The Classic Characters Convention
Snake- Man. I hate this convention. Every year they tell me to come, and they make me talk about the good old days.
Donkey Kong- Shut up, this is all I do anymore. No one wants to hire a giant monkey who can throw barrells. The last thing I did was a movie with William Shatner and Eric Roberts!
Sonic- Yeah, and my work's been pretty crappy lately. I mean, did you play my game on the Gamecube! The only reason I did it was because they gave me a lifetime supply of NyQuil.
Snake- Oh yeah, well I only did MGS2 because they gave me free hooker...I mean, they gave me money.
Sonic- Hookers? You sick perv.
Snake- Shut up, at least I didn't sleep in Michael Jackson's bed.
Sonic- Hey, that wasn't sexual! He just wanted to tuck me in!
Snake- Yeah...I'm sure.
Mario- Hey, you-a two, shut the f*** up. I'm-a trying to make a phone call to my bookie.
Snake- Shut up Mario, I really should jam a rake into your face.
Mario- Ahhhh, go f*** a dirty chinese whore.
Snake- Oh, that is it. Let's have a switchblade fight!
Tatanka- Hi.
Mario- Who-a the f*** are you-a?
Tatanka- I'm Tatanka, a wrestler from the classic game Royal Rumble.
Snake- Get the hell out of here. You're not welcome.
Tatanka- B-But!
Mario- Get the f*** out of here before I kick you so hard, you s*** out of your mouth.
Sonic- Mario, I told you already. Watch the language. Kids look up to you.
Mario- F*** the kids.
Snake- This is great. I'm wasting a perfectly fine Saturday talking to retarded monkey, a millionaire plumber, and a blue hedgehog that sells out more than a punk band.
Mario- You f****** baby, you're always f****** whining. Why don't you go suck a bottle. A bottle full of s***.
Snake- Geeze Mario, you're lucky the censors are beeping this, otherwise this place would be R rated.
Mario- F*** the censors, f*** everyone...I'm going for a smoke.
Sonic- About time he's gone. His f****** language was starting to bother me.
Donkey Kong- So...what're you guys doing after the convention?
Snake- I'm going back to work on MGS3. I can't tell you that much about the plot, but I can say it involves a giant robotic horse, and a walrus with a laser.
Sonic- And I have to go work on my new TV show: Magnum Rock! I play a detective in Cuba named Magnum Rock who goes after a drug dealer.
Donkey Kong- Man, you guys have good work. I have to go star in Kangaroo Jack 2.
Snake- Hahahaha, that's such a crappy job.
Sonic- Kangaroo Jack! Hahahaha, you suck Donkey Kong.
Mario- Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about because I just came back from my smoke, but you're right, Donkey Kong does suck!
Donkey Kong- It's not like you have any big projects coming up.
Mario- I sure-a do, s***head. I'm starring in a movie about-a the life and times of Huge Heffner. I play-a Hugh.
Donkey Kong- You're lying.
Mario- No-a f****** way. It's coming out-a this Fall to-a theatre near you.
Snake- Hey, look who's here. It's Bionic Commando.
Bionic- Yo, sucka's. Wass up?
Sonic- Bionic, why are you talking like a gang member?
Bionic- If I act like a brotha' from the hood, I can appeal to the younger crowd. Then they have to make a new game about me, biotch.
Snake- They're never going to make another Bionic Commando game.
Bionic- Shut yo' mouth Snake, I've been makin' games since you even made your first appearance.
Snake- Yeah, but at least I still make games.
Bionic- Yo, shut yo' mouth! I got a robotic arm, I could beat you to death.
Snake- You just stole that arm from Dr. Octopus!
Bionic- Shut up, I'll gut ya' with my shank.
Mario- This f****** a****** f**** **** **** ****** ******* ******* ***** ***** ***** eggs."
Snake- Wow. That's the most offensive thing I've ever heard. Especially the eggs remark.
Bionic- sniff You hurt my feelings Mario, you binitch.
Mario- Ahh, go f*** a cow.
Bionic- Maybe I will!
Snake- I don't think you understand what you just said Bionic, you just said you were going to have sex with a cow.
Bionic- I know what I said.
Sonic- Let's change the subject, I'm tired of hearing about beastiality.
Mario- f*** this s***, I'm going f****** home. F*** you all.
Sonic- Yeah, me too. Tails probably finished cleaning up the mess he made with feces yesterday.
Snake- Yeah, this convention blows. I gotta go film the next scene in MGS3. In this one, I get to push Raiden into a giant pit of acid, because everyone hates him.
Donkey Kong- Yeah, and I have lots of work to do too...so much movies I'm in.
Sonic- You're not in any movies.
Donkey King- No...but there's still a lot I want to watch. I still never seen Police Academy 5.
Snake- You never seen Police Academy 5! Oh my god! We have to go watch it, now!
All- POLICE ACADEMY 5! YAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOO!
Mario- F***, I spilled my vodka. Let's stop at the beer store, I want to buy a keg full of f****** malt liquor.
The End
Snake- Man. I hate this convention. Every year they tell me to come, and they make me talk about the good old days.
Donkey Kong- Shut up, this is all I do anymore. No one wants to hire a giant monkey who can throw barrells. The last thing I did was a movie with William Shatner and Eric Roberts!
Sonic- Yeah, and my work's been pretty crappy lately. I mean, did you play my game on the Gamecube! The only reason I did it was because they gave me a lifetime supply of NyQuil.
Snake- Oh yeah, well I only did MGS2 because they gave me free hooker...I mean, they gave me money.
Sonic- Hookers? You sick perv.
Snake- Shut up, at least I didn't sleep in Michael Jackson's bed.
Sonic- Hey, that wasn't sexual! He just wanted to tuck me in!
Snake- Yeah...I'm sure.
Mario- Hey, you-a two, shut the f*** up. I'm-a trying to make a phone call to my bookie.
Snake- Shut up Mario, I really should jam a rake into your face.
Mario- Ahhhh, go f*** a dirty chinese whore.
Snake- Oh, that is it. Let's have a switchblade fight!
Tatanka- Hi.
Mario- Who-a the f*** are you-a?
Tatanka- I'm Tatanka, a wrestler from the classic game Royal Rumble.
Snake- Get the hell out of here. You're not welcome.
Tatanka- B-But!
Mario- Get the f*** out of here before I kick you so hard, you s*** out of your mouth.
Sonic- Mario, I told you already. Watch the language. Kids look up to you.
Mario- F*** the kids.
Snake- This is great. I'm wasting a perfectly fine Saturday talking to retarded monkey, a millionaire plumber, and a blue hedgehog that sells out more than a punk band.
Mario- You f****** baby, you're always f****** whining. Why don't you go suck a bottle. A bottle full of s***.
Snake- Geeze Mario, you're lucky the censors are beeping this, otherwise this place would be R rated.
Mario- F*** the censors, f*** everyone...I'm going for a smoke.
Sonic- About time he's gone. His f****** language was starting to bother me.
Donkey Kong- So...what're you guys doing after the convention?
Snake- I'm going back to work on MGS3. I can't tell you that much about the plot, but I can say it involves a giant robotic horse, and a walrus with a laser.
Sonic- And I have to go work on my new TV show: Magnum Rock! I play a detective in Cuba named Magnum Rock who goes after a drug dealer.
Donkey Kong- Man, you guys have good work. I have to go star in Kangaroo Jack 2.
Snake- Hahahaha, that's such a crappy job.
Sonic- Kangaroo Jack! Hahahaha, you suck Donkey Kong.
Mario- Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about because I just came back from my smoke, but you're right, Donkey Kong does suck!
Donkey Kong- It's not like you have any big projects coming up.
Mario- I sure-a do, s***head. I'm starring in a movie about-a the life and times of Huge Heffner. I play-a Hugh.
Donkey Kong- You're lying.
Mario- No-a f****** way. It's coming out-a this Fall to-a theatre near you.
Snake- Hey, look who's here. It's Bionic Commando.
Bionic- Yo, sucka's. Wass up?
Sonic- Bionic, why are you talking like a gang member?
Bionic- If I act like a brotha' from the hood, I can appeal to the younger crowd. Then they have to make a new game about me, biotch.
Snake- They're never going to make another Bionic Commando game.
Bionic- Shut yo' mouth Snake, I've been makin' games since you even made your first appearance.
Snake- Yeah, but at least I still make games.
Bionic- Yo, shut yo' mouth! I got a robotic arm, I could beat you to death.
Snake- You just stole that arm from Dr. Octopus!
Bionic- Shut up, I'll gut ya' with my shank.
Mario- This f****** a****** f**** **** **** ****** ******* ******* ***** ***** ***** eggs."
Snake- Wow. That's the most offensive thing I've ever heard. Especially the eggs remark.
Bionic- sniff You hurt my feelings Mario, you binitch.
Mario- Ahh, go f*** a cow.
Bionic- Maybe I will!
Snake- I don't think you understand what you just said Bionic, you just said you were going to have sex with a cow.
Bionic- I know what I said.
Sonic- Let's change the subject, I'm tired of hearing about beastiality.
Mario- f*** this s***, I'm going f****** home. F*** you all.
Sonic- Yeah, me too. Tails probably finished cleaning up the mess he made with feces yesterday.
Snake- Yeah, this convention blows. I gotta go film the next scene in MGS3. In this one, I get to push Raiden into a giant pit of acid, because everyone hates him.
Donkey Kong- Yeah, and I have lots of work to do too...so much movies I'm in.
Sonic- You're not in any movies.
Donkey King- No...but there's still a lot I want to watch. I still never seen Police Academy 5.
Snake- You never seen Police Academy 5! Oh my god! We have to go watch it, now!
All- POLICE ACADEMY 5! YAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOO!
Mario- F***, I spilled my vodka. Let's stop at the beer store, I want to buy a keg full of f****** malt liquor.
The End