I don't own Naruto.
A/N: yosh. Second Naruto fic on FFN, second non-shonen-ai Naruto fic on FFN! ^^() don't get me wrong, neither is het :P This is my attempt at humor. Written after a visit to the dentist, so you can understand what level my sense of humor was at at the moment.
A Visit to the Dentist
The three young ninjas stared at their sensei in shock. Here they were, expecting a mission like any other day. However, they were not expecting this. Not in the least.
None of them could. The shock was almost too great.
And so was the danger.
"You have got to be kidding me, Kakashi-sensei!"
The girl in the group said in as calm a voice as she could manage.
"Yeah, yeah! This isn't part of our jobs! This it way too dangerous for us!"
The hyper boy cried out. The third child merely sat beside them brooding, occasionally glaring at the Juonin.
"Well, unfortunately, none of you have a saying in this. We're all going and that's that."
"No way! We might not make it back!"
"Naruto, it's just an appointment to the dentist. Get over it."
It wasn't an hour later that team 7 was in the waiting room of Konoha's head dentist.
Naruto was pacing.
Sakura was trying to sit still and not kill Naruto for pacing.
Sasuke was, naturally, brooding.
"Naruto! Stop pacing or I'll hurt you!"
"But, but, this is taking so long! What's Kakashi-sensei doing in there, anyway?"
They were answered with the sound of a drill, causing both blond and pinkette (A/N: I love making words for hair colors ^_^) to freeze. Sasuke simply looked at the closed door with little to no obvious interest.
The drill stopped after several minutes, and the door opened. Kakashi came out, aligning his mask.
"Ah, that felt nice. Well, who's next?"
He asked cheerfully. Sakura and Sasuke both pointed at Naruto, who pointed at the dentist's nin-cat, which was peacefully sleeping in the corner.
"Anosa, anosa, why do I have to go in first?!"
"Well, I bet no Hokage was afraid of dentists."
The girl said daringly.
"Well, well, if it's not that bad, why don't you go in first, Sakura-chan? Ladies first and all."
"ME?!"
She snapped.
"Why me?"
"Well, I'm sure Ino wouldn't have had any problems going in first!"
That was said, however, without knowledge of the dentist's earlier visitors, and Ino's attempts to escape at all costs. But they didn't know that. So it worked.
"Well, fine. I'll go in first!"
"Just leave the head protector out, milady."
Came a voice from the next room.
"We don't want it to get bloody, now do we?"
Gulping, she left the forehead protector on her seat and walked in, glaring at Naruto before closing the door.
Again, the room fell into silence. The only sounds were the clock ticking, and the cat turning over in her sleep.
"So, who's next?"
Kakashi asked.
"You do know one of you's next, don't you?"
Both teens remained silent.
"So who'll it be?"
The two rivals locked eyes. Sasuke's were cool and indifferent, as always. Naruto's held silent determination as needed when dealing with the other boy, but there was some nervousness in there. One might think they were arguing over who'd go in first, each claiming the right for himself. But that was not the case, as proven painfully when Sakura returned to the room.
"Next."
"Who'll it be?"
The dentist's voice came in again.
"It's rather late. About time someone got seriously hurt in here."
And before anyone knew it, Naruto was holding unto the doorframe for dear life, Sasuke trying to push him in.
"Damn you, just get in already!"
"If you're so eager, get in yourself!"
"Just get in there!"
And with a final kick, the door slammed shut.
"Hey… Hey! Let me out of here! This isn't funny, Sasuke!"
"Ah, a costumer, eh?"
The boy froze and slowly turned around, pale as a ghost. His scream rang through the halls for hours to come.
"Mou… what's taking him so long?"
Sakura asked boredly, staring at the ceiling. Kakashi was reading his book with great interest. Sasuke was _still_ brooding.
"Maybe he bit the dentist and now he still wants his lollipop."
She mused, giggling at her own little joke.
"Sakura…"
The girl was shocked that that was addressed to her, but by no means disappointed.
"Hai, Sasuke-kun?"
"How was it in there?"
Now she was.
"Well, it was clean. Too clean. Smells like the hospital. And he has copies of jaws all over the wall, like trophies… and he sure likes to keep his instruments shiny."
A picture drew itself in Sasuke's mind.
Naruto was chained to the chair in a dark yet clean room, jaws hanging from the ceiling as if they were alive, and a Dr.-Frankenstein like dentist approached the boy, set to extract every last tooth with a shiny chisel. The drilling sound that came from the room suddenly didn't help one bit.
The door opened, and Sasuke tensed farther when it wasn't Naruto who stepped out, rather, the man in white coat himself. He was wiping something with a cloth. A blood red cloth.
"Your turn."
Smile so white it shined. Like Lee's. Like Gai's. And suddenly, Gai really was standing there, wearing that white robe, wiping… wiping… a jaw… it looked fresh… ramen bits were still stuck there…
"Would you like a smile as shiny as this I swear, it won't hurt a bit…"
Trying to maintain his sanity, Sasuke turned to Sakura quickly… She smiled back. Gai-style.
He looked to Kakashi. The glow went past his face mask.
"I can also throw in this fine hairdo and eyebrows for ya."
The cat- a feline version of a smiling Rock Lee.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"
When Naruto walked out of the room, there was a Sasuke-shaped hole in the wall.
"What happened to him?"
He asked, turning to Sakura.
"I donno."
"I guess he doesn't like lollipops then."
He concluded, sucking on his own lollipop.
"Probably."
And the three all went home peacefully, leaving Sasuke to his own hellish nightmares.
And the moral of the story is: Gai is freaky. Brush your teeth but don't overdo it. If your dentist has a cat, run for it!