It certainly has been a while since I finished any stories..
Surprise; a not so good 5927 story ^^,
I was happy with the whole thing after writing about half of it. After it was about finished, I started adding parts and I became quite a mess. The story alternates between a present situation and one long flashback. I just hope it's clear enough.
Disclaimer: All characters mentioned belong to Amano Akira~
Everyone had already been tired when we got onto the jet some hours ago. Dino-san had invited me and my friends over to celebrate my 17th birthday. Maybe October wasn't the best time of the year to visit Italy, but it had its advantages. We had walked through calm streets, had paid a visit to normally crowded museums and luckily the weather had still been pretty nice. The whole family is now sound asleep, except for one certain right-hand man. He's sitting at the right side of the plane, opposite me, some feet away. I think about switching places to the empty seat in front of me so that I won't have to face him. Ever since the others fell asleep and all distraction has been taken away I have been trying desperately not to look at him. It would only end up with his gaze averted once again. That hurts.
-xxx-
Our trip didn't really get off to a flying start. Literally, almost. The private jet Dino-san had sent to pick us up had been facing some technical difficulties and parts had to be changed. Reborn somehow, I chose not to get involved, managed to reduce the delivery time of these by two days, making it we could leave that same morning.
Inevitable were visits to Rome and Pisa. As a true guide, Dino-san showed us some of the beautiful, yet often forgotten places of his country, Romario at his side to make sure his boss didn't get us lost. Or fall over. I'm not sure of the decisive reason. What I am sure of, is that I had been ignorant to so many so very important little details.
He had been right there beside me, yet I never turned to him and was only interested in about everything else surrounding me. Thinking about it later, maybe I didn't pay much attention because it was so familiar to be in his presence. Every day I saw him getting frustrated with Yamamoto or Lambo and tried to calm things down. He had often left suddenly when Bianchi came home and I would always know he'd return. Less often had he just been there and smiled. I should've noticed the warm smiles he showed as we walked through town and I was once more looking over the immense landscape. Or the true laughter, not the one he uses when he's hiding something from me, that time when it was just the two of us and I messed up big time.
-xxx-
He gets up and walks towards me. One step, two steps, one more and he is standing right in front of me. I find my hands suddenly to be very interesting. From his pocket he reveals a simple necklace. It is a silver chain and from it hangs one small tag. He lets it hang down in front of me for a moment. At one side it shows the Vongola crest, but I have trouble reading the words on the other. Holding the top of it between my fingers, I read the text. For one moment I had thought it was beautiful in all its simplicity, now I detested its very being. Quite pathetic, really, to detest a necklace. It says: "Venice, 14/10/2012". I let go of the tag. A feeling of guilt rushes over me.
-xxx-
On my birthday, we got to Venice. In short, it was both the best and the worst birthday I had ever experienced.
Our day in this beautiful city started off great. The visit wouldn't have been complete without a trip on the canals. By now I did start to notice just a few little odd things about him.
We had to separate into three groups. Gokudera-kun, wanting to be the perfect right-hand man, insisted on staying with me. Nothing out of the ordinary as I was quite used to it already. He had been the first one to get onto the gondola. He extended his hand to help me get in, but I had only just grabbed it as I got pushed forward. For once it wasn't due my own clumsiness, but Dino-san should really have stayed with Romario. However, Gokudera-kun had been there to catch me, breaking my fall. Still, the push in the back had hurt. Hearing me grunt, the boy immediately sat straight up and took a hold off my shoulders.
"Are you alright, Juudaime?" he asked worried.
I rubbed my back and smiled. "Yes, Gokudera-kun, don't worry," I couldn't help but chuckle. "I knew you'd catch me."
He smiled one of those rare genuine smiles and seemed reassured. He let his hands slip from my shoulders, but left them resting on my arms, not breaking contact just yet and I didn't mind. Throughout the trip, he sat right next to me while trying to keep Nii-san from rocking the boat. This latter one probably thought it was floating to the extreme or something. When he wasn't working himself up over the others Gokudera-kun pointed out several things along the way. He turned my attention to the many gargoyles and statues we passed. He could even tell at least something about each and every one of them, be it what they meant, what they represented or even their complete history. Sometimes he would point from over my shoulder to make sure I saw the camouflaged or faraway statue he was talking about. His voice sounded right by my ear and I made sure not to miss even a whisper. Never before had I heard him talk about something so passionately. Well, aside from about how he's going to become my right-hand man and all that, but I'm still in denial about the whole Vongola Decimo situation. From the moment he began throwing in some Italian names I just started to smile and nod at everything he said.
-xxx-
I wonder why I keep punishing myself. I repeat that day over and over again in my head. How things could've gone. What I could've said or done. Things that don't matter anymore, as it is far too late for that now. I'm not able to change what happened. I can only hope to restore the friendship I held so dearly, yet I'm not even sure if I even want to restore it. I realize that I don't want things to go back to the way they were.
-xxx-
In the afternoon, we soon noticed discussions started to rise about where to go next. Conclusion was that there were so many places to visit and we all had such different interests, that we eventually decided to split up.
It seemed no one really felt like spending time with the birthday-boy. Bianchi took the girls and Lambo out shopping, Yamamoto and Nii-san wanted to check out some sport-centers, Dino-san had to go back for business and Reborn had suddenly disappeared. I ended up with my storm guardian once again and I wouldn't have wanted it otherwise.
We spend the first hour or so looking for a souvenir for my mom. She had never been picky about the things I got her, but I guess I sort of wanted to make it up to her for all those times I had been away from home lately. I ended up buying a Venetian mask, a magnet and new set of earrings, as Lambo had accidently lost one recently. Last but not least was a satin scarf, in which Gokudera-kun was able to neatly wrap the presents together.
After dropping the gifts off at the hotel, we stopped for some ice-cream. The sun had broken through the few clouds there had been that morning and the temperature had been driven up almost immediately. We sat down at the side of a fountain and didn't speak for a while. The silence became awkward as we had both finished our ice-creams. I noticed my friend putting his hand into the water and I followed it with my eyes.
"Juudaime," he spoke all of a sudden. I looked up and became even more surprised as he pulled up his hand and splattered some of the cold water into my face. That sure came unexpected, but I wasn't going to leave it at that. As he was still laughing about my startled expression, I scooped up a handful of water and splashed it at him. The awkwardness had been broken and the water went back and forth a few more times. Then I got a little too carried away. As I reached back into the water, I lost my balance and nearly fell over backwards. Gokudera-kun was only just able to slid his arm around my shoulders and keep me from getting wet. He stood up and pulled me up by my hand.
"I think it's about time we get going," he smirked.
Slightly embarrassed, I clasped my hands together and looked down. I felt a blush crawl up my cheeks, but blamed it on the shining sun. I nodded and looked back up. "Good idea."
-xxx-
He opens up the lock and bends over as he puts the necklace on me. His slender fingers fiddle with the lock for a while, touching my neck softly every so often, before being able to close it. His hands are cold and send a shiver down my spine. His warm breath has the same effect.
-xxx-
We strolled passed the canals and I enjoyed watching the shimmer of the sun on the swell of the water as boats and gondolas floated by. I must have been too consumed with the water to notice the red scooter speeding right past me. I wasn't fully aware of what happened next, but I remember being knocked over in the direction of the water and grabbing a hold of the nearest thing possible. This 'thing' later appeared to be Gokudera-kun's arm, as the next moment we were both swimming to the stone stair at the side. Although I guess I still lack the technique to actually be able to call it 'swimming'. He pulled me onto the steps and for a moment we just sat there. Shocked, soaked and cold. Then I burst out laughing. I had no idea why, but it seemed all to be so hilarious at the time. What kind of boss couldn't even keep himself from falling into a canal? And I had been as clumsy as to take Gokudera-kun down with me. I turned to him and found him suppressing a laugh off his own.
Still chuckling, I tried to bring out: "You know, this really isn't supposed to be funny."
He broke down as well and I didn't even care about the wet clothes sticking to my body and the sun slowly setting.
Gasping for breath, he looked at me and noticed I was shivering. He stood up and offered me his hand once again. "We should find some place to dry up."
I let him lead me the way up the stairs and through some alleys. There we found a hill, facing the sun which luckily still radiated some warmth. We sat down next to each other and he put his arm around my shoulders. My arm rested across his back. That didn't stop the shivering and he felt it. So, he put his legs around me and pulled me close. I found my head resting on his shoulder and I closed my eyes.
"Better?" he asked.
I nodded, not sure whether or not I was able to speak. He must've understood anyway, as he started slowly caressing my back.
-xxx-
The worst about the whole situation is the fact that we can't break contact. Gokudera-kun will not only remain my classmate, which means we will be seeing each other about every day, but he's also the storm guardian. I will have to depend on him whenever Reborn gets me into some horrid situation again. It's been a while since we had one of those, so I'm expecting things to turn rough pretty soon. My life will most likely depend on him again. Even though I'm supposed to be the boss, I'm nowhere without my friends. I wouldn't even be able to reach the battlefield without my true right-hand man by my side. I don't know what to do. I know I want to be with him. Surprisingly, I really do.
-xxx-
We sat like this for the following few minutes. He then let go of me and I sat back up. He wiped away a damp strand of hair from my forehead and smiled. Again that genuine smile and I put my hand over his own as it was still on my cheek. He put our hands down and started drawing circles in my palm.
"I really like you," he said. I didn't know how to respond. I had known for a while, but had chosen to ignore it and now here I was, baffled, and two beautiful forest green eyes locked with mine.
"I like you too." It came out as a mere whisper, but his eyes shimmered. Mine must have given away something else, as he sighed and asked, concerned this time: "What is it?"
I didn't think through what I said next, but I did say it and at the time I had been certain it was the right thing to do. "I don't think we should…" I turned my head away. I didn't want to see however he reacted. For a moment, there was only silence. Then a warm water droplet fell onto my hand and I nearly lost myself. I looked back up and found him desperately trying to turn away. The man that was Gokudera-kun was crying, and I didn't even have to die for it to happen. What I had done might have been even worse.
"Please forget I ever said that, Juudaime." I knew I couldn't.
-xxx-
I think about what I said to him that day. I know I said it because I didn't want to risk losing Gokudera-kun as a friend. If things weren't going to work out, I don't think either of us would be able to treat the other like before. However, rejecting him has had the exact same effect. I want to make things up to him, but I can't. I can't act as if nothing happened. I also feel like we can't talk about it. All that considered, we're stuck avoiding each other's feelings. I don't want to risk losing him and he doesn't want to get hurt every time he's with me. Looking at it that way, it's probably for the best if we went back to ignoring each other. It would hurt the both of us, but we wouldn't have to witness it from one another.
-xxx-
He stood up and I clumsily tried to follow him. I grabbed a hold of his sleeve to get him to look at me. He didn't and I really couldn't blame him for it.
"D-Don't get me wrong, Gokudera-kun. You're my best friend, you know that." He opened up his mouth, but I couldn't let him react. If he were to speak up, I may have not been able to stand my ground. My voice was shaking heavily. "You mean far too much to me. I don't want this to ruin that." I shook my head, in need to correct myself. "I don't want me to ruin that."
But I just did.
He walked off without another word.
Later that evening, the others had organized a small birthday party at the hotel. I tried to look as happy as possible receiving gifts and eating cake. Gokudera-kun wasn't there and everyone seemed to know better than to comment on his absence.
There was one more day left before we returned to Japan. Gokudera-kun had returned and spend the day with us, but avoided me. Our eyes never met again.
-xxx-
As he stands back up, those forest green eyes are turned away as he mutters: "Happy Birthday, Juudaime."
I reach for his hand as he turns around. Holding it tight, he is forced to turn back to me.
I want to be with him and I feel bad for being selfish but I don't care how this would affect anything. Every once in a while, there's just that one risk you have to take.
"Thank you," I say.
Finally, he looks at me and our eyes lock. I smile at him and keep a hold of his hand. He must be able to read my mind, as the next moment I'm being pulled up and he flings his arms around me. I feel tears welling up, yet I have no reason to cry. I hold him thigh and hide my face in the crook of his neck. "I'm so sorry," I say, my voice stifled by his shirt. It feels as if he isn't going to let go off me this time.
He lifts one hand and cups my cheek. With his thumb, he wipes away the single tear that is making its way down my face. I feel embarrassed by his touch and I blush. This blush only deepens as he closes the small distance left between our lips.
It is only a short kiss, but long enough for me to know what has happened, for me to realize that it wasn't the gift I was grateful for. Nor was it the fact that he wished me a happy birthday. In those two words, I wanted to thank him for everything he had ever done for me. I think of how much I need him, even in my everyday life. Why would I ever push this man away? It is about time for me to admit to myself that I simply can't.
A/N I really loved it, then I hated it, then I decided to let others decide.
Please review*
xSelenicSoulx