Disclaimer: If I owned anything to do with The Mentalist, I wouldn't need to write stuff like this, would I?

Author's Note: Dedicated to all the lovely people who've given me such a warm welcome on Twitter! You guys are the best!

Deception

Lisbon stifled a yawn as the car pulled up to her house, noting that all the lights were still off except the porch. She turned to give Roger a peck on the cheek. "Thanks. I had a really good time."

"So did I," he smiled. "I'm glad we could get back there. Maybe we could make a regular thing of it, if your schedule allows."

"Sure," she replied. Go out to a jazz club every week? There were much worse fates. "Hey, good luck with that audit."

He groaned. "Wish they'd just leave us alone and let us catch the bad guys."

"Then what would all the bureaucrats do with their time?" she grinned.

"Ha. You just wait til it's your turn," he replied.

"Been there, done that. Though I bet the FBI is even worse than CBI was," she admitted. "Call me if you want to go out next weekend, okay?"

"Sure thing. Say hi to Jane for me."

"You bet. Say hi to Ethan." She smiled as she got out of the car and closed the door, then walked to the house. She was renting while she decided whether she wanted to buy something, still not sure this new life was a long-term thing. Though there were definitely aspects she hoped would endure.

When she got her door unlocked, she turned to wave to Roger, and he drove off. He was such a considerate guy, she thought. She genuinely enjoyed spending time with him, and they had interests in common. But there was no passion there, and there never would be.

She flipped on the light and smiled at the figure sitting in her recliner. "You could have turned the light on."

Jane shrugged. "After parking two blocks away and sneaking in your back door, it seemed like a waste of subterfuge. Did you have a nice time?"

"Yes, I did. Roger says hi."

"I take it he had a nice time too." Jane got to his feet and came over to pull her into his arms and give her the brain-melting kiss she'd come to expect on these nights, as if he needed to restake his claim. As if this entire thing wasn't all his doing, she thought with a mental eye roll.

When he allowed her to breathe, she said, "You really want to talk about Roger?"

"No. I really want to rip that dress off you and take you right here on the living room floor," he replied a little breathlessly.

"But it's the only dress I own," she protested, trying to hide how hot he made her. "And Roger wants to make this a regular thing."

"I'll buy you a closetful of dresses," he promised.

Lisbon stomped down the secret girly part of her that actually liked it when Jane got all possessive and said, "No thanks. I'll handle wardrobe, since you do all the casting and directing in this little play."

He grinned a little. "You were the one who wanted to keep our relationship under wraps until you've got your feet under you at the FBI."

"Yes, but I just meant we should resist the temptation to make out in the break room, not that you should go find the one gay guy in the Austin office who hasn't come out and blackmail him into a fake relationship!" She was still unhappy about that, though Roger had admitted he was glad for the chance to divert suspicions himself. Apparently being gay in Texas law enforcement was a different thing than being gay in California, and he had no immediate intention of coming out at work.

"But I didn't throw just any guy at you, my dear," Jane said, nibbling at her earlobe. "I found one who likes jazz and guns and at least some sports so you could enjoy your time with him. The gay thing was just to keep me from going insane with jealousy."

"Roger admitted he only knows what Ethan tells him about sports," Lisbon chuckled, kicking off her shoes. "Oh, that reminds me. They're talking about going away for a weekend and wondered if we might be planning to. If we did it the same weekend, we could make it look like Roger and I were going off together."

"I would absolutely love to run away with you for a weekend. Maybe to the Gulf coast?"

"Sounds good." She moaned a little as his deft fingers, having unzipped her dress, went to work on her bra. "Shall we go upstairs?"

"Didn't you hear me, woman? Right here on the living room floor," he growled.

"Yeah, right. Last time you bitched and moaned about your knees for two whole days. Bed, Patrick."

Since she'd used the magic word, he gave in immediately. "Fine. If you want to be all vanilla about it."

"Who says it has to be vanilla just because it's a soft surface?" she retorted. "If you're getting bored, Roger and I can swing by a sex toy shop on our next date."

"I am in no way getting bored." He pulled back to look her in the eye when he said it, so she knew he was telling her the truth. "And I definitely don't want you looking at sex toys with another man."

She grinned. "I don't know. I bet Roger would have a useful perspective, maybe some good advice on driving you crazy."

"You're already much too good at that," Jane said, turning her toward the stairs and giving her a little push.

Lisbon didn't normally like to be manhandled, but on these nights she found she was willing to cut Jane some slack. It added a little spice to their sex life when he tried to dominate her. One of these nights she might even let him succeed.

Halfway up the stairs, she shimmied out of her dress, smiling as Jane's arms closed around her from behind. He bit down on her shoulder, hard enough to hurt but not hard enough to mark her. "Hey," she said, trying to look at him over her shoulder, "any more of that and I'll start swatting your nose with a rolled up newspaper."

Jane grinned up at her. "Not my first choice for roleplaying, but hey, if you're into pseudo-beastiality, I can adapt."

"Oh, shut up," she said, starting up the stairs again so he wouldn't see her blush. She wasn't a prude, but she was way more traditional than Jane in some respects. But in this, as in so many other areas of her life, she was willing to let him push her boundaries. A bit.

Jane loosened his hold so she could move, but he finished undoing her bra and was pulling her underwear down by the time she reached the top step. Somewhere along the way, he'd managed to undo his pants, and when he pulled her back against him she felt his erection brush her ass.

"Bed," she said firmly, hoping he wouldn't notice that she'd gone weak in the knees.

"Bedroom doorway?" he murmured hopefully in her ear. "We just need something for you to brace yourself against."

It was only on these nights that sex turned into a power struggle, she reflected. Other times, Jane was sweet and snugly, as considerate as she could wish for. There was just something about knowing she'd been out with another man that triggered this primal reaction in him. She'd be lying if she said it didn't turn her on to know that she was capable of turning the suave intellectual who was always in control of himself into a caveman.

Maybe that was why she'd gone along with this insanity in the first place. She'd had a little taste of this heady power the night Jane had told her he'd set up a date for her.

"Bed," she repeated. As she stepped out of her underwear and continued on her way, she glanced over her shoulder and said, "And remember, if you break it you are totally buying me a new one!"

Jane gave a weird strangled groan, nearly walking on her heels as he followed her into the bedroom. He then surprised her by gripping her hard around her waist and practically throwing her onto the bed. She barely managed to get her knees under her before he slammed into her from behind, causing an involuntary shriek to escape her.

It felt like no time at all before her orgasm hit, but maybe that was because her brain had stopped working. Jane didn't last much longer, and soon they were lying in a panting heap, gathering the strength to disentangle themselves.

Unusually for Jane, he hadn't said anything coherent during sex, but now he spooned her and whispered, "I love you. You know that, right?"

"I know," she assured him, reaching for the hand splayed on her stomach and sliding her fingers into his. "I love you, too." She snuggled into his embrace, enjoying the afterglow even though she bet she was going to be sore tomorrow. "And you're not in a competition with Roger or anyone else."

"I know. I mean, the rational part of me knows," he replied. "There's just something about keeping it a secret that makes it feel...impermanent. Like I have to keep working to make this worth your while."

Lisbon frowned. "This isn't something you earn, Patrick."

"No, not... I don't mean to imply that." He placed a kiss behind her ear. "I guess there's just part of me that worries you don't want to tell anyone about us because you're embarrassed to be with me."

"Embarrassed?" She was shocked. That had never occurred to her. Why should it? Patrick Jane was brilliant, drop-dead gorgeous, and so important to the FBI that they'd literally let him get away with murder so they could harness his case-solving skills. If anything, he was dating down. "God, no. Of course not. How could you think that?"

"People keep secrets because they're embarrassed or afraid. You don't have anything to be afraid of, so..." He trailed off, but she could tell from the tension in his body that he wasn't about to fall asleep as his voice was trying to imply.

She let out a long sigh. "I'm not embarrassed to be with you. I guess...I just don't want everyone to think the only reason I got this job is because I'm sleeping with you."

"Everyone who would think that already does," he pointed out.

"Yes, but they have no facts to support it," she said. "If we go public, they'll all roll their eyes and say they knew it all along."

"Abbott and Fischer know how good a cop you are. Why do you care what anybody else thinks?"

"I don't know." How could she make him understand what it was like to be a female cop, battling institutionalized bias and sometimes downright misogynistic coworkers? All her career she'd worked hard to be taken seriously on her own merits, carefully steering clear of any relationships that could give people reason to whisper. Then Patrick Jane had come along and lifted her heart along with her solve rate.

She'd never forget Abbott sneering as he called Jane her boyfriend. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of being able to say it and know it was true. But she wasn't willing to give up their relationship, so she was going to have to face that sooner or later. And if this was making Jane unhappy, it needed to be sooner.

Jane lifted himself up on one elbow so he could see her face. "I don't want to pressure you," he said. "I get that you have reasons to keep this under wraps. I'm just trying to explain why sometimes it makes me a little...out of control."

"I know. And I'm sorry. I know if you were pretending to date, I'd turn into a crazy woman every time you went out with her," she sighed. It was true; she'd hated it when he showed interest in women in the past. And his dealings with Lorelei had pushed her almost to the breaking point.

"Well, there goes my idea of finding someone to go on double dates with you and Roger," he chuckled.

"You could pretend to date Ethan," she suggested, not entirely joking. "If you'd start wearing vests and driving an eccentric car again, you could totally pull off the gay thing."

"Hey," Jane said in a wounded tone. "Now you're just being sexist. Good taste in clothes and cars is not limited to gay men. Anyway, I was happily married."

"True. But you could be bi."

"Stop trying to get me to date your boyfriend's boyfriend," he said, aggrieved. "I'd do anything for you, Teresa, but I'd really rather not do this."

"I'm just kidding. There's no need for both of us to be fake dating."

"There's no need for either of us to. If you want to call it off with Roger, be my guest. I won't complain."

"Good to know. Though I like going to hear jazz regularly."

"I would love to take you out to hear jazz. Or eat a nice meal. Or go dancing," Jane said, tightening his arm around her. "And I plan to, the moment you'll let me."

"Soon," she whispered. Even though this had been Jane's plan, for once she was reaping the benefits while he paid the price. It made it tempting to just keep going as they were, but she knew that wasn't fair. She needed to find the courage to admit to the FBI that yes, she was sleeping with their consultant. It might be technically against the rules now that she was an agent, but she was positive that Abbott would quickly realize that ignoring her violation of the rules was preferable to having Jane act out until he got his way. They'd probably end up with a version of "don't ask, don't tell" that could go on indefinitely. At least, until they wanted to make their relationship official. Assuming they ever got to that point.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Jane murmured.

"Wondering what our long-term prospects are."

"Excellent, I'd say. We're very good together." He nuzzled her hair and lightly kissed the top of her ear.

"No, I mean, yes, of course we are. But are we just going to spend the rest of our lives flying under Abbott's radar?"

"Are you seriously opening the 'where is this relationship going' conversation after you've just been on a date with another man?" Jane's tone was teasing, but the fact that he deflected made her heart sink.

"No," she sighed.

"Teresa, look at me," he said, lifting himself on one elbow again. She turned over on her back so she could see him without getting a sore neck. "If it were solely up to me, I would marry you tomorrow. Okay? Don't you ever think we're taking it slow on my account. You're the one with commitment issues—"

"I don't have—"

He ignored her protest. "—and career concerns. I'm willing to do whatever I need to so you're comfortable moving forward, but you don't get to turn around and accuse me of not being in this a hundred percent for the long haul."

"I wasn't accusing—"

"Yes, you were. You were lying there thinking that your fake dating lets me off the hook for any real commitment. But that's not true. I am committed to you. I will do everything I can to make this relationship work, for the rest of our lives. Do you think it's easy for me to watch you leave with Roger? It makes me sick to my stomach, Teresa. He's a good actor, very convincing. I sit here and wait for you and wonder, what if he isn't really gay? What if this is a clever ploy to seduce you away from me? He's a good match for you on paper, better than I am. And I know it's ridiculous and I know you're not the cheating type, but I can't help it. Because you're the best thing in my life, Teresa, and I know how miserable I am without you. Losing you is my worst nightmare."

She reached up and stroked his cheek. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I knew it bothered you, but not this much. I'll stop seeing Roger. No more fake dates."

He shook his head. "I feel ridiculous asking you to give up on a plan that's working so well. Especially because it was my idea in the first place."

"It's not working so well if it's making you unhappy. The only reason we started this was to take some of the pressure off so we could enjoy each other. And while I admit it's a huge ego boost to have you trying to jump me the moment I walk in the door, I can't keep enjoying it knowing it comes from your pain."

"Hey, if you like desperation, I'm sure I can arrange for an encore every now and then." Jane kissed the palm of her hand. "For special occasions."

She grinned. "My birthday's coming up."

"Right. I'll just add a sex-crazed Neanderthal to your birthday room in my memory palace. Hm. He's making the pony a little nervous."

Lisbon snorted with laughter. "How come I went all those years without any idea you have such a dirty mind?"

"Obsession does terrible things to one's mind," Jane said, leaning down to kiss her. "I'm just so grateful that when I finally woke up from the nightmare, you were still with me."

Lisbon smiled up at him. "I never want to be anywhere else."

They shared a long, loving kiss, then settled back down to go to sleep. After a minute, Lisbon said, "Maybe we could go out to the jazz club with Roger and Ethan. Pretend we're just four friends who like jazz."

"I could do that," Jane murmured drowsily. "But if Roger tries to hold your hand, I'm going to hypnotize him into believing he's a chicken."

A/N: Um. Okay, that may have been OOC, I admit. It started out as a nice little whisper from the muse: "Hey, wouldn't it be great if Lisbon's bf was all Jane's idea?" And it went off the rails from there as I started wondering what kind of pressures that would put on their relationship. Anyway, I hope it didn't appall you! If it did, just blame it on the cold medicine, please!