I should have been paying more attention to the road! God, why did you take him! Of all people, why this innocent person that I cherished with all my heart! Why did you strip him away from me, like he was yours! He was not some toy to be taken!
Now…I contemplate everyday of my life on why you did this to me…to us. What right did you have?
I was placed in the hospital for I had sustained an injury in my right eye. Doctors said I would never see through it again, but that did not matter to me. I had lost the most important person to me, it could never compare to the loss of one eye. Not even losing both my limbs could compare to the pain that I was suffering with right now. When I was released from the hospital, my friends tried to cheer me up; but I was like a doll; only one emotion: blankness.
I refused to leave the four walls of my room. Wasting away in the memories of the past, my skin grew pale and I became rather skinny, only eating enough to fill me a bit. I refused to play guitar…as it reminded me of the times we use to play together.
Heheheh, sometimes I just feel like laughing. Like it was just all some sick joke or a horrible nightmare. I wonder if maybe I will wake up one day to find this all to be just a dream…something that did not happen. Then, I would laugh some more; tears would form and drop down my face.
I thought of ending it all…so I could be happy and with you, but…I knew that would only upset you. You must think I am insane…but the truth is I'm very much sane…
Looking to the side, I found my musical case, containing all the music we had ever written. What a shock! I had not seen these in a while. It was great! It was splendid! Opening the case I began to looking through the music, riffling though each one, crumpling them as I did. Tossing them to the ground, laughing as I did so. Laughing hysterically! I picked up the musical case staring at it intently with a large smile on my face. I'm sane…right? Raising my hand up, I hurled the case out through the glass window; glass shot outwards covering the grass below. I began to laugh even more hysterically, till slowly…the laughter ceased. Even though I act like this…heh…heh I'm still sane…
I slowly fall upon my bed resting my head on the softness of my sheets. Even if this is all there is…. It's not enough to cause any more damage. Even after your death, even with my bitter loneliness, I'm still sane.
Heh, who am I kidding?
Even though it hurt…I couldn't die; because for some reason I know you're still with me. I want to see you again and…in order to see you again. I will stay as sane as possible. Heh, when I think that I might see you again…my heart begins to race and tears rush down my cheeks. I…feel so happy. Yet…
Just tell me one thing….
Why was I left behind?